How Well Do You Really Know Your Teen?

i am a teen and when i was searching the enternet for a mothers day card i found this quiz.
i think that if you were truly interested in your childs life you would ake time from the start.
i dont get along with my parents very well. i talk to my step mom more than my birth mother because she doesnt judge the decisions i make. i know i am young and do make bed choices, but she helps me learn from them, and that makes me want to talk with her about random stuff. when your child feels comfortable talking about the maybe unimportant stuff, then they can become comfortable talking about the other stuff.
the pressure parents these days put on their kids is very stressful. we have already a lot on our plate with school and worring about life after school. its a lot to handle. im not saying its okay to do stupid stuff like drugs but just to have a little of sympathy for us.
and you cant say that you a child once, and you know how this works, because times were different back then. honestly, its not the same.
so, my preaching is over. and next time you want to talk to your teen, dont ask how is school, thats lame. get to know the music they like (without judgement), their favorite candy, etc.
just go easy on them, thats all im asking.
thanx for listening, now go do it to your teens.

~mia

i am a teenager and today i was on this website with my little brothers printing out birthday cards for my mom for mothers day tomorrow. all of a sudden i saw all this stuff about teens in a column, and i clicked on one about dating, out of curiosity. i think that it is good that there is help out there for parents but the advice should guide them not turn them into robots following every little thing the guide says. its kind of embarassing when my mom talks to me about this stuff. id rather hjer talk to me about the stuff i like and enjoy instead of always just talking about following her rules and guidelines. just remember teens dont like knowing their not the ones in charge, and we especially dont like being judged or told what to do all the time. thnx for listening

I am a teen too or at least a pre-teen and i noticed that on these comments there are none that were written by parent’s or adults.I would really like to see what do parents have to say about this site. Just because us Teens like it dosen’t really meen that our parents are going to follow it. maybe we need to just let our parents do there thing. and just relax and understand there doing the best they can and it’s all for us. Yeah there are times when we fel like running-away but we don’t because we won’t have anywhere to run to. even if you do you end up coming back. so we just gotta apprieciate what our parents are doing for us. in the future we’ll learn to apprieciate it

yeha

thank you ‘teens’ for posting-your thoughts are worth more than you know!

thanks, teens for your comments l have 2 teens l want to understand more. keep it up.

I have a pointer for teens: start conversations with your parents. Ask their advice. They’ll probably be thrilled to talk to you. Ask them how you should do your hair for the next dance, and tell them about the new band your friend just told you about. Ask them about their childhood. The first step to having a better relationship with your parents is getting to know them – they shouldn’t be the only ones talking.
-Lauren, 13

i have a teen and can honesely say i need help here. i know he is drinking/smoking. he is staying out and lying about where he stays. he has even snuck out at night while we are sleeping. i try to talk to him but get told i don’t understand and that i am too strict. i could go on an on. Any advice from a teen or a parent of a teen out there???

I stumbled upon this going somewhere else….but can very much relate. I appreciate the teens point of view and liked Lauren’s comment about the teen starting the conversation. I have two teenage daughters and although things fine, relative to what they could be, it is still difficult. Teens today, although some things may be more difficult, there are other things that are much easier….access to the internet has made life both easier and harder. When it comes right down to it, all humans go through the rights of passage. My frustration is the self centeredness – it is all about them. I am sad to feel like I am losing my family life – the movies and games we use to play together. It is their job to grow up and become independent and it is our job to provide limits. For the mom who is having a hard time with her son, I do sympathize. If you are really concerend he could be headed in the wrong direction then you do need to set down some rules and follow through. I get so tired of hearing kids say when I am 18…..what exactly does that mean. You are not an adult at 18 unless you are the one footing all the bills – doctor, cell phone, insurance, food, housing, etc. So you do still have some control. Discipline without the emotion is the key and the area I am the worst at. I get too emotionally upset. My husband is much better at just setting down the rules and that is that. Oh I could go on and on. Nice to have a forum to vent.

we are losing our relationship with our 17 yr old daughter. She behaves as full master of herself; does not accept rules and when try to discuss she bursts into screems and accusations that we don’t care about her. She only points to the negative events and forgets everything good we do to her. I understand when the teens wrote above but it is tolerable to any parent to feel unrespected and to let go of all the values they believe in.

I have an “interim” 16 year old “son” who needs parenting– he is actually my step nephew who is staying with us through the school year. His father suddenly passed away in May, and my husband (his father’s older brother) and I are helping his Mother, who has been through a lot, by helping with her son’s emotional support, and education. He has strong feelings about math, inability to succeed in it, so much he won’t study. We have tried to convince him he’s not giving it time, and he hs very clearly not going to give an inch, and has tried to drop the class; he’s in a new school, with a heavy load, and now the school will let him audit, but not let him drop it. We want to give him a private “instructor” so he can succeed, but he refuses to do the work. Is it too much to ask for him to try at this point, or should we let him pull back to a lower level math class? He’s end up with a “minimum” HS diploma – not a “recommended” HS diploma. He has a very low GPA, and no one until us has made him sit down and study for a set period every evening — and he has a lot of potential in writing and science. If he doesn’t take algebra seriously, how can we make him take it seriously, without being too harsh on him – there’s no immediate benefit to him to complete it, except saving face when he graduates. We know he can repeat this year, but eventually, and he doesn’t agree, he will hae to take that algebra course if he wnats any chance of going further in school. Any ideas? He has an IPOD, TV in his room, amplifier, everything he could want, but he’s also very depressed, and upset over his father, and having to transition to this new school, the teacher quality or lack of teaching in this class, and wanting to feel happy again. It is very sad, and he is trying, and not troublesome, but this is one thing he is digging his heels in about. He doesn’t see past tomorrow. What do we do — back off completely, or do we negotiate? What do we negotiate with?

U killed the kids one place they had the minute you entered and commented as adults. Did you notice the lack of comments from teens since the adults took to commenting on the teens conversation. I know its “ok” but it ruined the tone.

May be what is needed here is another space but for parents only. It is good to read what the kids think. Please don’t get stopped when adults pinch in, keep commenting.

U ARE WAY TO INTERESTED IN OTHER PEOPLES BUISNESS.

What do I do with my 15 year old daughter(that I try to spend time with)that’s dieing for daddy’s attention, and just can’t get it? She says, it’s to late. So she gets attention from a boyfriend that’s interested in drugs and sex. Can I please hear from the teens. Thanks:), very concerned Mom

is she haveing sex if she is hook me up

I think every teen learns the hard way my ex boyfriend is older then me by 2 years and has his own house and i had to learn the hard way i stayed with him for a while because i was defiant and didnt want to listen to my parents and it just hurt me because when i came home and found him cheating i got in my car and cried for an hour and a half i called my parents crying and they said see what you got your self into i finally got the courage to go back inside and tell him it was over yea i cried but at the end of the day i realized my parents are going to be there for me so if all your child is into is sex and drugs or her boyfriend all i am saying is she or he will eventually find out its wrong and will stop but just give them there room to grow because they need that with out a parent always on there case about it cause it sucks you need to learn your self any ways im proud to say that was 4 years ago and now i am happily married to the best man in the world and see i could have been married to that asshole but i learned so every bad thing comes to an end believe me there

What is considered a reasonable curfue? I have a 15 year old son that has just connected with a group of kids in our condo in the past 3 months. He is very responsable and honest with me and I have always told him that with responsability comes freedom and visa versa. He has been staying out til 3-4 AM since finding his new friends, mostly just hanging around the condo and I am sure they are not getting into trouble. The problem is that I never see him much. I am going to set some sort of guidlines but not sure what is reasonable.

I am a teen myself, and i was actually looking for something to send my mom to show her that I am growing up, but she thinks that the reason i spend so much time in front of the mirror is because of my stepmom. my mom is jealous of my stepmom, cause my mom never went on a single school trip with me, but my dad and stepmom did, my mom never helped me to figure out what matches and what doesnt, but my stepmom did, and my mom always finds a way out of taking me somewhere, but my stepmom spends the money to take me and get me new clothes, and go to my friends. So when i need to tell someone something i tell my stepmom, when i need something i tell my stepmom, cause when i tell my mom she judges me, and when i ask my mom to get me something she tells me to get it from my dad and stepmom. but now that my mom has realized what she has caused she is jealous of my stepmom, and is trying to break our relationship saying that she is the mom, but in the 5 years out of almost 17 that my stepmom has been in my life, she has spent more time and effort with me than my mom has ever, so she really needs to see this, cause she cant seem to understand why i have cut her out of my life.

i am fifteen years old and my parents are divorced, i live with my mom and i am treated like a human being. when i go visit my dad, he treats me like a little kid, he makes plans for me without saying one word to me or asking if i want to. when i told him i dont appreciate that and i told him how i feel, he told me i am a child and i dont get to choose what i want to do. i reminded him that i will be an adult in two and a half years, he responded with no you wont. (i am guessing that he cant do math?) He then said that 18 is just a number. I am outraged and annoyed. I have been raised by my mother to be a bright, caring, independant young women, but when i get treated like that, i have no clue how to communicate with him. I visit my dad every summer and this summer i told him i want to spend it with my friends, i want to stay with my mom. i told him i only want to visit him for two weeks. he said ok, but then when i got here and a few days later i told him my mom wants to know about next thursday(im supposed to go home next thursday) he said what about it? i said she wants to know how im getting home. he said your not, your here all summer. I was so upset i called my mom crying because i cant stand being around him and the rest of his family, im tired of their rude comments and their horrible way of trying to control everything i do. she told him that she was going to take legal action because you cannot keep your child against their will and you also cant keep them for longer than your alloted time. which we agreed was two weeks. when i told him that she was planning on calling her lawyer and driving up to get me all he did was laugh, him and his fiancee. he doesnt understand that he has broken everything. our relationship is ruined, i havent written everything that happend, but i will just say that a parents right to see their child can be taken away, or shortened when their is emotional problems when they visit and when the childs well being is in danger every time they visit. He has no clue what he has done to me, but i dont wish to speak to him anymore and the second i get home im not answering any calls or emails or letters. i told him how i feel and everytime i try to talk to him he tells me im a kid and he isnt going to talk to me. i hope that if your a parent and you read this, that you dont treat your child the way my dad does, because they will never like you, everything you do when they are a teenager, will backfire, and to me, controlling everything your child does until they leave your house, isnt worth losing their respect, trust, and love.

I just completed the “How well do you know your teen quiz just for fun. I have 2 teenagers at home, one 18 going off to college in the fal land one 15. I talk with both of my kids on a daily basis and feel that both my husband and I have very good relationships with our children. We talk to them about their goals, their friends, and their activities. We have been troop and den leaders, religious education teachers, car purchasing advisors, and college preparation helpers. According to the quiz I need to do more work to have a good relationship with my teens. Apparantly because I don’t know their favorite band, favorite book, or favorite movie. I’m sorry, this can change daily, and offhand I couldn’t tell you my favorit band, book or movie. I can say I have listened to the music my teens enjoy, playing their i-pod music through the car sterio speakers. I ave watched movies with my children, and discussed movies they have seen with friends. My son and daughter have each made sure that my husband and I respectively have watched a movie with them that they enjoyed seeing with friends and then watched again with us. My son only reads what he has to for school these days, and while he will discuss these books, they are definately not favorites. My daughter reads a lot, and will soetimes relay the storyline in such detail I feel I could read the book quicker myself. I know many of her favorite authors, and series that she enjoys, but a favorite book, no I don’t know that. How about an adult they admire and why? For my son I have a pretty good idea. He has a teacher that he greatly respects and who enncouraged im to take on greater leadership roles throughout high school. As to why he admires her, I have to think it is because of her ability to relate to teenagers, but if I asked him why he would probably answer, “I don’t know, I just do.”

Anyway, I guess my point is that the quiz is basically worthless in my opinion. You should know if you know your teen or not. There will be times you feel you don’t know them much at all, and times you feel very close. But the real question is do you trust them to do the right thing most of the time? Do you understand that they will make mistakes? Do they know that when they do screw up they can come to you, and altough they may have to eventually listen to a lecture or face the consequences, that you will help them face the situation and support them (NOT JUST BAIL THEM OUT or DESERT THEM)?

Well I’ve vented enough about the quiz. I guess what it all comes down to is this. I know my teens as well as I think i should. I know what I consider to be the important things, like their views on smoking, drinking, drugs and sex, and don’t feel I need to know every little insignificant detail about favorite band, or movie. I know the names of many of their friends, and have met most of them. They often have friends to our house to swim or watch movies. I know they love me, and they know I love them. What else do I need to know?

My name is mel and i am 14/15
i suppose i get on with my mum more than my dad.but that desision wasnt up to me.
You see he dosnt get me.He dosnt listen.
i have been going to high school for 3/4 years now and i talk about my best friend lucy all the time,and yet he dosnt even know her name.Everytime i get a exam result he doesnt get the levels even though i tell him everytime.And mostly hes annoying.When i say stufff like ‘it wasnt my fault’ he just mimiks me and says ‘ohhh were have i heard that before’..he dosnt take me seriously. and even told me that he didnt want another child after my elder sister!Now i just stay away from him but he still manages to pick fault with everything i do.My mum on the other hand is ok she listens but always sides with my dad even when she knows its wrong. I told him once that i dont want him to swear,cause i am not allowed to swear.And he screamed at me (swearing),when he was calm i politly asked for an apology with mum and it took awile but it was under his breath..
I am a pretty good teen,yes i drink but they allow me too.i try not swear around them and i donk smoke and i never get in trouble at school.So what is his problem??
Someone help
Mel
xx

I need some input here please…my husband, who moved out four months ago, puts me down in front of my nearly 14 year old daughter. He comes over every day, unannounced, and once in a while criticizes me in front of my daughter. My daughter is very disrespectful of me, even tho I try hard to be respectful of her and her need for independence, etc. Do you think she is getting her attitude from my husband?

I’m a teen, and I stumbled on to this quiz only because i was lookin 4 a certain kind of quiz 2 giv 2 my mom 2 take, 1 that will show the kind of personality i have instead of the 1 she is tryin 2 force on me…

anyway for all parents out there who may read this comment, who r tryin 2 understand ur kids better, it really helps 2 be respectful of ur kids decisions even if they’re really bad or not. like my sister has smoked 4 like 7 years, goes out and drinks and more but is still 1 of my moms favorites because my mom respects her decisions and because of that she talks 2 her about everything and they help each other, thats the type of relationship I would like 2 have. because she, i dont think its that she doent respect the way i look or act, its just that she doesnt understand how I feel…

ya knw in my opinon, even if it is your kid, u dont knw how they feel everyones brain and soul, and life is different… nd unless you can reach into that persons mind and physically and mentally feel their exact feelings, i dont think its right 2 be telling them how 2 live their lives. my mom only does it to protect me i knw, because im her daughter, and she doesnt want me 2 end up unhappy…but what she doesnt understand is that i already am unhappy and sort of depressed…thats why im saying 2 listen and try 2 feel them not just ur opinon parents…

also, buying ur kid a puppy when they ask 4 professional help, DOESN’T WORK

Im emma and im 15. Many girls my age, (some of my friends included in this), dont appreciate their parents as much as they should. Yes, there parents may not have always been perfect but neither have their teenage sons and mainly daughters. They seem to forget that you have gave them food, shelter, entertainment, love ect. Dont feel that your loosing your bond (relationship) with your son/daughter its just their age can make them feel differnt ways (obviously experiencing this all myself)and make them say things in the heat of the moment that arent true. If you feel that your teenager really is showing a lack of respect or emotional frustration maybe its time to seek proffesional advice. hope this helps!!

hey guys it jo ere i’m 16 and live at home with my mum and we do have our ups and downs but every1 does we can’t all be pefect i really do admire mums and dads with teens because we can be a hand full i mean me and my mum have an arguement nearly every day but i no that she is only trying 2 look out 4 me and teach me right from wrong and i no it really does suck being told what 2 do but at the end of the day we are the child and there the parent and we just got 2 live with it when i told my mum i was pregnant at 14 she went mad but she has been there 4 me since day 1 and if thats not motherly love i dont no what is and i’m gonna treat my daughter the same when she growns up she is the best thing thats ever happend 2 me and i will always be there 4 her like my mum was 4 me and i’m seeing now that it aint easy being a mum its hard work and dont go taking the micky out of teen mums we aint that bad i love my daughter (kimberley)

hey where is the qUIZ ?
i cant find it on this page
plz help

I am 15 and my mom wont let me date because she was 14 when she started dating my dad and she was pregnat with me by the time she was 17 I’ve tried and tried to tell her that I’m not her and although I will make my own mistakes that just isn’t one im gonna make,because of this I dont feel like I can talk to her about anything and I tend to tell my dad and stepdad every thing and I know that she wishes I would let her in but she dosent act like she cares and makes it unclear as to weather she is or not I do wish that we were closer but sadly we aren’t so parents you need to relize that we do want to be close to you but you cant judge us and get mad when we make a mistake ( and plz dont say I told you so) just let us know that you are still there for us when we need you and you still love us because once a bond is broken its very hard to fix

I am 12 years old and to me some parents (like mine) need to understand that teenagers and teens probably have more stress than they do! I constantly try to get more attention from my parents by trying to do things they tell me to do. they keep raising the bar higher and higher asking more and more of me. if you are doing this than STOP when you ask more of us some (like me) dont do as much anymore at all that you tell us because you dont seem to even register the simple fact that were trying to do something to help, to make you realize the fact that we ‘are not your personal slaves’(quoting a sentence I said to my mom) Me being a middle child with an older 17 year old brother and younger 10 year old brother, and being an only daughter makes life harder. I dont get enough attention, my older brother is ‘perfect’ to my parents and he dosent do anything, but my parents constantly give him everything he wants. My little brother is the baby so he gets a lot of attention too. Even with being the only daughter of our family, after they give all their attention to my brothers what does that leave for me? Nothing NEVER EVER EVER DO THAT TO YOUR CHLIDREN It drove me into depression a few years back and im still sorta like that, but I used to wish that I could just kill myself, I used to want to (not anymore) but im sure im not the only one! Heres a tip at least for parents with pre-teens and teens, give everyone their own chance to take care of themselfs oncee in a while, give them all equal attention, dont ask alot of them, dont blow up in their face if they mess up on something or make a mistake in life because you DON’T UNDERSTAND you don’t understand anything about the type of things teenagers have to go through. Also don’t expect us to tell you everything about our days and problems in school, when were ready we’ll talk about it. dont force us to talk about our problems, its hard, and sometimes we (mostly girls) can be REALLY REALLY emotional. Dont force us, its an almost enevitable part of life -Megan age 12

HI i am a pre-teen turning 13 june23 and i hate my life when i was a child around 2or3 i went into foster home cuz my parents did drugs same with me older sis who is now 20 but i came to live with me grands and i hate them when i was4,5,6,7,8,9,and10 they where nice to me and they loved me now when i make a mistake i am grounded or yelled at teh top of there lungs at. My room is clean to me you can see almost all of the floor except where my personal stuff is at under my bed and they say its messy i am not aloud to watch t.v,play with friends,go anywhere,or do anything while it supposaly messy everytime something is on the flor in teh house its either i threw it on the floor or i didnt pick it up (with i never thow things on the floor)why cant they pick it up i mean i might have not seen it and they act like i murderd some1. also i have a room thats 15ft wide and15ft across i have a very small room and everytime i want to get rid of stuff they say no so i have no room for anything i have 43shelves full of crap and they wont let me git rid of stuff i think its bull,anyway i want to kill me self sometimes i barocade the door so i can sneak out and have a life i have no lock on my door and they never know they just open the door and come in even if i am getting dressed they dont go out its so embaressing and when i have friends come over or spend the night( no 1 has came over or spent th enight in a year and 3 months! caus emy room it supposedaly messy)they always talk about poop or crap or pee or some embaresing thing and teh last friend i had over hasnt called me or anything cause my grandma got mad cause we had a glass of milk and smacked me. so i am lonly and i want new grands and i am home school though arizona vitrual acadamy witch means i am on the internet and if i need help with something no 1s there grandma is sleeping and i am not aloud in there room or to wake her up and my grandpa is fishing till 3:00 i have to make my own food witch i have been having ceral for the past 2months and i am sick of it i hate my life i wish i could ethier die or go somewhere else!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!oh and i am not aloud to have friends over 15 well all my friends are 13 14 15 16 17 18 and 19 they help me and comfert me and i go to church with them at the baptist church and i have 2 friends me age and the others are 7,8,9 and 10 and i need ppl my age i am not aloud though cause grams says that 12 year olds and 13year olds are bad influesentes and they r like the nicest ppl ever and i am not aloud to have a boyfriend all my friends r even the younger friends and i am not i mean come on i know wat to do i take secret self decence classes that i walk to after church(they cant know theyll kill me for going someplace that not God involed)and i know how to kick there butts and still also i am not aloud to say crap well crap crap crap crap crap God i hate my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my sister and i dont ever get along with our parents. everytime we try to talk to them they push us away. they yell at us all the time even when we dont do anything wrong. we never do anything with them because they think we are bad kids. evertime we want to go out with a guy they alwys think we are sleeping with them. my step mom calls us hoes and dont trust us thats why all we do is go to school and come home. we tried to apologize to them but they decided to act immature and kick us out. all we want is are parents to trust us and be a friend and a parent. what do we do.. do we go home and just deal with it or do we stick up for ourselves and wait for them to come get us..

I have a young teen son that is driving me nuts. He use to be so sweet and loving. Now I think something from his closet stole that from me. I do know that he is going through lots, but god he drives me nuts. I try and talk to him,and yes I am a strick parent. But I only do what the best for him.What am I missing. What do I do when he just won’t help and as he says he doesn’t give a crap.. Heck his mouth needs soap so bad. He tells me that all the kids talk like that. Holly cow if my mom or dad heard me say stuff like that. Only once I would of needed to be told.

I’m a teen, and I’m experiencing the stuff you guys talk about firsthand. I even took a few of the quizzes: one says that I’m lying to them, but I’m not. I’m just not comfortable talking to my parents. They’ll laugh at my personal life, they scoff at my best efforts, and, despite how hard I try in school, my gradea are never good enough. Now, I grew up right. I respect my elders and peers, and I keep quiet when I’m supposed to. Unfortunately, this has made me incredibly shy, even around my family. So whenever I try to talk to them about what I’m afraid may be depression, or how the guy I like has a girlfriend, I just can’t manage to force the words out. I’ll fidget and look away, becasue I’m just too afraid to talk about things that really matter with them. So they assume that I’m lying. Which leads them to believe that I skip school, and I’m going places I shouldn’t be going, and doing things I shouldn’t be doing. And the worst part is that since they honestly believe I’m lying, they won’t believe me when I try to explain things to them. You should talk about THOSE kinds of things on this site, that would help all of us out a lot.

hey i think this very good if poeple would want to see if this is true i think that every people would come and look for help…………………. this thing is very god…=)

I like to think my parents have a deeper, more intuitive understanding of me than even myself. I found an interesting discussion on the matter at pandalous. http://www.pandalous.com/nodes/how_well_do_our_parents

I am turning 18 soon and I have this awesome best friend emily but she is really shy and never comes to my house has only met my parents once and whenever I hangout with her we always go to her house which is fun but now my mom thinks that I am being irresponsable with my money that I earn and that when I am at emily’s we are like drinking and stuff but we arent and it hurts that my mom would even think that what do i do?
please help
confused teenager

Okay … Here goes; I was inspired to write a little something here by a posting of one of our young (tennage) readers/members who specifically indicated that she would like to hear from some parents on this site. Well, dear, I am actually quite impressed, while at teh same time abit confused at this request. First, or all, let me point out that this web-site and similar, blogs and on-line communities only exist because of the majority of parents that truly want to do right by their child, and that we need some collective advise at times, especially during this adolescence stage, where it is most common that the child completely blocks off the parent from his por her social or daily activities as much as can be gotten away with, and really all we are trying to do is to hold onto and maintain that closemess and that bond that was there during your yourer years. So basically, let me say this to ALL OF YOU TEENAGERS, OUT THERE … Go easy on your folks! They mean no harm, whether Mother, Father, Grandparen, Step-Paremt, etc. This is a learning and growing process for us as well and we want only the best for our children!