Should I Demand Myspace Password?
Friday February 9, 2007
Confused mom asks: “I have a 14 year old daughter who has had Myspace for about a year and one night my husband demanded that she give us the password. She refused to give up her privacy, so he has grounded her from the telephone, cell phone, computer and her friends. She has not given us any reason to suspect anything and she is a great student.
I have 2 issues, Do you as parents have passwords and how do you feel about having them? Is it an invasion of privacy? I do not plan on using them, but my husband will. He wants to make sure she is not talking to friends he does not like.”
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Comments
Of course you should have her passwords. it doesn’t mean you have to invade her privacy….unless she does something to make you suspect that she could be doing (or just saying) something inappropriate. Have you ever checked at myspace? It is definitely something that needs to be closely monitored. It’s for her safety.
From a parent of 2 teenagers on MySpace against my rules, I think this is a great idea.
I also do not believe that teenagers should have 100% privacy - especially online! The internet is a great tool - even for pedophiles!
I’m from old school I guess. I think cell phones, myspace and the rest is something my teens just don’t NEED in their life right now. I really find that if I have quality time with my kids away from all that, they don’t feel the need to want it as much. I do get asked about a cell phone from time to time, but it’s really nothing big. They have access to the internet which is located in our living room so we can see at any time what is goin on but it’s not something they want to do all the time. Next month my boys will be 17 & 18 and I’m so proud that neither one of them have got sucked into “the grass is greener” or begging to have all the most updated electronics. Earn what you want is a big thing in our home, so is consequences for actions. I think sometimes you just have to say..you know what , you don’t really need that….and find another outlet for them to explore.
-Tonya
Boy have I had this discussion with my 17 yo son! They are still minors and many are not ready for the responsibility of full access to what is on myspace.
Look yourself - I got my own account and the content even with teens is SHOCKING!
My son had posted a cartoon that could have resulted in a lawsuit against us - do monitor your teen’s postings! I had to have him remove it.
Unless they have set their own page to ‘private’ you can see everything they are doing without the password. But in exchange for the privelege of using the internet/myspace, they should show the maturity to give you access to their site.
My son continually gets contacted with invitations to see other sites - most of which are the most awful pornography. Do monitor your teen - even if they are a good kid, they are bombarded with access to things that are inappropriate.
It is a good opportunity to discuss why you don’t respond to people you don’t know and why you don’t click on sites that you don’t know about.
I do not think you should demand her myspace password. This is what I would do. I would get a Myspace page to monitor her myspace page. If she ask why I got a myspace page I would just tell her I think it is a good way to look for my old friends and class mates or I am looking for my old friends and class mates to catch up and to see what they are doing now. If she has it on private I would be one of her friends. If you see something you do not like talk to her about it. Ask her how she feel about whatever you did not like. (I would not tell her to remove it unless it was very bad) If there is a comment on her page that you do not like ask her how she feels about it. But do not kept asking questions about her page. Tell her what you like about her page and ask her why she pick it. (be interest but not to interest) She might kick you off or go to private. (this is just what i would do in the situation)
I am the founder of Mothers Outraged at Molesters organization. I have portrayed a 13 year old on the internet and know what and who is out there. So many children now days want to meet new friends no matter were they come from. They are so innocent and really do not understand the full impact it will have.
I am tossed on both sides of this issue-I understand privacy for the children, but as a parent I also understand the safety issue as well. My teen has not given up her password to me. She does not go on MySpace and the other two she is on it is by invitation only so cyber scum can not see her info. I have been able to look at her site as she has left it on sometimes and left. I then have gone in and looked at her message to and form others. I have done this off and on for several years now.
She is now 17 ˝ and maybe she understands the danger more than some kids do with me having the organization for so many years now. She has watched TV shows on this topic and doesn’t understand why kids would even want to look for people they do not know on line.
I explain to her that so many need that extra contact to know they are wanted in the world. This is what the scum out there looks for in a contact.
I have also made it clear that if I ever feel at anytime that I want to look I will ask her to go into the site so I can look around.
Maybe in some cases the parent/child can agree that every once in awhile a parent can ask to look at the site like I have. Maybe get the password and then the child can change the password after mom/dad has been able to establish it is safe.
Some kids are very sneaky though- they can make two sites, one under one screen name (name they use to chat under) and another one that they do not tell you about.
Some rules may be to have are no computer in a closed room, parents allowed to look every once in awhile. If not then maybe the child is not ready to use the computer yet? National Center for Missing and Exploited has great information on Internet safety and its free info and a great resource for other safety information.
REMEMBER-You are the parent and if you have a gut feeling that something is wrong- act on it as once a child has been violated or killed there is n turning back!
“Keep your eyes and ears open as this is what the scum pervs are doing out there”!
We have three teenage boys - they have provided us with all of their passwords - I keep them in a sealed envelope for each boy. They don’t have a problem with it - I merely explained that in an emergency, I may need to access their (computer … cell phone …). They complied willingly since I told them that this is not an issue of “going through their stuff” - unless of course, they give us a REASON we should be doing so. It keeps them on their toes as well. Communication is the key here - all kids have to “own” their actions. We feel if you give them the responsibility, they have to be accountable for what they do.
In your message there is a sense of anxiety, perhaps there is a “gut-feeling” that your daughter is in danger. If this is the case, there are software downloads that will assit you in keeping your daughter safe and keep you aware. For instance, PC Tattletale or Net Nanny. When using these tools, it is important to approach your concerns thoughtfully and address in general the dangers that exisit and to not use the tools punitively. This way, your ability to monitor remains intact and your child will not feel “under-watch.” Monitoring software kept private to the parents is important. But also, the suggested spot-check of the site is important - like a pop quizz. This way she will know that you do care for her safety and that the topic is not taboo. GOOD LUCK!
I agree with Bobbie and Celine- to have the passwords just incase one day they are need is a super idea!!! Software is out there to keep kids safe and keep track of what your child goes on. Maybe to install the one were you can track your child’s were about first is a great idea. This way you can check on them before you pounce on them and say they are not trusted. This way you would have some backing if you ever do need to talk about the password issue.
The main thing is to trust your children unless you have a reason not to. If you have the gut feeling I spoke about earlier go with it and deal with the “Oh mom I can’t believe you don’t trust me” later.
The rule in our house is that if you want an online blog such as myspace, I HAVE to have the password, and screen name. I don’t invade my daughter’s privacy, but I do check at least once a month or so. I check it more if I think something is going on, that she has not told me about. I know many of my daughter’s friends have a myspace, and their parents don’t allow it. I do, however keep an eye on her while she’s on the computer. I guess that is one of the perks of a SAHM, and our computer is in the living room. They are still children and need to monitored while on the computer.
I’m a mom of a 15 yr old. Often I remind her that the boogy man doesn’t look like a monster, that he’s a very good looking man who doesn’t need help finding, or even owns a dog, cat, bird or pet iguana. He only wants to take her away from me and hurt her. Instead of not allowing Button to have a My Space page, I too created a page and regularly converse with her, and her friends on the sight. They all know I have a page for the sole reason of keeping up with what’s going on in their lives, and my daugther is okay with that. She knows I’m not there to act as her jailer, but as a monitor to keep her safe. I can’t protect her by laying down demands on her, but choose to make suggestions that fortunaly she usually heeds. When I treat her with respect, I usually get the same in return.
My boyfriend’s 15 yr old lives with us. I have used tiny key logger (google it, it’s free) to capture her passwords. She knows I have done it. I have told her that I will check her email periodically as well as her site and blog. It is for her protection. There is a lot of bad language as well as pics out there. She is a minor. If she’s as good a kid as you think, you won’t be upset about what you find. Use caution when pulling the trigger…. Sometimes you have to let the conversations go a little further before you confront her with the issue. Good luck.
I do not agree with this. Why would you even need such a thing–creating your own MySpace would be a much better idea. A screen name is all you need–just request that your child keep her page public. And never look in your child’s E-Mail–it’s the same as reading her mail! If you don’t trust your chlid with MySpace, then take it away. And if your husband would do so because she has Internet friends that he doesn’t like…there’s a high probability that she has real-life friends who are the same.
Well, here I am again to respond to the responses top this blog….I tried the “tiny key logger that was suggested with # 12. It says it will also record credit card numbers and other personal info. I hate to see that. I was excited ot check it out to be able to pass it onto others. So be cautious with this information out in cyber land!!!!
I Cecrrtainly do not agree with this, parents who ask for their childrens passwords is just a plain invation of privacy and clearly they have some controlling issues. Yes your child may be a good kid, then you shold trust them enough to keep their password to themselves.
I helped my son setup his MySpace account. I know the password; all the emails from the account come through me; our computer desk is in an open area, and he knows that I can browse his account anytime I feel like it. I trust him, but I also want him to be safe. His time on the computer is also limited each day. I generally permit no more than an hour at a time. I too have a MySpace account, so I see what he puts on his page and what his friends are saying in his comments.
My only concern with MySpace is the amount of children who lie about their age to get a page. I work in an elementary school, and there are so many 4th and 5th graders who say they’re anywhere from 14 - 18 and have MySpace pages. THAT concerns me greatly! I wonder why their parents are not monitoring them more closely.
I feel that we as parents should have our childrens passwords. I have had my personal myspace before my daughter did to network with my nonprofit group. I also have an enormous family and we are all on myspace as a form of communication. I frequently monitor my daughter’s profile and bulletins. If I see something I do not like I bring it up. I respect my daughter’s privacy but I am concerned about predators and have to monitor. We have a trust among us in that she knows I will not cross the line and read her messages and vice versa.
I as a parent,inadvertently came across a friend’s son’s (age-14) name referenced to myspace so I checked it out. He at the time did not have an account but his girlfriend at the time did. She and a girlfriend had posted a video of one of them using a men’s room and also some sex acts using blown up balloons. For these reasons I would not allow an account without having access to their password.
Hey… Have any of you ever even used myspace. YOU DO NOT NEED YOUR CHILDRENS PASSWORD TO VIEW THERE PAGE. 90% of teenagers in america have a myspace or equivalent account and as a pastor to teenage students for over 6 years and having 2 at home currently it would be best for you to communicate, educate and MONITOR there page. no password is needed. this is a struggle you need not go through. One tip for you parents though… Myspace is an amazing window into the lives of your children and there friends! BELIEVE ME. they will say things on there that you never would have guessed. Good bad and whatever. Look at there page and there friends pages too. I have a feeling many of you will be suprised how little you realy knew your kids and how much you assumed about them that is not accurate. Good Luck and keep loving your kids.
i think that to even think about taking the passwords of you kids is down right wrong. if someone said to you im going to read all you emails, letters, text messages and such just to make sure your safe is an outrage. you may not agrre with what your kids are doing but how else are they surposed to find out who they are if they do not have space to grow.
Hmm.. Old question but I had to say.
Comming from a teenagers point of veiw…
Do you monitor what your kid does at school (who they talk to, how they talk, ect.)? Or maybe when they’re out with their friends, do you monitor every little thing they do?
No. So why should being on the internet, namely myspace change that at all?
If you didn’t tust that your kid would make good decisions(sp?) and got into cars with strangers, drank beer, did drugs, what-have-you, would you let them out of the house?
What you’re showing your kid/kids by demanding their password is that you don’t trust them in their own house.
Just make sure they know that you don’t give personal info out online, don’t talk to people you don’t know or suspicious looking people, and just have common sense with internet links and such.
Hahah. First off, to the one lady/man/whatever who claims that adding yourself to your child’s page would allow you to monitor them closely… Come on. That’s ridiculous. Kids aren’t that stupid. I have used MySpace for about two years and have had absolutely no problems. And might I assure you that if my own mother or father friend-requested me, I WOULD NOT ACCEPT IT. Not that they would ever do something so stupid, but I’d certainly see right through their little scheme. And why all this shady business of taking passwords and such? How about, while the son/daughter is on MySpace, the parent can simply walk up and say, “I’d like to see your MySpace now, please…” So the child doesn’t necessarily have time to change anything they would not want you to see, but at the same time, they KNOW you are viewing their page and can stand there with you as you look at it and explain things to you? Yes? Is that not better than hacking, so to speak, into your child’s MySpace account and viewing their page when they’re unaware if it? Gosh.. And another thing.. Kids are not as gullible and easily-influenced as people make them out to be. I’d never give someone I didn’t know any of my personal information. ANY of it. Not even my age. My real friends know how old I am anyway. I wouldn’t post suggestive photographs of my Iggy-Pop twig thin self on there. I wouldn’t add anyone I didn’t know to my friends list just for the hell of having more friends, and if some guy messaged me saying “You have nice eyes, you are very pretty!
” I WOULD NOT BUY IT! Come on!!!!! Give us some more damn credit! So to the asker of this question… Don’t take your daughter’s password. View her page, fine. Check up on her every now and then. But all the sneaky business is absolutely ridiculous. She has a right to know what you’d be doing.