Undergarment Battle
Friday March 30, 2007
A mom is wondering: "I still don't feel good about saying yes to my daughter quite yet and need some advice. I'm a pretty understanding mom and not an over controlling parent but… Is there anybody out there that feels that a 13 year old is too young to regularly wear thong underwear? My daughter is not in cheer or any activity that requires this. No tomato throwing, just advice please."
Denise’s thoughts: It is my opinion that thong underwear has nothing to do with comfort to a 13-year-old. Wearing these say I want to act older, I want to feel older and I want to feel sexy. I feel this is a little young to allow these feelings to go unchecked, especially reading your feelings about it. Talk to your daughter about this, share how you feel. Just because she has hit puberty doesn’t mean she is all grown up. She needs your guidance, even though she may not like all of the answers.
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I am a 40 year old woman and I wear thong underwear for comfort – I hate underwear riding up or visible panty line. I think you are making more out of it than nessesary – though I am a mother of four boys and really haven’t a clue about raising girls..
I agree completely! A thirteen year old is too young for thong underwear. My daughter is 12 and has been pressured by friends and her new stepmonther about her breifs she is comfortable in! I am ready to throw tomatoes at them!!! Ha ha.
I have a 14-year old foster daughter who is also in that in between stage of wanting to be grown but still scared of the dark. When I took her shopping, she looked at the thongs. I let her, then I gently guided her to the other underwear. In compromising with her, I did buy her “hipsters” which are not thongs but they’re not briefs either. I also bought her the smaller sizes of the women’s underwear and not the “girls” underwear. She felt good about it when it was all said and done. Good luck to you.
At 13 I doubt she wants to wear thongs to be sexy for males. In junior high they are changing for P.E. in front of their peers and are acutely aware of how they compare to the others. My son began to insist on boxers at 13 because that is what he saw on all other boys in the locker room. I remember “late bloomers” beginning to wear bras at that age, not because it was necessary, but so as not to be different. No doubt this daughter is seeing thongs around her in the locker room. But that does not mean she should necessarily have them. This could lead to a discussion about fitting in, peer pressure, and the sending of unintended messages to guys.
I went through these discussions with my then 14 yr old daughter. She was told no and I also let her pick out hipsters which she now admits she likes. They do get over it when parents actually parent rather than give in to every whim.
Also, on a lighter note: My high school niece wore thongs daily and her father picked one out of the laundry and said to her mother how sexy that was and he couldn’t wait to see her in it. The niece, of course, was witness to that and has never worn them since.
I have two teenage girls. The thong issue came up early (middleschool). They played the “comfort” and the “all my friends wear them” cards with me but I will not let them wear them while they are living in my house.
As I see it, the thong is not a mere piece of undergarment but a sexual tool as well. Their friends will roll their pants down to announce they are wearing them. Men are sexually stimulated visually and my girls are way too young (14 and 15) to be purposefully exciting men. There are so many options these days for panties that it is not neccessary to let them have this tool in their possession. There are hipsters and are beautiful and feel nice and do not call attention to them. They were happy with the hipsters and we came to a compromise.
They have to have something to look forward to as they grow up otherwise we are breeding self-indulgent little brats. I can’t believe how many of their friends are allowed to have boys sleep over at 14, wear sexy clothes…all while carrying cell phones and walking around at night.
I also have a 14 yr old who has bought them last year without me knowing. She was caught wearing them, because my husband was able to tell that she wearing them through her skirt. This year she bought them again and was bending over to get something and once again someone noticed it. They were once again taken away. She claims that her panty lines show through her jeans and everyone else is wearing them.
I have informed her that she is way too young to be wearing these kind of panties and they send the wrong message. She thinks no one will see them, but she has been caught wearing them a couple of times, which tells me that people notice.
My daughter is very well developed and beautiful and I sure do not need her to be acting older than she is. It seems like girls are trying to grow up much faster that when I was 14.
I am also a 40 year old mother and I have 2 teenage girls. I’ve worn thong underwear for years and I don’t wear them to be sexy! If you’ve never worn them on a regular basis, you would probably have the opinion that they are made just to be sexy. Trust me, there’s nothing sexy about ccarting kids around, doing laundry, housework, etc…but nothing worse than having to tug on your underwear all day like I did when I wore full bottom undies. Both of my girls wear full bottom hipster undies. I gave them the option of what they wanted to wear. They tried thongs but didn’t really like them so they’ve never asked for another pair. Sometimes having a choice to wear what is cool or what is comfortable takes away the desire to “wear what everyone else is wearing”(especially when it comes to underwear).
I completely disagree with you Erin.
Sometimes having a choice to wear what is cool or what is comfortable takes away the desire to “wear what everyone else is wearing”
These kids wouldn’t even have the desire to wear these underwear if the other kids weren’t. And the other kids are doing it because they want to look and act older. Comfort is not even an issue at this age. They are doing it to be sexy and attract boys. Period.
Allowing choices raises healthy youngters but you have to know when it is healthy to allow them to have a choice.
Of coures, everyones parenting differs but I think that today parents are in such fear of getting trouble for discipling their children that they go to the other extreme and try to be their “friends”. “My kid won’t like me unless I let them walk all over me” mentality. And then everyone wonders why our children are killing each other, require instant gratification and can not cope.
Just call my old school I suppose.
Hi – Hang on to your seat, you may be in for the ride of your life! I have just raised two young women, 20 & 23 and as they say, “been there done that.” First and foremost you have a job to do and your first priority is not to approch it as a popularity contest, but rather as the most important thing that you will ever do in your life! You are your daughters filter, protector and the one responsible in grounding her. Look at the culture that saturates our daughters!!! Love her, support her, teach her self respect and healthy boundaries and yes say NO! NO is a very good word my daughters now tell me. We are our daughters most significate role model in contrasting the Pairs Hiltons of our daughters world and this is not a job for cowards; so stiffen up your spine she needs you now more than ever!! She will thank you (later) for providing the security of healthy boundaries. My very best regards to you and your daughter. NO to the thong.
I was upset when I heard my two pre-teen stepdaughters were wearing thongs and was all set to tell them they had to leave the thong with mom when they came to visit. Then a friend reminded me to pick my battle carefully. My friend also said “at least they’re wearing underwear”. Personally I’m still against it and the girls are mid-late teens. They still wear thongs, although the younger one doesn’t wear them as often as her older sister. (Maybe because she’s a cheerleader and those skirts are short enough – they wear boy cut briefs and she’s asked for that style panty when we went shopping.)
GIRLS should not wear thong underwear. Thong underwear is worn by persons who are sexually active and seeking to advertise their sexual availability; their sexual readiness. These are not the kinds of messages GIRLS should proclaim. So until your daughter is a self supporting adult WOMAN buying her own underwear, she should not wear a thong. She is not ready to manage the unforseen consequences or the unwanted attention There are many other styles of underwear she should be able to wear comfortably.
Sounds like the current consensus is “no”…HOWEVER, my daugher just turned 15 this week. She has worn thongs for about 1.5 years. We are a Christian family and have raised her to dress modestly, she wears them for comfort. She is edcuation focused, not boy focused, and refuses to strut what she isn’t prepared to OFFER. We firmly believe that it’s a personal preference, maturity and morals play a big part in these decisions. I feel that it is a decision for parents on a case by case basis. Only YOU know your daughters true heart and reasons for wanting to wear them…I second the “choose your battles” comment. It could be worse, at least she’s wearing them.
Best of luck!
I can’t believe what I’m reading regarding thong underwear. I am a minister and I absolutely wear thong underwear for comfort. I was diagnosed with a DVT, and they are the only underwear that do not impair the circulation in my legs. A girl should have every right to choose her own underwear for goodness sake. If you are straining at gnats now, and hindering her choices in underwear, just wait until her natural separartion from you begins and she starts to truly want to make her own choices, (which by the way is healthy for teenagers) you will be pulling your hair out. Give that little girl some respect and give her some room to grow. Now if she wants to wear thong bikinis in public…that’s when to step in, certainly not her choices in underwear that are hidden from everyone’s view, but her own. My, my.
Everyone has a personal choice as to what to wear,but I feel that 13 is a little young for thongs. I realize I am probably in the stone ages. I am a 57 yr. old grandmother raising a 12 yr. old girl and a 13 yr. old boy and I am still holding on certain things they can and can not wear. My girls are grown and out of the house and both wear thongs but never at that age. Just my opinion.
I am an over-40 mother of teen boys. I think that while she is probably wanting to wear something that will be popular in the locker room I would say no. Although she may not realize it some kids do wear that type of underwear because they are sexually active. I think it’s important for her to make sure she doesn’t get that type of reputation…and believe me the boys will hear about it!
My 13 year old has worn breifs since she was 4 but now she wants to wear a thong. but after reading this i feel more confident telling her no
ps i wear a thong but i still thing its inapropriate at her age
This is exactly the standpoint that makes it so appealing. I’m a 13 year old girl. I get straight As, am in advanced classes, and play soccer and softball. I’m not a slut. I wear thongs because they’re comfortable, not because i want sexual attention.
You guys need to grow up if you think 13 is young.