1. Parenting
You can opt-out at any time. Please refer to our privacy policy for contact information.

Teen Surfing Porn Sites

By April 20, 2007

Follow me on:

Quick Links: Real Parenting Questions | Parenting Style Quiz

One mom seeks advice: "I am a single mom with a 13 year old son. Last year he was buying pay for view movies that were porn. I have since blocked it and after that issue, had a talk with him about sex. He claimed that he was just curious. I totally understood this and told him so. I advised him that he should talk to me, as porno movies were not the place to learn about sex. I have just found out that he is accessing porno sites on the internet, but they are gay porno sites. I am at a loss as what to do or how to approach this. Should i tell him i know that he was on these sites? Should i even be concerned that they were gay sites? Is this just normal curiousity? Many thanks to anyone who gives me some help."

Denise's thoughts: "I'm not too sure I would address the issue of the sites being gay porn, as the main issue is that he shouldn't be on any porn sites. Use fair and firm discipline, share your expectations for use of the computer and see if he has any ideas on how you both can work out this problem.

As for the sites being gay porn. It could be normal curiosity or it may not be. Either way, you'll need to continue to love your son for the person he is, therefore taking some time before bringing this up - or waiting for him to bring it up - is probably your best course of action."

Related Resources:

Quick Links: Real Parenting Questions | Parenting Style Quiz

Connect With Denise: Twitter | Facebook | Google+
Comments
April 20, 2007 at 1:01 pm
(1) cathy says:

I agree that you should wait to talk to him about the gay porn. You should address the issue on the porno sites.

April 20, 2007 at 6:09 pm
(2) Dana says:

I found out about the porn web sites my son was looking at when he was 13. I spoke with our pastor. He said he would talk to him but I decided he would feel more comfortable with me. I calmly brought up the subject. We had the best conversation I’ve ever had with him. I stated I knew how to check on which sites he was on and I would be watching for awhile. I did not discipline him. I monitored closely for a month then backed of some. I check less often now and am proud to say he has never ventured there, again. He was actually very relieved when I asked him about it. He said it was a load off of his mind because he felt so bad.

April 21, 2007 at 2:48 am
(3) moosie says:

Teens are very curious and also very vulnerable. It is also a very confusing time in their life and their hormones will go into overdrive for just about anything. Don’t dismiss this or ignore it but rather try to find the reason for this. It might be that he is curious but it also might be that someone could be trying to initiate your son into a relationship. Teens can be easily confused and he may not be ready to make such a decision. His first sexual encounter should be when he knows whom he is, what he wants and is ready for a real and loving relationship, and this is what you need to discuss with him as equals and openly.

September 26, 2008 at 7:46 am
(4) chelsea says:

I think his mother should call him and advice him about the deffects of watching such sites and make him under stand that such sites are dangerious.Advising the child to adstain from such practices and such web sites

September 29, 2008 at 8:11 am
(5) len says:

my daughter is just 10. she was taught by an 11 yr old girl busmate to go to a p;orn site. i am not adept in computers. i dont even know how to block a site

October 27, 2008 at 6:53 pm
(6) Vincent Burke says:

Look, this is the way that teenagers learn. I am probably younger then the rest of you on this forum but i know i learned most of what i know from pornography as well. He is looking at porn and it is natural. You can talk to him about it if you want a forever awkward relationship, but there is a chance that you two will just get very close. He could be just curious regarding the gay pornography, but if he is homosexual it is natural too. Just make sure that if you do find out that he is gay you stress abstanence and condoms very thoroughly. Confronting him about it once again may not be the best idea as it will make him feel uncomfertable about exploring his sexuality, or even being open about it whether homo or hederosexual. Blocking the sites is also not a good idea because he will just look for other ways to access it. If you do talk to him about it dont let him know that you know it is homosexual pornography. But either way let him be himself

April 23, 2011 at 1:57 am
(7) CandyCane says:

I agree with the whole let him be thing. Im a single mom with a 15 year old boy. I found out about him watchin porno and asked my brother about it. his exact words were almost every guy watch porno and jacks off. its just a guy thing. id rather my son be doing this than accualy having sex.

February 1, 2009 at 1:01 pm
(8) kookimebux says:

Hello. And Bye. :)

September 3, 2009 at 1:59 pm
(9) danish deig says:

really pornography is creating a havoc in the current day world. not only adults but small boys and girls of under 10 get excited with these things. i remember my times that i came to know about these things only two or three years back although i am now 22. i thionk we should join heads to eradicate thise meance of the modern world. i don’t know how but we should try to find a way out to save our children as well as grown ups from this ill matter.

September 5, 2009 at 2:12 pm
(10) Teenager17 says:

In my day people began looking at porn at 11 or 12 and start masturbating 12-14 it scary if little kids are looking at it. But back the point the guy here is 13 it’s normal for him to be curious. What ever you do don’t block any sites this is make really frustrating for him, remember he been flooded with testosterone he probably more hormonal the a pregnant women! So blocking porn probably lead to him displaying anger or acting out! As for gay thing Im Bi curious ..He might be just bi-curious or someone might called him gay and maybe took it to hearth so he might be “testing” himself! Anyway I read that many guys get gay wet dreams or have gay impulses at times even they are straight! So this leads me to believe everyone’s bi at some level. If I where you I find out is he gay or just curious. To do get him in a good mood.. say (Sean) it’s normal to explore your sexuality at your age but I found some sites that surprise me, do you think your gay? or Are you curious about guys. or (Sean) I worried about type of porn your watching..could you be gay..it’s ok if you are? If he gay the very important to support him and maybe get a consular help him deal with it, He might want to be “Straight” to public eye. Im Bi curious I have more interest for girls (I find very hard to imagine been gay) but sometimes get curious about about guys I spend most of puberty wondering am I gay or straight it got very intense. See he might be too that he seen something gay or maybe a friend might kissed him or something and might left him feeling confused! I found that When it’s in you head “Am I gay” you keep looking at gay porn and stuff till you get an answer! so try help find his answer some other way!

September 20, 2009 at 2:32 am
(11) Tim says:

Talk to him. Gay people are just perverted humans who say that’s how they were born but the reality is they’re just messed up and are trying to prove their religion to be true. There is no such thing as “gay.” Back to your son, yes he is curious but if you already talked to him and tried to block the porn and he still looks at it, then he probably is addicted. When he is older there is a great chance his life will be screwed up. Have an older, mature, knowledgeable, MALE, possibly realtive talk to him about this since he has no more father. Do not let this get out of hand. It will screw up his life.

September 1, 2010 at 11:45 pm
(12) Gabrielle says:

Wow dude people are born that way and they aren’t messed up thier just different that’s what makes them happy so you need to get your homophobe ass of the computer and p.s. She never said he didn’t have a father!

November 7, 2010 at 10:58 pm
(13) Appauled by ignorance says:

My God grow up being gay has nothing to do with religion or antthing else nor is a disease. Not everyone finds affection or companionship in the opposite sex. With all do respect people like yourself are part of the reason our society and young people have no direction. Like your parents most likely said to you Grow Up and be the person YOU want to be

October 23, 2009 at 11:30 pm
(14) Anthony says:

remember he is like any other normal teenage boy, but he just happens to be gay and doing a huge confrontation would be horrible. Why don’t you show him that your ok with Gay people and create a healthy coming out experience first and then try to tackle the other

November 6, 2009 at 5:09 pm
(15) Ntzjavis says:

comment1

November 6, 2009 at 9:56 pm
(16) Zlsofsph says:

comment3

November 7, 2009 at 3:19 am
(17) Pajdgepm says:

comment6

November 7, 2009 at 2:07 pm
(18) Mkokwzow says:

comment2

November 7, 2009 at 7:14 pm
(19) Qoexhgtl says:

comment3

November 8, 2009 at 12:32 am
(20) Vxblljkw says:

comment1

November 8, 2009 at 11:50 am
(21) Goyxlcgb says:

comment5

November 11, 2009 at 8:53 pm
(22) ashleyalabam says:

1. Talk to your teens. It is not that hard if you actually try. Everyone gets a bit embarassed, but it is better than everyone being in the dark and/or confused. If you do NOT, someone else will…and it may not be what you want your kids to know. Each age group can handle certain insights or discussions, and the best way to handle the birds & bees versus pornography is start young with a little information, such as: Mom and Dad are married and share a bed for age 5. Moving up to pornography versus healthy sexual relations at age 13, or whatever is necessary for your child. BUT, your child does not need to think sex is bad or dirty; for goodness sakes, that is how he/she got here! LOL… Gay/straight, your teen needs to KNOW that no matter what, he/she can turn to and TRUST YOU!!!

What has worked for me? Tell your teen that you can visit national geographic for pics of boobs…haha Also, explain that many of those sites are GIRLS/BOYS that have been molested…Ask if he would like little sis or cousin to be displayed for all to see. Explain molestation. Explain that those who know what they are doing may be on sites too, but how do you know who is who…Explain that sex is natural, porn is not.

2. A few years ago when my son, who is now 13, was 9, a friend at his Christian school gave him a website to try. I was unaware at the time for the need to check the internet’s history – oh so much wiser now. Within a couple of days, a virus had crossed over all of the 4 computers crashing them all. $1600 later, the 4 computers were up and running again. Now I have Microsoft Live One Care and 6 computers on my network which are completely safe from the nasty little viruses/spyware porn sites have attached to them. You not only need to safeguard your teen’s eyes from such sites, but you REALLY need to safeguard your computers…and unfortunatly, Microsoft Live One Care will no longer be available to new consumers. I have had multiple virus/spyware programs and NONE even compare.

AND NO MATTER WHAT, REMEMBER TO LOVE YOUR TEENS!!!

November 17, 2009 at 11:56 am
(23) erd says:
November 17, 2009 at 3:06 pm
(24) efrr says:
December 29, 2009 at 4:16 am
(25) joe smith says:

I’m 16 and I’ve been looking at porn since I was 11. I’m not corrupt, I get good grades in school, I have lots of friends, I don’t drink or do drugs. Porn isn’t the problem, its parents who think porn is bad. I look at porn because, well frankly I’m horney, and every other male I know does the same thing. I don’t know a single boy that doesn’t watch porn with frequency. My mom won’t let me have a computer in my room and she checks my history, but there is always a way around it. So please, don’t hate porn.

June 20, 2010 at 5:29 pm
(26) 14teen says:

I am a 15 year old guy and okay most of you guys on here are like my parents age. This is not a topic I would discuss with them but hey I have a computer in my room and I was browsing the internet and I found this web-page and forum. Here are my views- please respect them as I respect yours:

I look at porn- gay and straight porn. So therefore I would be labeled as bi-curious if you want to label it. I look at porn regularly and then masturbate as any teen would. Yes I know this is illegal and I know its not what my parents wish for me to do but, here is a huge but, I get straight A’s in school (and have always), I never will smoke or do anything that would do me bodily harm like drugs. I also understand that the perception porn gives of sex is not the one many people should have but again if we are educated that these sexual acts are JUST ACTS, not real relationships which is when sex should really occur!

Porn is fine- when you know when to stop. Yes it can become addicting- I know that but if we, as teens, are educated on the good and bad of porn (yes I know there are like no goods but if you know the bads, you are aware on how to prevent them).

I hate keeping secrets from my parents. I have crossed some lines like looking at my fathers porn and my mother shouted at me, but that was a wake up call. Not to stop looking at porn- no to be more careful and NOT TO CROSS LINES!

Like in any relationship there are borders I crossed it- and I was caught by the border patrol- mom.

I now know that I must not use my parents porn. I stick to my computer. I look at porn regularly now, but still feel guilty sometimes because I hate secrets, but I am scared of what my mother will think- so mums the word (pun intended ;P)

So my advice on behalf of your son- Talk to him. Tell him you don’t feel good about him watching porn. (DON’T MENTION THE GAY). Explain that you know it is apart of being a teenager and growing up (Don’t use the term exploring yourself and sexuality- it is a very embarrassing term) but you would he rather not look at porn for the time being. Explain the dangers of porn as well and that it is almost always fiction stories like Jack and the Beanstalk.

Trust me after doing this he will understand and almost definitely you wont SEE porn on his computer- he will be more careful.

June 25, 2010 at 3:10 pm
(27) KEWAL MAM says:

I think ipod and the latest gadgets are necessary for our kids, teens, and grown-up youth for good development both physically and mentally. To put rules, regulations, and restrictions on children means to put inhibitions in their development process. Our sole responsibility should be as a good guide and mentor. For this a good mantra is ‘Tell your child not to do or indulge in any act which he or she hides from you or parents.

August 25, 2010 at 12:58 pm
(28) Simples says:

okay, I suppose it isn’t really my place to be commenting on a site like this seeing as I’m 17 and not a parent, but I’d have to say I agree more with the other teenagers who have commented.

I agree that there are problems with porn, but I don’t think in general it’s an unhealthy way of releasing sexual energy. Would you prefer your son to be out there having sex with multiple women? Besides, I don’t really beleive pornograhy has quite the effects on teenagers wellbeing as the media pretends it does.

I also began viewing pornograhy quite early at about 12, although I never payed any money until I got a visa quite recently. Obviously you shouldn’t encourage your son to watch porn and I think if you can convince him against it that’s probably best, although it wouldn’t have worked on me.

As for the gay issue, I wouldn’t recommend talking to him about it. I think eventually he will come out if he is gay, and if not then he was jus curious. It’s not really your place to ask him for an explanation, because he’s probably in quite a confused state of mind right now anyway, and that will just mess with his head.

November 9, 2010 at 9:47 pm
(29) Silver says:

typical of a women and moms in general….thinking that the main reason why teens search for porn is because they want to educate themselves, i.e. to find out about sex, and thus she gets worried about the false education graphic porn provides.

The whole point of teens looking up porn sites is because they are horny as heck and want to find material to whack off to, simply put. There’s no denying this: pubescent teenagers get horny just like adults do.

And since real sex with other people is not legal, this is the only other way to relieve oneself. Masturbation without any erotic imagery is like eating stale bread. Would you want to feed your kids stale food?

If you ban porn, they will find other ways to satisfy their desires…and that will lead to teenage pregnancies, stds, and the spreading of aids. Porn is a safe and riskfree way of a teenager being able to have a “sex life” too, without all the risks of the “real thing”.

November 9, 2010 at 9:47 pm
(30) Silver says:

typical of a woman….thinking that the main reason why teens search for porn is because they want to educate themselves, and thus she gets worried about the false education graphic porn provides.

The whole point of teens looking up porn sites is because they are horny and want to find material to whack off to, simply put. There’s no denying this: pubescent teenagers get horny just like adults do.

And since real sex with other people is not legal, this is the only other way to relieve oneself. Masturbation without any erotic imagery is like eating stale bread. Would you want to feed your kids stale food?

If you ban porn, they will find other ways to satisfy their desires…and that will lead to teenage pregnancies, stds, and the spreading of aids. Porn is a safe and riskfree way of a teenager being able to have a “sex life” too, without all the risks of the “real thing”.

January 16, 2011 at 2:22 pm
(31) me says:

ok..from denise’s ho hum answer to kids and porn seems very disturbing to me..its like its ok because its the “norm” among teens..and you wonder why the US has a high rate for rape and molestation. this isnt right. yes Kids are curious. I understand that but its called communicating with our kids about sex and why its important to stay away from sex while they are so young and to wait until later when they know themselves and understand dating and the opposite sex and respect for each other. I am appalled at the apathy with this subject in getting help with our children.

October 9, 2012 at 3:02 am
(32) Jeanette says:

I am surprised to find myself in this situation with my 12 yo boy. I did remain calm I wanted to know it is serious. I found a good site about what to do if are in this sit. And tells you point by point how it affects them which I read out to him in a calm way and told him I love him. But I am frightened for him. He’s not good with peer pressure.

November 10, 2012 at 11:47 pm
(33) tyson says:

Watching porn is never ok; it’s disgusting, filthy, and repulsive.

Leave a Comment

Line and paragraph breaks are automatic. Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title="">, <b>, <i>, <strike>

©2014 About.com. All rights reserved.