On the Forum: Teens Lying, What Can Be Done?
Denise's thoughts: "It sounds like you are doing everything you can at this point. Sometimes you just need to stand your ground and continue to give the same consequences for each lie until it sinks in that you are not going to waver ‘the next time’ either.
I would also look for the cycle of lying that she is in. Where does the lie begin? Talk with her about how to break that cycle, what does she think she can do to keep from having to feel like she needs to lie and how does she feel you can help her. Sometimes our children have great insights to these matters and we just don’t realize that we just need to ask.
See the thread on our forum here or leave your advice in the comments area.
Related Resources:
- Screening Quiz: Is Your Teen Lying to You
- How To Tell If Your Teen Is Lying to You
- Quiz: Are you a pushover parent?
- Delegate a Responsibility to Your Teen
- Tips on Setting Limits & Rules
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Comments
i am experiencing the same problem with my son. he started tech school this year, and i have noticed an increase in lying and poor grades/study skills. i am attempting to make sure he gets his work done, but he does not seem to care one way or the other himself. i tried to tell him that if he flunks out, he will not be able to return to the tech school, which overall he loves…..i am also at my wit’s end.
My husband and I have also dealt with this with our son. He lies about having homework done. The schools here help however and if you are consistent you can stay on top of it. My son’s high school post homework assignments on line for the parents to check. It’s called Parent Connect. They also post rather or not they have turned something in and grades. It’s wonderful! If my son doesn’t turn his homework in and on time he loses a privilage like practicing with his band, Computer, Music, ect. If he gets his work done and turned in and grade are descent then he earns privilages like practicing with his band members and social get togethers with his friends. I really think it’s important you put the consequences out there and rewards so they know ahead of time what will happen. Maybe even make up a contract for them to sign. I’d say the most important part is following through and be consistent. They need to know if they do A then B will happen 100% of the time. I’m not saying it’s a quick fix but it will help. Contact the school if you don’t have a way to check on the computer. They will work out a weekly system I’m sure letting you know how your student is doing. They did that here before the computer Parent Connect site. Remember though the teachers are busy and have lots of students so be flexible and I’m sure they will do all they can to help and support you. Teachers like parent involvement.
There comes a time in every parents life that they have to accept the fact that our children lie. I agree that a parent must keep involved with school work, friends etc. Its imortant to let your kids now that you are involved in their lives. When I went through this stage with my daughters I did punishment after punishment hoping they would “get it” that lying was not a good thing. One of the bad things about this kind of punishment is that you can get to the point that they feel there is nothing else you can do to punish them so they might as well do what they want. I turned the tables when I started to have the girls write essays on why do they lie, how their lie affects their parents, teachers, and friends. The older they got the more words they had to write. They learned that if they tell me that are at a friends house, I may or may not show up. They learned that when they lie it creates a trust issue that needs to be earned again. Of course they lost all privelages until their essay was completed. I felt strongly that if they are old enough to lie they are old enough to take responsiblity for their actions. I know this action works! My girls are in their 30’s, and now using the same accountability for their children.