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Your Advice: Teen Daughter Crying All of the Time

By February 8, 2008

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One mom wonders: "My youngest daughter cries about everything! This drives me insane I don't know what to do? I have tried to be calm and talk to her and I have tried screaming and yelling(not a good idea)... but it seems like that is all she does she gets her way she cries, doesn't - cries. her and my oldest daughter fight like cats and dogs they slam doors, throw things, call each other names, it is awful and my youngest cries and cries and cries about everything. I MEAN everything. I could list them all but... please any advice would be helpful. "

Denise's thoughts: As adults, we need to get a hold of our emotions and put them aside when dealing with our teen's moods in order to help them grow up happy and successful. She could just be having mood swings, or she could be depressed. Either way, she needs you to detach from your frustration about her crying and be supportive. Listen to her and bring in some outside help from her doctor - just to be sure it isn't a medical problem.

Asking the Community: Has your teen been prone to crying fits? What ended up being the problem? How did you handle it? What advice would you give this mom? Share your opinion and advice as a comment or on the forum.

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Comments
February 8, 2008 at 9:39 am
(1) Brenda says:

I agree with Denise about getting help from her doctor, and also recommend seeing a counselor. A qualified counselor should be able to have some sessions with the child who cries and then bring the other family members in for a joint session. It’s not just her problem, it’s affecting your whole family. If you have health insurance, check your coverage, and if not, a simple web search in your area for mental health services should turn up some resources. Many clinics offer sliding scale if you have no coverage. Good luck and blessings. Don’t put it off.

February 8, 2008 at 9:49 am
(2) Orrie Bowes says:

As a counselor, my first thought is that she is depressed. I don’t know if she has any of the other symptoms but below is the link to a helpful website on teen depression. Teen depression can be difficult to treat as most antidepressants as not approved for teens or children. If you look at the website and feel that it fits her, have her look at the website. Start with your medical doctor. If it is depression, sometimes teens will deny it. Your medical doctor can back you up and point you in the right direction for help. Good luck!

http://www.kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/depression.html

February 8, 2008 at 11:05 am
(3) Gina says:

As my sons went through puberty, they went through a phase where they were intense and angry. The girls went through a phase where they had mood swings, and would cry over seemingly trivial things. The “hormone roller coaster”, as we called it, seems to cause more dramatic responses in some kids than others. My youngest daughter had always been cheery and easy to get along with. She almost never cried, definitely not in front of anyone other than family, but when she hit about 12 or 13, you could have filled a river with her tears! We just talked about things, spent time together, and tried to do a lot of fun things, and she grew out of it.
I don’t know your daughter or your particular situation. We didn’t have much screaming and fighting in our home. As you mentioned, that probably makes things worse.

If you are unsure, definitely get her checked out by a doctor or mental health professional. Better safe than sorry. But in our case, an extra helping of patience, love, and understanding saw them all through.

February 8, 2008 at 2:34 pm
(4) Dawn says:

My oldest daughter went through the same thing. She cried ALL the time, and no matter what we did or said it would not help. It drove us crazy too! I understand that teen times are hard, and yes we were all depressed over something so minor at one point and time. One day while talking to a friend about my daughter crying all the time. She told me that there was an allergy medicine that made her daughter do the same. At first I didn’t think anything about it, but her doctor had given her a new allergy prescription. I decided to take her off the meds, and do research. The research showed that it cause serious depression in seniors, but that was it. After one month of being off the prescription she was back to her old self, and no more crying. So, check to make sure your daughter has not started any new meds at least 2 months before the crying started. If so, you might want to consider other options. If not, you might want to talk to her teachers to see what is going on at school, and possibly have her talk to the school counsilor.

February 8, 2008 at 2:59 pm
(5) Sandy says:

Check for other symptoms of depression:
Is se sleeping normally?
Is she eating normally?
Is her mood generally low?
By the sounds of things, she is quite irritable, which is another symptom.
Has she ever expressed that she wishes she could die?
Does she seem fatigued all the time?
Has she stopped enjoying the things she used to enjoy?
Is she as social as she was before, or does she avoid people?

All of these are symptoms of depression. If they’re present, take her for a check up immediately.
I sympathise with the fact that she’s driving you nuts, but she really does need more love and support right now, bearing in mind that real love and support sometimes lead to tough decisions, kindly given.

February 8, 2008 at 3:26 pm
(6) Sandra says:

I agree with all the comments that have been made here.

Both my kids are diagnosed chronically depressed, as is the rest of our family. To help our kids through the roller coaster of adolescence we have been talking to them more as if they were adults, giving them more of the responsibility for their own actions. We all are aware of our genetic inheritance here and so we have also had discussions with the kids about adolescence being the time in your life when you need to learn to control your behaviors and try to get a handle on your moods.

Mood, to a certain extent, is dependent on your state of mind; so we emphasize a positive state of mind and talking through the things that are concerning us.

There is hope! Both of my kids (son 14) (daughter 12) went through puberty early and are starting to come out the other side. We are finding that as we treat them with more respect (but still being the parent) we are given more in return and we discuss their increasing responsibilities as budding adults and their increased privileges.

There are no real good anti-depression meds out there for kids or teens, but we are VERY careful about good nutrition and added sugar, corn syrup, fructose, sucrose, etc and chemicals in their food, as we have noticed that these seem to effect their moods as well.

Good luck!

February 8, 2008 at 4:31 pm
(7) Kathy says:

I think there is to some extent depression. As adults it overwhelms us so 10 times more for a young person. Crying shows she is overwhelmed and needs effective carefully chosen guidance and support from you. I would seek direction immediately as well as calm myself down when interacting with her. I would not risk leaving her to her own devices for working through it either. Youth today have a very low threshold. My daughter went through that and I learned later to handle it better. I wished I had reached out to others for help with her right away like you are doing now. I lost a lot of time with her. I admire your courage to jump out here and ask. She needs your time and sharing in activities. A day cruise, etc. sailing, some activity where you both need to be there and can’t grab a ride home or be interrupted. Take care, you both will ride this through…

February 8, 2008 at 5:56 pm
(8) Margaret says:

You didn’t say if this child did a lot of crying at earlier stages. We deal with some teenagers who have gone through many years of crying because it got results.
If your child has a history of “pitching a fit” and crying until things went their way, you can expect more of the same. If the siblings also noticed this, they will most likely still be mad that results are the same – it works. Especially with the youngest – do you give in to those hard times, just to get some peace in the house?
For girls, if it is a dramatic change, you may want to check with the doctor on “famale” changes. Some girls have a lot more changes than others. Heavy flow, cramps, etc. can make life pretty miserable, but extra care needs to be taken with problems in this area. Specific information is needed. Cysts can really be a problem.
And lastly, does this child have a place to go for “down” time? Being alone when you are grouchy or out of sorts is not all bad. If siblings share a bedroom, find ways for alone time that will give some needed space. That might also help the fighting. We all need “down” time occasionally, including the parent, so plan accordingly.

February 9, 2008 at 9:35 am
(9) Monica says:

On the basis that it could be hormonal, try adding 1C soymilk or other soy product (luna bars, etc) to her diet every day. This helped my daughter with crabbiness, crying fits, even chocolate cravings. THis is not to say you shouldn’t rule out depression, just a simple thing to try that might help.

February 10, 2008 at 1:23 pm
(10) Natalie says:

I am a teenager reading about parenting. I am really interested to know what other parents do for their children because i do not get enough support, attention and most important, love needed to go through this stage of my life. My grades are well, i dont smoke or do drugs, i dont cry often, i try not to go against or lie to my parents, i do not ask my parents to get me gadgets, and yet they do not trust me at all. I’ve never been in detention, the only problem I’ve got is depression, which I think most parents do not realise this problem. Your child might look like they are fine but actually they’re not. People suffering from depression will always deny. There will definately be a mental scar. So please, take your time to get to really know your children. Support and love is more than enough.

April 26, 2008 at 7:17 pm
(11) norman floyd says:

i am a counselor at an at risk school. your comments are indeed helpful. i was thinking about writing a 2 part book on the adolescent stages…mmmm, where do i start. thanks… wish this advice was around for me when i was going through this critical stage….

May 3, 2009 at 12:44 am
(12) michelle says:

i find my 16 year old daughter crying heself to sleep sometimes. she says she likes her family but hates her life, and doesnt know why shes alive….
i dont know what to do..

January 5, 2010 at 2:22 pm
(13) Dawn Horner says:

I am a teen myself, and like Denise said, it might just be depression or stress, i went through it a few weeks ago… but my reason is because of all the things that are going on in my life right now… i just lost a few friends of mine and i lost my granparents, and my sister and her family lost their house in a fire. Me and my sister fight all the time and push each other to a point where it turns violent. But i personally think that it is the depression…. or she might only miss the bond between mother and child…. thats what we all long for… some closure with our parents!

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