Teen Dating Poll: Should Parents Set the Age to Start?
Friday May 16, 2008
Do you believe in a dating age?(the age where your teen would be allowed to start dating) I know I’ve always preferred to go with the maturity of the teen and the responsibility of the one my teen wants to date, rather than picking an age where my teen can automatically date whomever he/she wanted to. This ensured that I got to meet and get to know my teen’s dates. But, when I think about it, I did not allow her to do this at all until she got into high school, which was about the age of fourteen. Of course she had 'friends' she was basically dating. See my quiz: Are they friends or are they dating?
So what do you think: At what age should teens be allowed to start dating?
Comments
As the mother of a 15 1/2 year old daughter, I am comfortable with the way my daughter’s social life is evolving. Where boys have been involved, she has (so far) only gone out with groups of no less than six people. This helps the teens to be more comfortable and at ease with having fun without a dating pressure. This was not my mandate, or even suggestion. She likes having fun with lots of people.
At some point, couple dating will come up, but she has not reached that point yet. When it does come up, I will probably suggest (at the minimum) double-dating. Knowing my daughter, I suspect that when she is interested in a guy, they will probably go out with a group at first anyway.
My thirteen-year-old son? He is too busy with hanging out with his friends building things, riding bikes, swimming, shooting hoops, and playing video games. Girls are not of special interest yet! He is just enjoying being a boy.
My husband and I are enjoying watching both grow and change!
Like Cajuns reply my 16 yr old prefers hanging out with her large group of friends. But w/ the few she has been especially interseted in, she’s asked/had me drop her off at their place during the day for a few hrs, another one she had us bring her to his job when he got off and we all went out for desert or she has invited them over to our house for quiet time with them, never with her b/r door shut. She is still a virgin, we’re open about this and the issue of birth control. It’s time for me to trust her & her decisions, I have to accept that I’ve given her the best advice, suggestions and guidance I can & that I’m still here if she needs me & that I respect her. So far so good in this dept, I just wish I rewire her brain to have more tolerance & acceptance for her mom when all I’m doing is trying to keep her safe & letting her know she is loved and adored.
Several Mom’s and I made a pact that our kids will not date until the age of 16 and only then it will be group dating. At 14 my son has a girlfriend and they both are okay with this rule.
I am amazed at the number of parents who say it is okay for 12 and 13 year old children to date!! no way , not in my house. We have agreed to going out in groups at age 15 to 17. No single car dating until they are out of highschool.Old fashioned ? Maybe. But we have 20 and 21 year old sons who have not even kissed a girl yet. I guess the no highschool dating rule has worked in our family.
“But we have 20 and 21 year old sons who have not even kissed a girl yet.”
As a teenage male of 19, i find it extremly embarrising as i dont know how to kiss properly (french kiss) - my first was last december when i was 18. Also by being gay i believe that i missed out on experience as teenagers from 14 onwards are already learning. I didn’t kiss anyone till 18 and i believe that sharon is not doing her sons any good. How will they feel when they kiss a girl for the first time? I suspect they will feel extremly embarrised. I see no reason why teenagers of 14 should not be allowed to date (or go further) if they want to (and both parties are consentual). Why should parents or the law disallow the emotions and nature of a human being? It should be up to the teenagers involved to decide what and when they do it.
mY daughter is turning twelve very soon and does not really date but she keeps asking me. All the kids in her school date and there parents are okay with it. Im not.
Anonymous - I totally get your point on the kissing and being embarrassed.
I also get your point on the when kids can start doing what, but most kids are not equipped to make that decision. Teens are not good with consequences at all, so as parents we have to have to help with that.
As for setting hard rules and only group dating etc. That won’t change the behavior, if a teen is going to do something, they will do it in the closet at a party, or another room. They will lie, they will sneak and they will not tell you anything. A teen that wants something will do it no matter what the rules are. I know my friends and I did lots of things, despite the rules and we lied and mostly got away with it. And the parent that says “my kid never” is probably the one with the kid that did, at least from my personal experience. My friend was an addict, he was bad and he mother blamed everyone else for anything he did wrong, but the reality, he was the one influencing everyone to get high with him.
Don’t ever kid yourself when you make the rules too strict, there are a few results, one they do it anyway and lie to you, two they go off on their own and do too much cause they never learned how to cope and lastly, they regret how their life turned out cause they never got a chance to have fun.
Its a hard balance, but I think when the rules are too tight you lose them, if you lax too much then they walk all over you. No a 12yo should not be dating, but group dating does not stop a couple from having sex, just means that if one couple is, there is more immediate pressure for other couples to do the same thing. Easier for a boy to say to a girl, “see she let him have it, come on we can too” or vice versa Peer pressure is a stong thing for a lot of kids.
I allowed my daughter to date at 15. She is now 16 and with the same boy. They are quite sexual. It was a huge mistake and bad judgement call on our part as parents. She is our only child so I won’t have another chance, but if I could go back in time and offer advice to other parents, 16 would be the very earlist I would ever let my daughter date unsupervised and I would always met and approve of the date. There would be rather strict curfews on the unsupervised dating till she was 17 and earned the trust and then there would be more freedom.