Teen Dating Poll: Should Parents Set the Age to Start?

As the mother of a 15 1/2 year old daughter, I am comfortable with the way my daughter’s social life is evolving. Where boys have been involved, she has (so far) only gone out with groups of no less than six people. This helps the teens to be more comfortable and at ease with having fun without a dating pressure. This was not my mandate, or even suggestion. She likes having fun with lots of people.

At some point, couple dating will come up, but she has not reached that point yet. When it does come up, I will probably suggest (at the minimum) double-dating. Knowing my daughter, I suspect that when she is interested in a guy, they will probably go out with a group at first anyway.

My thirteen-year-old son? He is too busy with hanging out with his friends building things, riding bikes, swimming, shooting hoops, and playing video games. Girls are not of special interest yet! He is just enjoying being a boy.

My husband and I are enjoying watching both grow and change!

Like Cajuns reply my 16 yr old prefers hanging out with her large group of friends. But w/ the few she has been especially interseted in, she’s asked/had me drop her off at their place during the day for a few hrs, another one she had us bring her to his job when he got off and we all went out for desert or she has invited them over to our house for quiet time with them, never with her b/r door shut. She is still a virgin, we’re open about this and the issue of birth control. It’s time for me to trust her & her decisions, I have to accept that I’ve given her the best advice, suggestions and guidance I can & that I’m still here if she needs me & that I respect her. So far so good in this dept, I just wish I rewire her brain to have more tolerance & acceptance for her mom when all I’m doing is trying to keep her safe & letting her know she is loved and adored.

Several Mom’s and I made a pact that our kids will not date until the age of 16 and only then it will be group dating. At 14 my son has a girlfriend and they both are okay with this rule.

I am amazed at the number of parents who say it is okay for 12 and 13 year old children to date!! no way , not in my house. We have agreed to going out in groups at age 15 to 17. No single car dating until they are out of highschool.Old fashioned ? Maybe. But we have 20 and 21 year old sons who have not even kissed a girl yet. I guess the no highschool dating rule has worked in our family.

“But we have 20 and 21 year old sons who have not even kissed a girl yet.”

As a teenage male of 19, i find it extremly embarrising as i dont know how to kiss properly (french kiss) – my first was last december when i was 18. Also by being gay i believe that i missed out on experience as teenagers from 14 onwards are already learning. I didn’t kiss anyone till 18 and i believe that sharon is not doing her sons any good. How will they feel when they kiss a girl for the first time? I suspect they will feel extremly embarrised. I see no reason why teenagers of 14 should not be allowed to date (or go further) if they want to (and both parties are consentual). Why should parents or the law disallow the emotions and nature of a human being? It should be up to the teenagers involved to decide what and when they do it.

mY daughter is turning twelve very soon and does not really date but she keeps asking me. All the kids in her school date and there parents are okay with it. Im not.

Anonymous – I totally get your point on the kissing and being embarrassed.
I also get your point on the when kids can start doing what, but most kids are not equipped to make that decision. Teens are not good with consequences at all, so as parents we have to have to help with that.

As for setting hard rules and only group dating etc. That won’t change the behavior, if a teen is going to do something, they will do it in the closet at a party, or another room. They will lie, they will sneak and they will not tell you anything. A teen that wants something will do it no matter what the rules are. I know my friends and I did lots of things, despite the rules and we lied and mostly got away with it. And the parent that says “my kid never” is probably the one with the kid that did, at least from my personal experience. My friend was an addict, he was bad and he mother blamed everyone else for anything he did wrong, but the reality, he was the one influencing everyone to get high with him.

Don’t ever kid yourself when you make the rules too strict, there are a few results, one they do it anyway and lie to you, two they go off on their own and do too much cause they never learned how to cope and lastly, they regret how their life turned out cause they never got a chance to have fun.

Its a hard balance, but I think when the rules are too tight you lose them, if you lax too much then they walk all over you. No a 12yo should not be dating, but group dating does not stop a couple from having sex, just means that if one couple is, there is more immediate pressure for other couples to do the same thing. Easier for a boy to say to a girl, “see she let him have it, come on we can too” or vice versa Peer pressure is a stong thing for a lot of kids.

I allowed my daughter to date at 15. She is now 16 and with the same boy. They are quite sexual. It was a huge mistake and bad judgement call on our part as parents. She is our only child so I won’t have another chance, but if I could go back in time and offer advice to other parents, 16 would be the very earlist I would ever let my daughter date unsupervised and I would always met and approve of the date. There would be rather strict curfews on the unsupervised dating till she was 17 and earned the trust and then there would be more freedom.

{6} jennifer i am twelve yes people date but i can assure half o those kids parents don’t know

My kids were allowed to date at 16. They could have a “friend” to our house before that, but in the family room lights on etc. Or meet to go boweling, movie etc. As far as a 12 year old telling you all the other parents at school are ok with it. Just ask some of the parents. I found that line usually was false. All the parents I spoke to weren’t ok with it.

i am 13 year old boy just turned i have a gf am dating her we go to the movies and places and we have alot of fun(kissing, hugging, talking…)i think a kid should be alowed to date when he or she wants to but i also think the parents should kno who he or she is dating, i love my gf.

i am saying yes if u ask the other parents but thoes parents have GOODIE GOODIES for kids i hate goodie goodies ask the popular kids parents the popular kid is popular BECAUSE he or she is dating

I had been going to Catholic schools until seventh grade, when I decided that I wanted to try public school out. I’m fourteen now and in eighth grade, and I find public school much more relaxing then private. But much to my surprise people were dating left and right. I was utterly astounded by this, but as time progressed I had become used to it. Most of my friends have been on dates before, but none of them take it that seriously.

So I told my mom about this, and she was a little surprised, but said that as long as they were just going on group dates it was acceptable. My parents never really discussed dating, but are pretty open about anything else. I’ve yet to ask them if I myself can date, but I gave myself my own set of rules. I’m not the most outgoing girl, but I think I can handle going out with friends with someone I was interested in. So, I don’t think I’ll be going on any real dates with anyone until maybe tenth or eleventh grade.

I wish this was how my peers thought about dating and relationships, but most of them don’t. A few people I know have gone beyond kissing. But the people I hang out with are more concerned about having fun and getting decent grades then finding someone to go home with. Sure some of the boys are a bit perverted, but I doubt any of them would have sex with someone.

So to parents like Sharon, setting such strict limits on your childrens’ life almost always ends up in them lying to you and doing things behind your back. I would HIGHLY suggest that you examine your teens maturity. And be open about the discussion of going on dates, tell them stories about your first date. Whenever my parents tell me stories of their childhood, it always gives me valuable knowledge on what I should do with my life, so I don’t have to make the same mistakes they did.

i think ure all full of it waiting til 21 or letting them date at 13 or watever if u give the kid space he or she will make the right decision and date when they feel comfortable with it and if u try and laying the law where its too strict your gonna have problems with your kids the whole time.theyre gonna go on and when they get away from you theyre gonna abuse their new freedom and it gonna bite them or you in the butt.I just got done with a breakup i really loved the girl but her parents were bringin the law down on her (figuratively)and i was holding her back so i had to let her go.Her parents are all in denial now but when we were goin out they wouldnt let her come over too my house and it was mainly cuz im a country boy and theyre city slickers all fancy and everything i didnt meet their standards.but now she can drive places and actually do stuff once we broke up even though it hurt i wanted her to have her freedoms so i moved on but dont think i dont regret it sometimes.

well im 15 years old my parents are very strict they dont allow me to talk on the phone with boys but i have a lot of boyfriends in my life…i think my parents need to let me have some freedom because they think if i have a boyfriend that next is sex..im not stupid i dont plan to loose my virginity till im 18 and over..in most cases that i know of parents that are too strict with the child go out and have sex and get pregnant…but my parents dont trust me..and for the parent with the 21 year old,….damnnnnnnnnnn had my first kiss around 12-13..parents these days are more careful to let their girl children go out but some are still cool

i am 12, almost 13 and i have a boyfriend. he is 13 and his parents dont want him to date until he is 16. i am hoping that his parents dont find out, but they might because my mom knows… i was just looking for advice because we really like eachother and i need some other’s point of veiw.

i’m 42 and i have 1 son.He is now 17.He had his first kiss at 14,and first sex at 15…i think that is normall(of course he had some older girlfriends)…so i think it’s completely normall to start kissing(i mean french kiss)at age of 14!!!

ugh. its so dumb. my parents are strict. i’m almost 15 and they still flip out on me. they say they’re open minded and willing to listen. thats bullllll. all they do is critisize me. ugh. whatever i’m to the point where i don’t care.

I am 14 and my mum has said me and my twin sister are not allowed to have boyfriends until we finish our gcse’s in yr 11 by which time we will be 17.She said it is not that she doesn’t trust us but that she doesn’t trust boys , but i would still prefer to have the option if i wanted it which i don’t.Nobody does anything serious at my age anyway so i don’t see why we shouldn’t be allowed even if your trying to protect your kids i think letting them have the choice to do it but setting guidelines is the way to go.Because if you say “no you can’t do that2 some kids are more likely to do it.

It depends on the kid. Mature and responsible=earlier. Dumb and whiny and rebellious=later usually, although it’s a vicious cycle, because stricter rules=behind back. My parents are sort of hypocrites because they both dated when they were my age, but they don’t want me to. I’m not that mad though.

I think that age is a factor that has nothing to do with this topic. As soon as a child feels ready, if he or she is responsible, the parent should trust him or her (within reason, of course. My nine-year-old is NOT about to start dating!). Also, I think this sort of thing should be the mother’s decision, not the father’s. Fathers, especially with girls, are too biased to make a good choice. They will never be okay with their little girl dating, so they try to delay it when it is inevitable. My father did so with me, my mother’s and grandmother’s fathers did it with them, and my husband and I have discussed this and he is planning on doing so with our daughter. It’s a father’s nature. They should trust their wife’s decision. Otherwise, the daughter could possibly feel inclined to keep secrets from him, which is worse than what he is trying to prevent. I know that happened with me!

I’m a 17 year old female currently in high school, and I think I really could contribute signifanctly to this issue. Personally, I do believe that high school is too young to date, especially considering I have WAY too many other things to worry about such as school, extra-curricular activities, and college admissions. I’m trying to get into Princeton, and dating would just affect my ability to stay on track in school (and trust me, I’m not that geeky girl who can’t seem to find a date either). Ofcourse I agree, high school can be a very difficult time; with all the pressure, and lack of judgement. But what people need to realize, is that high school is a time for EDUCATION not worrying about small social issues. I can honestly say, that I would rather be known for my intelligence, and determination rather than the “girl who dated in high school.”

As for me, when I hopefully have children one day, I’m not going to let them date in high school either, because I feel there are more important things to focus on like school work, sports, music etc. But I honestly do wish more people could see this same way, and maybe then we would have more Nobel Prize Winners and CEO’s.

Lastly, sex is utterly the DUMBEST thing a student in high school could do, this is especially true when you consider the fact that having sex at a younger age (like in high school) causes issues with conceiving in the future, as well as SEVERAL emotional issues. And students that lie to their parents and hide things from them, are being highly immature, because they lack the ability for others to trust them.

I’m 14 and my dad told me I can’t date till 16.I have a bf but can’t see him. It’s difficult because the more we talk the closer we grow and miss each other. My father says he fears for my education, but at 16 you will have to think about that just as much as at the age of 14. I feel that dating shouldn’t be determined at the age, it should be determined on the matuarity level of the kid. Right now I can only respect the rule, but parents don’t underestimate your son or daughter. Just because they are a teenager, doesn’t mean at any chance they are going to have sex. Talk to them and consider their feelings.

As a straight, sinlge, 16 year-old female I have no set dating age. Boys have always been interested in me, and I never have had trouble flirting or having guy friends. However, I’ve never seriously dated. Although definatly mature enough, I feel as if the guys will just disappoint me(I will NOT “put-out”). I am happy and fairly popular not dating. I am a cheerleader and have a large social group.

During junior high I dated twice in 6th grade to be popular, then changed schools, and haven’t since (I’m a sophomore in high school now). Even in 7th-8th grade, I choose “pretty” friends and thought, oh sex is cool. I wore Hollister and American Eagle, and cried every night.

I went to highschool and let me be myself, I still dress to impress, but my values are verrrry re-adjusted. Now I look back and laugh at how I used to be so justified on others thoughts. WE ALL HAD THE SAME DAMN CLOSETS! THAT’S NOT COOL! If i was dating through junior high and knew more boys to date, I would definatly ruined who I am today, because WE ALL HAVE BAD JUDGEMENT THEN AND WANT TO BE “COOL”.

Dating is all a matter of maturity. It will vary for every child. But, honestly, I would never go out with a boy who’s paying with Daddy’s money and his mother picks us up after a movie in her mini van! Your childs self-worth should not be judged on if they have a “bf/gf”!

Im 12 years old about to be 13, a girl, and in 7th grade with 4 weeks left and going into 8th grade. I have never been in trouble and am on the a,b honor role. i have had a few boyfriends. i really like this one guy. i have known him since 4th grade and really like him. he is a trustworthy guy. he has never lied to me once! he doesnt care if he is popular or not. he just lives life and shows that he has morals. he doesnt talk dirty like other guys, or make me feel uncomfortable. i planned to go to the movies with a friend who was a boy, but then i couldnt go that day. then he asked me if i could go with him. so i asked my mom and she saiid she wasnt sure. braedon also invited people to go, so it would be a group. my mom knows we like each other, but we arent going out yet. i think its soo unfair i couldnt go when i like him, but i could go with a friend. i wouldnt go past a hug yet, maybe in a year i would kiss him if we dated that long. i would not go past a kiss though,(not french, just peck). I want to go. and i will be with a group of friends, so i dont get it. plz comment back if u r a parent and understand y my mom wont let me go with about 6 people in a group, and it wwoouldnt be 3 guys and 3 girls. maybe 2 guys and 4 girls would be better. plz tell me y my mom wont let me go.

I was a young teen that lied to her parents. Manipulated my way to do anything I wanted. Now as a parent I am so scared that my daughter is going to make all of the wrong decisions I made. I learned in my life-time that I was seeking love and acceptance. I was focusing on this desire MORE than my future, my goals. Kids take heed and measure your intentions. Your parents are trying to protect you from decisions you cant erase but live with the rest of your life. Some day you will be parents and have to protect your children from themselves too….Society will be claiming children are “maturing younger” too and you will have to be firm too.

We have always told our daughter that she can not date until she is at least 15 years old.
To make a long story short my 14 year old daughter has a “boyfriend” and has been sneaking around our back. She doesn’t really go many places and doesn’t talk to him a whole lot at home, but they are considering themself boyfriend and girlfriend. We told her that she can not have a “boyfriend” but she can continue to be friends with this guy ie, go to sporting games, email, myspace(we know her password and check up on her often), group movies….., we also told her if this guy cares about her he will wait until she is 15, 5 more months. that was a few weeks ago and she never broke up with him and told her mom last night that she has been sneaking around and she doesn’t want to be lying to us any more. My question is what do I do as a father? I set an expectation with the age, allowed her to continue to be friends, but she cant have a “boyfriend”. She decided to break the rules, then came clean with her mom last night. Do I go back on my expectations or allow her to continue to have this same relationship?

My parents are kinda old so they believe in getting raised the so called old fashiond way. Like my mom was raised with a very strict mother so my mom couldnt car ride with my dad or go any where until they were married and my mom followed her mothers rules. So it upset my dad and he got tired of it an brock up with her but then latter on he came back to ask for her hand in marriage because he knew she was a nice respectful girl. So they are trying to raise me like that but my mom understands how i feel an want me to get out more but its my dad who is in my way an always bringing up what my mom didnt do… And all this is getting really stressful beacause im a teenager and my last year in school is next year and Ive been wit my boyfriend for 2 years and my parents raising is also stressful on him. And all he wants is for me to come by his house with his family instead of him always coming by mine and he wants to just simply take me to the movies. And i just want to know how you feel about this

To be completely honest with this topic, unless you and your child share a close, honest relationship, and you disallow your children to date, chances are they are going to date anyway without you finding out. When children that are young are dating, it is not even a relationship (ages 11-13), it is just silly and pointless. Although I agree that this is too young, I know it’s nothing to be upset about honestly. I do believe it is wrong as a parent to set a “no dating” rule, like I had when I was young, and to allow your children the right to decide when the right time it is for them to start dating.

A kid past the age of 12 has the right to “like” or have a crush on watevr guy/girl he or she wants to. So long as they aren’t doing anything past their AGE LIMIT, such as intercourse, they should be able to go out on dates or hang out with who ever they feel like and they shouldnt be held back by these pointless rules
they impede a childs social life HUGELY

I am 13 and i dont date and honestly its never been an issue yet so I don’t know the rules yet. I think dating in middle school is dumb! It really is just pointless. I am in my last week in middle school and let me tell you ever since I started in 6th grade I have been (sorta) surprised at how much “dating” has been going on. (and i go to public school if you were wondering) Its all dumb! The relationships just end so fast in drama. If you go out with someone for more than a month its big! My friend went out with 6 boys in 6th grade! Before middle school dating is just having playdates so I don’t really have a problem with it but the middle school dating is just more unneeded drama. I think once in high school relationships become more “real” and once you (really) feel ready you can date!

my brother has a girlfriend, and he’s only 11. he’s turning 12 on feb. 6th. it seems like he’s not even interested in her. she likes him, but he acts as if she is his friend. and it’s not fair. my parents know, but i don’t get to have a boyfriend. i’m 12, turning 13 on nov. 23. i’ve always kept my crushes to myself. and whoever was my boyfrined. but i think they should at least give me some freedom. and it’s not like i’m going to let an older 16+ date me. i agree with the people that said if the rules are too strict, the children are most likely to secretly date. and it’s totally true.

I agree with anonomous; kids need to start with group dating, move on to dating, and make mistakes along the way. This will prepare them for college. It is rare that at 20 a boy has not kissed, and will find himself in a very awkward position amongst others that age who have already done some experimenting. All experiences prepare us for future relationships, what we like and don’t like. Anonomous found that he/she is gay, I would rather find that out in high school then when I am 20. I also have found through experience that parents who believe only the best about their children have children who hide the most.

Hey, the reason parents look out for you is because they more than anyone else understand the feelings of dating…how you think you were born. They were once young, and most importantly they all thought the same things you’re thinking this very moment about your parents!!

Is not that their old school, is not that they want to control you. The truth is back when they were growing up everything was different, kids were a lot more innocent than what they portray to be now!!! When it comes to dating same rules apply to us now as they did then and 50 million years from now. The truth is there is a lot out scary people out there, some with incurable diseases, some extremely sick in the head-from childhood abuse, even some with anger issues. These factors apples to both men and women, young and old!! It doesn’t matter!!!

What your parents are trying to do is for you to be more comfortable with yourself, get to know you. Some kids don’t ever allow them self to find them self, because there to busy worrying about the pre pressure!!!

Life is too short, and there’s always room to fall in love. Everything though comes with age and limitations so you won’t grow bored and still have plenty to do, learn and enjoy!!!

I am thirteen. Being dropped off in a minivan and having your parents seeing a different movie is a horrible date. I like to have a little independence. Give you’re child a cell phone if you’re worried about safety.

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