Porn on Teen's Computer
Denise’s thoughts: Unless it is causing him to spend all of his money or lock his bedroom door for days on end, I would leave it alone and deal with other issues first. At 18, he needs to make his own choices in these matters and be afforded some privacy.
If you would like to talk to him about your views on internet porn, by all means do so. Just wait for another opportunity to bring it up. But I would forego the 'questionable sites' on his computer. I do have a different opinion for younger teens, you can see it here.
Ask our community: Where is the line of talking to an older teen about private matters? Do you wait until the matter affects the family or not? Share your thoughts, opinions and experiences in the comments area or on the fourm.
Comments
My son too, started looking at porn sites. He’s 15 so I took an active stance against this. It has been proven over and over that the internet, internet porn, internet gaming, and just surfing the web can become addictive. But that aside, porn gives a young inexperienced person a totally UNREALISTIC view of what sex between two loving people should be about. I explored the sites my son was visiting so I could arm myself before I spoke with him and I dare say if you could see what your son has access to I’m pretty sure you would be quite shocked. These sites were nothing but degrading to women. Eighteen or not I hope you take a pro-active stance against this.
I disagree with the advice given by Denise on pornography. It is addictive and also often times progressive. Teens that get addicted to any sort of pornography have a very hard time breaking free.
Many times, adults addicted to pornography have a difficult time having a satisfying sexual relationship with their mate.
They are used to only satisfying themselves, and the mate suffers sexually. You start to view others as sexual objects, rather than compassionately.
I feel that the best thing a parent can do is to gather some materials on the subject and talk to their children/teens about it. Yes, confront him or her in a non-jugemental way. There is an excellent book for young people by Sean Covey, the Author of Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens, who has written another book for teens, The 6 Most Important Decisions You Will Ever Make: A Guide for Teens.
It has an excellent chapter and reasoning on pornography that can help both a parent and teen in this area. It is an excellent, motivating book all the way around on a variety of subjects.
So while a liberal approach might cause a parent to ignore this problem, balanced non-judgemental confrontation can help a teen to be aware that it is not a good idea, that it can be hurtful in the long-term and that there are other alternatives in life.
If he is living at home, then you definatly have every right to say something. Tell him the truth about porn. Dont make him feel ashamed or embarrassed but let him know you dont want that type of internet use done in the home. Of course you dont have to mention that you saw it on his computer but just tell him its something you want to talk to him about because of his age and the fact he now has unlimited access to it on his lap top. And dont look at his personal stuff again. Good luck.
I think that if he lives in your home he needs to follow your rules. So, if your rule is that he doesn’t view porn in your home then he needs to respect that. I do think your Husband (or you if you are a single mom) needs to have a conversation with your son about women and the proper way to view women with respect to sex…
While I agree porn can be addictive I think he should be allowed his privacy. There are a lot of things teens do that could cause harm if they carry them out(violent video games, scenes in movies, and the list goes on). I think that until changes are noticed in his behavior it should not be addressed.
Statistics show that the pornography industry is growing significantly, in particular, on the internet.
• Worldwide pornography revenue in 2006 was $97.06 billion dollars - $13 billion in the United States
• 12% of all websites are pornographic websites.
• There are 4.2 million pornographic websites
It’s not abnormal for an 18 year old to look at porn sites. However, there are other concerns you may want to be aware of such as:
• Every site he logs into places a ‘cookie; on his computer
• Search engines keep track of all sites he visits
• Does he have access to a family member’s credit card information? If so, it is possible that he could use this information to purchase ’services’ through one of these sites
• He could be easily ‘duped’ to sign up for services on any one of these sites
• Porn sites are notorious for automatically installing their software on his computer which could be very difficult to remove
• Statistics show that viewing pornographic material on websites can become addictive
• If you have younger children in the house it’s he could expose them to these sites
These are some of the issues you want to be knowledgeable about before you make any decisions. I would suggest you talk to him when a good opportunity is available or you could begin a conversation about statistics you read in an article and ask what he thinks. It’s important to be able to have an open dialogue so that he feel comfortable talking with you.
Teenagers think they know everything and don’t want advice from parents, in particular about sex, so be careful and pay close attention to his behavior. As Denise mentioned, keep an eye on his behavior; does he look himself in his room? Is he spending an inordinate amount of time on his computer? Are there any changes in his overall behavior?
You may want to consider visiting our website, www.GuardChild.com . A website that helps parents protect their children online. The site also has a Community membership (now at ½ price) where you have access to well over 300 websites (and many more embedded in these sites) sorted by category and in these area there are several sites available to you that will provide you with additional information including sites that discuss the signs of computer addiction, etc.
Hi, I’m a 23 year old guy. Why would any parent police his kid over viewing pornography when he is 18? I mean, do you how much gore and violence is featured in some of the R rated movies? He can watch that but can’t watch porn? Stop this nonsense about how porn addictive is porn. It’s not a psychoactive drug like cocaine. He must warned about child porn and that he’ll go to jail if he is possesses it any form. When the age of consensual sex is 16, why can’t he watch porn at 18. That seems absurd to me. Why do parents even get upset about. They are teens. If you block the sites, he’ll watch it at his friend’s place. Who pays for porn on the internet these days? Only middle aged computer illiterates do I believe. There are literally thousands of websites that provide free content. I would say parents shouldn’t worry about kids who are over 16 in this matter. I would be much concerned how well they do in school.
When I was a kid we used to sneak a peak at dad’s Playboy magazine. Healthy sexual curiousity is normal-don’t fight it.
He’s 18 years old for heaven’s sake. He’s eligible for the draft, can sign contracts, and go to jail as an adult.
I agree with the advice given. A little porn is not going to hurt him or make him a bad person. (Overdoing it to the point of disfunction is another story.) There are many things that can be overdone, though.
I’m worried more about you… Do you think that you might be a copter? A little too hovering and, perhaps, smothering? I mean, even a spot check on your kid and regular oversite, can lead to overdoing it, which then leads into you becoming a smothering, spying, overly involved, crazed micromanaging parent and your kid becoming the next Norman Bates! I say this tongue in cheek, as means to point out that the posts here saying porn leads to the destruction of western civilization are overboard. I don’t want to think about what hang ups their kids have.
Give him some space on this one…
BTW, I’m a 42 year old father of 3.
I think it’s funny to see that the men that have taken the time to comment all say that there’s nothing wrong with it and he should be able to do what he wants. On the other hand, us women feel it is harmful in the way it portrays women, normal relationships, and “normal sex”. We’re not talking about dad’s Playboy anymore with naked women alone. We’re talking about kids who are allowed to view shocking, to women at least, material with both normal and abnormal sexual practices. It’s a hard balance to find becaus as a mom I’m wrestling at not shaming my son for being curious but also not allow him to go down the road of some sexual predator too. Norman Bates was mentioned by a guy so I’ll offer up Ted Bundy and many other serial killers who claim that they owe what they became to porn. When the softcore porn did not satisfy any longer they progressed on and on until even the hardest core porn did not satisfy and led to their crimes. Now of course they are the extremes but I’m just hoping to illustrate the point that it is indeed addictive. Ask any woman if they feel cheated on to a degree when their spouse or partner view porn. Most will say say, “Yes, to a degree.” There is nothing wrong with boys being curious, but there’s nothing wrong with them behaving in a manner fit of a gentlemen either.
It ridiculous to sling the word “addiction” around so carelessly. People that are actually addicted to a substance know what addiction is. A couple overprotective parents just use it as justification to stop their son from viewing sites they don’t like. For real, the kid is 18 years old and can make his own decisions. You are a better parent if you hand over responsibility to him instead of babying him all his life and telling him what to do. Also, to the person that thinks porn makes serial killers. Wow. Just wow. There have been serial killers for all eternity and there will continue to be, regardless of whether porn is around. You can’t prove that porn causes serial killers just because you heard one say that he kills because of porn. If it isn’t porn that drives him insane, it will be something else. You are just looking for something to blame. It’s human nature.
And don’t act like the majority of porn is unrealistic. Don’t act like the majority of porn isn’t what you would enjoy. You are thinking of the lowest kind of porn, with blood, violence and poop fetishes. Normal porn (99% of porn) is just standard. It isn’t degrading. Society might label it as such and you might claim that what is depicted is something terrible, but that is only because you don’t want to be labeled as weird by society. You know you would enjoy every second of most porn.
Until a woman knows what the effects of normal amounts of testosterone are on the male libido, (i.e., 20 times that of female testosterone levels)then she has no informed standing to offer evaluation of men and their apporach to sexuality, porn or otherwise!
It dosen’t matter he is 18 he can watch porn if he wants and you can’t do anything about it. What idon’t understand is why you would look up what he’s been going to on HIS computer it’s as if you wanted to find the questionable site i think you need to understand he does not need you snooping in his life.
In response to the original question posted “how do you feel about your kid having access to internet porn?” I think the bigger question is for the Mom and others who are in this situation. How do you feel you raised your kid? I’m not going to go in to religion because to each their own on that one. Do you feel that you taught them about respecting him-/herself and others? Did you talk to him/her about the sexual urges of the human body and how the body changes? Did you talk to him/her about relationships?
Just because a parent takes away porn doesn’t change the fact that the young man is feeling sexual urges and is curious. It’s naturally. Sex feels good. Oo I said it. Fetus’s masturbate for crying out loud. People go through those feelings. The bigger issue is how are you as parent going to help your child understand those feelings.
Eventually the child is going to be on their own and as a parent I imagine you would want your child to understand who they are, be better than you were, independent, able to make rational decisions for themselves, be honorable, respectful, and loving. When a child reaches a certain age level and mental capacity to make informed decisions, a parent needs to stop treating them like a child or else they’ll never learn to stand on their own two feet.
Now, I will say kudos to the Mom for actually being a parent and wanting to know what is going on in their child’s life. If only more parents did that then maybe we’ll all be better for it. I’ll even go so far as saying wouldn’t it be nice if kids weren’t afraid of their parents and would actually willingly approach their parents about life, like watching porn. Maybe the child wouldn’t feel like he needed to lock their computer. The caveat to that is though, if you are going to inquire in to your child’s life you need to be prepared for the unexpected and deal with it as an adult would deal with it and not put them in a cage because you don’t like what they are doing. They’ll be extremely adverse at that point to ever confide in you again.
I agree with Denise and don’t approach your son directly about him visiting porn sites because there is a reason he is putting a password on his computer. He probably doesn’t want you looking and he is not going to react well to the fact that you invaded his life. Maybe you should have asked a long time ago why he felt the need to lock his computer.
I can see if he was 11 and doesn’t understand what he is looking at and you want to restrict his access in order for him to learn about sex and relationships from you and not from a pornstar. In this case the child is 18 years old. I’m assuming he is of sound mind and body, so talk to him and treat him as such.
Hope this helps…
I had the same problem with my boyfriend and I used porn vigil from www.pornvigil.com and it did help a little. We’ve also had therapy. It’s been hard but we work as a team to fight it. My boyfriend doesn’t look at porn as much anymore to my knowledge but he still could be buying tapes or magazines. It’s upsetting
You people are too uptight. A child needs to masturbate and look at porn. He will learn soon that everything he sees is not true and he wont get addicted to online porn. let kids experiment.
You know, porn is a really terrible thing. You get an endorphin high when you masturbate just like when you drink alcohol or do drugs. I would like to tell you women that it has nothing to do with you if the guy is addicted and wants to stop. It’s almost not even sexual. It’s like a drug, you just need it. When you get stressed, you look at it. When you are not even thinking about it, you just get this itch for it. I have a girlfriend who I know would be devastated if she knew I looked at porn, but I can’t stop for the life of me. I’ve looked at it since I was little, and I still do. I don’t want those women on the screen, I want her, but I still am compulsed to look at them night after night.
If your kid is looking at porn, you should do whatever it takes to stop them before they can’t stop themselves later. It’s like a friend of mine once said here at the university: “you’re not an alcoholic until you graduate.” It’s not fun for something to have power over you.
The main way to deal with sexual feelings is to find someone you can actually talk to honestly about them. That’s hard, especially in the Christian community. People just don’t want to talk about it, unless it’s contained within a joke.
Also, I think that porn addiction is a little different today from what it was in our parents’ time. Magazines take some work to procure, especially if you don’t want anyone to know. They cost money too. But kids today have access on their laptop or blackberry or whatever right there in their room where it’s dark and secret. You don’t have to wait to get your kicks, and you can’t get mad and burn your magazine so you have a month of freedom til the next one comes, but instead you have the computer sitting there staring at you.
You old guys who say you stole a peak at the playboys and didn’t get addicted are coming from a whole different era of porn and it’s pervasiveness. You’re kids don’t even have to get on the computer for it. Just have them watch Manswers on Spike or the Girls Next Door or stay up late for Girls Gone Wild commercials.
My spiel is just to say that it’s important to take care of your kids, and you’re not sheltering them when you try and censor some of this stuff. I mean, sure, they’ll see it one day, but maybe they’ll have been sheltered enough that they can not be ruled by it. I can sit and look at a bottle of alcohol and not be tempted because alcohol was taboo during my childhood. If porn is taboo during your kids’ childhood, then maybe they will be able to simply close the Sultry Stacy pop-up ad or change the channel when the porn infomercial comes on.
18 year old male here.
My question to you is this. Has he recently become involved in a relationship with a girl that is looking to become serious?
I looked at some when I first saw things getting serious with my girlfriend. I didn’t like what I was looking at, and was ashamed for looking, but I was scared to death that if something happened I wouldn’t know what to do.
I’m not saying your guilty of this, but most parents do not talk to their children in depth about sex. They wait too long because they don’t want to traumatize their baby, and then it’s too late, and the kids too old to talk to about that because of embarrassment issues. As for the sex-ed in schools, it’s a joke. I don’t know how it was for your son, but from kindergarted to the time I graduated, I had three sex-ed classes, each one an hour long. The extent of what I learned is pitiful. Slick-side out, abstinance is best, we got aids from monkeys.
He’s 18, he knows the difference between fact and fiction. I’m sure he’s played violent games, and he hasn’t killed anyone yet. If he sees something that isn’t realistic in a sexual perspective, he’ll know. What he’s doing is gaining what information he needs to comfortably move on in his life.
That said, if it does become something of a problem, he should be confronted and talked to about it. Let him make his own choice, because if you talk to him now about it, before he’s had that chance, he may make the wrong one just in spite of you.
…………….. wthhhhh???? no one answerd my question (i looked thoough 6 sites) whats so bad about watchin porn its normal i bet if you right now go to your sons computer and click history you will find it(sooner or later) but your thinking what if he becomes a pervert well he will get over it one day i know some people are like wana **** wana **** and i know some people are like quiet because there parents are like Xd with there kids. well if hes like Xd with watching porn just tell them if you have a chance to stop because there losein sperm. there gona think bot it all day no questiion bot it.
JOJO is on the money! It’s the testosterone levels. You raise the levels in women and they will get freaky about sex too.
Males look at porn for curiosity first. If your son is shy, or has trouble meeting, and interacting with females, the porn may be a substitute.
And, as has been mentioned by many others, he is 18, a full-fledged adult. He can be jailed, fight for his country, enter into contracts, and move away from his meddling mother.
But, the porn is still under your roof. If you don’t like it, he can either remove it, or move out.
Internet porn is addictive - there’s no doubt about it! I was addicted for over 6 years on something that started with mere curiosity. These websites are designed as traps to get those who visit them to get “hooked” to come back for more and more as many times that they can in one day. It totally distorts proper views towards sex and women. It openly tells you that anal sex, oral sex are safe and okay, and that women want to have semen in their mouths and love being a playtoy and being exploited — this is simply not true!! I almost lost everything on this addiction - there were days that were marathon runs in which I could easily spend 8-10 hrs watching porn and fantasizing over all these beautiful women who are really just fake and fantasy - when I came back to reality — my whole world was a mess — I was a mess - and I would come crashing down so low for days — and then the whole thing would start up again. I’m finally free from porn addiction - the best thing to do is stop it before it does become a habit and eventually a life-ruining addiction.
I’m a 16 year old girl and i can honestly say i am addicted to porn, but i’m trying to replace this habit. Anyway i recently caught my younger ssister attempting to watch porn on the internet, and i don’t know how to go about talking with her, because i don’t want her to become addicted to it as i am. i just have no idea how to confront her, and i really don’t want to involve our mom because she is really stressed and busy trying to work and pay bills without having a job at the moment[she & my dad just divorced] so i don’t want to stress her even more. i just want to keep my sister from becoming addicted to porn.
Not only is it degrading to women, it is also degrading to men. They portray men as animals who have only 1 thing on their mind. If anything, it is more degrading to men. I am tired of people assuming the man is always the bad guy. By the way, how come kids in other countries have even more access to this type of material; however, they have nowhere near the problems we do? It’s in the parenting. A kid can see all kinds of porn, but strong parenting will always overcome the potential negative impacts.
I just caught my 12 year old niece (who lives with me) looking at porn on the internet. I have chosen to delay my “talk”with her until later tonight when I am calmer and I have had a chance to formulate my words. Points I want to make: porn is degrading to women, and she should not get her idea of what womanhood is by looking at these sites; her internet access will now be strongly overseen (she’s been good, and so I left her for an hour while she was doing research for a class project. silly me). I do plan to tell her that we understand her curiosity in sexuality and that it is normal to be curious.
At this moment tho I feel like “Oh God Oh God Oh God…”
It’s worrying how people use the word “addiction” so easily. I watch porn every time so often, and nothing happens to me. I’m not addicted to it - it is just a normal thing a teen does to facilitate masturbation. And I seriously doubt there is a thing such as “porn addiction”. Sex addiction exists and it is one of the worst things which can happen to you, but that is different.
AND… he is not a teen or a child or a kid!!! He’s a man, for God’s Sake. You can give him your opinion and he will positively benefit from it, but nothing else.
You dnt understand that you’re addicted to porn unless you want to quit it. Without help from above its really hard.
Im still struggling. (Im 23m by the way)
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Even though you say you can’t filter it anymore, it is still a good idea to look on the computer once in a while to make sure his porn watching does not stray into improper territory. What I do with my 16 year old is to plug in a USB stick with some scanning software when he’s not around (Remember the USB part so it doesn’t leave a trace) so I can see what he’s looking at. You can use snitch (hyperdynesoftware.com) or smutscanner (www.smutscanner.com) for example as an easy way to find porn even if he’s tried to hide it. If you want to stop him from looking at porn altogether you can also block porn sites on the router level. Several consumer routers have software that can permanently block access to all improper sites for the entire LAN.
I think the whole ’scan’ his computer method is very untrusting. If you trust your child, let them do what they will. It is perfectly normal fro teenagers to watch porn out of pure curiosity. It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to know that porn ‘isn’t like real sex.’ Parents today think children are idiots. Stop with the whole tracking nonsense, especially if the child is over 18 - when it’s totally legal. And ‘the sex talk’ is always embarrassing, stop banging on about having casual talks.
I was once an addicted teen to internet porn and I first handedly know the affects of what it can do to a person, and more inportantly, a teenager. I mean, I was in it everday. After school for at least 3 hours before my mom and dad got home from work. It began as a curiousity and even from that, it escalated to everyday. I couldn’t stop myself from clicking. Literally, for 8 years now, I have been addicted and it still is a struggle. So even if it is a just a small number a sites, there is a huge possibilty of him getting into some sites I’m sure would blow those sites out of the water! It can start out as something so innocent, but really turn ugly, fast. It’s been 8 years since I first saw one, and I still struggle with it everyday. So I would talk to him about it; I’m not a parent, but I know when I finally did tell my mom about it, it was one of the most liberating things ever. It felt like the whole world had been lifted off my shoulders. I think it’s better parents know, so that they can lead their children into something other than a dark, nasty place like what porn can lead you in. It may seem fun and harmless, but the lasting effects are something you must live with everyday.
well he is eighteen and with all these things going on in our world he probably started watching porn at 13 or 14 and he was thaught sex ed so he already knew and its normal for a 18 year old boy to watch porn !!!!!
To all those who say porn is degrading to women: you do realize that the women in pornos want to be there right? it’s not like we men are terrible sex fiends who kidnap women and force them into fulfilling our sick sexual desires. The women volunteer to be there and, quite frankly, many of them are really excited to do it. I personally know a number of people who would love to be in a porno.
As far as your son goes, i say let this one go. if he’s not watching enough porn for it to affect his grades and/or his social life, then it really shouldn’t be a problem. i would be much more concerned with the other issues that you mentioned you’re dealing with instead of your 18 year old son being curious about pornography.
The kid is eighteen for crying out loud! He has the right to do what he wants on his own computer.
The person above me [Mac] has a point. In both of his paragraphs.
Coming from a person who is an ex-porn lover. I can safely say that porn may be used as a means of retreat from life’s issues. This is how I used it.
Plus, I know what it is like to be confronted by a parent about porn, hell, I was. It is not a pleasant thing.
Here is the story:
I was looking at my usual porn [Ecchi anime [Definition]].
My mum calls me out of my room, and she asks me about porn, if I had any, if friends had any. Obviously, I lied. She then proceeded to tell me that I was lying, and tell me that she had seen my Ecchi collection on my computer. She told me to delete it, and watched me do so.
I could never truly trust my mother again about matters of privacy. She did not realize that her triumphant victory over porn with me had turned into more of a battle. I was [and still am] a computer programmer. I wrote a virus[ish] sort of program that planted itself, not on her computer, but mine, what the program did was that it would track all incoming and outgoing internet traffic, and any site she went to would be recorded [so would mine, but log contained an address for the computer accessing it]. My idea was that since she took my privacy, I would take her’s.
This may sound extreme, it is, but my point is that when you confront your kid about porn, it will backlash in terrible ways.