1. Parenting

17yo Teen Son Using Profanity and Disrespect to Parents

By March 20, 2009

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A mom on our forum asks for advice: What do you do when your 17 year old uses profanity like f-you, when he gets upset about something during a conversation on a very sensitive subject. We decided to ground him for the weekend, but he left the house anyway and then was 30 minutes late on his curfew. He is not able to drive after midnight and he came home at 12:30am. We tried to have a conversation with him but he brings up other issues he is upset with us about like the fact we did not let him do his favorite sport this year because of his grades and our financial situation. During the conversation he gets very upset storms out and uses another choice word. Any advice? The grounding doesn't seem to work. And we feel he still should be held accountable.

Denise's thoughts: He seems to know how to get what he wants. He didn't get to do something(play a sport) because he didn't earn it(poor grades). His choices. In order to deal with his defiance, you'll need to drop the guilt he is piling on you.

I would start by taking the keys. He can have them back when he has decided to treat you respecfully for five full days. That means coming home on time, not swearing at you, etc. Tell him today can be day one, or he can start tomorrow. Tell him, and mean it, that you are sure he is capable of handling this restriction like a young adult and that you hope he is able to get back his keys as soon as possible. Then allow him to make his choices.

Asking our community of parents: This is really standard teen behavior, right? I know that my daughter has pulled out one or two of these instances and I feel she is a pretty well adjusted teen. While we can't control our teens, we can control what we give them. So, how have you handled this type of behavior before? Share your experiences in the comments area.

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Comments
March 20, 2009 at 8:03 am
(1) Monica says:

Your advice is good for the parents but they shouldn’t expect any big changes from their teenager who still has a lot of growing up to do. Teens like that tend to see everything as me, me, me and the parents can only do their best to take it until their teen grows out of it.

March 20, 2009 at 9:22 am
(2) Cassie says:

Cursing isn’t a big issue. I’d tell the kid exactly that. It’s one thing to yell at the idiot driving the wrong way on a one way street and shooting words off at him, but its another entirely to tell a parent, teacher, or authority figure to F-themselves. And I wouldn’t just take the keys away if my child dared to say such a thing to me. I would take the the keys, the cell phones, computers, internet access, tv, video games and music. I would set the curfew to 9 pm in bed with the lights out and he or she would be leaving to school with me and I’d pick him or her up. A month of that and they could hate me but they wouldn’t do it again. And if they did? Then I’d take it up to a second month and tell them that they don’t get the internet back until they’ve got at least C+ in every class. The teens won’t learn anything of you coddle them and tuck them into bubbles afraid to hurt their feelings or lose the best friend relationship except to do whatever they did again, and maybe even tenfold. My kids can hate me but by god will they respect me.

October 25, 2011 at 9:10 pm
(3) diane lynn says:

way to go Cassie ~ I share your views totally

March 20, 2009 at 12:22 pm
(4) fanny says:

I would take the keys away and punish him, but it will still be you against him and most likely make him more defiant. However, even with all the defiance and horrible behavior, keep being tough, even if you feel guilty, don’t let him know that (tell him in 10 years). I was the defiant 17yo and no matter what my parents did or said I kept pushing. I even left for an entire weekend. However, they kept calling me, they kept yelling, they kept trying to talk, etc. Its really really hard, but keep letting him know that its for his own good, that you are teaching him a life lesson and that most of all you care about him and how he feels.

Also try some extreme stuff. Tell him if we paid for the sports, then we couldn’t pay for this. Tell him if he really wanted to play the sport, he could have brought up his grades and gotten a job to pay for it. Push the fact that he needs to take responsibility. And the good old stand by “while you are under my roof, you’ll live by my rules” (this when I left and my mom was scared as hell everytime I said FINE I’ll move out) and if he says “fine won’t live under your roof” as much as that may scare you, ask him where the money will come from? aske him how he will afford an appt? who wil pay for the car, etc.

No matter what our teens say they don’t want to leave they want us to put our foot down and yell and scream when they break the rules. They want to know you still care. Just keep proving you care. Just keep eforcing you do this cause you love him. and if you really want to make him mad if he answers “I hate you” say “thats OK I love you enough for both of us”, my mom used that and boy did I get mad. Used it on my daughter when she said it to me too and boy did she get mad. But she doesn’t tell me she hates me anymore, I gave her the wrong reaction. Your son is trying to hurt you with his words to make you give in, just don’t.

Good luck, sometimes giving love is really hard to do.

March 20, 2009 at 2:52 pm
(5) peg says:

my problem is my son is 16 and seems like he’s gotten worse since we moved him to a new school. its over crowded and he’s had 4 counselors since. His grades have not improved much and yes he cussed us out the other week because he was caught in a lie and we grounded him for two weeks. He’s been grounded so, so many times and I honestly don’t think he cares anymore, seems like it. he doesn’t make any big changes after the fact and when he does it lasts a couple of weeks and he’s back to his horrible habits. he has adhd but I think he has other “issues” we have yet to discover. I’m thinking about sending him to another Dr. to see if they misdiagnosed him the first time. He was diagnosed with difiance disorder and kept saying “he’s a teenagers and most teenagers act up as such”…I don’t thinks so.
I too would love an advice or two to help me handle my son and try to get him to be a decent boy instead of following others. I don’t think I can handle another walk out or cussing fit or worry whether he will leave the basement door unlocked all night again because he just had to sneak out and “hang” with his friends. Someone suggested social services or detention but I don’t think that will help him, it may backfire…..any suggestions?

March 20, 2009 at 3:29 pm
(6) laura says:

I think that the more impotant issue is the set rules he’s broken. Cursing is just a way to get you to react. Once you’ve reacted, you are now on his level, and no longer being the authority figure.
Try “Teen-Proofing” by john Rosemond. He has some very effective solutions to deal with self destructive behavior. I’ve been applying some of his tactics at my house with me (a single mom) and 2 teenage daughters. I’ve had very positive results and I’m learning to be a much less stressed mom.

March 22, 2009 at 8:15 pm
(7) marggie says:

We as parents need to find out everything our child has before we judge.Because everyone said my child was bad but it was that then i found out that he has biplor with adhd. You see please rule everything out and please always give postive attittude.

March 23, 2009 at 1:11 pm
(8) CELINA says:

Parents should never give in to children from day one. Once this kind of behavior sstarts its hard to stop. He should feel the consequences of his actions. no car noe phone , tv, going out etc. I have 2 teens 14 and 15 and they have never uttered a word of disrespect they also know that things are not handed to them but earned and that they can just as easily be taken away. this also comes form them growing up with asingle mother who could not give them everything they wanted but all that they need and growing up like that makes kids realize any little thing is a privelage. not a right

March 23, 2009 at 10:16 pm
(9) SHELIA FROM CHICAGO says:

I AGREE WITH EVERY COMMENT THAT WAS MADE.I’M AN OLDER PARENT WITH A 15 SOON TO BE 16 NEXT MONTH BOY AND
A 11 YEAR OLD GIRL.FIRST OF ALL HOW BLESSED HE IS TO HAVE A CAR.I’M NOT EVEN ABLE TO BUY MY CHILDREN ANYTHING IF THEY NEED IT.I BELIEVE THIS TAUGHT TO BE APPRECIATIVE OF EVERYTHING THEY GET AND HAVE.ALSO IT TAUGHT THEM TO RESPECT THEIR PARENTS FOR WHATEVER THEY DO.
WE DEMAND RESPECT IN THIS HOUSE RESPECT AND RESPECT IS EARNED ON BOTH ENDS.HE THINKS RUN EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING GET STERN.TAKE ALL IS PRIVILEDGES INDEFINATELY.NO RESPECT NO PRIVILEDGES,”DON’T LIKE IT HIT THE DOOR WITH WHAT YOU’RE WEARING,SEE WHAT THIS HARD COLD WORLD IS GOING TO OFFER YOU-TOUGH LOVE”.FIND HIM A MENTOR ANOTHER SUGGESTION OR COUNSELING MAY BE BOTH.HE’S BLESSED TO STILL HAVE PARENTS “GET OVER HIMSELF”.

May 30, 2009 at 11:21 am
(10) kylie says:

i have 2 teenage girls 14 and 16 most of the time they are well behaved but as soon as they are asked to help out around house which they get pocket money for it turns into a screaming match to get them to do anything. And also i had to give up work because of injury and are on disability pension & all my drs say that they should be helping me out around the house but do they help no! they just want to swear at me. I know it’s probaly not the right thing to do, but i tell them if they are going speak like that expect me to talk to them like that cause i’m not going to let some teenager abuse me and sit there and do nothing.

June 6, 2009 at 10:58 pm
(11) Deanna says:

Our daughter is 16 and has no respect for us or her siblings. She swears at us, tells her Dad to F off and much worse. Now she is charging his with assault because he tried to stop her from running away again. She won’t even talk to me because she says I have picked him over her. She is very manipulative and has left the house. She is staying at a friends. She has stolen one of our vehicles twice. My husband had bought it for her to have in a year or so. She refuses to admit it was all that wrong to do, she only has a learners permit too. Should we allow her to stay at a friends or keep calling her. I think we are all in big trouble.

June 10, 2009 at 7:25 am
(12) Imogen says:

Im having terrible trouble with my 19 year old son. He says he had a terrible childhood because he worried all the time about us having not money. I gave him everything I had. I was a single parent and didnt want him to go without things other kids had. We had lots of fun but he doesnt remember anything good about his childhood. He tells me to f.. off constantly and flys into rages damaging the house. Says he f…. hates me and that I wrecked his life. I battled breast cancer when he was 4 and a ruptured cerebral aneurysm 6 years ago, therefore the going has been tough for me but he doesnt see it that way. I put him before everything – I never even had a boyfriend because I didnt want anything to distract me from bringing up my son. Now I feel that I have failed in everything I did with him. He has a great job, a great car and a great sense of style but he wont give me the time of day and it is breaking me apart. Where did I go wrong?

July 4, 2011 at 11:44 pm
(13) aisrael3 says:

Imogen – I am so sorry that you are having such a difficult time with your son. I am having a similarly challenging time with mine, and am responding to you because there are a lot of similarities between us. It sounds like you really tried hard to be the best parent that you could, and you love your son very much and care about his happiness. It is so hard to understand why our children don’t see how much we care…my son refuses to spend time with me or talk to me (he lives with his mom) and it is really tearing me up. I don’t think that we failed in our parenting, or that we did something wrong. As hard as it is, we have to try to act as grownups and not give in to the impulse to express anger or resentment. Tell him that you love him and care about him, and that you are always there to talk about whatever is on his mind. One thing I would suggest is letting him know that it is OK to be upset but not OK to damage other people’s (i.e. your) property, and that you expect that he will either repair it himself or pay for the repair. I don’t know how long it will take, but I do believe that eventually, our teens will outgrow this unpleasant behavior and will become human again, and able to relate to us in a healthy and loving way. I wish you and your son the very best.

June 17, 2009 at 1:36 pm
(14) Lynne says:

I too have a 17yo son who is disruptive, defiant and has taken to cussing me. I recently read somewhere “you don’t have to accept every invitation to an argument” while that does give me some (much needed) insight, I am still seething when the cussing begins. I know he is only attempting to have control over my emotions. But I am exhausted dealing with him. In the past two years my mother and sister have passed away, I’ve had two surgeries, lost my job of 16+ years and am now raising my sister’s two sons who are also teenagers. (three boys: 15, 17 and 19 all at one time) Just this week, my angry 17yo decided to physically push me. He caught me off-guard and my first instinct was to push back with the warning of “don’t ever push me again!” I realize I should have turned to the phone and called the police. I have never had a man abusively touch me and I won’t stand for my son to do it either! I would really like to have a good relationship with my son.

August 15, 2009 at 3:48 am
(15) Nate says:

Hi. Today, my 16 year old, after getting suspended from school on the FIRST WEEK, decided that I was an embarassment, and I was soft because I wont hit him (because AZ will arrest you) and because he is on probation, thinks he is hot stuff. On Monday, he will face a judge. While I love him, I want him locked up for a year. He has been in juvenile detention 2 times for over 2 months. He acts like he gets the message, but when things dont go his way, he bullies his younger brother and cusses at me and my wife. Tonight, he said that I should “beat him because if I hit him, he will finally respect me.” Of course this is a ploy because he wante me to hit him so he can have an excuse to fight me, or have me locked up on a domestic charge. Unfortunately for both of us, this act has violated his probation. He will go to an intensive juvenile facility for at least a few months. He is throwing his life away. I love him, but at this point, I can no longer save him. Ill just have to deal with it and make sure his 13 year old brother (who loves the ground I walk on) doesn’t follow in his brothers footsteps. I did everything a father can do for a son, and he is embarassed of me because I wear dress pants instead of jeans? I think because Im older and his friends parents are young, and because many of them give the impression that they are “tough” he thinks because Im not naturally violent, he thinks Im soft.
Maybe I should have beat the hell out of him.

January 11, 2010 at 8:05 pm
(16) Hurts To Separate says:

My 19-year-old daughter is actually a good kid but has been having an increasing number of defiant episodes. She is beginning to show more and more disrespectful behavior towards both of us.

Her mom, who has a strong personality herself, tends to forgive and forget within minutes. My daughter can have the worst attitude towards her Mom, but in minutes, all will be well between them. I, on the other hand, am not quite ready to forget about such behavior and think there should be a punishment for things like saying the F word. What usually happens next seems to always be an argument between her Mom and me, with my daughter in the background yelling explitives at me.

Although my wife means well and wants to return things back to normal, she constantly undermines my authority by getting onto me in front of the kids and telling me to let it go. My daughter knows her Mom will be lenient on her and that her Mom will have her back.

Anyway, I just cannot take living in this environment anymore and, after 20 years of marriage, and four children, have finally packed my bags and left. I work two jobs and give everything I have for my family but get absolutely no respect, mainly because of my wife getting onto me in front of the kids. It’s an extremely sad situation.

September 3, 2010 at 10:25 am
(17) Laura says:

You and your wife need to get on the same page, which is easier said than done. I have been through this before and divorced due to my daughters similar behavior. I am now with the love of my life and will not under any circumstances let my daughter get in the way of the marriage. She will be grown and gone soon…if you let her split you… you will both be alone. Go home and talk to your wife…you two have to be stonger that the child. Good luck.

October 7, 2010 at 2:13 am
(18) Winnie Ossai says:

Hey Dad, I heartily feel and understand your hurt. Your wife is not handling matters effectively, maybe due to communication gap between both of you.

Just know that you’re the head of the home as designed by God, the author of marriage.. It is your word against hers that should rule.

God from creation, made man an authority over the woman, and so should it be, the scriptures cannot be broken.

Ephesians 5:22 says: “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. It is your duty to ensure she totally submit to you even in child nurturing; and not you submitting to her, that is unscriptural.

Your child is under you as well as she is and must respect your authority over the home as head God has made it in the first place. Below are scriptural guides for your wife towards your child.

Ephesians 6:1 – Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.

Colossians 3:20 – Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.

So Dad, gather your loins together and take total charge over your home. God bless you.

April 5, 2010 at 11:08 am
(19) Tjc says:

I’m trying to treat the swearing as just “words”.My 16 yr old son is struggling with realizing he’s gay – and taking hell’s fury on me (mom). Dad refuses to engage and works alot of afternoon sifts. A counsellor has helped a bit, but he still blows up at the stupidist things, tells me to F off and calls me B*. \i slapped him twice for it, but he seems to know my buttons now and loves a reaction. Truthfully, I hate him right now and that makes it easier to remain calm and blow off his power attempts. So IGNORE it – and let them think you may like it if they move the hell out! #11 – hang in there!

September 26, 2010 at 4:54 pm
(20) niki says:

I think that is what I am going to try. Ignore it, encourage him to move out if he can find better. And if I end up having to pay child support…. well my sanity is worth much more.

May 18, 2010 at 2:36 pm
(21) TAP says:

We have a 17 year old son who won’t obey the house rules. He comes home high and does not care. We have taken away all electronics, phone, etc… this only makes him angrier. He acts like we owe him something and always wants to tell us what he will and won’t do. His attitude is F— You! to your face, even got the finger this morning when he came home after being gone for days. Oh and the police won’t do anything about him running the roads and never knowing where he is as we know that he is okay and we see him or someone sees him every couple of days. We have physically tried to keep him in the house but he climbs out his bedroom window and jumps to the ground from the balcony on our 2-story house. So, this week I have gone to the juvenile intake office and filed for a hearing so that I can have something done, maybe the courts can have custody of him until he is 18 cause I can’t handle the stress anymore. It’s sad cause I was a stay at home mom until the kids were in junior high and his brother who is 16 is the complete opposite. I dont think I did anything wrong and have tried to instill good biblicial values in my kids. Tough Love is all I can say….

November 16, 2011 at 8:30 pm
(22) JACQUIE says:

All I am saying is that I have been dealing with this for 5 years and sometimes its okay to give up and let some one else try. Itís also okay to want your sanity. No parent deserves to be treated so badly and sometimes no matter what you take from the kid, if they are in self destruct mode you have to let go and let GOD! HOLD ON!!

July 8, 2010 at 2:15 pm
(23) Lee Ann says:

My sister is having alot of trouble with her 19 year old. I’m very concerned how it is affecting her mental capacity.
He is living at home, going to community college, works part-time about 12 hrs a week over 3 days, and he bought his parent’s old car for his own, as well as paid for his own iPhone. That said, my sister has little leverage on what to take away. Dropping phone service is an option, but then there is a safety issue (as he was already jumped once in the neighborhood). His parent’s set a 1:30 am curfew and he thinks it should be 3 or 4 am. He has the attitude he is an adult, but can’t cook, pay his car insurance, or move out. When threatened with having to move out, he responds that he is going to college (which is paid for by the money allocate to him from social security). The trouble is his mom’s depression and all the disrespect. It is driving her deeper and deeper into suicidal thoughts. How can I help without beating him silly?

September 23, 2010 at 1:51 pm
(24) marian procell says:

I am single parent and a Mother of a 17 year old violent son.He beat me up and gave me a black eye, he is in juvinile right now,but jugde said that I got to take him back home or go to jail! HELP!!!! How can I PROTECT MYSELF!!

September 26, 2010 at 4:51 pm
(25) niki says:

I do not know, I thought if you told the police you did not want the child they were obligated by law to take him without further questions including charges…..

September 26, 2010 at 4:50 pm
(26) nicki says:

What should I do? My son of 15, is increasingly disrespectful and negative about everything in life. This has been the situation for everything. He believes I am a crapy mother and make his life sucky.
His father (we were never married) still sees him regularly and is a very poor role model as a man. He has 4 different children by 4 different mothers, and I always unemployed and takes no responsibility for the child except visitation.
I do not know what to do. Honestly is is hard enough as it is being a single mother without his mouth and argumentative attitude all the time. I am to the point where it is painful for me to be around him, but yet I feel guilty if I do not. When he is with me for the weekend, I do not want to be around. Even thought his father is the way he is, I have told him to feel free and pack up and go with his father. I know his father would take him because he knows that although he never paid a dime for child support, he can get the financial support from me.
My relationship with my son is not good, and unfortunately I do not have any men to turn to. What should I do?

Also, is there not some place we as frustrated adults of teenage children can go to to talk? Something like this but more? Would be good for all of us, and we may just be able to save our sanity………………………………….

November 2, 2010 at 1:06 pm
(27) Pat says:

Just to let Winnie Ossai know something: grow up, men rule women what the hell are you preaching about, you have no idea what hell teenagers can put you through and to state men have authority over women you are a bloody old fashioned fool, I would said there’s alot of people having a big laugh at you,you know nothing.

May 28, 2011 at 3:08 pm
(28) wickedsmoker says:

hi im a 16 almost 17 year old teen and all i have to say is i have been smoking marijuanna for 3 years and i got in trouble so many times and im not going back to it. all my family members dont trust me around their money or their cars just saying

October 21, 2011 at 12:38 pm
(29) teanna says:

Kick him out of the house
let him to pay bills on his own
maybe he will get the message
to respect you as the bill payer putting a roof
food utilities over his head

I did that one and guess what
He is now back home after 3 months

November 16, 2011 at 8:26 pm
(30) jacquie says:

Hi Parents! I live in Southern California and all I can say is parents have no rights. I have a 16 1/2 ADHD teen who likes to cuss me and her dad out and do what she wants. Well today I called department of child services and ask them to pick her up they said if they pick her up they would charge us 4k a month to house her in a group home.
Well with her behavior we were able to get a TDM meeting with DPS and gave her a contract which she voided in 7 days now they are finally going to take her to a group home so she can see what its like not to have a home, parents, or go to a great school in a great community. All I am saying is that I have been dealing with this for 5 years and sometimes its okay to give up and let some one else try. It’s also okay to want your sanity. No parent deserves to be treated so badly and sometimes no matter what you take from the kid, if they are in self destuct mode you have to let go and let GOD!! I have done everything from counseling to church nothing works so hopefully this works and I will check by in 6months from now and let you guys know. DONT GIVE UP ON YOURSELF YOU DESERVE BETTER PARENTS

April 23, 2012 at 9:32 am
(31) Jan says:

I have a 13 year old son who drops F bombs a lot. The problem is his father was the one that taught him the FU by saying that to his own son. So now his son says that to him. His dad gets angry and then either slaps his son or they both get into a pretty harsh pushing and shoving match. His dad says I don’t stick up for him and make our son respect him and my son says I don’t stick up with him and get after his dad who is slapping him. I’m left in between. No, my son should not disrespect anyone or use profanity BUT how do I teach my son to respect his father when his father does not respect him. THey have never been close from day one. His father has not spent a lot of time with him, and over the years, their relationship has always been rough. But when his dad is yelling profanities at him or cutting him down like saying he will never be as strong as him or calling him a pig, prick, etc. etc., how do you teach a boy to respect his father in that situation. Both of them are very bullheaded. My son is grounded for two weeks right now for saying FU to his father two days ago, but his father was not displaying respectful behavior at the time. It is almost like my husband enjoys in some sick way making his son mad and curse at him just so he can show his force, sometimes physically, and then turn it around that it is his son who is the problem and not him. He has threatened to leave if I don’t take sides with him. I have told him my feelings but unless I am 100% supporting him no matter what, I am in the wrong. I grew up in a home where my parents punished us with belts and paddles when we mouthed off, but my father did not demean us as it seems my husband is doing to our son. I’m accused of coddling my son, and maybe in some ways I do, but again, it is so hard to punish him for mouthing off when his father does it back at him. I am totally frustrated. I can’t afford counseling but I know something needs to change ASAP. I really worry about leaving my son alone with his father for fear they will get into a more severe physical battle than pushing and shoving. Again, I can’t say that to my his father because he always says it is my son’s fault as to why those things happen. I need a lot of help and a lot of suggestions.

May 4, 2012 at 9:39 am
(32) Susan says:

I have two sons. One is 22 in his third year at the University of Toronto. he never gave my husband and I any trouble . he graduated from the most prestigious private boys school in Canada at the top of the class. My second son is 12 and is now attending the same school. He has decided that he can punch me in the arm and swear terribly at me. he argues about everything under the sun. He is not spoiled as far as having cell phones etc but he has every video system known to man and a brand new iPad 2 as well. he has mild cerebral palsy but has been tested for IQ a the U of T and has a very high IQ gifted in fact. Unfortunately he has decided that the only thing that matters is gaming. My husband and I finally decided to buy a Rubbermaid style lockable cabinet. it now houses all his video games, iPad, computer games. When he decides to start to respect his family, be responsible about his homework and have a balanced lifestyle we will let him sign out games for an hour or so just like a library book. we have had this in affect for about a week and so far he has not come up to our standard of behavior– still swearing. I know that in the long run that this tough love approach will pay off. I noticed over the past two evenings he has really enjoyed watching a tv showed called Top Gear. I love both my boys with all my heart and I know they love me
My youngest loves me very much and has told me so but of course when he is mad he hates me and calls me a “F….bitch” I have decided no matter how long this takes I will except nothing less than total RESPECT!
I am not going to let the VIDEO GAME MANIA DESTROY MY SONS FUTURE!

May 29, 2012 at 7:04 pm
(33) Jp says:

I am struggling with my 18 yo son. He uses the most horrible language toward us, My husband and I have been to counseling with him, had him nuerologically tested and tried hiring tutors. I’m beginning to think he has a psychiatric or chemical disorder.
He is especially derogatory toward women. Ironically he is captain of the football and lacrosse teams and has the brightest most beautiful girls after him. I thought about taking his sports away but I’m worried that is his only outlet and that things could get much worse without them.
His grades aren’t good but he is able to charm most his teachers. No one sees his tough side except us so he blames his behavior on our parenting. He really isn’t spoiled and wants for very little so it makes it hard to punish him.
Help

July 7, 2012 at 1:59 pm
(34) Initialgirlchrissy says:

My partners 17 yr old son is living with his mom but has been give ng my partner grief. My partner has his own property but his son has been round house and damaged property. Today he smash his dads window. My partner doesn’t want to involve the police but this can not continue as it is getting my partner down. Do you have any advice what to do to stop this.

July 26, 2012 at 8:44 pm
(35) Doodlediva says:

when my son was 16 he left our house he went to stay with our cousin. While he was there he lied was out past city cerfew had to make sure he all his little cousins did as told at first he never called or came by . He was receiving $674 a month but he never got the money. Our cousin used it to pay her rent. Which I thought was wrong she had a house to pay before my son moved in there was 7 people 5 were children. He started to come by and call and said he wanted to stay somewhere else. I let him know he couldn’t stay with me but my best friend shannon said he could stay with her he never got his money at her house either not to mention that his check got cut so h he was only getting $346 and shannon kept it so once agan no m0oney. Well one day he called shannon a fat ass bitch. He called me and wanted to know if he could stay with me I. Picked him up now mind you he was 18. At this time now and for at. least 2 years I heard when I turn 18 I m out and I am not coming back ever now prior to him moving in with sent a text to me that said Ive been gone for a year my reply was gone but not forgotten he also said he missed me My responce was not as much as I miss you I then read the words every mother loves to hear and I quote I dont know mom you were right about everything Needless to say he is still right here with me hes 19, he has a job a good one. He rides his bike or walks if cant find a ride since I have a roommate we all pay a third of the bills he even gave me 500$ to pay the deductable to fix my van he has heard a call from God and he is currently studing online to be a pastor and plans to move to Ohio to be closer to the university I was a tough and strict mom for years he says he was scared of me so I did something right. Now at 19 he is polite respectful and stays out of trouble 1 more thing I was and still a single mother Sometimes you have let them go and wait for them to come back

July 30, 2012 at 3:08 pm
(36) Mark says:

Help – our 19 year old son has us in despair. He is awaiting A level results but doesnt think he’s done well enough to go to university.

All he does is stay in bed till early afternoon then on internet until 3.00am.

He refused to maintain his room, rejected all help to find part time work but wouldn’t look himself. We have been fairly easy on him whilst studying but once exams were done we said enough is enough.

We put all of his mess, clothes, beer bottles, books, rubbish, anything on his room floor into bags and removed his tv and pc, telling him that until he sustained regular help round the house he wouldn’t get them back.

He made some effort to do some jobs for 2 weeks but only when asked but then started spending time on our laptop to replace use of his pc.

We discovered that he had taken an overdose so took him to hospital and gp but he refuses to speak to any professionals, saying he doesn’t need help. All of the issues are caused by us, or so he feels.

He is angry that he doesn’t have his pc and feels that he is being unfairly treated.

We are trying to help him looking for work and integrate socially but to no avail.

Reluctantly we feel we’ve reached the point where he needs to leave home before he destoys our marriage.

Any suggestions other than giving in?

August 15, 2012 at 3:53 pm
(37) Rick says:

A good slap in the face would fix everything and a good beating with a belt.. time to go back to the 1970′s of raising kids

August 19, 2012 at 7:49 pm
(38) Angelina says:

I would definitely agree with Rick. It is time to help the parents and let them take a belt and beat their disrespectful kids. I was raised in the Former USSR and I was afraid of my parents. Not that they beat me up constantly, but when I disbehaived, my mother could take the belt and hit me couple of times. It worked!
Today I kicked out my 18 year old son from our house for yelling at me. He is at the U of T, he is a good student, but he was on summer vacation for 4 months and all he was doing at home is sleeping until sunset and playing his guitar or games at night in the basement. When I asked him to clean his basement, he said that he would do it when he feels it. We agrued, he yelled at me using f words and even hit me with his elbow protecting his video games. He promissed to tell the police I hit him instead and that I would be charged, not him. He also constantly abuses his sister who is an angel comparing him. I am a single mother; I was trying to involve him in to my practice (I am a legal practitioner and could pay him well for the office job) but he could not bear to be in the office for more than a week,- it was very hard for him to wake up at eight o’clock and be driven to my office. My inference is: if I was allowed to beat my son in his early teenage years, he would have been very careful in his attitude towards me and my daughter. I would agree with other parents in this forum that our violent teens have in fact some mental problems otherwise we would not have their siblings in the same household who are totally normal.
I am very upset today, but I think I made a right choice to kick him out from my house! Oh, and I paid for his university and he said it is nothing…

September 12, 2012 at 12:29 pm
(39) licoricecat says:

Set the rules to your adult child, tell him that this is your home and if they want to live here, these are your standards. Treat them as an adult and give them responsibilities and tell them what the consequences are. This is what the world is going to do in jobs, churches, colleges, etc. and they will have to follow rules or they are out. Consequences are things like: no cell phone, no car, no tv, or anything else they like. It might be a problem if they pay for their own phone, car, … but then you can give them the option to leave. Always tell them you love them in spite of anything. This might help or they may still choose to be disrespectful. Then you have the option to telling them they have to leave and they will see how expensive it is to live on their own any pay for everything.

December 24, 2012 at 9:39 am
(40) gerry says:

i have a 16 year old that hates me as a step father because a have set rules for keeping his room clean. i have taken away his internet until his chores are done. he fights me every step of the way. he swears at me, gives me the finger and just irritates me to the point that i just want to slap him. his mother gets upset so i just give in and turn the internet on. i am very frustrated with this. talking does not work. he gets right in your face and dares you to do something. it is very disheartning to do this every time. he goes to his grandmothers on the weekends and she does everything for him. he comes home and expects the same treatment. any advice would be appreciated!

January 1, 2013 at 6:23 am
(41) Andy cap says:

Ive read through most of the comments decent people ect. I was born a 70s child. I came from good stock was brought up to use respect and manners as a child if I did something wrong I was told no if continuied I had a little smack. As a teenager I already knew the ground rules but if I pushed the bounderies and spoke to my mother or father out of line. O boy I copped a slap and a thick ear I knew never to do it again and ive grown into a decent law abiding citezen those kind of methods never did me any harm. My point is kids have nothing to fear not even the police using foul mouthed abuse towards a copper a t one time you got a thick ear I never even tried it cos if I did I knew I’d get the same at home. Ive split two marriages apart because of disipline issues with kids I will not tolerate foul mouth abuse from kid’s even worse when it’s some one else’s kids. As a Nation we have gone soft we are told by goody two shoe’s people, time out naughty step its a joke we’ve let society turn us into a Nation of pussies im told my methods are old fashioned and out dated yeah maybe but it bloody worked.

March 21, 2013 at 6:02 am
(42) Anne says:

I’ve recently had a bout with my 17 yr old son. I’m a divorcee and my son lives with me and my bf of 7 yrs. Recently, just before his pacemaker operation, we were on the phone and it ended up with him shouting profanities at me and he hung up. Obviously I was destroyed and ended up chasing him out of the house. After his op the next day, he came home and packed up his stuff and has since moved in with at his grandma’s place, which I don’t think is very pleasant for him. He’s had his own room, fast speed internet, air conditioning, smoking patio and lately, his gf in his room with the doors shut (even though I’ve protested several times) but is turned to deaf ears. His dad has never ever supported me in my upbringing of our son and has never given out any punishments either, instead our son has been always saved by his dad. Of course I feel terrible not having him around in the house but I had to do something as he was getting out of control. I’m totally lost with my options. Please advise if you know how I should deal with him from here on? Thanks!

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