Teen Son's Girlfriend Is Doing Drugs

It would be helpful to know how old your son is but since the young girl in question is only 15, I will assume he is younger than 18, in which case you need to put the brakes on this relationship for your son. While he loves her and cares for her with no doubt, it is not a relationship you should allow. You can plainly see by her resistance to his requests that she has no concerns for herself, your son, his heart condition, or his future. It may be very hard for your son to make this break, but continuing on with this girl will only bring heartbreak, and health, and possibly legal issues, that your drug free son shouldn’t have to deal with.

In 1992, my husband of over 10 years announced to me as he got ready for work, that he in fact was a Cocaine Addict. He proved it at the kitchen table over coffee presenting a Visa bill of unpayable amounts. He did rehab within weeks. We moved, continued on with life – only to find out 6 years later after numerous relapses and addiction changes including gambling, alcohol and then back to drugs which intensified to crack..that life as a family needed to finally end. We had a 7 year old precious daughter who to this day suffers emotionally -she is now 18. I should have walked in 1992 with my 1.5 year old baby. Saved us the grief of loosing to the fight and to his addictions. I don’t drink nor do drugs. He, had inherited through genetics his father’s addictive personality as the Doctor’s told us. This meant so did my child. She does not do drugs, nor will touch alcohol as I have explained in detail what plight her father who she loves has struggle through. She has seen it first hand. She also knows she most probably does carry the same genetic coding.

As a former daugher of an alcoholic Dad, and the wife of someone who to this day, over 11 years later who has been homeless due to addictions but yet who still cares but from a far…I would explain to your son – your young son..that there are many young ladies out there who don’t go down that path..and perhaps he may not want to engage at such a young age with someone that may hold no future but to the path my ex-husband has struggled with all his adult life and which my daughter has been grossly affected by. Unless they truly have the strength and determination to help themselves, I am testimony to the unfortunate fact that no matter how much you love, if they don’t want to do the work, then it is all futile.

And just for the record – I am a trained and license Social Worker who was completely in the know of where to get him help and it meant nothing.

Best of Luck. Protect your son’s future.
/AB

My daughter, who is now 16, has gone through this very situation several times since the age of 14. She has lost many friendships to drugs. It involves an acceptance on the teens part that he/she is not responsible for saving the friend. Her friend came from a family background of drug use which made the task of helping almost impossible. We phoned the police once to report that the father was actually selling narcotics from his home, but nothing happened. My daughter eventually gave him an ultimatum; putting the decision back on his shoulders. She made him ‘choose between her friendship and drugs’. He chose drugs. We still see him as he lives in the neighborhood and express strongly to him that the door is still open should he make a different choice.
My daughter struggled with the decision because she felt she abandoned him. We have worked through this and she now realizes it was tough LOVE. She didn’t cause the relationship to end, he did.
This isn’t just for teens. I have had my eyes opened. I am in a relationship now with a man who use to be an addict. What I’ve come to realize is that he still is. I cannot ask my teen to make these tough decisions if I’m not going to. Thank you.

Hi Mom,

I’m so sorry for you and your son. I’ve been through this, and it was awful. I know how difficult it is for a mother to see her child so upset. It’s wonderful that your son asked you for help: he feels helpless and knows he can talk to you. However, no matter how desperately you want to help him, sad to say, you can’t take away his pain; all you can do is support him. He’ll decide what he wants. But Like anyone in a relationship with a person who is out of control, your son has to go through these feelings of pain, even though it may feel horrible, to grow strong emotionally.

He can’t change her. She has to want desperately to change, be willing to change, and then carry through and stay clean and sober.

You can ask him what he likes about her, what he does; just listen to him; gently remind him that he’ll get through it. You might suggest counseling or some other form of help like Al-Anon, which is for the friends and family of alcoholics. My daughter has grown so much since joining Al-Anon.

You need to let your son talk about his girl friend without feeling like you need to fix it for him. You can’t fix it; he’ll make his own choices, and you just need to stand by and provide your understanding.

Good luck, mom, you’ll get through this. Maybe just do some if the things you’re suggesting to your son.

Love, Bella

Dear Mom,
I am a mother of a teen addict (now 18) currently in recovery. I agree with Bella, get your son to go to Al Anon or the Path to Recovery Book for AlAnon. I would call her parents though, because you don’t know, they might just get her help. The girl sounds like she’s an addict (I’ll bet she won’t admit it). Her parents maybe as well. There were a lot of child addicts in rehab that had both parents as addicts. They can’t want that for their child. THe E is the worst & can cause permanent damage or worse can kill her. My son was on that. I’d try to limit my son’s contact with her to in your presence & be firm that she cannot be in your home when high. Hopefully he’ll make the right decision & end it for his own sake. Teach him the three C’s – He didn’t Cause it, he can’t Cure it & he can’t Control it. Good luck to you & your son. Stay strong & be the Parent.
Jeannie

My 16 year of daughter had the experience of being friends with someone who was involved in drugs. It was quickly emphasized that this was NOT acceptable. At first she did not understand but believes it was the correct decision now.

First of all 15 year olds don’t truly understand what love is. And if she cared for him she would not be using. We need to fight for our teens futures and anyone who is involved in illegal activities and could damage your children’s future should be persona non grata.

I guess where my struggle with this is….with all the pressures and worries our young people are experiencing in these times…why a relationship where the dynamics or properties of the relationship would encombass such a heavy and mind taxing burden as addictions- be even an issue to be continued. Mature, aged adults are having difficulty with dealing with what goes with addictions affecting loved ones so how can a 15 year old boy even begin to handle even a minor portion of the problem.

Al-anon is great if your dealing with someone who suffers from addictions say if they are an immediate relative and there is not a choice to walk away..but a young kid having to attend because some girl he likes has chosen to screw her own life up with no regard to anyone else or how it is affecting others who do care. It is her parents issue and not some young kid who truthfully will look back 5-10 years later and say what was I thinking, especially if she drags him into any legal issues that will affect his future.

Sure it hurts but it will hurt more standing in front of a juvenile court explaining why the association continued.

The 15 year old and possibly her family needs intervention. You can call the local child protection services. They can and will investigate and do drug screenings. Child protective service can also provide some in home services for this child and her family.

Dear Concern Parties,

By all means,we the Parents who has similar ecounters and experiences with our offspring, can relate. Base on the level of puppy and parental love explore these suggestions.
1. Make all comments,statement of concern, suggestions, etc. as positive holistic,and realistic as possible.
2. Intervention is needed at all levels. Their are plenty of Teen and Parenting Resources in your local serving areas. Remember to stay proactive ….”all empowerment resource are considerd as gifts waiting to be unwraped.”
3. Don’t Play with this time bomb. Their are 2 love birds that may in the heat of life challenges could produce the fourth generation of substance abusers…hummmmmmmmmm! Question the past of the family,and the past of their family and their family. ” Find the root of this issue.”
4. Has the concern of real life future goals and economic boundaries been investigated….Sit down and write “the success plan”.
5.Explore the unknown of inner-self. Explore the unknown of others. Question yourself and apply the answers ..ask
a. Where are the sucessful teens/parents of similar age groups.
b. Ask what characteristics will give me/us/family the best solution or resolution.
c. Honor thy Mother and Father…follow the basics and you will never fail. “Hint..That what she is doing( social generational learn behaviors )”
6. Be Prepared to say ” This RELATIONSHIP may not be the one”…exhaust all interventions with care . Seek a new you for you( someone who cares for you ) and count your blessing!Your folks really Loves you all..Love them back! REALLY THINK ABOUT THIS ” YOU WILL BE 18 BEFORE YOU CAN BLINK 1000 TIMES”
7. ” REST ” Learn how to R&R…This is ageless…and remember..GOD IS GREAT! GIVE HIM SOME SHOUT OUTS A FEW TIMES A DAY!!!!! This is priceless goods…I was you…now live!

As an adoptive parent of a drug-exposed baby, I stongly suggest you put the stops to this, not limited to, calling the school suthorities. (You have no idea what the future may bring should a child show up, if you know what I mean. ) The school have the resources maybe this girl really needs. She sounds lonely and found a person willing to stand by her. (Your son). What this girl needs is to be shown what an adult is willing to do, even if they are not related. What ever you chose, get your son out of this realationship. His telling you is really a minor’s way of calling for help. You go girl! Tell your son, sometimes, adult issues are really for adults to solve and that you’ll handle it.