In Thousands of Homes Every Night: Teens Not Doing Homework

When I found out my teen wasn’t getting homework done (was told at the 6 wk conference, which is another topic altogether!), I first looked at his schedule to see what could be dropped to make time. He was in an extra-curricular activity that he loved. He couldn’t believe I would take that away, but my reasoning was that he obviously didn’t have time for both & homework is the priority. So for the next 6 wks that program was dropped, to be reinstated when a positive report came back on homework results. Teens are developmentally able to manage this & need to take responsibility for it. You can also do this proactively by setting up a positive goal at the beginning, maybe a trip to a favorite place or dinner with friends at a favorite place, whatever motivates them. Standing over them night after night will only frustrate everyone.

We homeschool so I use the hours from 10-3 to go over the concepts that I want my teen to learn. We do some practice problems (odds in math), we discuss important history points, I help him plan his writing, we do science activities / experiments, etc. All the things he needs me for we get done during the day.

For homework, I assign independent work to reinforce the lessons… tasks he should be able to do on his own or with help if he gets stuck. After school is “out” at 3, he has a snack and gets his chores done. At 4:30, study hall starts and he knows that when he’s done with his work he’s got free time.

I used to have to stay on top of him and it felt like I was micromanaging his life. I work from home so many days I was neglecting my own work to help him figure out how to stay on top of his. Then we got him an iPhone for his birthday and it has been a MIRACLE!

We sat down and set up his entire daily schedule with 5 minute reminders in iCal and he follows it to a tee. I have the schedule in my phone as well so I know what he is supposed to be doing at any given time. The beauty is, he follows it to a T. Every day he’s been on top of it with no resistance (for 2 months now) and it takes me out of the equation completely. I’m no longer the “enforcer.” No more mom nagging him to do this or do that. I have to say it’s improved our relationship as well since there’s no more attitude and bickering over this stuff.

When I found out my teen’s homework was not getting done, at a 6wk conference (which is another topic!), I looked first at his schedule. What can be dropped to make more time. He was in an extra-curricular activity he loved & couldn’t believe I would take that away. But I explained there didn’t appear to be enough time for both & homework was the priority. At the end the next 6wk period, the report was positive and the activity was reinstated. Teens can developmentally take responsibility for homework and should. You can also do this proactively by setting up a goal at the beginning, whatever motivates them.

Standing over them night after night will only frustrate everyone and not teach them to take intiative and responsibility.

We’ve had problems about homework with our son since first grade, I think.
Last year, it went better. His school has a website we can log into to see his grades. It lists all assignments, and his grades on each. This can be done without the internet just be speaking with a teacher, of course, but the website made it much easier for me.
Any time there was a missing assignment, or a very poor grade on an assignment he didn’t ask for help on, he had to explain it to us. Sometimes, I really believed he thought he did well, and let it slide, but most of the time, he got in trouble. The consequences were set out at the beginning of each semester, and we stuck to them even if it caused problems for us.
This year, we had the same discussion this weekend. 1 missing or failing assignment means no video games or computer until the next week unless the internet is required for an assignment. Then the computer in the living room is to be used with basic supervision (I’m probably in the kitchen cooking, or looking up things on my laptop.) If all assignments were done and at least Cs the next week, then he’s off the hook. If he has 2 weeks in a row with problems, then he has to have his teacher sign his agenda each day, then we check all his homework to see that it is done, and done right, then we sign it. He has to do this for 2 weeks. If he gets his act together, then he’s off the hook. The consequences get worse and worse for him if he doesn’t do his homework properly.
We’ve never really had a problem with him not doing at least some of his work at home, but he likes to tell us he completed things at school that he didn’t on days he is given a lot of homework at once.
We also talk about WHY homework is so important – how he doesn’t just learn the subject, he also learns to follow rules. We talk about having work to do as an adult that isn’t fun, that’s often boring, but part of the careers we have chosen. We talk about people not trusting you to be responsible in everything in your life if you can’t hold up responsibility in one area.

I was one of those teenagers. I spent an extra half year in high school because of it. I try to think about what my parents could have done, and I do that. I also ask him things like “What do you think I should do to make sure you do your homework? What rewards would help? What punishments would work?” And, if they are reasonable, I follow the rules he sets. That seems to make him more likely to do homework.