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Daughter Hates School: What Would You Do?

By September 4, 2009

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Quick Links: High School Survival Guide

A mom looking for advice: "My daughter has always liked school, although we've struggled with homework issues. She is easily stressed. She had a fun, successful and happy freshman year, but when it came time to start grade 10, she claims she hates school, hates her particular school, etc. Today is only the first day and I was hoping once she got there, she would feel better but she is still extremely negative. I can't imagine living with this attitude all year -- or for 3 more years! Any suggestions?"

One forum user offered this suggestion: "What happened this summer? Was it too good a time to want to give up for the scheduled routine of school? Any changes in friends? That could mean any number of things, including falling in with some who use drugs, etc.
Any "big" arguments with close friends? That could indicate more a desire to avoid facing them in school. Last ... have you talked with (not "to") her about the changed attitude?

If you find no answers, or even big clues from the things above, check in with her school counselor and discuss the matter with her/him."

Asking our community of parents: Have you experienced this? What did your family do? Please share your thoughts, ideas and advice in our comments section.

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September 4, 2009 at 4:25 pm
(1) Jen says:

I had the same problem with my daughter and I just shrugged it off to her moodiness, but the next year things just got worse. She started acting out, and I found out that she was doing drugs. We have been through a lot the past year, and things have been getting better, but it really took alot more effort to find out what was going on. I actually found out that she had a learning disorder, and when high school got much harder, she hated it, felt left behind and turned to drugs to cope or escape. I’m not saying that this is what your daughter is going through but try to find out why she hates school so much before she turns to other things for comfort. Good luck to you!!

September 4, 2009 at 11:59 pm
(2) Angel says:

Home School her!!!! It worked out really well for my daughter AND me!

September 5, 2009 at 11:03 am
(3) Catmom says:

School’s a stuggle at any age. Perhaps her struggle is her way of saying, I’m a failure at school so that’s why I do hate it. A parent needs to be supportive by finding out what’s really the matter. If learning is hard, then perhap a disability never uncovered could be the road to success. What successes does your daughter have? If its fashion, then steer her towards a fashion career. Good luck.

September 7, 2009 at 6:13 pm
(4) Jim says:

My daughter has the same problem, but with some encouragement and help she is making progress. I suggest you talk to her about friends, they change friends at this age. Try getting them into other activities at school, church or other (clubs at school, sports or extra curricular activities).
I also agree with one of the other parents response, make sure that if friends change, so do some activities that are unacceptable (drugs, etc). Last of all, just keep talking to them. You won’t always get all the facts at first, keep asking.

September 8, 2009 at 1:49 pm
(5) Sarah says:

Take them out of school if you can! School is not necessary for anything in life; learning and support and trust are. You can learn everything and more outside of school and still go to college.

September 9, 2009 at 12:26 pm
(6) T says:

I had this problem when I was in school and now my kids are going through the same thing. Our problem BULLYING!!! Kids these days are mean!! A lot of kids keep it to themselves if they are being bullied so that they do not make things worse for themselves. Going to the school and talking with principal and teachers don’t help either because there is always after school and the weekends. talking with the kids’ parents or the kid doing the bullying doesn’t help either, if anything it makes the problem worse.
Hell, I’m still being bullied, but now its by my mother-in-law!

November 11, 2009 at 12:13 pm
(7) Neniane says:

It could be school phobia.
My daughter is frightened of school and can’t even tell us exactly what frightens her. She’s not being bullied (though she was at a previous school), the other teenagers are friendly enough and she is capable of doing the work and passing her courses and exams. One teacher shouts A LOT, and some of the others are a bit quicker with punishments than praise……
Have a look at school phobia – my daughter used to shake with fear, cry and even locked herself in a cupboard to avoid school. Good luck

March 23, 2012 at 4:52 pm
(8) Sherri says:

My daughter started Grade 10 this year and we went through the same thing. Started out LOVING High School and was ecstatic to be going, but within a month or so things changed and by the time the first semester was nearing an end she was in tears all the time and hated it. We were able to apply to another High SChool and were accepted over the Finals break and she now loves school again. She know that she will not be able to change again – that she has to live with whatever this school dishes out. Thank goodness things turned out!

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