I think the nothing permanent rule is a good one, but I'm not sure where this falls. Then, there is the issue that she did this w/o our consent. Should there be punishment for this? I'm learning that you have to be more creative with discipline as they near adulthood. Any ideas?
Denise's thoughts: I think you are struggling between two issues:
One: You told her "no". She did it anyway.
Two: She is a part of a culture you would like her to stay in and piercing a lip isn't as bad as drinking or doing drugs.
While I understand she needs to express herself, she needs to do it in a way that is acceptable to you. Getting her lip pierced against your wishes is disrespectful and defiant. I would have her take it out and keep it out. I would draw up a contract where she can earn something that she wants by not putting the lip ring back in.
As for the second issue, that is wonderful that her friends are not into drugs, etc. But just because she is willing to not be on drugs does not mean that she can go against her family's rules and values. When this issue is over, talk to her about your different rules and tell her where you might be willing to compromise. Compromising with a teen when it is not tied to a discipline issue is showing them that what they think is important to you.
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