1. Parenting
You can opt-out at any time. Please refer to our privacy policy for contact information.

Teen Got Lip Piercing Without Permission, What Would You Do?

By September 18, 2009

Follow me on:

A mom asks in an email: I can use some advice. Our 16-year-old daughter went to the mall this past weekend w/a friend and got her upper lip pierced ("Medusa") w/o permission. As a side note, I will be contacting that business about parental consent. First, do you know if this hole will become permanent like a pierced ear, if I allow her to wear this? I told her that I wasn't happy that she did this. She is adamant about keeping it. I don't know if I should let her "express herself" in this way. Her hair is a normal color and she dresses nicely. I do like people she hangs with. They are into this Straight Edge culture that frowns on drinking, drugs and sex, but are into piercings and tattoos. Aside from having her navel pierced, this is the only out of the ordinary thing you would notice in regular clothing.

I think the nothing permanent rule is a good one, but I'm not sure where this falls. Then, there is the issue that she did this w/o our consent. Should there be punishment for this? I'm learning that you have to be more creative with discipline as they near adulthood. Any ideas?

Denise's thoughts: I think you are struggling between two issues:

One: You told her "no". She did it anyway.
Two: She is a part of a culture you would like her to stay in and piercing a lip isn't as bad as drinking or doing drugs.

While I understand she needs to express herself, she needs to do it in a way that is acceptable to you. Getting her lip pierced against your wishes is disrespectful and defiant. I would have her take it out and keep it out. I would draw up a contract where she can earn something that she wants by not putting the lip ring back in.

As for the second issue, that is wonderful that her friends are not into drugs, etc. But just because she is willing to not be on drugs does not mean that she can go against her family's rules and values. When this issue is over, talk to her about your different rules and tell her where you might be willing to compromise. Compromising with a teen when it is not tied to a discipline issue is showing them that what they think is important to you.

Asking our parenting community: Have you had to tow the line on a discipline issue with your teen? Tell us about the experience. Share your thoughts, advice and parenting stories in the comments area.

Follow Parenting Teens on Twitter
Become a Fan of Parenting Teens on FaceBook

Comments
September 18, 2009 at 10:41 am
(1) Lin says:

I disagree. I think if she is going to school, staying away from substance abuse and hanging with good people, the parents should let it be. Natural consequences will kick in at some point. I would tell her I didn’t appreciate her doing that without my consent and that I was disappointed on her choice. Enough said.

September 18, 2009 at 11:22 am
(2) Heather says:

I was surprised that Denise felt she had done this against her parents wishes. What I read is that she did not ask and did it without permission. Technical but big difference.

September 18, 2009 at 11:25 am
(3) Heather says:

I was surprised that Denise felt that the daughter did this piercing after her parents had specifically told her no. I am under the impression that she did this without asking and without permission. This is a technical but major difference.

September 18, 2009 at 11:25 am
(4) RDMom says:

I don’t think contracts work. Teens don’t take them seriously. They’ll sign it because it gets you off their back, but when they are in the situation the contract is supposed to deal with, they get caught up in the moment and their brain stops working.

I think there should be severe consequences for doing ANYTHING behind a parent’s back. The biggest issue for me is trust. My kids know I will always have their back, but I must know what is really going on in order to do that. If I can’t trust what them, that takes my ability to support them away and they’ll end up on their own.

As far as the piercing goes. The hole WILL end up being permanent if she wears it for too long. You said you have a nothing permanent rule, so stand by that rule. I like the idea of letting her work towards something she wants if she doesn’t replace the lip ring.

In my mind, the piercing and going behind your back doesn’t have anything to do with the group she hangs out with who frown on drugs, etc. Although, that is wonderful that’s their view point on that stuff. I wouldn’t like that fact that they are into piercing and tattoos though. It goes against the nothing permanent rule.

I’m going to establish the nothing permanent rule in my house. I like it!!!

September 18, 2009 at 11:28 am
(5) RDMom says:

Reply to Heather. I see what you’re saying. It is a big difference. So I re-read what was posted and I still think the daughter went against the parent’s wishes because they have a nothing permanent rule. A lip piercing does create a permanent hole, so the daughter did break a clear rule.

September 18, 2009 at 4:51 pm
(6) Cathy says:

First things first, cut all access to her cell phone, computer, and the car- what ever is applicable.

Then tell her to remove the piercing, bring the stud or ring to you, and then and only then will you discuss her punishment.

September 18, 2009 at 5:32 pm
(7) sonya says:

the bad think about piercing is that once they start it is like an addiction and then there going to want tattoos.

September 18, 2009 at 8:41 pm
(8) Cindi says:

If she breaks this rule, she will break every rule. Now is time to lay down the law. You are the parent, they are the child. When they get old enough to leave the house and take care of themself, they can do what they want. NOT when they are living at home. Make her take it out and ground the crap out of her. You are the boss.

September 19, 2009 at 9:37 am
(9) Trisha says:

I too disagree. I think that at her age she should deal with her body issues on her own and allow natural consequences to define her decisions. Having a nothing permanent rule is obviously not something she values and she should be able to discover her on values and morals. She sounds like an intelligent girl with a great group of friends and she is trying to find herself and express what she is finding. One day she will wish she did things differently, but don’t we all. If the mother doesn’t like the piercing I think she has the right to ask that it not be worn around her or in her house. Maybe the parent should take up her resentment and anger with the establishment that would pierce a child without consent.

September 19, 2009 at 7:39 pm
(10) Karen says:

I agree with Lin…yes what she did was in defiance of the parents wishes, but the more you tell a teen not to do something the more they will want to do it…I told my son if he wanted to get a piercing or a tattoo to go ahead and guess what, he has none…my mother used to call it reverse physcology.,and it pretty much worked..if you make her take the stud out she will only put in back in when she goes out. But I would definitely ground her and not let her wear it at home. Let her know you are dissappointed in her actions but not in her.After all piercings are part of todays youth and didn’t we all want to be part of it at that age?

September 20, 2009 at 1:49 am
(11) Saitaina says:

An odd issue for me to comment on, considering I myself am tattooed and pierced, but obviously one that means something to me.

What the daughter did was a clear violation of the family rule of ‘nothing permanent’, and while self-expression and experimentation are big with teenagers, this rule breaking is NOT something that can be allowed to stand.

Rules are there for a reason, and the girl needs to learn that. Paying the consequences for actions are very much a part of growing up and set the stage for later in life when the ‘rules’ become a lot more important (such as the laws that govern society).

I would recommend having the girl remove the piercing, meting out an appropriate punishment and then, after a bit of the anger and frustration has left the situation, discuss with her the reasons she has for wanting the piercing, some of which may be satisfied with less perminant changes.

My mother was never happy with my interest in piercing and tattoos, but respected my personal ‘five year’ rule, if I still wanted something after five years, I was allowed to have it (turned out to be ten years for my tattoo, those things are expensive!) and this ‘rule’ might be something to suggest to the girl, giving her ample time to reflect on her disician and give the mom time to get used to the idea.

September 23, 2009 at 3:41 am
(12) Ratna says:

Actually punishing will not solve the problem, infact it will make her more aggresive, though even i dont like the idea of peircing body parts, but still dont punish her, just sit with her when she is in a good mood, and talk to her about it.

September 23, 2009 at 10:10 am
(13) Angelina says:

First of all, if this was going on with my teenager,
I’m sorry to say, but this would be the least of my problems with them! Don’t get me wrong. It would upset me but there are way too many more situations and problems that I have to deal with on a daily basis with my three teens. I was a teenage girl once
and although I never got any piercings anywhere, including my ears, or even a tatoo. I just wasn’t interested. However coming from experience I did get
my ears pierced for the first time in my ’20s and I let them close up, which took a long time but they did eventually close up, which I think would be the same end result with the teen who got her lip pierced, although I may be wrong? I’m not trying to minimize this mother’s problems or issues, it’s just
that I have to deal with a teen with Autism and a teenager with mild MR. On the other, hand someone
could say that dealing with Autism and mild MR is the least of their problems. I guess we all have something that really bothers us all to one extent or another. Although I have never had to deal with my teens going out to get tatoos, I don’t think I would be upset if they got one b/c I’m actually on the fence of getting a tatoo for me too! lol. I guess it’s all relative.

September 23, 2009 at 11:31 am
(14) Bonnie says:

One line caught my eye “Aside from having her navel pierced, this is the only out of the ordinary thing you would notice in regular clothing.” Thinking way back to being a teen, I bet they feel that lip piercing and navel piercing are equal ~ teens are not going to buy the hypocrisy of one being “visible” and the other not. So what was the rule/situation for allowing the navel piercing to occur? As the parent, you can make any arbitrary rule you want, but it’s going to be hard for teens to follow inconsistent rules. If she -knew- that it was not allowed and she did it anyway, then she needs to take it out.

September 23, 2009 at 6:00 pm
(15) Monica says:

Facial piercing will always leave a faint scar or mark. I had pierced eyebrows, nose, chin and tongue when I was in my 20s, and they all left marks. Makeup can cover it, but there is a permanent reminder. Straight Edge kids are a great group for your daughter to hang out with! I did when I was younger and turned out just fine. (I am a college professor, married with a home and family). I do have tattoos (that I don’t regret) and piercing marks. She will be fine. Allowing some self expression with one’s body helps to stem some of the more destructive forms of expression with behaviors.

September 23, 2009 at 9:41 pm
(16) Cynthia says:

Dont worry about it.
Im a teen with several ex piercings..
She will discover they are not tasteful and eventually take them out.
Yes piercings commonly leave scars but nothing major.
You won’t be able to tell.
She will still be beautiful no worries.

SHE CAN FIGURE IT OUT ON HER OWN :)
LOL!

September 24, 2009 at 3:54 am
(17) Neniane says:

I am wondering when you consider your daughter will be an adult in charge of her own body? I grew up in England. Under English law when I was 16 I could have left school, started work, got married (with my parents consent – no consent required in Scotland) and had a baby. I didn’t do any of that, but it was legal. Are you upset because she is still living at home and you feel that as you support her you can make choices for her? Be careful, you would be much more upset if she left home. If one of my daughters got a lip piercing I wouldn’t be happy. I would tell them it was likely to affect their job prospects and/or them being accepted for college. I think the person who asked about what you see as the difference between a lip piercing and a navel piercing has it right. I think you allowed the navel piercing because other people couldn’t see it.

September 30, 2009 at 3:31 pm
(18) Denise says:

I had a similar issue with my daughter wanting to pierce her nose. I told her when she was 18 she could pierce anthing she liked since she would have the gift of maturity to decide if that is what she truly wanted.Until then, ears only.She asked repeatedly. At 17 She asked again, (and because she respected our rule) I suggested she “convince me” why I should let her. She said that she was going to get it done at 18 anyway,(I knew she would) )and that she was aware of the hygiene involved in taking care of it, and that it was small and discreet. Because she asked, respected our rule up to that point, and because she is a straight laced all around good kid, I said it was her choice. She was thrilled to have the opportunity to win me over (important)and for having a chance to choose. She waited two days and then did it.She later thanked me for saying no in previous years to belly button piercing because now she thinks they are not for her. She knew as a young teen that if she broke the piercing rule, it would be removed and her freedom would be reduced. We both won and she learned the power of sensibilty and coeperation. You have to let them “win” sometimes, it builds their judgment skills. But first and first most you have to have guidlines. I use the “convince me ” angle a lot and find my girls think things through before asking me to allow something.If they know their argument is too weak, they generally don’t ask!

October 1, 2009 at 2:33 am
(19) Kelsey says:

I don’t understand how some things are being overlooked in this situation.

Yes, she did something without her parents’ consent. That’s an obvious offense that needs to be addressed. A bigger offense, though, in my opinion, is whatever place in some mall she went and got pierced at. Who pierces a sixteen year old without parental consent? Major issue there, and the fact that the daughter didn’t see this as a red flag is also a problem.

But this “nothing permanent” rule confuses me. Piercings aren’t permanent, first of all, depending on how they’re done and the placement. That hole in her lip will close over time (the mouth heals wonderfully) and chances are, you won’t even notice it. And second of all, how is it that there’s a “nothing permanent” rule, and yet, she has her navel pierced? Isn’t that sending mixed signals, especially considering that the chances of problems with a navel piercing are MUCH greater than with a lip piercing? Chances are, she figured it wouldn’t be a huge deal to go and get this done without the parents’ consent, because they already allowed her to pierce her bellybutton.

Honestly, if this were my daughter, I’d be irritated that she didn’t ask me first, and I would make that clear. But I wouldn’t force her to remove it. This is small potatoes compared to some other stuff she could be doing, and forcing her to remove something will only make her want to do other things to infuriate me.

October 21, 2009 at 2:11 pm
(20) Dustin says:

I agree and disagree with various posters here. I think she should have went to the parents first and asked, and I think she should have known that the parlor allowing her to get it pierced w/o parental consent is probably not a good thing.

However teens and college students have a need to express themselves, and since she is in with the Straightedge (SxE) I do not see a major issue. My son is into that as well, and he wants a tattoo. I told him I would need to see it first and discuss the location, seeing as I have a couple myself, so we can talk it over and decide if it’s a good idea, since it is more permanent. He has his ear pierced, which is ok with me since that can heal. I do not like the idea of a tongue piercing, and a lip piercing is a big step, as it is very noticeable. But he is also a good kid, so I do not mind letting him express himself this way.

I say if she is doing other things that are bad, then lay down the law. But be careful because I know from experience that if the parent is too harsh, and the child is too rebellious, the child may leave (like I did as a teen.)

October 31, 2009 at 12:11 pm
(21) fellow teen 91 says:

ok…. heres the deal some parents are so wrried about piercings, and tattoos. “Oh that makes your child a bad kid”. well i have my ears double pierced, my hair is black, and yet i have never got in trouble its all in how you parent your kids. make yourself to where they are’t afraid to come talk to you… let them pierce their lip, their belly. it won’t change them.

December 22, 2009 at 2:38 am
(22) Shurie says:

Honey don’t even sweat it. Her lip will heal up better than her navel, I should know I’ve had both done. And a navel is much more permanent than a lip. And doubt she got it done at the mall. She or her friend probabley did it. You get piercings at tattoo shops, not a mall. Well, besides ears. She probabley just didn’t want you to worry about it so she said she got it done. And the fact that she could possibley know what place to go to with a piercer who doesn’t care about her age is not likley. Unless she has a fake I.D. In which case you have bigger fish to fry. Rules are meant to be broken :) and besides, it’s not like she’s too young. If she had gotten in a few years later, she’d have been to old. Every generation has a thing the one before it doesn’t like. This time it’s piercings. Count your lucky stars it’s not sex drugs rock n roll like when much of us were kids.

January 17, 2010 at 2:21 pm
(23) Tanya K. says:

I totally disagree with a lot of the posts here, specifically the ones where people have said that you are the boss, she is the child, until she’s providing for herself she should listen to you. When they first walk, they fall, they learn from it. When they are teenagers if you tell them; ‘I’m big, you’re small’, then you’re only giving them a reason to go against you. Your ‘nothing permanent’ rule is silly, piercings can be taken out,yes, they leave scars, but they’re not permanent, the mouth heals wonderfully – on the inside, the skin on the outside doesn’t always heal as well. In saying that, my acne scarring is worse than my lip piercing scarring, I liked the idea one person posted, make your teen wait and if they still want it in a few years, they can get it, I asked my mother when I was 14 and got told no, I waited until I was 17 and then got it. Most places offer piercings to anyone 16 years or older, and they ask for ID, the only piercings they do not provide to people under the age of 18 are the nipple and the groin area. You could tell her you’re disappointed but she’s 2 years off being 18, officially an adult and she could possibly do much worse things than piercing her lip in the future.

January 27, 2010 at 7:06 pm
(24) Melissa says:

I am currently a teenager, 18, and I have two facial piercings, nose and lip. My mother told me that if I could pay for a piercing I could get it. A few months later I got my lip pierced and my stepdad freaked out, but seeing as I had paid for it, and my mom had given me permission (although I’m sure she thought I wouldn’t be able to pay for it until I was 18) I kept it. Having her take it out and sign a contract is ridiculous. The hole will heal up because it heals very quickly, and you’ll just have an angry teenager on your hands. This doesn’t affect their prospects in college because I currently attend a University of California with BOTH my piercings. It does hurt job prospects to a degree, but then there is a reason to take it out if the job requires it, and this will make the parent not look like the bad guy. Like others have been saying, at least it isn’t tattoos. Facial piercings heal relatively quickly, especially the lip. She’s almost an adult, and havibng a piercing in high school is half the fun. She probably won’t be getting a job at this point anyway, and then she’ll have it for a few years before she has to go into the workforce. Giving children chances to change your mind is an AMAZING technique. My mother and I always had an honesty rule, and she always would give me a reason why she decided what she did. Not giving a reason to a child will make them want to do something behind your back because they don’t see your point of view. Its all about give and take.

May 13, 2010 at 6:02 pm
(25) Andi says:

While I understand her point of view, saying things like ‘nothing permanent’ will just make people who may already want a piercing want it more, and maybe go behind their parent’s back to get it. Didn’t you ever do something like this when you were a teen? Piercing is best done while young, so teens can express themselves in a way not concerning drugs, alcohol, violence… and they will take it out later if they really want a certain job or want to go to a certain school that doesn’t allow piercings.
If she really wants it, i would let her keep it as long as she did something extra around the house for a while… like a new chore or not watching tv for several hours a day.

June 10, 2010 at 1:45 pm
(26) Dakota says:

Just a few things I would like to say… First off, completely unrelated to the piercing.. Keep in mind that straight edge isn’t a life style, it is a gang. And while the daughter may not be in a gang, but only adopting some straight edge views, it is something to watch for. Second, in my opinion, she is old enough to decide things about her own body, nothing is more angering or frustrating to a teenager than having their parents tell them who they are. Third, the only reason she went behind your back is because she “knew” that you would say no if she asked.

June 15, 2010 at 4:09 pm
(27) Jessica says:

Well…im not sure that my reply willl still be relevant but honestly leave your daughter alone. punishment wont be necessary because in the future when she has a permanent hole there, she can regret going behind your back and not getting any advice on it first. but until that day, why punish her? its her body and she has the right to decide what gets pierced. i commend her for not drinking or doing drugs, but at the same time she did go behind your back. she did not defy you, but she did it without telling you. i would explain to her your dissappointed, but then move on and say she can regret it in the future. and who knows, maybe she will reaize the hole wont be attractive and take it out? hope it all works out.

July 11, 2010 at 12:26 am
(28) teen says:

as a teenager they need to express themselves, punishing will only make her rebel. My family try to control the way i dress and when i grow up i dont want to have any communication with them at all [ im pretty sure you dont want that to happen to you (non mean way).] My advice would be to tell her that it was wrong to do it behind your back and that your disappointed and to ask you next time she wants a piercing

July 28, 2010 at 1:36 am
(29) Vanessa says:

Okay, i am a teen too, wanting to get my lip pierced. Not a huge hoop with balls on it or anything.. Just a simple, small diamond stud. My parents aren’t giving in. But anyway.. i’m just going to throw it out there that if you do make her remove the piercing it causes a larger risk for infection and the infection can get trapped inside the piercing.. I personally wouldn’t make her take it out anyway because being a teen and knowing what its like, its her culture and a piercing is much better than doing drugs which are very easy to get into these days. Please take this into consideration. Thanks, hope that helped(:

July 28, 2010 at 1:39 am
(30) Vanessa says:

Okay, i am a teen too, wanting to get my lip pierced. Not a huge hoop with balls on it or anything.. Just a simple, small diamond stud. My parents aren’t giving in. But anyway.. i’m just going to throw it out there that if you do make her remove the piercing it causes a larger risk for infection and the infection can get trapped inside the piercing.. I personally wouldn’t make her take it out

August 11, 2010 at 10:22 am
(31) jamie says:

I am a 15 yr old teen..That has both sides of my bottom lip(Snakebites) done, & i have a tongue ring! I got all my piercings without my parents knowing about them, & they were all done unprofessionally. My parents got mad over them all, but I was 2 stubborn to take them out. They don’t love my piercings but they decided they rather not have me do anymore, so they quit trying to push me to take them out….I rebelled against my parents and got my piercings all because they said i couldn’t get them, so i pierced them all myself. Teens rebel against wat their parents say!

September 21, 2010 at 4:06 pm
(32) Andrew says:

“While I understand she needs to express herself, she needs to do it in a way that is acceptable to you.” Umm… no, she doesn’t. I understand she needs to wait maybe until she is 18, but that girl is a person too. Getting her lip pierced is not going to kill anyone, and believe me: she could have done MUCH MUCH worse. Either you let her keep it in now, or she is just going to do it again later in life; both in spite and for simply wanting it. I hate the idea that children are sub-servant to their parents when it comes to issues such as this. I understand that defiance part and don’t think that she should have done that but, honestly, does it really matter. It’s what she wants… and it is her life- the only one she has. Every second she doesn’t spend the way she wants it is a second gone.

December 2, 2010 at 3:57 pm
(33) Stephen says:

This issue has probably run its course long ago but…

I’m for waiting til whatever age is legal in your state to get a piercing by your own consent. If she was underage then other people can get into trouble. Especially the piercer if the girl lied about her age to them. If 16 is considered “legal” then she will resent you. It may be a small one but a resentment none the less and that doesn’t help anyone.

The idea that the daughter, or anyone for that matter, should express themselves in accordance to their parents is asinine and contradictory to the word “creativity.” But then again I don’t really buy that piercings serve any other purpose in our culture than to be aesthetically pleasing.

Draw up a contract? Are you serious? Do you also pay your children for good grades? And what compromise can be made about a piercing? its either in or its out there’s no halfway.

Anyone can go against their family’s values. That’s one of the advantages of being sentient, no matter how brilliant or misguided one may be. That’s how we have things like women’s rights. You like women’s rights don’t you Denise?

The fact that she’s involved with straight edge should have this mother jumping for @%#$&*% joy!!! Harder MORE ADDICTIVE drugs are coming to kids at a younger and younger age. The only thing this parent can hope for is that her daughter isn’t too naive and weak willed when she goes to college when her straight edge friends may go elsewhere.

In which case you should let her keep the piercing so she can start being confident in her decision making process. And not fall into second guessing herself down the road because her mother had to have control over every little thing in her daughter’s life.

February 18, 2011 at 6:50 am
(34) angryteen says:

Most of you guys are wrong let her keep it in tell her you are pissed and disappointed you are confusing her with no permanent rule why navel if not lip?
don’t make her sign a contract get her to talk about why she did it make your point that it is dangerous etc with swelling and infections
if you say I am adult you child listen to me she will just laugh … i did

February 27, 2011 at 5:18 pm
(35) Robert says:

I totally agree with angryteen. I gauged my ears without my parents noticing and they freaked but not that bad. It’s just that some parents don’t understand the new culturally acceptable modifications. It’s not just ear piercings anymore and they have to realize this. Not all of us want to just be perfect little angelic children. Let her keep it. One of the worst things you can do it take out a fresh piercing. Scared that she will get an infection? Leave it in!

March 15, 2011 at 2:28 pm
(36) Nick says:

Straight Edge is not a gang! its a lifestyle choice to not do any recreational drinking and drugs. get your facts straight please before you put down our lifestyle I’ve been Straight Edge for four years and proudly display my Edge tattoos and my piercings (ears and tongue) .

March 27, 2011 at 7:00 am
(37) Jenne2012 says:

Look the fact you LET her get her navel pierced and are now complaining about the lip piercing is a bit hypocritical. You can’t make up rules and then ignore them as you see fit, if you stood behind your “nothing permanent” rule she wouldn’t have a frigging navel ring now would she? How did you expect her to fallow a rule you never even enforced?
Leave her be, she sounds like a decent kid so let her have her piercing and next time you make up a rule make sure it’s not about something you’ve already let her done.

March 30, 2011 at 1:44 pm
(38) Hm. says:

Piercings are not “evil” or “bad” in any way. It is all in what YOU personally think they are. No one can define whether or not something is good or bad. Good and bad are just definitions that society makes up. Your daughter is 16. She is old enough to be able to define what she thinks is good and bad. Maybe what is good to her is bad to you. You just have to accept that. Your daughter is her own person, a separate entity from you. It is so important that teens have the freedom to make their own decisions and learn from them. If she regrets it later, it is her problem. You cannot keep holding on to someone…. truthfully she would probably just get it pierced when she left home anyways. People have different tastes.
Punishing your daughter for this makes me angry and just seems so close minded. Also equating body art with people that do drugs and drink alcohol is not correct. You say that you are happy she hangs out with people who are straight edge… but being straight edge has nothing to do with piercings. They may like piercings, but drugs and alcohol are not a part of this equation at all. Body art is.
I am 30 years old and had my lip pierced when I was 17 and do not regret it one bit. I wanted to get it done because I thought it was sexy and self expressive, and it still is to me. I love my piercing and do not regret it. My parents supported me in my decision as well, and let me have my own space. I am not a bad person for my piercing, and neither is your daughter.

April 10, 2011 at 4:34 am
(39) rass1959 says:

My daughter just had her lip pierced with her mother’s consent and not mine. (We are divorced) I see my daughter one day a week on Saturday. Last Saturday she told me after you bring me back dad mom’s going to take me to that place where we saw all the piercings and get me a belt, I knew that was a lie in something was up. My ex-wife hardly tells me anything and her reasoning is that this will stop it and she won’t want anything else Pierced baloney. Where does it end nipples, belly buttons, vaginas, guys balls, and other body piercings. They are ugly, they’re medically unsafe, and they are not necessary.

April 20, 2011 at 9:40 am
(40) Name. says:

I’m a professional piercer who has piercings of my own. i did my lip when i was 15 using nothing but some orajel and a sewing needle. gauged up to size when i dont have my stud in you can hardly see the hole. Infections rage more in oral piercings simply because of all the bacteria in your mouth. My advice to you is to yes, tell her you’re dissappointed in her but be here for her and help her take care of the piercing and choose the right jewelery for it (avoid and “bendy plastic” studs, plastic collects bacteria much more than surgical steel) be her mom, yes she did bad but you can prevent it from being much worse. Also, taking the stud out wont nessissary keep it from getting infected but speaking from personal experience i know how easy it is to simply “take it out” when you’re at home. i went 3 years with mine before my family knew. you’ll only encourage rebellion.

As i said the best thing for you to do in this situation is to assist her in any way you can. This way you can A) know it’s clean and safe and B) open the lines of communication so she’ll feel more comfortable comming to her the next time she wants something pierced.
Hope this helped!

August 18, 2011 at 4:31 am
(41) Michaella says:

I do not agree, I am 16 years old so I can understand where she is coming from, wanting to express yourself with peircings and tattoos is a choice we have to make for ourselves and can to the fullest. I believe that the law saying that we must have an adults, or parents consent, is not fair to us. We are allowed to work, drive, have taxes taken away from us and yet we are not able to choose what to do with our own bodys? As a 16 year.old girl with 15 peircings and one large tattoo who also is an honor role student, who should have the right to tell me I cannot make my own choices of my body? I am going to be the one living with them. As of your question, ‘will the hole heal if you allow her to keep it’ It will not heal completely, no. But no, you will not be able to see it. Teens, such as myself and your daughter, express ourselves with peircings and such because we like that and it’s about expressing ourselves in a way most wouldn’t. I feel like you should allow her to keep it, but tell her to ask next time, and if she wants anything else then offer her a bargon, such as if she makes honor role or gets A’s and B’s she can get one.

August 18, 2011 at 4:39 am
(42) Michaella says:

Also, as I read through some of these comments. These women are acting as thought she commited a crime. Like you, as a teen, never actes out against your parent. To say that you didn’t would be a lie. She should express herself! Getting one does not ‘lead’ to more, it does not. If you want one you naturally and more then likely want more before they even get the first.

Though you are parents looking out for your kids, step back from the parents side and join the kids. We want independence and to make our own choices, let us be the ones to make them. Or else we will grow to resent you

September 15, 2011 at 6:31 pm
(43) Elizabeth says:

You should let her keep it, because it will leave a hole if it heals and it would hurt worst when she gets it in the future due to the healed skin. Also after she gets out of your house she will probably do it again .

November 22, 2011 at 10:07 am
(44) ATeenHerself says:

I am personally a teen myself and in my opinion you should let her keep it as long as you make her promise that she won’t go behind your back again. You should NOT ground her. It’s just going to want her to make her do worst stuff like getting a tattoo. Just make her take it out on special adult occassions.

December 5, 2011 at 12:29 am
(45) Stevie says:

It is unwise to take out an un-healed piercing, and by the time it’s healed what’s the point of taking it out? Taking out the un-healed piercing can trap dirt, debris, and infection and cause worse scarring then letting a healed piercing close. Yes, your daughter made a dumb decision, but if your area doesn’t have parental consent laws about piercings (many don’t), she may have gotten that piercing completely legally.

December 6, 2011 at 1:28 am
(46) ._. says:

Okay, first of all, I do agree that it wasn’t a good thing for her to do, but please loosen your grasp a little bit, I REALLY hate my parents for being so strict about piercings and hair coloring, I fit into the “emo/goth” category in school and I feel so left out because I have no piercings and normal blonde hair… Let her express herself, but in the future, tell her if she wants a piercing, to let you think about it (be reasonable (: ) and then make sure you go to get it with her.

Incase you wanted to know, I want 2 piercings on my left ear, one on the right cartilage, one one the right, spider bites (2 lip piercings on one side) and an eye brow bar piercing. I also want to dye my hair medium brown with blue streaks. (btw I’m a guy, so compared to me her actions are fine lol) but yeah , you NEED to remember this. With great power comes great responsibility, but most people forget that, when you give someone great responsibility, you must also give them great power (in other words, teenagers are treated like adults in responsibility, but we arent rewarded. And as that saying goes, and it’s ABSOLUTELY true, you need to give something in return.)

December 10, 2011 at 12:07 am
(47) Andie says:

…I don’t understand what the big deal is with piercings. Parents always freak out about it. This is is coming from a 16 year old, well about to turn 17 in a couple days, who has 6 piercings on her face. My parents had told me no just like you told your daughter, but when our parents tell us no we always go against it because we have our mind set to “we will do what we want and you can’t stop us.” that’s how I thought. I came home with 4 piercings one day, my parents grounded me but after I showed them that it’s not permanent and that they close up they are off my back now. Yeah every once in a while my dad will tell me to get the metal off my face but I can’t help it it’s how I express my personality. And If you want to no what piercings I have, I have my nose, my septum, both dimples, and angle bites. Which is basically what your daughter has, but another one on the other side too. That and I stretched my ears to a 0. Yes my parents disapproved but, the way I look at it is, would they rather let me get my craziness out now and realize mistakes? or wait for me to become of age to get the piercings and tattoos I have now, and ruin my chances of getting a job. If your kid is in highschool, and this is coming from a highschool student, please. Let us live. This is our time when were trying to find ourselves, and yeah I get you don’t want us to make the mistakes you did, but the only way we will learn is if we do.

Anyways that was my ramble. I hope you understand from another kids point of view…

December 10, 2011 at 12:54 am
(48) Andie says:

Oh and by the way. To the parents at the top of this comment thread. Piercings leave permanent holes? Have you EVER had a piercing?!?!?! I’m guessing no. Because they close up. If you ever had a piercing you would know from experience, that they close up. I wish parents would stop acting like they know everything in the world. Because you don’t! I have many piercings! I used to have snakebites along with my 6 other piercings but I took them out and guess what?!?! Had them for in a couple days…a YEAR. And took them out like a month ago and there is absolutly NOOOOOO FREAKING HOLE. Oh my god this whole thread just makes me angry because you have the people who actually do know what they are saying then you have ignorant parents who think they know everything in the world when they don’t!! God why are all parents like that -.- that’s why I hate my parents. You can’t. Ever talk to parents about something serious because if they disagree that’s it. Done and over with. Like cool. Oh and I don’t get why parents have to sit on the Internet to learn how to raise their own kids! Don’t raise your kids based on what other people think! This is what my mom did all the time and we had the worst relationship ever. Like I literally haaatttted her. Because she wasn’t being herself. When I told my mom to just teach me to do things the way she wants me and say what she wants not what people on the Internet say, our relationship is 100% better. Because, I can relate to her and actually have the courage to talk to her about verrrryyyy deep things a normal daughter wouldn’t talk to her mom about.

January 5, 2012 at 12:11 pm
(49) fox says:

I am 17 and from England. There is no age requirement for piercings in the UK although most places insist you have to be over 16. I got my nose and second holes in my ear done when I was 16 and am going to get snake bites (2 lower lip piercings) when I finish my A levels. I was in a similar situation to your daughter when I got my nose pierced. I didn’t ask my Mum I got it done at a tattoo shop in town with my friends. I genuinely didn’t expect her to freak out as she’s not normally strict shes got over it now though. Legally I didn’t need their permission. Not sure what the laws are in America but if you’re in England she’s perfectly entitled to have piercings. Most teens take them out after a few years with no scarring so this does not contravene your nothing permanent rule. If it was a tattoo you should worry but piercings can just come out whenever she gets fed up with them. As you never specifically forbid lip piercing it would be unfair to punish her. Are you sure this isn’t just about control? That she did something without permission. But if she, like me, is quite straight edged as I pointed out to my parents, there are a lot worse things she could be doing to express herself.

April 1, 2012 at 7:23 pm
(50) Sara says:

My parents are against these things, too. I do have a friend, though, whose parents say that they’d rather let her do this now than when she gets older. I think it makes tons sense because just think-would you rather have a TEEN kid with a piercing or an ADULT kid with a piercing? Adults always look odd if they pierce themselves, but teens usually end up taking it out later anyway.

May 9, 2012 at 10:17 am
(51) Nikki says:

Currently, my children are still little (living, 3 and under) I know what its like being a teen as im very young myself. I went and got a piercing without parental consent and I was forced to remove it against my will. To this day I resent my mother and got it re-pierced anyways. My advice, give her the option of keeping it, but let her be aware of the punishment she may face. Or, she can take it out. Don’t be too hard and overly dramatic about it. She might be doing it for attention. As long as she’s not doing drugs, drinking, or having unprotected sex, I don’t see a problem with it. If she’s a good kid with good grades, let it be. She can just get it re-done. and at least she didn’t try to hide it. and as for contacting them about parental consent, some states don’t require a consent form. So, there may not be anything you can do. But in the end, think about how she feels. She is a teen, be careful, or you might permanently damage or destroy your relationship with her, causing her to rebel even more so.

June 14, 2012 at 12:03 am
(52) Kmom says:

Well I say just let her keep it, she’s sounds like a nice girl, she just did one bad thing oh wow, she isn’t into drugs,sex,or drinking. She got it already too bad, it’s not fair that she went through all of that, she has behaved well with you and you just punish her to take off her piercing I don’t think it’s right. Yes it’s wrong she did it behind your back, but it’s better than her doing something even worst. I say let her keep it.

June 21, 2012 at 7:34 pm
(53) Renea says:

I am a daughter, and with my upbringing, i feel like i should put my opinion in here.

I am in HS. i have a 4.0 average, not into drugs or drinking, but i express myself in a darker fashion. my parents say, as long as i keep my grades up i can do whatever i want with my hair, how i dress, and piercings (in moderation). I do have gauges, but i have not decided to get a(ny) piercing(s) yet, but i have been thinking about it.
Personally i think it would be a good idea to sit your daughter down and peacefully discuss the situation. I don’t know if you would have said no or not (if she would have asked you prior to piercing her lip), but tell her how you feel, and draw the line, for further …. body modifications. I know plenty of people who’s parents wouldn’t allow any piercings, and they went behind their backs and did it anyway, which is VERY unsafe and can lead to serious infections. I think you should let her keep the piercing in, as long as she keeps her act clean, and keeps her grades up!(:

July 11, 2012 at 2:28 am
(54) Jordan says:

I am 15 and asked my parents if I could get my lip pierced and they said no. So one night when they were gone I did it myself (not so safe) with a safety pin. It did get infected but since they said no I did it unprofessionally and ended up getting hurt more then if i got it done professionally. And I don’t have a scar! Piercings aren’t a big deal, it’s just how teens express themselves these days. All holes do close up and most of the time don’t even leave mark. If it does leave a mark, cocoa butter and make up will make it go away!

July 15, 2012 at 11:34 am
(55) John says:

I personally find that outside factors would influence my reaction, if she got good grades and came home when I told her to, did her chores all the time etc, what else is there to ask of her? I would be a bit frusturated if she DID ask and I told her no, but otherwise I think we could have a mature talk about the piercing and just how much it could affect her future as far as employment goes, and compromise. The nothing permanent rule I think can only apply ro her until she is 18, or at least until she moves out. At that point, it’s her own life in my opinion, and she should be able to make her own decisions.

July 30, 2012 at 2:21 am
(56) Tom says:

I’d rater see my 16-year old doughter smoke weed or drink some beer than getting a lip piercing.
I think I would allow my doughter ears and maybe belly button but the mor visible one’s are a NoGo!!

August 7, 2012 at 1:37 pm
(57) Sam says:

I just wanted to let everyone know that a piercing is not permanent unless there is jewelry in at all times. It will close at some point. The issue then becomes how soon will it close and that depends how long the jewelry was kept in for. She might have a small scar but that too could go away.

Source:
Just someone who has 15 piercings herself.

December 23, 2012 at 8:26 pm
(58) Ashlynn says:

I’m 18 and I have snakebites. No, the piercing won’t last forever. Ear piercings can also close if not used for a while. No piercing is permanent if unused, it will heal. As long as she doesn’t/didn’t play with it a lot while healing, it won’t leave a scar. At most, maybe a tiny one. If i was a parent, I would let her keep it. She obviously spent her money on it, and she obviously wanted it a lot, if she went behind you’re back. she’s old enough to know what she wants. As for what everyone else thinks? Forget them. It shouldn’t matter what everyone else thinks. Not everyone with piercings on tattoos are bad, and not everyone without them are good. I have my lip pierced and purple in my hair, but I have a good job. Just let her express herself. Its not a bad thing :)

January 5, 2013 at 4:28 pm
(59) P says:

Just wanted to say that I am 41 and my second ear piercings done at 13, and used only for a couple of years have not healed over, are still visible and could still be used.

January 7, 2013 at 10:37 pm
(60) Bel says:

I have a 13yo boy who just disobeyed me and had his nose pierced. He was going to shops with a friend- ended up at different shops and didnt let me know, and her mum posed as his parent and got his nose pierced!
What am i supposed to do?
He knew he was not allowed to get it,
He had one pierced ear and his mum let him,
Then tricked his mum and step dad into letting him get two more ear piercings, which they did nothing about.
I really need advice please, he has alot of issues- defiance is one of them!

February 2, 2013 at 2:30 am
(61) Abby says:

Take this from a teen herself. I am 14, and want piercings, and tattoos. I want snake bites ( two bottom lip piercings) an eyebrow piercing, maybe 5 earrings on each ear, and a few more. My mother told me to wait until 16 because that’s how old my sister was when she got her tattoo.
Now I believe that she should be able to wear the piercing freely, she is 16 and old enough to make her own decisions, although it WAS wrong of her to go behind your back without your consent. I would use the words that hurt every teenager. Those words would be ” I’m disappointed in you!”
When I was told that, it felt like my heart dropped.
Explain to her that you are dissapointed in her actions and that she should know better. Possibly take away something that is valuable to her, such as her iPod or phone, possibly her car keys or whatever ( for me it would be the ipod lol) Like I always say , ” To gain one thing, you must let gonof something else” or maybe ” an eye for an eye” meaning : she got a piercing behind your back, you take away her phone/ car / iPod .
I know I’m not a mother or have expierience with kids or whatever, but what better way to know how to punish a teen than hear from a teen herself?

Leave a Comment

Line and paragraph breaks are automatic. Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title="">, <b>, <i>, <strike>

©2014 About.com. All rights reserved.