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Parents Don't Like Their Son's Girlfriend

By March 5, 2010

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A mom on the forum seeks advice: My 17-year-old son is dating a 15-year-old girl. He is completely besotted with her, has lost interest in his hobbies and his friends and spends most of his time with her or on the phone to her. She is quite unlike the nice girls he has previously dated. She has on her own account already had sex with 8 boys, her own father says she is a compulsive liar and recently accused her of stealing money from the home. He has had to get up at 3.30 am last week to pick her up from the town center where she had been out drinking as she didn't want her parents to know she had been out.

We have expressed our concerns to our son that she will hurt him or cause trouble for him however he says she is with him now and people change.

We have tried to be tolerant and calm and would not try to tell him that he cannot see her however my husband (his Dad)now does not want her name mentioned and does not want her in our house. This is causing a lot of friction between my son and his dad whom he has always had a very close relationship with. I'm afraid that this is just more likely to make my son pull away from his family and further into the arms of his girlfriend. His girlfriends parents feel my son is a good influence on their daughter and are delighted with him. Can anyone give me some good advice, I feel torn between my son and my husband?

Denise's thoughts: I would try talking with him, if you can keep your feelings in check. An honest heart-to-heart. Letting him know why you are worried, but telling him that you respect his decisions. Then back off, because as long as you and your husband are the 'bad guys' the more she can hold on to him. If you remove yourself as the problem, he may begin to she her antics as not something he wants to deal with.

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Comments
March 5, 2010 at 10:28 am
(1) faten says:

ok it is aproblem.let us taket it from different pointof view
to give this girl achance because honest the teens at this age are confused and need our intentin so let us focus on her to be come closer to her to let her express herself then we can advice her with love.at this point ithink the bad influnce will disappear because we dealt with love and both mom can have2 good teen

March 5, 2010 at 2:54 pm
(2) sande says:

Be very cautious that you (Mom) is not labeled as the bad parent. Talk honestly and calmy with him and express your thoughts and reasons why his girlfriend is not the right choice. Continue to enforce home guidelines (going out at 3:30 a.m. may be a home rule that may have enforced at this time). You need to be steadfast and not let your emotions rule. If the dad is the disciplinarian continue to allow hime to do his job. Be certain that he will come around and realize that this is the wrong girl for him. Be confident in how you have raised your son. Make it a point to provide him with lots of positive feedback and provide a loving home. My recommendations is to be firm in your discipline, provide lots of love, and communicate your likes and dislikes without arguing and/or nagging.

March 10, 2010 at 10:01 am
(3) 4EqltyMom says:

I agree with the other comments and wanted to add one more thing. You and your husband need to get on the same page. Somehow or other, and you both may need to compromise, you need to figure out some way to show a united front. Can you help your husband understand that his hard stance is going to push your son closer to this young woman? Would he be willing to live with some modified version of his current position? Unfortunately, I think as long as your husband continues to take this hard line, you’re going to continue to feel torn between the two. And that’s a really rough place to be in.

November 17, 2010 at 9:44 pm
(4) crzymoma says:

For the struggling parents. I am a mother of 4, 2 wild ride children and 2 a little less wild children. Oldest being 28. Hard situation although regardless of how strict or how much you enforce the rules the outcome will be the same. The child will side with the new girlfriend versus the parental unit. You can be as understanding as you want or not tolerant at all. Eventually the girls shows her colors and moves on leaving behind a hurt young man who gets over it rather quickly. I have seen and been part of this scenario a couple of times with both daughter and son. There is no solution except what works for you. Trust, know that your son was raised better and will come back to your side of the world soon. Crappy situation but always be nice to the girlfriend…no matter how much you dislike her. Stay in touch with her parents as well that may give you some relief in the interim, at least knowing how much supervision they have when not at your home. Remind them both politely but at the same time about safe and protected sex whether your son is a virgin or not. Patience and good luck to you!

January 25, 2011 at 12:39 pm
(5) Guest says:

Correction most guys can’t get over their broken hearts quickly. They either stalk, beat, rape, kidnap, and/or kill their partners.

Anyway, if this girl breaks your son’s heart, teach him not to act violently to her or he’ll land in jail.

February 5, 2011 at 3:34 am
(6) Keep Guessing says:

So what do you do when mother of girlfriend (14) is quite happy to host my son (15) for a sleepover. I am horrified that she cannot say no to her child and the impact her child’s constant enticements have on my family and relationship with my son when I say “No”.

July 4, 2011 at 5:39 pm
(7) mike says:

Keep Guesing did you ever get a response?

I have a similar situation my son, typical teenager until the last year, (Grades are actually better now) His Girlfriend and her family seem to be pushing him away from us, we have always been close, I have seen them criticize how we punish him when he does things he shouldn’t do, grades, etc. He has become violent, his girlfriend has what appears to be no rules, She has posted things about myself and his mother online (Facebook) then said her mom was right there and knew of this, her mother then got angry cause she thought I criticized how she parents, which I didn’t to each their own, but not in my house.. I recently saw pictures of some shirts talking about parents that she sent on his phone (his pictures end up on my phone as well something odd with our cell phone account) but, she noted her “Family” wanted to buy him these and they spoke badly about how one is parented.. How do we get him to move on and not push him too her? His attitude has changed so much.. unsure if he will come back to how he was

September 26, 2011 at 12:00 am
(8) denise says:

Mike
Your son will never return to you “the way he was” he has lived a life changing experience, changing who he was, now this is not a bad thing, as when this relationship does end, and it will, he will have new life experiences, and may also feel a bit uncomfortable for the hurt he has allowed to come to his mother and father. Just love him now, and be so thankful that you have these uncomfortable situations to deal with, as the alternative “death” would truly be the unbearable situation, grieving the loss of our childrens lives that we have paved for them is so very hard, just hug him, and love him, he will return, as he has never really left.

July 1, 2012 at 10:50 pm
(9) Ree says:

I tried letting it run it’s course…that was over 2 years ago..the GF is a diagnosed bipolar with serious mental health issues…she’s convinced my son she will DIE without him…she has no one else…she’s cut off all his friends, his family, dropped out of college and I honestly have no clue what to do anymore. We’ve tried talking to him, being nice to her, nagging, everything…even his brother and friends say he’s different around her. She pushes his buttons and it’s like watching someone trapped in an emotional cult…..now what??????

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