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Dads and Daughters Traveling Together

By May 28, 2010

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A Dad on the forum asks: "My 12 year old and I enjoy vacationing together, at least up to now. We have been to the UK and to a dude ranch in Colorado and we are soon off to Australia for a couple of weeks.

I have tried, within the constraints of budget and availability, to book rooms that have separate spaces (e.g. Embassy Suites), in order to give my daughter some space and privacy. Her mother brings up a concern I had not considered, which is that as my daughter gets older, and changes, it may be inappropriate to continue to share a hotel room (but not a bed, ever). We always have a bathroom and neither of us come out of the bathroom except fully clothed or in pajamas, and she is not concerned about appearances, just about what is healthy for a young lady. What do people think?"

Denise's thoughts: "I feel there is no reason for a father and daughter not to share a room in a hotel with separate beds. I think that there could be problems if she were in her own room - safety and teen risk behaviors. Respect her privacy and expect her to respect yours."

Asking our parenting community: Do you think this Dad should share a room with his daughter? Have you had a similar experience? Please share your thoughts, advice and experiences in the comments area.

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Comments
May 28, 2010 at 7:25 am
(1) Virginia says:

I don’t see a problem with you and your daughter sharing a room. Is she comfortable with this? I would be apprehensive about letting her have a room by herself. We travel regularly with our daughter who is now 17. She has her own bed and my husband and I share a bed. She wouldn’t want it any other way. She loves our time after our day ends to talk about the fun we had. It is a great time to continue to build a strong postive relationship with our daughter.

May 28, 2010 at 7:31 am
(2) Lavanya says:

If you are father and daughter, what is wrong in sharing a room or a bed? Being a father and daughter goes beyond ‘norms’. If you trust yourself and share a deep understanding with your daughter I do not see any problem with sharing even a bed. If you have wrong thoughts in your head then it might be.

May 28, 2010 at 8:11 am
(3) Mark says:

I agree with the above posts. If you sense inappropriate tendencies within yourself, you might have a valid point and maybe sharing a room or bed might not be the best choice. Assuming that’s not the case and this is an exception to normal living (i.e., vacation), what’s the big deal? You’re family.

May 28, 2010 at 8:49 am
(4) Joanna says:

My daughter competes in different sports and I can’t always be there to coach, so either her father or her step-father takes her for the trip. She enjoys the time with both men in her life and has never raised a concern about sharing a room with either of them. I agree with the others, as long as there is no impure thoughts or motives on the mens part there shouldn’t be an issue.

May 28, 2010 at 9:47 am
(5) Cathy says:

As a mother of a 12 year old daughter (and 15 year old son), I would have absolutely no concerns about a father and daughter sharing a hotel room. In fact, I would be extremely concerned at the thought of a young girl being left alone in a hotel room. Our daughter (and son) regularly climb in bed with us to watch a movie. We don’t ever want her to feel uncomfortable being with us.

May 28, 2010 at 11:23 am
(6) Jeff says:

Agree that it is not a problem. I do it with my two teen daughters every visit. We talk more, hang out and cuddle up and watch movies.

May 28, 2010 at 11:32 am
(7) Sharifah says:

Yes, this dad should absolutely share a room with his daughter without apology to her mom or anyone else. A 12-year-old child should never be in a hotel room alone. This is a matter of dad’s and daughter’s comfort level, security, and unnecessary expense. Have a great vacation!

May 28, 2010 at 12:18 pm
(8) Dawn says:

My 15 (almost 16 year old son) and I take many road trips. We usually do Embassy suites or something similar so he has his own sleeping area and can stay up later if he so desires. But we have also done a regular hotel room with two beds. No problems at all. I wouldn’t share a bed with him….I do think that just wouldn’t give him the privacy or space we both need. That is not to say watching a movie from a bed with your kids or having them talk to you while you are laying in bed is a problem. More just sleeping for the whole night.

May 31, 2010 at 2:31 am
(9) bibianna says:

i don’t think its a bad idea actually,it gives your daughter some sence of security plus that is reason enough for her to trust you hence share her fears with you as her father and friend.

June 2, 2010 at 7:33 am
(10) A. Hakim says:

I am really for most of the above comments. I disagree with. We are human being and should not to take any risk. Nothing will happend but no surity; should keep aloof from any sort of accident. Bcoz, satan always pock us to do wrong.

June 2, 2010 at 10:25 am
(11) Kristin Nett says:

My husband took our 18 year old daughter to Europe last summer for a graduation present (I chose not to go for various reasons). They shared a room (too expensive and unsafe not to share a room).
The only minor problem they ran into was because she was a little older, some people incorrectly assumed that she was my husband’s very young girlfriend. He had to correct some people because of that, but once he did, everyone had a good chuckle.

June 2, 2010 at 6:05 pm
(12) Fili_agape says:

She’s your daughter, not your mistress. My husband is thinking about taking our 17-year-old daughter on a road trip to check out some possible colleges this summer. I would PREFER he shared a room with two beds rather than have her alone in a room. I find the idea of my 17-year-old daughter in a room by herself that others might know about scary. What people I have never seen before and will never see again think about it is not my concern. Now if you were to travel with your daughter and a friend of hers, then I might go for adjoining rooms.

June 8, 2010 at 3:36 pm
(13) Anna says:

Go Dad!!!!!!! When I was younger, my father and I too many trips alone…It gave us time to talk and know each other…I would always think of him, before I did anything that might embarrass me later in life. Because I knew where he stood on different aspects of life. There are 9 kids in my family, and I think I know my father the best. My 3 other sisters might feel the same way, because he gave us all time alone with him. Enjoy your time together, because time is short and we need that parenting bond for our life on our own. Good Luck to all Fathers and Daughters…

June 9, 2010 at 7:54 pm
(14) Bennie says:

There is absolutely nothing wrong to share a room with your 12year old daughter. this would actually give both of you the opportunity to discuss and educate her on issues bothering her. It would also give her a sense of security. It is not safe to leave a 12 year old girl in a separate room in a hotel. It’s ok dad once in a while, but please she needs to be protected.

July 14, 2010 at 1:06 pm
(15) Lydi says:

I have 2 teen-aged sons and a teen-aged daughter. I’ve travelled half way across the country with them, singularly and in a group. It is no different for me to share a hotel room with one of my sons as it is for me to share a hotle room with my daughter. Of course, the room always has 2 separate beds. We respect eachother’s privacy, close the bathroom door and do not “hang out” in the room (I’m not talking about socializing here). I am his mother, he is my son. There is nothing inappropriate about that. I think society puts a little too much emphasis on parents and off-spring of different genders sharing a room, as if all parents had some unnatural affectrion for their child, or all teens had edipal/electra complexes. Of course, the minority that do make the news on any given day. We need to stop buying into all of the hysteria and use the gray matter between our ears in combination with the red matter between our lings. This is a parent’s child (no matter the age). The most fundamental urge for a parent is to protect. That is a little difficult to do with a hotel room wall between them, even one with an adjoining door.

August 14, 2010 at 12:21 am
(16) Minsy says:

Some of these comments are absolutely unbelievable. I don’t care if a man is a girl’s dad. We still have to be careful about leaving our daughters overnight or alone with any man. that’s why so many women are messed up today, because we brainwashed them into believing that their husbands would never molest their daughter, and some do.To the post that said that a dad does not
need to apologize to mom or anyone: That was hostile towards mothers. Her mom comes first. She birthed her. How dare we show hostility towards a mom for being concerned about her daughters. These days we do need to watch our male relatives around our daugters.

December 2, 2010 at 8:21 pm
(17) Angelica says:

I shared a bed with my mother and sister (not at the same time!) when I was 18 years old, on holiday. I also shared a room with my 15 year old son when I was 45 years old (on holiday). I found that sharing a bed with my female relatives screwed me up far more than sharing a room with my son! I would go so far as to say that sharing a bed with my female relatives was tantamount to abuse. Too many adults don’t take into consideration the effect that their actions are having on vulnerable teenagers. It might be OK with Mum or Dad to share a room/bed with a teen but is it OK with the teen???

November 13, 2011 at 4:16 pm
(18) cindy says:

EEEwwww,
If your daughter is at puberty then she needs her own room. (next door in a safe hotel).
My daughter is 13 and 5’10, she needs her own room

February 5, 2012 at 3:52 pm
(19) Joe says:

I am a single parent of a teenage daughter. I would never touch her in any inappropriate way. I would never share a bed with her. But a hotel room is OK. I am alone with her in our apartment, and am alone with her when we go camping.

February 17, 2012 at 3:20 pm
(20) B D says:

I see no problem with a father and daughter sharing a room, as they travel. I have a daughter that used to be an active junior golfer. We made many weekend trips for golf tournaments, and we shared the room. It was the best way to connect with her, and to help her talk through her day and to prepare for the next day. I wish she was still a junior, and we were still traveling. It was a fun and rewarding time for both os us.

May 1, 2012 at 9:36 pm
(21) Jean says:

Often people get upset it is even suggested to inappropriateness between a dad and daughter. Men and women will attack a blogger who even hints to the possibility to dads molesting. We as a people defend men all the time. But the truth is, there are cases and cases where a wife saud, oh nooooooooo, my husband would never do that.

Listen people……things happen. There are women out there today, whose husbands have molested and they never saw signs. Be careful. Unless you are absolutely positive and have a close and honest relationship with your daughter so that she would be able to tell if dad did anything wrong, keep your eyes open. You can still love your husband and say oh no, he would never do anything wrong to our daughter, but I have a friend now whose dad bothered her up til she was about 17. My friend never told her mom and her mom did not know.
She told another girl in our group, many months later. She is okay now, though. But it is okay to say you trust your husband. Just be realistic.

May 1, 2012 at 9:44 pm
(22) Jean says:

Be realistic and be careful. Make sure your daughter has privacy and do not barge in the restoom on her.

January 18, 2013 at 11:49 am
(23) P says:

I see no problem with it. even if budget were not an issue Safty should be first. In fact i think I was in my late teens very early twenties and in the odd occation i would crawl into bed with my dad for nap just cause I wanted to be close to him. No cuddling or anything just next to him. Now that I’m married with children of my own and we visit my parents, I cuddle up to him on the couch to watch tv. I love my dad and he’s my rock, my friend and I know I can go to him for advice. It is important for a daughter to have good relationship with dad, even when she hates him beacuse he’s destroyed her life, embarrasing etc., he’s your guide to what to look for in a partner. Because of his guidance and our close relationship I have the best husband in the world.

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