A dad on the forum asks: "My 18 yr old son has lost interest in almost everything and I don't know how typical his apathy is, over a number of years his interest in various things (sports, etc.) has been reduced, he is not interested in much (barely interested in online gaming, used to be his passion), sleeps because he is bored (not tired), no interest in friends, he's a good kid, quiet, introverted, about to go away to college for his first year, but I don't think that's the source of his problem, any help is appreciated, how typical is this, how can I help??"
He has gotten some good advice, like this post from NYDad: "Teen interests naturally vary over time, but to have interest in everything wane "over a number of years" hardly seems normal. That he will be going away to college could be the source of some nervousness, but not something building (waning?) for years. I strongly suggest you have him see a qualified counselor - psychologist or LCSW - now. It may even be appropriate to delay college, but get him to see the counselor first."
Asking our parenting community: What are your thoughts on why this teen may be loosing interest in the world around him? What would you do? Have you had this experience with your teen? Please share your advice and experiences in the comments area.
Suggested Reading:
- 5 Things You Should Do if You Think Your Teen is Depressed
- Teen Depression Quiz: Is your teen depressed?
- 5 Things Parents Can Do to Help Grieving Teens
- Help Your Teen Handle Peer Pressure
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I experienced this when I was in high school. Part of it may be just his realization that this part of his life is drawing to a close. I lost interest in lots of things when I realized that none of it would matter after graduation, even in my friends because I knew I would probably not keep up those friendships when I went off to college. You might offer to get him involved in things that are important to his future — sitting in on a lecture at his university, even getting a core class out of the way in the summer after his senior year, or shopping for his dorm room, or encouraging to make the most of his graduation, maybe even planning a trip for the summer. If he’s not experiencing this preparation for separation, many of his classmates certainly are, and that may be affecting him as his friends withdraw from him and from their own interests.
Sounds like depression. I’d be concerned about potential suicidal thoughts. Get him some help, fast!
An authentic person can only be enthusiastic to be alive. If this person’s true responses have not been honored by the family, and in order to obtain the love of the family has had to play a role, then enthusiasm for life is diminished.
I agree with getting him checked out for depression. And please, explain your concern to him and see if you can start dialogue. Sometimes you have to try more than one professional before finding one that is a good fit.
Good luck and keep working with him.
I do not think this state of affairs has been arrived at without complicity of the family, and, if you like, the entire society. I can only speak from my own experience.
Looking back, I can identify with the description of the young man, and now at 59 I know that I came from a family where my own father was not receptive to hearing my true feelings. In order to win his love, in order to survive, I shut down expression of my own self. This led to a deadening of life force within me.
It was not a conscious effort on my part, just an attempt to have love. And my father was not a physically brutal man, but he was not able to hear me, to truly be receptive to my thoughts. Perhaps it was his war experiences in WWII that shut him down. He never talked about it.
It’s just that I was very sensitive to others feelings.
I have now come to view my sensitivity as a great strength. But I had to learn that by feeling my feelings.
It is the fashion to treat depression with anti-depressants. I think there are many dangers to this approach.
What helped me most was that in my early 20s, I found someone who was genuinely interested in me, and genuinely interested to hear my stories.
Hmm ..
Could it be that you HIVE him eveyrthing he wants.
He has no reason to lift his finger.
Did this kid work a single day in his life?
He should get a job and start making money on his own to see and appreciate how good he has it.
He needs someone who can “read” the signs and interpret the behavioral changes. Could be a medical problem…has he had a complete physical with blood workup. If that doesn’t yeild any insight, then get him to a mental health professional. I recently saw some of these changes in my kid. Family doctor did not find anything, but the Psychiatrist certainly had some insightful issues to share with us.Your kid (and mine) desparately need to learn some coping skills. How else will they be able to live on their own?
It sounds like depression to me as well. We went through this with our son, we started counseling and after some testing he was diagnosed with mild depression. He is taking an antidepressent and we have our son back. It is worth checking in to.
Appears to be signs of depression, something might be worrying him very badely, probably he is not able to arrive at a solution, please speak to him, let him talk it out,people around are there to help him,please reassure him to regain his confidence.He needs some outdoor gaming and help from elders.
As a parent of teenagers and young adults, I would strongly suggest he attend counseling, or join an organization that requires him to give back,similar to boys and Girls club, community library. He doesn’t realize how lucky he is whether he can actually decide to be inactive. Do you have a relative in a nursing home where he can visit. The Sloan-Kettering cancer center, in NYC has a program where teenagers can give their time for the children. I think if your son see others in need then he may change his perspective on life, since he is so young and realizes that not everyone is as lucky as him. I have two adult children and a teenager as well as an 8 year old, My oldest is a young woman, the other three are all males.
Please take your son to the doctor as soon as possible. This is a classic sign of depression. I experienced my first episode of major depression at the age of 16 but my parents did not recognize the symptoms. I did not ask for help until I was in my 20s. I am now healthy and managing my illness with help of my doctor. My son was diagnosed with depression at 5 and began medication at the age of 12 because I recognized the symptoms and took him to the doctor. He too struggles with lack of interest at times. Please help your son! There is no shame in depression. It is a chemical imbalance and a medical condition that can be successfully managed. Best of luck!
Definitely sounds like depression to me; my daughter has had a friend that this happened to. His parents did not think he was but he had turned to drugs and alcohol; even good kids can do this. Please seek help for this child.
Dear Dad,
Writing on this forum indicates you recognize there’s a need for something to change and you want that. That’s the first thing to appreciate for yourself. Ultimately, your son will need to have the same recognition and desire, but don’t wait to be proactive.
This can be an opportunity to discover your’s and his courage and confidence through a challenge and everyone gets to have their part and positive discovery.
Having been through a year of agony while my son worked through some issues, I can say with confidence that if you first find the strength of your love (genuine desire to support his growth into adulthood no matter that it costs you significant thought, self-examination, energy, money, sleep, and changes in how you think and approach life) and match that love with a sense of principle (no avoidance of the problem, no accomodation but rather compassionate confrontation and a demand that normalcy is the goal), you’ll be standing on solid ground to move forward. Love and principle are great guides. They’ll help you dispel the fear, worry, frustration, exasperation and helplessness that get in the way of effective parenting through this period.
When someone is depressed, they have the right to confront and gain power over whatever is pushing them down. Allowing some exploration for your son’s empowerment (ie pysch or spiritual counseling) instead of opting first for drugs would be my advice. He deserves to know he can overcome. Like the contributor David says, drugs are a prevalent recommendation at this time in a big pharma society, but chemical dependency isn’t a cure (at least in my opinion). David sounds like he knows better now who he is and that’s worth some struggle.
Only one bit of advice on timing – it would be wise to know that he’s on a more empowered and positive track before sending him off to college.
If you face this challenge, knowing your in it together for good to come from it, you will be blessed! Go for it!
Yes it sounds like depression,my son has been going through the some thing,which he has been on meds in the past and now seeing therapist it has made a world of differance. You really want to take care of it before he heads off to college. At least right now you can watch him, I haveto agree with another parent hold off on college until he is doing better. I pray that God will help you in your decision,and give you and your son peace.
this is normal with teenagers nowadays.i feel some of the main causes are :1.peer pressure-introvert teenagers are sensitive,and touchy towards evrything that happen around them,so they need someone to share their thoughts,in such cases if they dont get the right friend to share their thoughts(which may sometimes can be bizzare)they get emotionally out of touch with them.
2.also this decade has seen a lot of changes-mentally,emotionally,academically,socially.all these things do effect teenage minds.they get pulled towards all direction from within.
3.as such they do need councelling,but most importantly they need is-YOU, be a freind to him.
also ask about his view on the college he is getting into.
please check if your son has a low self esteem.the best way to know this is to communicate with your child.to have gud communication you must have the patience to listen patiently.listen without interrupting,correcting or evaluating him.listen simply with an intent to understand your child.try to understand his fears,problems and complexes and give him lots of unconditional love.appreciate him for his strengths and give him lots of confidence.locate his strengths and help him find his passion.let him feel valued and needed and worthwile.
it does sound like depression. it also sounds a little like the symptoms of being a “stoner.” i would definitely start with talking to him and see if there ares any activities he would like to take part in and encourage it. if he’s not working, a job is a good idea. when i was a teen my job gave me a great sense of worth when i was otherwise depressed. i would also talk to him about counseling and gauge his reaction.
it’s impressive that you are aware and caring enough to notice that your youth has withdrawn. show him the love that you feel and let him know you are on his side.
He might just be “growing up”. Realizing whats important. Loosing interest in what he use to enjoy, he may need to “find himself”. New interest.
He may have a broken heart a girl may recently broken up with him or he suddenly realized he has no chance.
Clearly signs of depression..For some people, age 18ish is when this really starts becoming a problem. May have had a propensity before. Get him a good physical just to make sure there isn’t anything physical affecting his energy level. A mild antidepressant may do the job, like wellbutrin. My son finds that aerobic activity really helps (running, basketball). Also, this time of year, low levels of light do not help.
i bet an 18 year old girl would
spark his intrest.
with a good chance of everything falling into place after that
Dear Dad I hate to say it but it sounds like your son could be on some type of drugs or could be he witnessed something he can’t talk about ! I believe you should seek professional help as soon as possible ! Good Luck
My own daughter, who is 13, has narrowed down her interests to just one after school activity that she really loves. I think that is probably part of growing up. But to loose interest in everything does sound a little more like depression. It all depends on if he has any friends. I am not sure what to do about it. I wouldn’t jump to any conclusions. If your son wants to see a counselor, that might be a good idea. Or perhaps you could ask him if there is anything he wants to do that is, for some reason, impossible for him, and then help to make it possible. Sorry I don’t have more advice. My daughter started to ride horses when she is 7 and she is still doing it. I think I would worry if she stopped. Kathy Hoxit
maybe he has depression.
try sitting down with him and having an calm, cool and collected conversation.
maybe he kinda upset about something.somethings bothering him maybe try to see.
tell him everyday that your always there for him if he ever need help or advice for about
anything!
hey im 15 and i think the reason we loose intrest in everythink is because off all the tech stuff. i hate facebook and ipads and all that. because i think the generation is so obsessed with whats next they wont adjust to what they can do now. its all about getting infomation to the world. if you play a board game no one is going to know about it, unless you post it on facebook. hope this helps:)
@David Those points you bring up are interesting. I was brought up in that kind of environment and it’s all very much comes down to what Donald Winnicott call False and True self. Penalty for enthusiasm, penalty for showing anger. Penalties for the truth. Also there’s a doublebinding to find there. Do not lie. Do not express discontent.
Well antidepressives probably help. But I guess that the one who should have taken them from the beginning at least in my case was my parents.
@Chloe I agree very much with that. And it’s particulary hard as a young aspiring developer. I think repatriation of outsourced companies would be better for all. It cost more. But then people don’t upgrade all the time. And the money will stay inside the borders. And above that there will be a culture och technology, and eventual intelligentsia who travels abroad might stay instead. Gadget like phones with ridicilous amount of functions could as well be taxed. People must learn to create their own identity without buying it.
Best Regards