A parent is looking for advice on the forum: My daughter uses FaceBook very often to chit chat with friends. We signed up for it around the same time and listed each other as friends. Now, she is a very well behaved student and gets A's and B's in school. I have never had a complaint about her from her teachers with the exception of talking too much.
Since we are friends on FB, I am able to see her posts and read what's written on her wall. While she always falls short of using the full bad word, with the exception of one time that I know of, she quite often uses acronyms that use a bad word such as; STFU and WTF. Other phrases she has used are like, "It is hot A/F in here today".
I really don't know if I should say something to her about it or let it go. I really don't like seeing it but is it something you think should be addressed? Again, she is well behaved and have never had a complaint from another adult.
Denise's thoughts: "... it is a very delicate balance as you are privy to conversations your daughter is having with her peers - something our parents didn't have. If she says something that is on your radar as 'extremely offensive' then by all means tell her and remind her that everyone can see that. You would prefer she didn't make herself look like a potty-mouth in front of her grandparents. Otherwise, I would let it go."
Asking our community of parents of teens: Does your teen swear or use not nice abbreviations on FaceBook? How do you handle it? Please share your thoughts, advice and experiences in the comments area.
Suggested Reading:
Since we are friends on FB, I am able to see her posts and read what's written on her wall. While she always falls short of using the full bad word, with the exception of one time that I know of, she quite often uses acronyms that use a bad word such as; STFU and WTF. Other phrases she has used are like, "It is hot A/F in here today".
I really don't know if I should say something to her about it or let it go. I really don't like seeing it but is it something you think should be addressed? Again, she is well behaved and have never had a complaint from another adult.
Denise's thoughts: "... it is a very delicate balance as you are privy to conversations your daughter is having with her peers - something our parents didn't have. If she says something that is on your radar as 'extremely offensive' then by all means tell her and remind her that everyone can see that. You would prefer she didn't make herself look like a potty-mouth in front of her grandparents. Otherwise, I would let it go."
Asking our community of parents of teens: Does your teen swear or use not nice abbreviations on FaceBook? How do you handle it? Please share your thoughts, advice and experiences in the comments area.
Suggested Reading:
My daughter is on punishment right now for posting inappropriate language on FB. She had been warned before that it makes her look bad and me as a parent. I made it clear this is not the standard of behavior I expect from her. I have removed her from FB but she can get back on when I think she’s mature enough (2-3 more years). Talk to your daughter first about standards and expectations, that may be enough for her to change. If things still don’t improve, you may want to consider whether she’s ready for that type of exposure
How old is your teen?
my teen is nineteen years old
Dear Sir/ Madam, I would like highlight some suggestions in this aspect which are as follows:
1) I will first explain how her image will stand i.e based on how you behave with your friends, relatives etc.,
2) I will secondly explain that she should have to be very careful in expressing the words in mailing rather than speaking particularly in FB as everyone can see the way of speaking / approach / character / based on which only even many of the parents will watch and others watches around her even the known persons which will give wrong image to her when she describes in bad language.
3) Next thing is i would like be frank and let her free to express her opinions and suggesstions and thoughts in her mind, so that i can correct them and bring her to the right path.
4) Next one is i will not scold her for behaving in such a way. Instead, i will make her understand how she acted because of which how her character being sold out in the market with relations and friends and colleagues etc.,
I hope this would be steps to correct her.
Hi, I am FB friend with my teenage son and some of his friends. Yes he and they use very inappropriate language and sometime not abbreviated. I have decided to ignore this simply because he/they will either delete me as a friend or block me. If that happens then I am not privy to the other more worrying stuff he maybe doing. Hope this helps.
I agree w/Vicky. The way I have handled it with my teenage daughter is to have the discussion in general or in reference to someone else. I don’t specifically point to her FB entries, her page or her friends’ pages which might shut her down to me being her FB friend and cause her to be more cautious about sharing info.
I had 2 of my daughters delete me because they posted things i didnt agree on..i commented on what i thought about those things and of course they deleted me..but i still have other children that are friends with them and i have their passwords also. So i still can go on their Fb secretly to see whats going on..
The bad language is one thing. They often use that sort of language with each other when the parents are not around and I think it is business as usual. I can remember using bad language when I thought it would have shock value for me. However, the use of the A/F or other epithets is not the deeper, more troubling issue. Some teens say nasty, very hurtful things about others in the very public Facebook forum. This means that they are not only sharing these mean thoughts with the intended recipient, but half the world. I am not saying that it is abnormal to have mean thoughts. We all have them, but often we withhold the information from the intended recipient for any number of reasons. To put these thoughts out on Facebook is similar to putting them up on a billboard in Times Square and giving a public voice to a private thought. This is why this technology can be dangerous and we may need some education in internet etiquette
**This means that they are not only sharing these mean thoughts with the intended recipient, but half the world.**
Totally agree! Did you see ABC Family’s Cyberbully. Good movie on this topic. http://parentingteens.about.com/b/2011/07/20/abc-familys-cyberbully-a-tale-of-two-bullies-and-some-fake-trust.htm
I too have found this type of info on my daughters face book. At first we told her as a rule for her postings “if you would n’t want your grandmother to read it, don’t post it”. That worked for years, but as she got older and it became more important for her to fit in, I saw a few choice words on her page (all normal teen ager stuff). I reinterated our rule, let her know I wanted the swear taken down and told her if it was seen again, she would lose the priviledge. I am not the only mother that reads the facebooks of kids, and we discussed that others preceive you based on what you put out to the world, right or wrong that is how others judge us, I asked her to think about the messages she sends out and that many others will read them, often people you don’t intend to read them…parents, teachers, employers ect……people are making judgements about who she is based on what she sends out to the world.
So many problems with technology! From my experience, you can talk and explain all the ways you want, but they just often do not get it. I guess it is developmental. I’m starting to hate that word. They just don’t get it. You can block them from facebook at home, but they can make new accts & get on other social networking sites. This is a problem, with IPODs, you cannot truly block them, even if you take the IPOD, they can get on site with someone elses, or at school. Often times they have to learn the hard way unfortunately. You may never know about that either, ha! The secret life of teens isn’t so secret. I guess keep the the communication lines open if you can and just keep talking.
I would like to remind people that we have teenagers who will talk differently with different family, social, and school relationships, BUT please remind your teens that they are coming to the age where they are looking for jobs and colleges. Employers and colleges look at facebook pages to get an idea of the persons character. Don’t post things that would be offensive or embarrassing if their grandmother would see it.
Vone- Mother of a 17 year old girl
Good reminder! I think too we should look at how private our teen’s pages are, and maybe give them a lesson in how to keep things private.
We have similar experience with our 15 year old daughter. We had a frank discussion with her on standards and our expectations. Nevertheless, sometimes she would post comments on FB, twitter etc that we do not approve. Immediately we discover this, she remind her of the implications and explain the standard specifications again and if this continues after three similar offences, we ground her. I think that the teenagers sometimes dont know how to draw the line and need constant help in discovering what is acceptable and what is not! Keep talking to her about the donts! It is helping our daughter…
I believe teens should be allowed to express them self but when it get’s sassy, they should be ad viced and told why sasiness is not a good idea for a teen. if you as a parent try stoping them using force they may end up opening a new account that you may not know of. just trust your teen to know when not to use those words