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Teen Lying Resources and Parenting Quiz: Is Your Teen Lying?

By September 27, 2011

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Teenagers, even good teens, lie about things to parents for a couple of different reasons. They want their privacy, they want more freedom and feel they deserve to have it, and they make mistakes that get them into trouble which they need to get out of by lying. While parents may take lying about these issues seriously, teens, on the other hand, do not think it is a big deal. It is a parent's responsibility to teach their teen that lying is a serious issue. But how can you tell if your teen is lying to you in the first place? Check out our screening quiz.

More: How To Tell If Your Teen Is Lying to You | Help Your Teen Regain Trust

What do you recommend a parent do when a teen is continually lying? Should parents discipline their teens for every lie?

As I recommended on this blog post about teen lying: 'Sometimes you just need to stand your ground and continue to give the same consequences for each lie until it sinks in that you are not going to waver 'the next time' either.

I would also look for the cycle of lying that she is in. Where does the lie begin? Talk with her about how to break that cycle, what does she think she can do to keep from having to feel like she needs to lie and how does she feel you can help her. Sometimes our children have great insights to these matters and we just don't realize that we just need to ask. '

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March 31, 2008 at 5:21 pm
(1) DARLENE says:


July 14, 2011 at 7:41 pm
(2) stephen james says:

what to do is if your child does not like the food you give them then ask what would you like i have had to do this with my child and is it healthy foods also sometimes the child may not like some foods its best to ask what they like and tell them what for dinner and keep all sweets away they will never eat any think that way

April 1, 2008 at 2:42 pm
(3) chris says:

you guys are over protective parents….
u all are *****

April 4, 2008 at 7:38 pm
(4) Alisha says:

okay umm parents are soo protective these days.
like why cant you just let your kid go out and have fun as long as there staying good kids.
its so stupid the rules that parents make for their kids cause they think there gonna go overdose on pills or some retarded stuff liek that.
holy crap just let ur kid have fun so u can have an honest open relationship wtih ur kid and be aware of what shes doing while talking about if she knows how to keep things under control.
or else your kid will hate u and you will have such a bad relationship where they keep on lying…. duh.

June 10, 2011 at 9:37 am
(5) momof2 says:

you must be a lying teen, very obvious. i suggest you respect your parents because they were there for your past, your present and will be there for your future, not your friends..

October 21, 2011 at 10:30 am
(6) Nick says:

if they are lying how can you have an open honest relationship.

April 16, 2008 at 11:10 am
(7) Joanne Fletcher says:

The thing about it is that I don’t know when he’s lying, he’s very good at it and I’m very easily manipulated. He gets it from his father who’s an excellent liar. I never know when to believe him!

April 16, 2008 at 11:52 pm
(8) Pajama Mommy says:

Thank you for submitting your post to the Mommy Monthly carnival at Pajama Mommy. We’ve included your post into the next edition. It will be posted on the 30th of this month so please stop on by and check out the other participants.

April 17, 2008 at 10:53 am
(9) Selina Poff says:

I have caught my daughter in lies 3 times, all about boys. I told her she isn’t old enough to have a boyfriend and she tells me they aren’t “going out” is the term used today for having a girfriend/boyfriend, they are just friends. I want her to be able to tell me anything, why does she keep doing it and what can i do so she doesnt feel she has to lie to me??!!

May 20, 2008 at 11:40 pm
(10) chase granum says:

If your daughter thinks she’s ready to date then you should let her. Nobody knows her better than she knows herself. Being her parent doesn’t mean you always know what she is and isn’t ready for.

June 19, 2008 at 1:43 pm
(11) Kisa says:

i took the test and its inaccurate in its questions. i look down because, well have you seen icey silver eyes glaring at you about to rip your head off? i don’t like contact with them because they don’t understand, and they just get mad at me whatever i say. truth or not. and its usually the truth. and im always defensive about people geting into my personel life, if i want to talk about it, i will. so this test is very inaccurate. besides, everyone needs their personnel space. mostly i agree w/ alisha.

July 7, 2008 at 3:11 pm
(12) truth seeker says:

Alisha and Kisa,

First, this site is for parents, not teenage girls who do not know how to spell or use proper english. Second, it is amazing that people who have barely lived life, mostly a sheltered one so far, feel as if they know everything and can give advice to adults. Third, respect your parents and quit thinking you know it all. One day you will find yourself in a position where you do not know anything and who do you think you will turn to, your parents. Last but not least, children need rules and discipline or they will end up as spoiled, uneducated, know it alls, who spend their time on parenting websites telling parents how to do their job.

July 16, 2008 at 6:19 pm
(13) Ashli says:

Truth seeker: I’m a teenage girl, I love having fun and I know how to spell and use proper english. I do respect my parents, I know I know it all! I know everything about everything. I do have rules, and I am discipline. I’m spoiled, educated, and I know it all.

I’m only 14, but I’m probably more educated than you are! I’m not your “straight A” teen and I’m not your “spoiled whore” either. I had to say it, but I’m one of the most popular girls in my school. The reason I’m loved so much, is probably because I’m so mature.

July 22, 2008 at 4:47 pm
(14) james says:

I agree with a lot of people here, Ok I’m 16 but it does wind me up how people cannot spell. “liek” I think you mean “like” Jeez..

July 23, 2008 at 9:14 pm
(15) Annie says:

I am a 40 year old mother with 3 kids, twins boy and girl (17) and a girl (11). I feel I can trust my kids when there out because I can talk to my children and this way they feel comfortable telling me what they are really doing and who they are really with. Some parents think that theie kids should not have boy/girl friends till they are older but I think that once they are 14/15 that they are going to wander into that direction anyway. Parents get so wound up over their children having sex. Not every girl gets pregnant they have contraceptive these days and yes it is unfortunate if the girl does get pregnant at a young age but it is not the end of the world. I don’t agree with children underage drinking but it is obvious that they will want to experience it. But when it comes to smoking and drugs there should be another law for it. I have warned my twins that they can have an odd drink to be sociable but if I ever catch them with drugs or smoking I would not be happy and they are happy with the freedom they get. They are active kids. They are involved in a lot of clubs and organisations and they are very well educated so I don’t see why they should not be given their freedom wihout getting the 3rd degree!

August 13, 2008 at 1:51 pm
(16) Gloria Boykin says:

We are setting up parenting labs around our shool and any information that you send me will be appreciated, brochures, posters,etc.
If you have any brochures that I can get for my school, please send them to the address below:

August 13, 2008 at 9:00 pm
(17) Janet Nelson says:

Yes Ashli you probably do know it all. And people love you because you know it all. So all of us parents should let our teens lie, smoke pot and drink. Right? And we should just let them have all of the fun they want like drive around wrecklessly and drive drunk. So Ashli since you are such a good person do you do a long list of chores everyday to help out around the house? Do you go out of your way to make sure you do a little extra to help your family each day? Do you pick up your room without asking since it is important to your parents since they did by the house you live in. Do you thank them for the nice computer and iPod you have? Or do you just think you deserve all of this because you are popular and people think you know it all?

September 1, 2008 at 7:23 pm
(18) lakesidechick says:

I’m Anna. I am 14, and I am happy my parents trust me. I have a boyfriend and I have never even thought to have sex with him because I know the effects of what happens to pregnant teens. I’m not saying I don’t kiss him, because I do, but that’s about it.
I also don’t drink or do drugs. Not everykid wants to do that stuff. It just depends on how your raised i think. My best friend, Layla’s, parents are really strict on her and her boyfriend and never let them be together, so when she see’s him they do alot. Basically, all but sex. I just think parents need to watch who the kids friends are and stuff but let them have some freedom, it helps.

September 3, 2008 at 6:43 pm
(19) Anonymous says:

First of all, this was originally about Teens lying to their parents… not about kids being responsible and everything…

Tip: This isn’t always very acurate, but children/teens often have a faster heartbeat when fibbing/lying. When you ask the kid if he/she is lying to you and get a very firm (or sometimes whiny) “No!” place your hand on the child’s heart. This might confuse the kid but if his/her heart is racing, it can be a sign that the child is worried that they’ll be caught.

September 22, 2008 at 6:28 pm
(20) Terry Minervini says:

Dear Anonymous,(#16)
Your tip is the best advice on here!!
Thanks, I will try that next time:)

September 23, 2008 at 6:22 pm
(21) Kay says:

My 13 year old daughter lies constantly; hides homework, don’t turn it in. She’s a bright student, but her lies are getting too much for me. This has been going on for too long. help!

September 26, 2008 at 5:38 pm
(22) Sarah says:

i am a 45 yr. old mom of 2 teens and an adult, all boys. they are given their freedom. but i do expect to know who what when where and why. if they cant be honest about that and i find out i have a big yard that needs landscaped.

October 3, 2008 at 11:24 am
(23) Kim S. says:

I’m in the same boat with my 13 year old daughter! Quite frankly I’m really glad to know I’m not the only one. What I do is really limit the privileges..and remind her it’s because we have no trust built up. She may be able to go to a friends after school – because I have to let her do something to build back up some trust – but she can’t stay overnight. She even told other kids…”one thing you don’t want to loose is your mom’s trust!” Our counselor suggested some time one on one, not for lecturing but for building a relationship, because in the teen years you can’t force them to obey or respect you they have to do that based on the love and mutual respect you share.

November 17, 2008 at 10:37 pm
(24) yanique says:

some parent are 2 over protected …some parents act like they were never young ..and wat they fear is that there child is gonna make the same mistake they did ..i think that why they so over protected but why can they remember when they were our age and they wanted privialges

December 4, 2008 at 1:11 pm
(25) Schoolkid says:

First off I’d like to say SOME parents are overprotective and like to restrict their children from doing anything. However the parents aren’t the one’s at fault here. I’ve come to find that as a teenager, I DON’T know much compared to my parents. I don’t know it all even if I like to think I do. Everyone is going to have problems with their parents. Maybe your parents had problems with their parents and that’s why they are so strict on you?
I know I am rambling a little here, but thing people (teens and parents alike) need to remember is that everyone goes threw some type of stress and some times lying seems the easiest way to get out of it. Some teen’s lie because they are so stressed out that they can’t handle their parents questioning. Some lie because they feel it gives them control over their parents. Teens have many reasons to lie, that doesn’t mean its right. I know that many of my peers fail to see the fact that lying always makes things worse. They overlook the prospect that if they tell the truth it might be easier. Why do they forget something so simple? They are afraid that if their parents know the truth their parents are going to kill them because of the mistake. Have you ever been in the family that encouraged their children to tell them the truth but when the kid admitted their mistakes the parent jumped them for it? What type of impression would that give you? It’s basically saying “Tell the truth, and get in trouble. Or Lie and no one will know.”
I know not everyone is like that but I know many are so before you start hating your parents because they jump you anytime you make a mistake. Just remember they are only trying to do what’s best for you parents make mistakes too.
And Parents, please before you gripe your kid out for lying, remember that you were a kid once too, how did it feel?

December 21, 2008 at 6:02 am
(26) Jess says:

I’m sorry. This is a great blog post. I was just reading the comments and I had to laugh.
Truthseeker, you are so right about these kids and doesn’t Ashli prove it for you in her follow up post. I don’t think she meant to be funny but wow…..that was off the charts. It screams “I’m sheltered and have never dealt with a real problem” i know she wants to get under everyone’s skin and sound cool independent which is what makes it so funny. I apologize for laughing Ashli. You’ll see one day when your an adult. This is very funny.
Thanks again for a great post!

January 1, 2009 at 10:09 pm
(27) Luchia Nava says:

Hey mah name is luchia i am 13 years old.I have a boyfriend and whee talk everynight about sex.And i think whe are starting to get to the point were we are ready to have sex.I am 13 he is 14 and i truely love him.On january 18th it will be our anneversery

February 27, 2009 at 12:30 am
(28) Khloe says:


I couldn’t help but laugh at Luchia Nava’s stupidity.

Stay in school, honey. Anyone on the face of the planet that spells “we” as “whee” should be sterilized.

Congradulations on your “anNEVERsery”. My eleven year old spells it correctly, for your information.

March 4, 2009 at 9:37 pm
(29) momofsix says:

My comment is for Luchia. Your body is not even fully developed at 13 and unless you are capable in every way to have and raise a child, you have no business taking risks. No birth control is 100% foolproof. I don’t doubt that you love your boyfriend,but you should also love yourself enough to not take such huge chances with your life. Think about what you really want to achieve with the ONE life you have.

March 13, 2009 at 12:36 am
(30) Adam says:

I think the young children that think they know it all and cant spell is such a shame.

Us adults put up with more then your little developing minds can handle.

The reason why parents can be so protective
is that they have lived.
they have seen the dark side of the world
and all they try to do is to protect you from it.

There are many paths you can take in life,
your parents try to keep you on the right path in life so you can have a good life.

Growing up for some can be hard, but thats not your parent’s fault.

Best advice I can give to all the teenagers
Listen and learn from your parent while they are still around. and if you dont respect your parents and continue to lie to them and worry them, you may as well dig there grave.
Then who’s going to be there for you?, your friends? goodluck.

March 17, 2009 at 10:31 am
(31) Sharonwifey says:

Cant believe the nitpickers who are using a blog about something this important to berate those who cant spell properly!!!! Can you imagine being the teenage child of one of these people????? Get a grip. I am interested to know how I set and maintain boundaries with my teenage children without them thinking I am an old fossil who knows nothing. And I want to know how to stop my house being a battlefield of endless arguments. Oops, I used ‘and’ at the beginning of a sentence – I am off to get myself sterilised!!

March 17, 2009 at 11:30 pm
(32) Ian says:

Selina Poff:
Um, obviously she’ll keep doing what she’s doing. Rules don’t change behaviour after the fact. I agree with you that she’s probably over her head, but you should have established what is allowed while the was still young.

truth seeker:
It’s the Internet. Suck it up.

Luchia Nava:
Secret Life of the American Teenager is not real life, honey. Sex when you are 13 is nothing but idiocy. Pregnancy is not glamourous. And don’t be surprised when you start being known as the ‘whore’ around school.

March 26, 2009 at 10:21 am
(33) James says:

I’ve caught me oldest daughter lying to me twice. On both occaisions her consequence was the same. As most teenagers are “picky” eaters I prepared a meal of scrambled eggs with onions and green peppers. I made a plate for her and a plate for myself. We both sat down to eat. I ate mine with great enthusiasm as I am not a picky eater. She sat for 3 hours not able to watch TV or use her cell or even get up. She used the bathroom frequently. At her third request I advised her that she would not use the bathroom again until it was eaten. She has either gotten better at lying or she has learned that lying has consequences.

March 26, 2009 at 10:30 am
(34) James says:

I have an step son that has had in the past anger management issues. He has been verbally & physically abusive to me in the past…….no more. I do not encorporate corporal punishment and I do not yell. What I do is find a suitable consequence for the behavior. He likes to play video games and watch TV, what kid doesn’t. After his last episode towards me I took away his ability to play ANY video games or watch TV until he read “Danny, Champion of the world” by Roald Dahl. Once read he had to answer 10 questions about the book. This was one of my favorite books as child. He went two months going without before picking the book up and reading it. He answered the questions with a 70% accuracy. the remaining 3 questions he looked up in the book and answered before he could play video games and watch TV. He may not be the perfect angel we would like him to be but he hasn’t been verbally or physically abusive to me or his mother since.

July 15, 2009 at 3:04 pm
(35) mayra says:

My 17 year old lied about my husband wanting to have sex with her. i know from the information she gave me that she had been lying. it really broke my heart, but she just kept insisting it was true. Now she lives with her grandma and is very happy there, beccause she thinks she will have all the freedom we dont give her.

September 20, 2009 at 8:43 am
(36) Mary O'Hara says:

my Name Is Mary And Im 29 years Old With Two Kids.
I Have To Laugh At The Fact That These Kids Think They Know Everything About Life When Half Of Them Can’t Even Spell Correctly!
Luchia Nava You Think Your Ready For Sex?
I First Had Sex When I Was 16 And I Got Pregnant And My Child Has Downs Syndrome. So The Next Time You Think your Ready For Sex Think Of The Risks!
It Is So Very Hard Looking After A Baby When Your Still A Child Yourself And It Is Even Harder When Your Child Has Special Needs!

October 10, 2009 at 6:45 am
(37) also concerned says:

Dear Parents and Teens—
I hope that you will look at the evidence that speaks for itself regarding teens and sexual involvement. Just be open to reading what kids themselves say as they enter their 20s and 30s. One survey reports that 60% of sexually active teens regret their choice. Several others are honest enough to say that it was the “emotional fallout” of their sexual activity that hurt, not a fear of pregnancy or STDs. “No one told me about that,” they often say. You’re talking a short-term gain of satisfying your desires for what is too often a very long-term loss. Only you can be their parent.

October 16, 2009 at 11:58 pm
(38) Brenda Ware says:

Trust in any relationship takes time to establish.Once that trust is broken it takes time to build it up again.Lying is a very destructive habit/coping mechanism in any relationship.My 14 year old daughter takes/steals things from her father and me,and lies with no remorse or conscience .she seems completely disinterested that it hurts our relationship,makes us feel we can’t trust her,and has changed our relationship to a strained,uptight one ,where both my husband and I sleep with our wallets under our pillows.She is in counseling ,but so far we have not seen much of a change.I’m worried for her future.If she steals so easily from us and lies about it even when presented with the evidence-I wonder when and where she will see something she desires and will help herself-the mall,the drugstore,a friends home,at school??

October 22, 2009 at 12:44 am
(39) Kay says:

Ashli: please donate some of your time to your community you live in. They will benefit from your wealth of knowledge, charismatic personality, and maturity.

October 30, 2009 at 12:50 am
(40) Rockstar says:

I’m a 38 yr old male who recently moved in with his girlfriend and her 14 yr old daughter, who, as it turns out, is just beginning the lying stage of early teenhood. We’ve tried grounding – both worldly and electronically (no facebook, MSN Chat, etc…) and we’ve tried talking. We even recently drew up a contract that outlines chores and responsibilities around the house. We’ve also pointed out the woes of lying – someone mentioned an emergency for example. The problem we find is that at 14, she has no clue about finances or suing, only that everything’s done for her, including cooking, cleaning bus fare etc… So the comparisson really doesn’t matter, like trying to teach a dog that wings are for flying. We’ve also (big fan of this one) tried calmly (this is the way of this household) presenting the evidence so that she knows we know she’s lying. Doesn’t matter. Oh it matters for a moment but 10 mins later everything’s all back to normal – even if we are somewhat distant due to anger. It’s kinda funny, the most recent lie we caught her in… she had taken a piece of cake & left a huge mess in the kitchen (I’m not even sure how much cake was actually left for her to consume after seeing the mess), she stated quite firmly a number of times that she did not consume any cake. We showed her the dirty knife, we showed her the icing that was smeared all over the counter top, we even showed her the stain on her shirt (due to the smearing) and that’s when she finally came clean. I’ve got NO experience raising a 14 yr old girl but I DO remember my teenage years quite clearly and this is how I’m able to determine the lies so readily. What I can’t fathom is why? It would seem illogical to lie. I mean let’s face it. The worst thing that can happen to a child by Ontario law at the least is that they are grounded and I’m sure that is questionable as well. So if the child knows this, then why not just say “I ate the cake, what are you going to do about it? Ground me?”. I agree with the chosen solution from the liar himself. Violence (yelling is a violent act) is NOT the answer. Violence is about 1 of 2 things. 1. Control or 2. Self preservation. I think that affording the child the opportunity to make their own mistake(s) can present a valuable lesson. Having said that, at 14 yrs of age, the consequences to the lie are nominal. I mean honestly, if you catch your teen in a lie you’ve got grounding (whether from electronics, certain web sites, music, etc…) and that’s it. They know that they will have to play it cool for a time then the freedom will come back. They may not really value their freedom to begin with so that in itself makes it a moot point. You can only take away so much until your teen is left with nothing but a sleeping mat & blanket. So what then?

November 23, 2009 at 5:34 pm
(41) David says:

I agree it doesn’t seem helpful to verbally crush a teen’s posted opinion, or pick at things like they’re spelling.

As to my situation, I am running out of ideas for a 15y/o daughter that lies repeatedly, despite the consequences. She lost use of cell phone progressively until now she has lost texting for good after texting during class and lying about it. She has been grounded progressively. She has had home phone and computer time progressively taken away, and has had early bed times. I always make a punishment much lighter if she does something wrong but fesses up, honoring her willingness to ‘face the music’. Two of my sister’s 3 children have spent teen years in Boystown, and one of the things they wish they had not done with their kids was be so harsh with punishments. The teens got to the point where they had nothing, so had nothing to lose in bad behavior. Is that faulty logic or not? Because I seem to be close to that with my daughter. I could use lots of examples of tried and true successful responses to lying, and any books aimed at teens, written by teens, that help teens get a postive outlook on the truth and demonstrate the negative life consequences of lying.

November 24, 2009 at 2:05 pm
(42) Looking4Answers says:

Way too many postings full of stuff that doesn’t pertain to lying. My daughter is a 15 year old honors student who recently has taken up lying as a hobby. We run a pretty tight ship at our house but not over the top. For a cell phone, their options are “the Go phone” or “the No phone”. It’s for emergencies only kids….if you need to talk to someone, pick up the phone. It builds your communication skills and will help you when it comes time to interview for college or a job. Moving on, she’s started talking about driving and I’ve explained that “driving is a priveledge, not a right”. As soon as you show me you’re responsible enough to make your bed everyday, then we’ll talk. Well, I’m batting about 500 right now. Making the bed isn’t tops on the list in our house and frankly in the grand scheme of things, it’s not important. What I’m wondering is letting her off the hook on the little things and not holding her accountable, leading to bigger things like lying? Should there be consequences for lying or just a talk to explain the ramifications and why’s? I was a major fibber when I was young and it continued until post college and work. Then it got to the point where I was so stressed out about trying to keep up with the lies that I realized the truth is always easier and in fact “will set you free”. As all parents know, the “do as I say, not as I do” approach doesn’t work with kids. So what’s the answer?

December 9, 2009 at 1:41 am
(43) Yvonne says:

This site are for parents who need a bit of guidance with their teens. I am so grateful for a site such as this one. For those who are leaving negative comments about this site. It’s evident that you guys don’t need a site such as this one so why are you wasting not only your time but our time as well.

December 22, 2009 at 9:57 am
(44) janice says:

I had to learn the hard way to respect my parents. What I mean is they really are your foundation. I lost my mom when I was 18 from cancer and my father soon after. You relive in your mind what transpired over the years and how you hurt them and why. You cant go to them when you are raising your own. Cherish your parents and put aside the small stuff. It’s a maturity thing, but life truly is short and you could lose your parents tomorrow and you would be devestated to know that you didnt love and appreciate them while they were here.

December 22, 2009 at 1:54 pm
(45) Kay says:

In response to Rockstar: My teen behaves similarly. The best solution we have come up with is for her to know she is NOT entitled to special treatment just because she is special and loved by us. Soon she will be in the real world and has to know that she cannot have deviant or selfish behavior that impedes her success.Now when she is in trouble, she must work hard around the house to undo the damage or lies. She also earns back her priveleges this way. It does help tremendously.

January 22, 2010 at 4:20 pm
(46) DeAnne Crenshaw says:

i am a 16 1/2 girl all we want is our parents to give us freedom like me i have none no cell phone, car, and can’t go out with friends on the weekend so trust me we want FREEDOM thats all!!!!!!

June 9, 2010 at 4:07 pm
(47) Disappointed Mom says:

I have recently found out my teen was having sex. She pulled the wool over my eyes. I thought she was such a good girl and thought she would be honest with me. I talked to her often about the dangers of sex, child bering and std’s. She is very active in the church and I thought she would make more mature decisions. I feel so hurt and betrayed. I don’t think I have ever hurt so much in my life. I don’t know how to talk to her now. I don’t know how to get the trust back and moreover, I don’t think I will ever look at her the same. I want to make her get a job and pay her own way. I want to make her become financially responsible for herself. Is this right? She is 16 by the way. I feel if she is going to make adult decisions she needs to have adult consequences or should I take it all away from her? Freedom, car, cell, computer access, her own room/bathroom? I don’t know, my heart is crying out loud!! I want to crawl in a hole and never come out. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

March 26, 2011 at 9:21 pm
(48) Annika4 says:

She wants to be an adult? Make her pay for all her stuff (make her get a job). Make her pay for her own makeup, clothes, jewelery, shoes, car, gas, insurance, phone, extracurricular in school & out of school activities and if she wants to eat lunch at school have her make her own sack lunch (and breakfast). Don’t give her money/cash (she’ll use it for other things) for lunches at school. Make her do her own laundry & dishes and clean her own room & bathroom. Oh, and don’t give her rides to school. If she can’t afford a car, she can ride the bus, just like an adult with no car would.

September 28, 2011 at 7:53 am
(49) Marion says:

I know exactly how you feel. My daughter is older than yours but I was surprised to find out about her having sex. We have always been very open with each other and I thought we had an understanding but obviously she trusts her friends more than she trusts me. If she comes home pregnant are her friends going to deal with it? I don’t think so.
I don’t understand why, these kids think they are equipped to handle things that women sometimes 20 years older than them have problems with. Honestly, if she isn’t mature enough to be honest with me about having sex how is she mature enough to handle the fallout? She’s not mature enough to even keep her room clean but having sex is okay?
I don’t know what to do either and I haven’t said anything to her but my heart is also broken. I’m very angry right now.

October 5, 2011 at 4:13 pm
(50) L. Jo says:

I felt compelled to reply to you Marion as I am going through the EXACT experience now, though the things my 17 year old daughter lies about are not sexual in nature. Everything but! At least that’s what I think, but who knows? She lies about the littlest things that don’t even REQUIRE a lie! We have been very close over the years – I am an at home mom, truly a dying breed, but you get close to your kids when you with them so much. I wonder now if perhaps I am too close to her, because her lies are causing such heartache for me…
Right now I am focusing on not taking her lies personally, which is a struggle for me. I am also trying to adjust my expectations so that if she does lie, I am not SO devastated. How are things going with you and your daughter now?

June 25, 2010 at 2:33 pm
(51) robert says:

Lying is only part of it, it’s a conveient tool to use when you are a master at manipulation. We use manipulation along with lying to “get what you want” when you know you can’t have it! Stopping, or curbing manipulation will stop the lying. We all lie every day to someone or ourselves, these are generally small lies that don’t hurt or cause stressfull situations.

July 5, 2010 at 2:17 am
(52) Noname says:

I’m 13 and I am so mad at my parents, I got my I pod touch taken away for three months and finaly got it back I had it for a week then download a $1.00 app and now I’ve goten it taken away forever I didn’t even lie about it either, they asked me if I did it and I said yes they asked me how I said because we have WI-FI then the said no do you know the password then I said yes it’s ******** so now I will never see it again cause it’s going to be locked up in my dads gun safe which has an 11 digit code and the only thing that pisis me off more than this is the fack that my brother done the same thing exept he took 15 $ of my credit and he never got his I pod touch taken away at all

March 23, 2011 at 10:11 pm
(53) Danny Smith says:

Take his I Pod. LOL

September 14, 2010 at 10:57 pm
(54) NoName II says:

I cannot believe the amount of teenagers on here that are constantly whining about Ipods, cell phones, computers, freedom, boyfriends, etc.

I have a perfect solution for all the kiddos that have graced our presence on this blog:

1. Go out and get a good paying job. See if you can find a job in this wonderful economy.

2. Move out while you still know it all. Rent or buy a house, buy a car, insurance, etc.

3. Go to school while working. You will have to work fulltime nightshift to make enough money to support yourself.

4. If you have enough energy after the first couple of days, go ahead, go out and explore your new found “freedom”. Get pregnant/get someone pregnant and enjoy parenthood. In about 13 years you can go through the same BS that you kiddos are putting us through today.

FYI: I am 34 year old male raised on a farm that has a 15 year old step daughter. She lies like it is going out of style and requests much of the same things that other teens are well known for on this site.

I would invite any of you kids to follow the 4 steps above. See how you like it.

Just for the record:

1. Had my own lawn cutting service in my community at 12 years old. Pulled my lawn mower behind my bicycle all while carrying my weed trimmer.

2. At 13 landed my first “official job” making $2.75 an hour.

3. At 14 obtained another job while keeping the job mentioned in number 2 helping a local carpenter drywall.

4. At 15 ran track in school and still kept my jobs.

5. At 16 got rid of job mentioned in number 2, and began sawing logs for a local logger.

6. Kept jobs metioned in number 5. Graduated high school with a GPA of 3.85 and money to boot. Went on to college and became a civil engineer.

Never once dreamed about lying to/disrespecting my parents as much as kids do today.

Worst thing America did was push the small farms out-kids don’t know what work is.

September 26, 2010 at 12:19 pm
(55) Kate says:

I’m a 15 year old girl and as a matter of fact, I do know how to spell, but spelling is completely irrelevant to this post so the adults tying to nitpick at the comments left by teenagers are probably more pathetic and immature than the majority of teenagers today.
I do not know the answer to everything, no one does, and I do not think the world revolves around me, so please stop stereotyping teenagers as moody, spoilt brats. Everybody has emotions, and when you’re going through puberty, hormones can create large mood swings which continue throughout life. This does not mean that teenagers lose their minds and have no clue about what they’re doing. If your children are spoilt brats, then it’s their upbringing that has caused it, i.e. you.
In schools today we are taught advanced physics, biology, chemistry, along with many other subjcts such as foreign languages etc, and we are pressured with exams constantly. The knowledge we have about the subjects we are taught at school means that we probably are cleverer than the average 40 year old in that respect. We would acheive A*, the average adult would recieve C/B in the exams we sit. So yes, we have only lived a fraction of our lives but we are not a load of dumbasses. You may have more life experience, but stop pretending you are an omniscient being because of that. Cont.

September 26, 2010 at 12:22 pm
(56) Kate says:

To the adults who believe teenagers cannot maturely handle topics such as sex and relationships, you are entirely wrong. The only reason we would not be able to deal with sex would be because of misinfomation and uneducation from the influential people in our lives – parents , friends, teachers and sociey as a whole . So whilst you may have been brought up in a nunnery where holding hands was deemed to be a sin, it is the 21st century, where there is birthcontrol, family planning centres, abortion clinics and an extensive amount of information about sex. With the right infomation and open relationships with parents who are not judgemental facists, sex can be accepeted as a beautiful, fun act which should happen between two people who trust each other and are ready- irrelevant of age. Only you know when you are ready, not your parents, so stop tryng to manipulate your children to live the life you would have wanted to live in retrospect. Everyone makes their own mistakes and by accepting them we better ourselves.Your mistakes are your own and no one elses, go ahead and talk about things you would have done differently, but for God’s sake, don’t try and control your children, you’ll end up making them go off the rails when they get to university and face the world which you hid from them. Cont.

September 26, 2010 at 12:23 pm
(57) Kate says:

About the lying issue, yes I lie, guess what, so does everyone on the planet. Small lies generally aren’t an issue, bigger lies are. I personally find that I lie when I already know my parent’s views on a topic conflict with my thoughts or actions. If you want an open relationship with your teenagers, let them speak thier mind before you go ahead saying you biased veiw on a topic, then you’ll be able to know exactly what your teenager thinks, enabling you to have a conversation about the topic. notice the word conversation- it is absolutley no use raising your voice and shouting if you find out about something your teenager did or thinks which conflicts with what you wanted them to do or think. this makes you the immature one as you are making it immpossible to have an open DISCUSSION and debate, where both you and your teenager express your views. if they are going to do something,they’re going to do it, there is no point in prohibiting them to do it, because chances are, they’ve already gone behind your back and done it. it’s you fault that they feel the need to go behind your back. open up a little and get a grip. respect and trust is a two way street. Cont.

September 26, 2010 at 12:24 pm
(58) Kate says:

. I’m presuming many people are going to think that i cannot blame parents because you raised us and paid for us etc. Guess what, I am grateful for absolutely everything i have, my laptop, phone, Ipod and my life. when I have enough of an education to get a fulfilling job, hopefully as a doctor in third world countries, i will leave home and live off my own back. For now i will have my saturday job and i will be grateful for what i get. But if parents constantly press the point that they look after us and we should be grateful, it makes me wonder, why on Earth did you have children? you knew it was 18 years of looking after a human being and if you go on ahead, disrespecting and disliking teenagers they are not going to be grateful for the upbringing you give them. so the adults on this post who are making out that teenagers and children in general should be making a living, when the hell did you pop into existance? as an adult fully equipped with a career? did you hate youself as a child growing up? would you have preferred it that your parents hadn’t created you or raised you? just think back to when you were a teenager and remember how it felt to be judged and conrtolled by your parents. so you think we are giving you BS to deal with? well you are reciprocating that BS too. so yes, this comment is riddled with typing mistakes, which i would proabably blame on the keyboard and exasperation at the amount of adults who have forgotten what it was like to be a teenager and who are stuck in their own idealistic time warp. One thing you have taught me? to remember how being a teenage “anomaly in society” feels and to hope that i don’t turn into a sour bit** like yourselves.

March 21, 2011 at 1:30 pm
(59) Maya says:

I’m a parent and disappointed by the lack of love in many of the parent comments towards children who are voicing their views honestly on this site.
That said I’m on this site because I’m hurt and upset to find my 14 year old daughter is lying to me again. This is the third time this year, I’ve caught her wearing clothes she did not leave the house in. I want her to feel proud of her body and she has every reason to, but some of her choices make her appear extremely sexy which for my fourteen year old daughter makes me nervous. It’s not just fourteen year old boys who are going to be seeing her like that. She’s buying the clothes herself without me knowing and with money she’s earned babysitting. Rather than going on about the clothing thing, what truly concerns me is the lying. It makes me question many other things she’s told me and worry. The most important thing to me is that she be able to talk to me and come to me for help. But I also want to protect her and keep her safe. I’d be interested in your feedback Kate.

October 6, 2010 at 12:10 pm
(60) Kensington says:

Interesting comments coming from both parents and teenagers. I’m glad to see teenagers putting in their 2 cents. It’s never helpful to dismiss “all” teenagers as this or that (usually something negative), nor is it helpful to dismiss all parents as this or that (again, something negative).

October 11, 2010 at 12:23 pm
(61) Henry Beyer says:

Lying will happen, I think we can all agree on that. Some teens will do it more than others and some will lie about more serious things than others. Simply addressing lying as a symptom and punishing for lying will most likely only make a teen become better at it. It wont stop them from lying. Seeking first to understand where your teen is coming from, acknowledging them as person, and giving them unconditional love will do more to curb lying than any amount of punishment.

October 20, 2010 at 11:40 pm
(62) deb says:

Hi I have a 15 yr old daughter, we just fought last night about her hanging in the city with her street friends. She doesn’t go to school as she left and goes to adult education but it’s meant to be full time and yet they only go for about 5 hours a week over 3 days. I said she had too much time on her hands to be chilling all the day with these people. Today she went and now I just found out she’s in the city again, but this time because of the fight we had, she rung me and said she was just going in to her class. She just lied…what should I do, to get her away from this hanging in the city and now lying about she’s there because she knows I don’t want her there?

November 7, 2010 at 10:13 pm
(63) Valery says:

I am 14 myself and sometimes I get frustrated with my parents mainly about my main issues because I have no social life and I want to start dating. Parents, teens are going to do what they want regardless what you say,I’m no slut but I dont know what to do. I want to go out more and have fun!!! Parents give your teens more trust.

November 12, 2010 at 3:08 pm
(64) Texas Mom says:

Our second of four children is a real challenge. He is an “in-your-face-I-don’t-care” kind of guy – very strong-willed and defiant. He has been lying lately about his grade level in school, and also telling people that he is working on a significant community service project (which he is not). He COULD be all of these things by the end of the year, but he is NOT at this point. I can’t decide if this is just teenage magical thinking or the mark of a pathological liar. Fortunately he has a great relationship with his counselor, and I hope they will address his need to lie about these issues.
With this child we had an extremely rough year of lie after lie, drug abuse, failing school, trouble with the police, and worst of all, a suicide attempt. We started attending PDAP (Palmer Drug Abuse Program – they use Al-Anon material), finding him a counselor and psychiatrist (both do family sessions), and changing schools (from a big public high school to a little free charter school which is self-paced). All of these things have helped, but we still have a long way to go!

His plan is to finish high school early and join the Air Force at 17. This is not MY plan for him, but his dad and I will sign the papers should this actually happen (he has been told that the USAF has no use for troublemakers and/or drug users.)

As he gets older he knows that every day he is closer to 18 than the day before. His dad and I are committed to not enabling him, nor will he live in our home at that time. It has been a tough road. We do not bribe him with a car or cell phone. If he wants those things he will have to be a responsible adult who pays his own bills.

All the best to those other parents out there!! Hang on!!

December 13, 2010 at 3:48 pm
(65) trini says:

thanks so much this really helps me with my 16 year old son that thinks he knows it all and that everything he does and says is what goes, im hanging in there trying my best to keep him on the right path but it gets harder by the day. he says hes just waiting to high school be 18 to move out and be on his own i told him that if thats what he wants to do and if he thinks its easy out there then go for it experience and get a taste of the hard l;ife as it has been for me trying to raise him. Thanks so much for this advice.

Trini huerta

March 16, 2011 at 4:11 pm
(66) dokey says:

Looking back on some of these comments I would like just to add that I believe most teens live only in the MOMENT. That is why ipods, cells, computers, etc. and peers take up much of their time. Why not focus on the future! Find out what their goals are to achieve in a short time then expand on them in the future. I bet they will go on to adult life just fine..

March 23, 2011 at 10:08 pm
(67) Danny Smith says:

I have read a few of these post and I think the parents forgot about when they stated having sex. I think they have gotten old and forgotten the troubles they caused their parents when they started having sex. The more they make a big deal over their children’s boyfriend or girlfriend the more they will want to be with that person and the more they will want to have sex or make love with. I let my daughter make her own choices if she has sex with her boyfriend and they make a baby it is on them. We are parents not their jailors. You can not watch your child 24/7/365 and if you try they will have sex or make lover to someone and may be someone that they don’t even know instead of the friend you do not like If no one had sex then there be no new babies born into the world. If you recall you had sex and your parents said no. If you did not have sex where did your kids come from. GOD did not give them to you.

September 28, 2011 at 8:02 am
(68) Pat says:

Danny, are you saying if you had a daughter and she got pregnant at 14 that is “on her” and you would feel in no way responsible in the least?
You’re right, we aren’t their jailors but I think at 14 if a girl has a 17 year old boy after them for sex they aren’t making an informed decision “giving it up” to them. Something like that ISN’T okay.
Try being a little more responsible for your offspring. I doubt you’re telling the truth about being a father with an attitude like that.
How sad if you are.

November 14, 2011 at 5:57 pm
(69) FedUp says:

My daughter is 14. Last year she was secretly seeing a 16 yr old boy who lives an hour away near her grandmother’s house. I found out through facebook and basically stated she was not to see him anymore. Her grandmother agreed to that as well, or so I thought. Here it is over a year later and today I found out that not only have they still been seeing each other but grandma knew all along! I feel betrayed and stupid. If something happens to her, it is MY responsibility. I have confronted my daughter but not grandma, not yet. I wish I knew what to do, I wish I had the answers. I guess my 1st mistake was trusting someone whose own daughter was pregnant by 15…. Pat you are absolutely right and Danny it is your job to be her PARENT. That’s what you signed up for when she was made, the responsibility of raising her and all that goes along with that. It doesn’t matter what you did when you were her age, don’t you want better for her than that? She’s a child still, she knows nothing about the world yet, my daughter included and that’s why I feel she’s not ready for what this world can do to her. A lot of guys will say a lot of things to get a little girl to do what they want and that’s what scares me. I have not only lost trust in my daughter today, but I have also lost a friend in her and in her grandma as well.

March 31, 2011 at 11:07 pm
(70) pam says:

My friend’s daughter is 14 and has been lieing since 5th grade. Not so much to her parents, but to her friends and boy friends. She tells them a very detailed story about how messed up she is and on drugs and how she was attacked in the woods in 5th grade. How she drinks every night in her room, addicted to drugs, has drug dealers, says she’s wasted when she really isn’t. We have found this out because the ex-boyfriends call and tell her mother. Her mother has researched almost all the stories and can prove they are lies. They have had her drug tested and it was clean. She spent 2-3 years with a child counsler. They also have done family counseling. She doesn’t talk to the counslers, so they can’t help. Does anyone know what to do or who to contact for help in this area?

January 2, 2012 at 2:12 am
(71) Lesley says:

I hate to say it but truth seeker is right. Teenagers like alisha think they know it all but they dont. I am 23 and have been in an abusive relationship with a guy and when he asked me at 18 to marry him I said no.I know how hard it is to leave someone you love but if people spoil their kids, they are gonna be disrespectful and lie and other stuff. I have smoked pot, I drink once in a while, I have lied a lot of times, snuck out of the house. I have matured and have not smoked pot in over4 yrs because it is very unhealthy. I wasnt a big pot smoker but I have smoked. I have drank under aged and was taking an antibiotic and at the time I was like 16 and immature but since then I have matured a lot. I know parents can be overprotected but they want what is best for you. My parents never stuck by punishments. My mom always worked n my dad worked but never stayed at 1 job. After my dad left for NC, he had caught an STD from this girl and she never told him until he was gonna come back to NY but when she told him he had HIV he committed suicide because he could not handle it but it was his own fault for screwing around when he was married and it was not the 1st time either. I agree with parents being overprotected of their kids having sex at a very young age. Kids definately need boundaries. I dont believe in corpal punishment. Some parents think hitting their kid works but it make the kid think it is ok for them to hit because they were hit. I look at it this way, why hit your kid if you didnt like being hit? I know a lot of this stuff jus by reading it on the internet on the parenting sites and Dr. Phil. I have no kids but I see how hard it is to raise a chilf. It dont look easy. Toys come with instructions not children and my mom always told my sisters and I. I dont know how my mom raised 7 kids but I am sure it was hard to do. Every one of my moms kids had kids but me because not am I not only ready but I know financially I cannot take care of a child.

January 17, 2012 at 2:34 am
(72) debbie says:

my step daughter went to stay with her mum for 18 months, after always residing with her dad, and since she has come back she has told some horrible nasty lies, both to her friends at school and posts on face book. she has said her mum tried to kill her, her step dad raped her, when we spoke to her she said she was angry and it just came out, we have explained the consequences of such accusations, but it does not seem to have any affect on her. i kind of get the feeling she does not care how it affects other people, both the one she accuses and the family she lives with as i have 2 teenage sons who have to my knowledge not done anything like this, is it the difference between boys and girls?? as the boys are very open and honest. we have always tried to encourage them to voice their views in the proper manner, and explained that we may not like or agree with what they say but we do accept thier take on things, as we try our best to stay open to what they say and not to judge them on it. if anyone has any suggestions to how we may be doing things wrong or maybe advice on how to broach her lies it would be much appreciated…….

February 8, 2012 at 2:25 pm
(73) Kathy says:

No matter how big or small……a lie is a lie. Integrity (honesty) is one of the greatest parts of a person’s character (who they are). If you say you are going to do something then do it. It must not be right, if you have to lie about it.

Oh and by the way, parents are not over protective these days and that is part of the problem. There are too many parents (such as myself) who have let their children get by with way too much and with that comes problems.

I pray that it’s not too late for me to salvage what I can with my children.

February 8, 2012 at 3:02 pm
(74) Alison says:

Okay, to truthseeker:
I’m a teenage girl, I’m fifteen and I’ll be turning sixteen in March. I’m only on this site because I caught my mother browsing through a bunch of “how to deal with your troubled teen” articles. I took the test and it is so bizarre and far-fetched that it borders on amusing. Please don’t tell me that parents actually pay attention to where their child looks or if they touch their face or not because if you think about it, that kind of behaviour is something to be worried about; rather than looking at the teens behaviour, maybe parents should reflect on their own for a bit.

Rockstar, you’re step-daughter was lying about eating CAKE for god’s sake! Unless you want her to become a model, this will not have a negative impact on her life. Calm down. L.Jo, as long as your daughter isn’t lying about the big things, what’s the problem? If she starts lying about the big things then you could get worried.

Adults say that teenagers are irrational and moody and just bad news. Well guess what, not all of us are so stop grouping us together as one large f’ed up society. I know many teens who drink. I understand that it’s bad for your briain but if the French can have a glass of wine with dinner when they’re 12, why can’t we? The problem is drinking in excess, and there are many teeangers I know who actually know when to stop drinking so that they are slightly buzzed but not drunk. And if I get replies going “how do you know, you’re probably wasted” I would have you know that I don’t drink, I mean barely. And when I do, it’s in front of my parents.

That being said I would like to point out that I have a pretty good relationship with my parents. In fact, the only times I have ever lied to them is when it concerned my boyfriend because I’m not allowed to date till I’m 18, which I think is unreasonable. But my boyfriend is the only issure, and my parents know about him but they don’t like it so I lie to keep them happy.

March 18, 2012 at 11:10 pm
(75) autumn says:

umm im 12 and my boyfriend asked to have sex and i said u know wow im not ready and i told him that and he is going to want me to when i go over what ahould i do

March 20, 2012 at 6:41 am
(76) Denise Guide to Parenting Teens says:

Talk to your parents. And he isn’t worth your time.

September 16, 2012 at 1:04 am
(77) chel says:

My daughter and I have a close relationship, but she is constantly lying about her life to her friends and I have caught her in lies and hear from others about the lies she says. I figured it was a bad group of friends, now we are living in a new state and I find out she is still lying. We have a happy home and happy family, what do I do?

November 24, 2012 at 4:19 am
(78) ugogrl says:

I was a teen that lied to my parents all the time.

Were they overprotective? No.

I was just a bad kid.

I never thought about the harm I did to them. I was only thinking of myself, and the fun I wanted to have. My life choices brought consequences that were very painful to me, and all the things they told me not to do were only to protect me from harm. I have since apologized for those things. Mostly i wanted them to know it was not their fault. But mine. Parents are smarter than we are. There is a right way to grow up, and a much more fun wrong way to do it. Kids get to choose which way they want to go. Hopefully, they will learn early what is a benefit, and what is just going to hurt them in the end.

Lastly, I did do a 180, and came to my senses, I found out that drugs, drinking, and the boyfriends, and friends in general, were never there when you really needed help, they all bailed.
I chose to learn and live like my mom and dad s.

January 4, 2013 at 11:56 pm
(79) lucy says:

Guys, you all need to calm down. Really.
Have you seeen those movies where a little boy falls in love with a little girl? Well, that’s actually pretty normal, even if that’s just a movie. I think the worse thing you can do, as a parent, is not allowing your child to have a girlfriend/boyfriend. You know why? Because teenagers need to know how real life is, taking little pieces if it. Are you reaally going to tell me that if your daughter had sex you’re going to make her pay everything? Try to think about it. I know sometimes we teenagers just don’t think, but I have a boyfriend. Do you know how much I love him? No. I actually feel confortable with him, I would love to see him as an adult, because that means freedom. The warm feeling we get when we are simply lying on the couch admiring each other is something many adults think us, teenagers, cannot get. Wake up. Your children are smart, aren’t they? Try to teach them how to think. Of course I want to have sex with my boyfiriend, and I’m just 16. Am I going to tell my parents? I don’t think so. [Continues]

January 4, 2013 at 11:58 pm
(80) lucy says:

They are adults who won’t understand it, they treat me as a five-year-old. They are not my friends. I trust them a lot of stuff, giving them little bites of MY world. What do I get? “Please stop talking for a while!”. I know most of you maybe can’t understand that your children are totally capable of using their brain. You want to help them? Make them stop lying? I’m sorry, I don’t know if you can. But what you can do, is go one day while they’re using their laptop, and ask them who are they talking to. Kindly. Thell them a story of when you were a teen. Tell them about your first kiss. The first love of your life. Ask them about facebook or tumblr or twitter, youtube, whatever they are using. Ask them who’s your best friend and why. Ask them onee thing they like about their love. And maybe, if you’re kind enough, theey’ll answer. Do you know why they love texting? Because there’s people on the other side! The are actually building a relationship with someone by little texts. Don’t you think that’s amazing? You children CAN THINK. They might do something really really stupid from time to time, but don’t worry, they’ll get over it. [Continues]

January 4, 2013 at 11:59 pm
(81) lucy says:

But you’ll do? In fact, you need them more than they need you, at least emotionally. You know what? Think about the first time you had sex, or the first time you wanted to have sex. You wanted to experience everything, to grow up. We do want to grow up, because we’re trying to have freedom. I don’t know you guys, but I’m a teenager, and I probably don’t have a good grammar because I’m from southamerica. I love to read. I like videogames. I fight a lot with my mother. I have the most wonderful boyfriend ever and I keep picturing him living with me in a small apartment. And I don’t know if I’m being romantic, but I think I’m just trying to have the control of my life. And yeah, I lie. I do lie a lot, I suppose. But you shouldn’t be paranoid if your children do. Just try to tell them “hey it’s okay, I used to lie sometimes too. Don’t do it again because you can trust me”. But can they? Can they trust you? I don’t know, I’m not telling you every single teenager in the world is perfect and smart. Maybe your child is lyingcompulsive, or smoking pot. But try to think why is that so wrong, try to think why did they do it. And then maybe you can yell at them or something. Just don’t forget that they are not animals you can train. They are your children, they want freedom, they live in a different world of yours, theye have ideas and thoughts and love and hate and everything. They are human beings. Don’t forget that.

February 16, 2013 at 7:43 pm
(82) trust says:

most likely if you don’t allow your kid to do something they will probably take it as reverse psychology and do it anyway

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