Communicating With Your Teen

Talking to your teen about heavy issues is only the first step to connecting with them. They need to know what is expected of them. Setting limits and standing by them is, IMHO, the most loving thing a parent can do for their teen. Why? Because it is soooo hard to do, it's just too easy to let things slide.

When you have conversations with your teen, things can get misconstrued. Teens are very good at misconstruing ;-) Not that I think they do it on purpose, most of the time they don't. Basically, they just haven't been in possession of their critical thinking skills for too long, if they even have them yet.

So conversations about heavy issues need to be followed up. I use contracts which I call Action Plans. I got this technique from a Parent Effectiveness Training class. When it was explained to me, all I kept thinking was, 'How impersonal.' Now, I don't know how I lived without them. Actually I do. There was a lot of mis communication, yelling, and bad feelings.

I have set up an Action Plan for Internet Safety below. The difference between an Action Plan and a contract is in an Action Plan you set the consequence in writing at the end, before anyone signs it. This way not only does your teen know what is expected, they also know what will happen if they do not follow what is expected. (there is a link to a printable copy of this Action Plan at the end of it)

Internet Privileges

I know that the World Wide Web is not a toy. It is as interesting, and dangerous as being able to walk down any street, in any town or city, in the world. It reflects all parts of life today, which is fascinating and scary.

1. In order to have the privilege of using the World Wide Web, I need to follow these rules, so I can keep myself and my family safe.
2. I will never give out personal information to anyone online, including but not limited to:
   • my full name, or anyone else's
   • my address, or anyone else's
   • my passwords, or anyone else's
   • my phone number, or anyone else's
3. I will always be polite when chatting online, I will treat them with the respect that I expect to be given. If I am treated unkindly, I will not reciprocate in the same manner. I will leave the chat room if I get too angry.
4. I will never personally meet anyone I have meet online without the permission of my parents. If this opportunity should arise, I fully expect my parents to come to the meeting.
5. I will never call anyone I have met online without the permission of my parents.
6. I will report all incidents in chat rooms to my parents and to the room administrators.
7. I will not go surfing in areas that are not appropriate including, but not limited to websites:
   • that are of a sexual nature
   • that promote hate
   • that are offensive in language
   • that are of a violent nature
8. I will not go surfing around looking for new places without my parents permission.
9. I will follow these rules whether I am at home, at school, or at a friends. If my friend is not following these rules, I will leave.
10. I will not purchase anything online without permission of my parents. If I do not follow these rules I expect that (here's where you put the consequence, ie... to lose computer privileges for one week.)

Signature:__________________________________

Parent's Signature:________________________________