Tips On When Your Teen Starts To Date Seriously

Say this to yourself, 'My child wants to start dating.'

Did you feel the shiver go up your spine? Dating is one of the toughest topics for parents of teens, because it leads to all the 'sex stuff' that's out there, ie STDs, unwanted pregnancies, etc. No one wants to deal with these topics, but in future articles, we will. In this weeks feature, however, we will be dealing with setting up a road map to follow when your teen wants to start dating seriously. I don't mean going to the mall with a group of friends. I mean a one to one date.

Our goal as a parent is to be successful at helping our children accomplish the developmental goals of the teen years -- reducing dependence on parents, while becoming increasingly responsible and independent. The key phrase I want to focus on here is 'increasingly responsible and independent'.

I am not one that believes that age is a 'right of passage' to a privilege. All things with teenagers are situational, and should be treated as such. Example, your teenage daughter has been dating a nice boy for 3 months, you like him, so when they want to go out on a car date, you allow it, saying, 'Well, your 16 now, so I guess your old enough.' Two months down the road, they break up and she begins to see someone you really don't know all that well. She wants to go out with him on a car date too. Hmmm...what do you say? She still sixteen, and you don't have anything against this boy, but your not as comfortable with it, are you?

When your son/daughter wants to start dating seriously, you need to immediately set down the rules. Here are a few I follow :

I never let any of my teens out the door with anyone I haven't met---twice. Why twice? It stops the 'Well, you can meet him when he comes to pick me up' scenario.

If a date is going to wait for my child in the driveway, beeping their horn, he/she is going to be waiting until doomsday. This is an issue of respect, for you, and for your child that they are dating. I have had more than one irate boyfriend show up at the door after he was sitting in the driveway beeping. He is then told to try again another day. He may come in and spend some time with us if he wishes, but there is no date that night.

I want to know where they will be, at all times. Not that I want to pry into their social life. But, things happen in the 90's, so your better off being as safe as possible. (They will at some time or another bring up the fact that this is the 90's, and you are ancient. You, as their parent are allowed to use this against them ;-))

Set the curfew and the consequence before the date picks them up. It is easier to stick to a curfew if you don't have to come up with one on the spot.

You can set these rules up by talking with your teen, or you can use an Action Plan. The main point is keep the lines of communication open, even if they become stressed. Tell your child your feelings along with the rules, older teens who are dating seriously tend to listen to your rules when they know the reasoning behind them. I had one girl who understood the 'beeping in the driveway rule' so well that she used it against her boyfriend. Let's just say the poor boy knows what respect means now.