Because I Love You!

A strange thing happens to parents & teens as our children enter into teendom. It's call independence and it happens gradually. You stop holding their hand when they cross the street, then you stop watching them cross the street, and then, you don't even think about them crossing the street.

This is most defiantly a good thing, responsibility comes with in dependance. The goal is to create responsible, independent young adults. But there tends to be a loss felt by most parents at this time. All of a sudden, your 16 year old daughter is driving away on her first car date and you get a glimpse of her through someone else's eyes. Your inner self says, 'Hey! Where's my little girl?' We all go through this, and it gets mixed in with some proud feelings. Ahhh... the bitter sweetness of being a parent.

Many of the parents I talk to have this overwhelming feeling of not being as needed as they once were. Well, I'm here to let you in on a little secret, you're needed more.

Why more? Because teens deal more with our feelings, and can tend to hurt them while they are rummaging around looking for their answers. It isn't easy living with someone who is going to hurt your feelings. So when your feeling frustrated, know that the lifestage they are going through demands that they push the limits, and your the limit they need to push.

I had a woman in chat the other day whose 17 year old son took a job that she had told him wasn't worth taking. "Why did he bother to ask me, he didn't care about my opinion at all." I had to disagree. He needed to know what she thought, even though he probable knew the answer beforehand. He needed to know that she would allow him to make his own decision, even when she disagreed with it. He needed this security, as much as he needed her when he was young to hold his hand while he crossed the street.

The lesson here is to not stop doing what you are doing. Set those limits and stand by them. Give your opinion, even when you know they will do the opposite. Stay involved in their lives even when you feel you are being pushed away. And when your teens asks, "Why do you always do that?' Answer truthfully... 'Because I love you.'

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