The Verbally Challenging Teenager

Related Resources • Youth Risk Behaviors • Open Communication • Preteens & Power Struggles • Tips on Setting Limits & Rules  From Other Guides • Give Instructions Effectively

All teenagers want to know the answer to the question, 'Why do I need to listen to you?' But not all teenagers get the answer in the same way. Some watch and learn, some just plain ask, some push a few limits here and there, some are openly defiant and some constantly challenge you verbally. This feature will give you some tips on how to diffuse the arguments that up rise with the verbal teen who constantly challenges you.

Tips

• Many times the challenge comes because you've said no to something your teenager wants to do. If this is the case, you'll need to stand your ground. A simple, 'I understand you are having problems coming to terms with this, but I will not be changing my mind.' Do not get pulled into this other argument about authority.

• Use an action plan and time-outs. Explain to your teenager that while asking questions in a mature manner is ok, throwing 'you're not my boss' into your face is not. Explain further that you're willing to discuss anything, as long as it is done in a respectful manner. If they get heated and begin to yell during a conversation with you, then you expect them to take a time-out in their rooms until they have calmed down. Write this all out in your action plan.

• Take a break and walk away. You do not need to win every battle to win the war of raising a responsible, mature adult. If you've escalated to yelling, then nothing is getting accomplished and it's time to put off the conversation until later when you are in control of your emotions.

• Know that you don't need to make all of the decisions. When your teenager asks if they can do something, and this something isn't hurtful to themselves or others, do not answer with a yes or a no. Instead, say to them, 'I don't know. What do you think?' When they begin to understand that you will allow them to make some decisions for themselves, they will get less verbose about the decisions you feel you need to make as their parent.