As teens begin to assert their independence
, some common behavior problems can begin to arise. While misbehavior like cheating
, talking back
and lying may not seem like much to handle, they can escalate quickly by aiding trouble teen behaviors like teen drug use or open defiance and violence leaving your teen out of control and you feeling helpless. Here is a list of common behavior problems parents of teens face and what you can do about them.
Teen Behavior Problem #1: Your teen tells lies.
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Lying is a behavior teens use as a means to an end. They get caught doing something wrong, they do not want to pay the consequences, so they lie. Or your teen wants something, doesn't want you to know about it, then they lie.
They will lie to you, their teachers or their friends' parents for their friend. At times, it may seem like even they believe the lie. This is because teens don't always see telling a lie as a real mistake or misbehavior. They often explain away lies by reasoning them away, placing the blame of the lie on the parent. Teens will say, "I lied because I knew you would yell at me!"
Some teens even see lying as a way to keep their parents from becoming too stressed, as if the lie is for your benefit. I've heard more that one teen express this type of sentiment: "I can't tell my mom that - she'd freak!"
It is important for parents of teenagers to impress upon them that lying is not appropriate at any time and not a behavior your family condones. Here are some resources that will help if you are having a problem with your teen lying:
Teen Behavior Problem #2: Your teen misbehaves in school.
It is very hard for a parent to deal with things that happen at school because you are not there to witness the problem, parents don't often find out there is a problem until it is too late or you disagree with how the problem is being handle by the school officials. But, as the parent of the teen who is having a behavior problem, we have to step up and do our best to fix it. Here are some resources that will help:
Teen Behavior Problem #3: Your teen is engaging in risk taking behaviors.
It has become a biological fact that teens engage in risk taking behaviors like dating the bay boy and sending inappropriate messages via cell phone or Facebook to teen drug use and promiscuous sexual behavior. Your teen's brain is still developing, so they don't always understand the scope of their misbehavior until they are paying the consequence. Because that consequence can and sometimes does include their parent getting them out of jail or raising a grandchild, it behooves a parent to keep their teen from going too far with their risks by setting up rules and limits, being clear with your messages and using consequences. Here are some articles to help:
Teen Behavior Problem #4: Your teen argues, is disrespectful and talks back.
There are many reasons that a teen will get angry, argue with and talk back to a parent. Here a few:
- The teen has something to say, it is important to them and the parent isn't listening.
- The teen has learned that if you argue, you will get out of whatever trouble they are in as their parent will give up.
- The teen has a lack of respect for the parent.
The next time your teen is arguing with you, try to figure out if it is because of one of these reasons. Then learn to listen to your teen actively, follow through with consequences even after the argument is over and talk to your teen about the lack of respect they are showing you when they talk-back. Here are some resources that will help you with this behavior problem:
Teen Behavior Problem #5: Your teen swears - a lot.
Denise D. Witmer
Swearing is a bad habit that is learned through modeling and normally learned well before the teen years begin - even though you may have not witnessed your teen swearing until they were older. If you are unable to get your teen to stop swearing all of the time, you can insist that they not swear in front of you. Give your teen a clear message and set up a consequence. Then be consistent
and follow through each time your teen swears. If they have a job, a swear jar where a teen donates a quarter for every swear word works very well. Here are some resources on swearing and teens:
Teen Behavior Problem #6: Your teen is late for curfew.
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When you set up a curfew, use a parenting contract and get your teen to sign it. Then hold your teen to the time limit no matter what. Teens can be good at thinking up excuses, do not buy into them. Your agreement is that they will be home by a specified time, if they are not, they pay the consequence of not going out the next night, etc. Again, a clear message and constancy are the most important keys to getting your teen to do what needs to be done. Here are some curfew resources:
Teen Behavior Problem #7: Your teen acts entitled.
Photo by Emery Co Photo.
Parents who give in to their teens tend to have their heart in the right place, they just allow their teen to control it. You know if your teen is acting entitled when they are telling you how things are going to go instead of the other way around. Teens who act entitled fail to learn resiliency and other life lessons. You will need to trust that you are doing what is best for your teen by setting limits, sending a clear message and following through with them.
Parents, Take it One Step at a TimeWhen it comes to dealing with common behavior problems and teens, you can't be on top of it all of the time. You cannot control what they do. But one step at a time, you can teach them the correct way to handle the world around them. You can influence their decisions. Good luck!