Question: What should a parent do when a teen sets their expectations too high?
This can be a real nightmare for a parent as we all want our teens to succeed in whatever goals they set. But, we’ve been around many corners, so experience will sometimes tell us that the goals our teens have come up with are too high. Should you tell your teen your thoughts? Or, should you allow your teen to fail? The answers to these excellent questions asked by caring parents around the world are not easy ones.
Answer: First you'll need to look at each step to the goal, as if the goal is attainable. Are there steps that things can be modified to make the goal one your teen can achieve? Or is the goal still too lofty? Either way, talk to your teen about the steps to the goal. You may be able to help them see that the path is too difficult, or maybe he/she can find answers that will help him/her to achieve the goal. Keep the lines of communication open. If things get heated, wait for another day when things have simmered down to bring up the topic again.
If your teen will not talk about the goal, be ready to catch him/her when the realization of not being able to attain the goal hits him/her. Use positive talk and have alternatives ready for your teen to explore. In this instance you need to give your teen possibilities, not answers. You are teaching resilience - how to pick yourself up by your bootstraps - not dependence on you.
As long as you do not shoot your teen's expectations down, and therefore hurt his/her self-esteem, you'll be making the right choice. You're learning to advise your child and it may feel uncomfortable at first. But it is a job you will have for the rest of your life. Learn to do it well.
