Quick Links: Troubled Teens
Parents know how stressful it is to put up with the challenging behaviors that troubled teens often exhibit. What many parents don’t realize is that a teen who is acting like a pain is usually hurting and experiencing a great deal of inner pain and turmoil.
The Pain Behind Acting Out
Teens with problems are often overwhelmed by the changes they are going through internally, whether it’s trying to come to terms with a traumatic event, early symptoms of a mental health disorder, rejection by peers, or struggles in school. Rarely does a teen have the life experience to understand or deal with what’s going on and may have no idea how to respond or cope with the pain they feel.
This doesn’t leave them with a lot of options. A teen who acts out is similar to a toddler who screams and kicks in response to not getting their way. Think of an acting out teen as having an adolescent temper tantrum. They don’t like how they feel, don’t understand what’s happening to them and don’t know what to do about it, or even if there’s anything they can do.
They are in pain and so, ironically, they become a pain to live with by resorting to behavior that’s immature, confusing and hard for the people around them to put up with.
How it Helps to Know Your teen is in Pain
Does it make your teens’ difficult behavior, your concerns about their drug use, school failure, moodiness or running away any easier to live with on a daily basis with when you know that what’s driving it is the pain they are in, their immaturity, lack of information or coping skills?
Well, maybe a little.
It does help many parents to understand there is a correlation between acting like a pain and being in pain. It points to the need to find ways to help your teen that will deal with the reasons for their suffering and help alleviate the pain they are experiencing, as well as the ineffective ways they are attempting to deal with it.
Your Teen is Doing the Best They Can
When a troubled teen acts out their pain they are doing what comes naturally to express their discomfort and confusion. In a younger child a parent expects to have to figure out what’s going on and be there to help. Once a teen becomes an adult with some experience it’s expected they will get their needs met on their own.
But teens are in between these stages of development; old enough to know they’re hurting but lacking the life experience or information needed to help themselves. To complicate matters further, teens are trying to separate from their parents, learning how to be independent, so they’re reluctant to let their parents know what’s really going on with them, hoping they’ll eventually figure it out on their own.
Sometimes they do, but more often they don’t. The acting out behavior often becomes more frequent and has more severe consequences as the teen continues to struggle to find their way. The pain of being a teen is often a significant burden to manage alone.
For information about ways to help your acting out teen, read our article: Which Option for Professional Help Is Right for Your Teen?
Quick Links: Troubled Teens