Talking to Teens About Friendship

Having friends, finding new friendships and friendly relationships is an important developmental task for preteens and teens. While they have learned to 'play well with others' during their childhood, developing independent friendships is a different matter. Preteens and teens will be left to use their own resources in deciding whether to be someone's friend or not, instead of Mom and Dad making 'play dates'. Parents must give their teenager some freedom in choosing who they want to hang out with. Really, in the teen years, friendship is a whole new ball game.

However, you can help your teen in choosing their friends, although the ultimate decision remains with your teenager. Use teachable moments to talk about what makes a good friend. Points to remember when talking about friendships with your teenager:

• You are allowed to have many friends.
• Honesty is important in a friendship.
• Friends sometimes hurt each other, but they can apologize and forgive.
• Friends can influence each other, both in a positive way and in a negative way. (See: Peer Pressure)
• Who you choose to be your friend is important, it is essential that you choose wisely and that you benefit from the friendship.
• It takes many learned skills to make and maintain a friendship; it also takes many skills to end a friendship.
• It is okay and even beneficial to make friends with the opposite gender.
• It takes time to make a good friend, but it is worth the effort as having a confident can help a teenager with stress.
• Spending time together will help you get to know your friends well, so that you can feel comfortable sharing feelings.
• A good friendship will make you feel good about yourself.