Talking to Your Teen About Oral Sex

In an age where the topic of oral sex is discussed in the news and on talk shows, parents will need to be prepared to talk about it with their teens and preteens. There have been consequences because of a former president’s actions and the coverage of those actions in the media. Teens today have a few misunderstandings when it comes to oral sex, here are four:

• Oral sex isn’t real sex.
• Oral sex is safe sex. Or you can’t get an STD from oral sex.
• You can get pregnant from oral sex.
• It’s okay to have oral sex with someone you don’t know or care about.

Let’s take these one at a time – which is what I recommend when you are bombarded by your teen with all of them at once. Each misunderstanding is followed by talking points, words that I have used with teens in this situation.

Misunderstanding #1: Oral sex isn’t real sex.
Talking points for parents: That depends on what you consider sex. If you are talking about the act of intercourse, no it is not intercourse. If you are talking about two people engaging in sexual acts together, yes it is real sex. It is not something to enter into lightly and dismiss as if you can just do with anyone who is available and not have any consequences. While to have oral sex is your decision, I hope that you will take some time making that decision, weighing whether or not you want that bond with your partner and knowing that it is a sexual act.

Misunderstanding #2: Oral sex is safe sex. Or you can’t get an STD from oral sex.
Talking points for parents: Yes, you can. Anytime fluid is transferred from one person to another, you can get a sexually transmitted disease. It’s that simple.

Misunderstanding #3: You can get pregnant from oral sex.
Talking points for parents: No, you cannot get pregnant by engaging in oral sex. Sperm are unable to go from a woman’s stomach to her uterus, there is no path there. While this may make oral sex a more attractive option for teens, remind your teen that protection is still necessary.

Misunderstanding #4: It’s okay to have oral sex with someone you don’t know or care about.
Talking points for parents: Take this time to share your family values about intimacy and sexual acts. Talk about love and respect of another person’s body. Remind your teen that everyone has feelings, whether they are admitting to it or not. Even if you’ve said it before, repeat it all again.

Parenting Poll: Do you talk to your teen about sex and his/her sexuality?

• Yes.
• No, but I'm trying.
• No, I don't believe in it.

See the poll results.