Out-of-Control Teen's Mom Needs Your Help

I’m sorry for this turmoil. I have a 17 yr old son and 16 yr old daughter. My son is such a straight arrow, but my daughter keeps me on my toes for sure. Whenever she strays too far out of line I feel like there’s something she’s asking of me and I give her more attention/tlc. I take her to lunch or just for a drive and try to open a conversation, any conversation, to see what’s on her mind and heart. I tell her how important she is to me and what I want for her: strength, happiness, a happy future doing what she loves and that I want her to have higher expectations for herself. It usually works, even if only by degrees. It shows her how much I care and how much it hurts me when she is disrespectful to me or authority and most especially to herself.

My daughter started getting out of control when she was 15 as well. Lots of reasons for it. When she started doing bad in school, I got the school involved. One day out of desperation I called the head of the guidance dept and spoke to him. That started the ball rolling to get her some help. I remember even after just talking to the guidance director I felt better. I had a sense of hope. You can’t do this alone, you have to get help and talk to someone. Start with the school.
These days my daughter is 17. She is still challenging but things are better than they were!

Our 16 yr. old son is involved with the county system. He has been since he was 13. After he done some property damage to a neighbor’s house, the police were called. I asked them how to get help. Unfortunately, we were able to get the services he needed when the police suggested we keep calling the police for any infraction he committed. He has a social worker, is in an emotional behavior program at school and on an Intensive Supervision Program through the county. We were able to get respite by having him go to a foster home periodically on the weekends. We have a 30 day evaluation program court ordered next week.
His psychiatrist has diagnosed him with various diagnosis, ADHD, ODD, depression, anxiety, sensory issues. He sees his behavior going toward anti-social behavior. He feels that because of the intense involvement with the various services, this has kept him from committing more serious crimes, auto theft, robbery. He will probably always need these services to be successful in the community.

Contact your local mental health agency to find out about counseling for yourself and parenting classes. The counseling will help you relieve your stress and frustrations and the parenting classes will give you insight on how to react and respond to your daughter’s behavior.
jackie

my daughter is 16 (and a half) and wow does this all sound familiar!! shortly after she turned 15 (entering 10th grade – which was her first year in high school) she started doing the same things… skipping school, smoking and smoking pot. she went from an a/b student who loved learning to failing several classes, barely passing the 10th grade. she also started going in her room and locking the door. we have always been an open family, so all this was very upsetting for me. my son, who now is 19 never acted out this way. but every child is different, and boys are certainly different than girls.

what did i do? i snooped in her journal, and discovered so many things that were causing her pain. i found out that she was cutting herself. she felt lonely because all her friends had someone close (boy.girlfriend) and she didnt. i found out about the smoking and drug use, and the skipping school. doing these things with others, it helped her to fit in. so i talked to the school counselor who recommended an outside counselor who charged on a sliding scale. i scheduled an appointment right away and then went to the school and got her when classes let out. we drove to the counselor and when i told her what was going on… she thanked me.

she went to counseling several times with a young in-touch counselor, and started to feel better. then, i sent her away on an internship at an interfaith sanctuary in the woods, where she worked on the farm for the summer. when it came time to start school again, she actually asked if she could stay living in the country, and be home schooled (pennsylvania has internet home school). she said she was afraid if she went back to school in the city, she might go back to her old ways. there, she felt in control of herself and of her future.

another thing i did was have a good long talk with her, as if she wasnt my daughter. sometimes as parents, we find it difficult to really relate, because what they are going through may be exactly what we went through as teens, but are embarassed to admit. we feel as adults we shouldnt show our weaknesses to our children, we should be the strong ones, to set a good example. by sharing my teenage experiences with my daughter – no matter how embarassing or bad they were, enlightened her to realize that if i could turn out okay, then she had a hope ::smiles:: i believe that when our children are teens, it is important to find a way to relate to them – not be their best friend (that never works), but show them that you too are human, and all humans have weaknesses.

was it hard to “give up” my daughter? oh heck ya! but she is back to being an a/b student… her english teacher says she is her favorite student… and she is realizing how life works.

good luck with your children. being a parent is indeed the hardest job! but remember… children are a message we send to a furture we will not see. so teach them well!

I WAS this out of control teen. She IS calling out for help she just doesn’t know it yet. I refused counseling too at that age. However my parents made me go. I was told that if I didn’t want to go to juvenile hall then I would sit in that counseling session fro an hour once a week. My parents sat outside the door so I couldn’t leave. During my session I NEVER spoke to the counselor. That was my payback to my parents. I did however get something out of it. Every time I was there I felt life crying because someone was there for me and only me. Unfortunately the counselor said she wouldn’t see me anymore because I wasn’t talking, and she was so close to getting me to talk. It was one more person who gave up on me and it hurt.

I would send her to counseling and ask the counselor to stick it out. It will make a world of difference in the long run, but don’t expect anything to happen for a while. Also take your daughter some where with the two of you. She needs her mom and she doesn’t know how to say it. Trust me on this one. She will hate the trip with you. She will complain the entire time but it WILL mean the world to her.

Honey: Was there again last night with my 171/2 year old daughter. She told me she could not shut the basement door as the humidity was causing difficulty and that she was letting the cat in…I saw foot prints up the stairs in the snow and questioned them. Of which she told me they were not hers! Minutes later I had a flash light in my face and it was the local police saying they had followed the footprints back to this door and a neighbour had called from another street where she had met up with 2 creeps (her friends as she says) saying hi to them in their car. Ah Yep..
Well the long and short…this has been in the making for years with her. Lying, and Sneaking around. Her problem is not drugs or alcohol (Thank God..had her tested and retested), doesn’t smoke..sex we don’t think so but who knows. Does not skip school but has tried to but our school is on the mark..and called at her first time to forge my signature (won’t do that again for sure)..her problem is male low self esteem and suffers after finally being diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
What did I do…from the start..had police intervention when the wars broke out between her and I (to protect myself in case something did happen and I was seen as an unfit mother which I am not)…second she has spent time in a Mental Health facility (couple of days to be evaluated in case it was just not teen rebellion but more serious)..and third she has been in front of the judge for unruly (this was before she was diagnosed)..on probation and in the county juvenile detention center when she went over the top and threw a coffee pot on the floor in MY HOME and put the garbage can on the floor.

Consequences and sticking to them is the key and not being swayed by a pretty face or tears from your child (my problem)…
The next is get YOU in Councelling..the stress since she hit High School has taken its toll on the family, my health, our financials with our biz and the reputation in the community – we live in small town Ohio.

For Her – you have to put down your foot – get a Psychiatrist involved, Councellors..there are many services out there that go on sliding scale as we found out. And med programs galore.

My advise…DO NOT WAIT..for her or for you…the older they get, the bigger they get physically, well all I can tell you is get can get much worse.

And to close – Everyone was involved – Guidance Councellors, Teachers, Principal, V.P., Social Worker and Outside Councellors – we had a network..also tbe police had our permission to stop here 24/7 if they saw she was somewhere unattended with us..like mid day with friends..weekends included. We made it real tight..and we knew and spoke with parents of closest friends..met them…compared notes, layed down expectations, guidelines that everyone adhered to. No sleepovers, no teen cars, parents drove and spot checks even at the malls etc.

We still have bumps in the road like last night but rare now..and she is an A/B student — one year to college. And trust me, I do spot checks at all hours of the night to her room..she never knows when I lurk.

It is awful but she knows…the door is open at 18 and baby IT IS COLD OUT THERE~!

PRAY PRAY PRAY. That is my best advice to you. I have four children, 14 1/2, 13, 10 and 8. When I am having “discipline” problems, or something is wrong that I feel I’m losing control over, or I’m overwhelmed and don’t know where to turn, I PRAY for my kids, I PRAY for guidence from God. Any particular problems, I pray for that particular thing. I’ve also played Christian music (mainly younger childrens, cause I have some of those CD’S) in their rooms while they are at school all day…
Good luck and God Bless…

One thing I want to add…

Do not be afraid or feel the guilt I went through years of feeling.

If you love her and I mean really love your baby as I did…you are doing her a huge dissatisfaction if you don’t help HER REAL HERSELF IN!

This is not about you as it was not about me..it is about her, her safety, and getting her on the right path to her future.

I don’t want to see my baby..be a single mom…or worse find her in the worse way possible – an adult record, with some shmoo..or worse case scenario.

But as I learned (the hard way)..you have to call in “THE TEAM”..to help you help her. You can’t bake a cake with just flour…sweetie.

The worry kills you…takes years off your life..I am going on 50 this year..but I am strong..and she knows..I will not longer back down and let her ruin her life period…because some day Mom will be in heaven…and as I told her…you may not understand now..but someday you will..and you will look up in the sky (as I do for my own mother) and whisper..Thanks Mom for caring..I love you.

Wishing you well. Be Strong. Be Determined Darling

I agree with the mom who told you to pray. None of us were meant to get thru this world alone and it is crucial to realize that and turn to the One who created us for guidance. I have a teenage son who is sometimes rebellious and can have a bit of an attitude but is overall a great kid. He makes good grades and is very loving and kind. I started at an early age teaching God’s principles. Every night before he goes to bed I go in and read a very short devotional with him (there are so many wonderful books out there and some only take 1-2 minutes to read, I would be more than happy to mail you one if I could get your address, please feel free to email me at tyler8@setel.com) and pray with him. I always thank God out loud and pray that He will bless my son, protect him and keep him safe and that He will let him see how precious he is in God’s eyes. I’ve always asked my son if he knows anyone that would need praying for and we will pray about anything he requests. This was very awkward at first but has become so easy. I pray that I have taught him to always know where to turn to in any situation in life because someday he may feel he is alone but I want him to know that as long as he has God in his life, he is never alone and he will always have Him to turn to for anything. I have always made it a point to spend time with my son, I lost a child and it really makes you appreciate your family more. You only have a few years left and your child will be gone. Once she is gone you can’t go back and re-parent her. These next few years will be crucial so make her top priority. When you wake her up every morning do it with smiles and hugs and kisses. I get on my knees every morning beside of my son’s bed before I wake him and pray over him. I beg God to protect him and keep him safe and to guide his decisions throughout the day and that His will be done in his life, to do whatever it takes to help make his soul right with Him. Do not bring up her mistakes. We, as adults, do not like for anyone to throw our mistakes in our face so let’s not do that to our children. Let’s be like our Father who says he forgets it and remembers it no more! Encourage her and lavishly praise her at every opportunity. Put her in the limelight every chance you get, especially in front of others. She probably feels like a hopeless failure at this point and will need lots of love and patience to come out of the pit she is in. It is said that it takes 20 positive statements to undo the damage of 1 negative statement so try to create situations where she can succeed. Join a youth group that focuses on benevolent acts. Our youth group visits the nursing home and shut-ins on a regular basis and we do things for community workers to show appreciation. If she can focus on others who do not have life as easy as she does maybe she will appreciate her family more. Keep her busy with good things. Schedule a family night at least once a week or every other week and play games or watch movies together. It may be difficult at first but I promise you it will become a very enjoyable experience. My sister-in-law has had to raise 3 kids on her own, they are all teenagers and she has had to struggle but has done a tremendous job. Her oldest son is in college now and her daughter is a senior in high school this year and they always had a game night and to this day her kids tell her that they look forward to that time more than any other. Relationships are hard work but are more important than anything else we can be spending our time on, especially our relationship with God and our family. You are a precious mom and I will lift you up in prayer and hope that you will pray, pray, pray too! God Bless!

I am sorry to hear that your 15 yr old is causing so much grieve. First, take a deep breath and breath. Now remember you have to pick your battles. Is the cleaning her room as important as the drug issue? Or failing school? Or being disrespectful?

You also have to choose one issue and work on that. The biggest one right now is the drug problem. Are you sure she has a drug problem? Have you spoken to her about your concerns on this? The failing school, disrespect, and lack of motivation would follow the drug use patterns but you don’t want to just point the finger at your daughter and loose her for ever. I would not call law enforcement or child services. I would first find out if she is doing drugs and if so put her into rehab and a youth program that will help with the drug use. How well do you know her friends? Make it a point to get to know them better along with their families. This way you are involved more with her direct support system. Contacting law enforcement will only push her away more. Speak to your daughter doctor they can direct you to programs that can help. They can even do drug testing (depending on your local laws).

You should also seek counseling for your self, this way you have a place to vent and relieve this pressure this type of behavior puts on you.

Best of luck.

Dear out-of-control
i can imagine how it feels. my daughter is 17 and hasnt arrived to that point yet, but she does things which are exasperating.

your daughter needs professional help, you cannot do it on your own. you have to start off with the school guidance unit and they can guide you from there. they need to be discreet and do it as if it s their initiative or it wouldnt work otherwise. it s like crutching on a straw so they have need to be extra careful. it ll take time, but with the right approach, things will change.

i wouldnt lock your daughter away till i m advised to. if she s taking pot, then she ll be referred and followed. good luck, you re in my heart.

ruth

Hi I just wanted to say I’m sorry and I am there now with my 16 year old son. However, there are some things you can do depending on the state you live in . I am in CT and there is something called Youth in Crisis which is a Non Judical Program for kids out of control. Ask your child’s school counselor there is also another program which might be benefical because she is under the age of 15. Good Luck

I had a similar problem with my step son who was 15 when I married his dad….it turned out that he was 1) having problems dealing with the fact that his birth mother had abandoned him at early age, 2) had been molested by a friend, and 3) was ADHD but had been misdiganosed as Bipolar. If you think she is doing drugs chances are she is…they have drug kits at your local Walgreens that you can get to test her…and yes she is going to wig out calling you all sources of names but stay firm. Something is wrong if it is beyond normal teen rebelling and if it is causing problems in the home then something has to be done. You can not wait for your teen to decide to go to treatment or not…you are the parent if you see a problem you have to act by going to family therapy. Your teen may not talk but if you get a good therapist then she will be forced into talking about what is wrong. I would not get the state involved unless it is the last resource as once you do then there are all sorts of problem with that..they are over worked as it is. The reason why most of the problems are happening with kids is that society has given the children the power to control the situation calling the shots when they are not equipt to know what is happening or what is the best action to handle it. Kids beg for barriers and it is up to the parent to take back the power and set the barriers of proper behavior. In my case it took many times in juvey, halfway houses, boys homes, being sent to live with a brother, being told that his behavior was not acceptable then kicked out at 18 and finally 2 stays at adult jail before my step son finally realized that we were correct in what we did. He is now working, has apartment and is going into the army. We have one more at home who is 14 and he has started to do things but we enforce strict rules with stiff consequences…we use tough love alot. Yes we have many fights about these rules but we stay firm so that our son knows that he is not the one in control and that we love him.
That is what I have had luck with…it is not easy being a parent in this age but I have done this for all 3 of my sons and 2 of them have thanked me for being so tough and strict on them so that it didn’t get worst then it did.

Bless you. I know somewhat how you feel. I have a 14 year old son and a 12 year old son. One has high functioning autism and the other has add and bipolar issues.
I would not go to the school councelor.The school has tried to rail road my family into getting a school psychiatrist. They will make a note on her permanant record that colleges and others will look at and you will not be able to get any thing off of that record. I believe health care should be seperate from school. I have tried it both ways and I can give you an example of how unfair the school system can be.
My son was always teased and still is by other students..Pulling his jacket over his head while walking down the hall, knocking his books out of his hands. on and on..My son grabbed one student in a headlock..I was called at work and told he was choking another student. My son had ISS and almost had a police report made….Last week another student did the same thing to him…the principal ask my son what the punishment should be…He said.”Nothing I guess if he is not going to beat me up anymore”. SO NOTHING WAS DONE By the PRincipal.
I do however feel that you should get family counceling. If she had a physical illness you would not wait for her to agree to go to a dr. So do not feel guilty..Just take her. If she needs in patient treatment, that is fine. There are lots of teens in treatment facilities. Usually for 4-7 days and up to 14 days..There others can observe them and they have strict rules. My son was at a facility for two weeks getting his medications straightend out. He was so grateful for everyone and everything when he came home. I remember getting so angry and was so hurt and felt like such a failure as a Mother. But, I always loved him and sometimes it has to be tough love…May God Bless you and Your Family..

The school records as far as my experience here in Ohio are not open for colleges to see with regard to children who have had to go to counselling as the colleges would be empty if that was a detriment. Ask your guidance department..that is what I did.
For us, and we have a very high needs teen as I wrote above, I leaned on the support of the school especially a V.P. that was my eyes and ears as I could not be there. The guidance dept kept a close eye for missing classes and the teachers did their absolute best to support those days when her lows were really low. Many children now think of suicide as a way out unfortunately when things get too big. The school system and what goes on there between the hours, including observing if they are socially isolated or involved with the wrong group can offer the first red flags when us as extremely busy parents/workers are oblivious to it.

I found them to be supportive not only to her, encouraging her to go talk with someone in counselling when those bad days hit and her regular therapist could not get her in til the following week but also soothing to us. They were on it helping her get through her bad days.

Just food for thought.

First of all I want to say that I admire and agree with the comments Leshia said. She has the right idea about prayer and if more people were like her, so much would be better in the world.

Now my comments to the mother. Don’t forget to breath. Take deep and slow breaths when you feel stressed. This can help calm a person down.

If your daughter has failed so many years in school, I don’t think the school is the place to turn to. If you live in an isolated rural/small town area, then many of the help agencies are also not an option. What can you do? I would sit my daughter down and tell her she WILL make an effort to change on her own, and by that I mean for starters, in the very least stay in school all day so you do not have to wonder where she is. Now I know she will hate this idea because she is no doubt the oldest one in her class and is probably outcast. When she is home after school, some attempt at getting adequate homework will have to be made by her so she can be prepared for and get through the next day of school. If she makes an effort with school with attendance and homework, then rewards can come into play. These rewards would be family time doing something together like a trip out to a store, movie rental, special meal, etc. Take baby steps. No threats of sending her away to reform school or jail. As far as the smoking – cigarettes or pot- she can’t smoke at school and won’t be allowed to at home. She must be told that if she wants to start being treated not as a child but as a young adult, she will have to earn that privilege. Tell her you are having a hard time loving her but still do love her. Tell her she will be expected to let you know how her day at school is going and you will be looking at grades. If she needs help with homework you will do what you can with the help of teachers/libray/internet/homework help lines/whatever she needs to better understand the assignments. Tell her there is no way you are going to give up on her and you expect her to make an effort to make things better for herself and her family. If all the above fails then what? That is a tough question. If she was my daughter I would then look at getting her into a live-in residential treatment home for troubled teens. But only as a last resort. I don’t think it would get that far because I think your daughter will understand that things are expected of her and rewards will come her way if she makes an effort to straighten up. Never give up completely. You only have her for a short time before she will legally be able to be out on her own, and probably lost to you forever if she doesn’t improve. I wish you the best of luck. And please read and reread what Leshia wrote. That part I could not have added any better on my own.

Don’t send her away she’ll see it as abandonment. and it could work against you. shes screaming for help as a parent its our job to help help her find out what she needs help with. I speak from her shoes, 20 years ago that was me I was sent away to this day I have problems with what my mom did. Now I’m a mom of 2 adults and 1 eight year old, happy and working everyday to make it work between myself and my children. Its a job we as parents should work at even if it seems like we’re not getting anywhere, one day it will pay off. I promise I’m proof, me and my kids. God Bless you and your family. Good Luck

Please get her into counseling. I never would have imagined the cause of my daughters problems…she had been sexually abused by my brother-in-law and my brother. Pay attention to the symptoms she is displaying…and PRAY!

I agree with seeking counseling. My teen hated it but, we did find out that he has ADD which explained the failing grades. With the help of therapy for both of us, prayer and a new school which focuses on helping kids with special needs, he’s gone from straight fails to a 3.1 GPA! He is of course now a little older than his grade level peers but, he’s talking about college and his future something he never did prior to his diagnoses. Hope things work out for you.

I have a 15 year old son that stress me out pretty bad too. I completly feel your pain. I took my son to Behavior Health and put him into an Intencive Adolesent Behavior Program. he went to group counseling 4 days a week for 2 hours a day and I went to a parents group once a week. It was like gaining 2 extra parents, it was wonderful. My son had no choice because if he didn’t go then they would step in and could arrest him. Although he never did get arrested, he did change his ways. I have a completly new child and new parenting skills to help keep it that way. I honestly believe they saved his life, and our family. It was a very intence program but when they are that out of control you need something intence. These kids will be 18 soon and are clearly not ready for the world, it is so scary to think of what can happen to them out there when haven’t got the life skills to handle it. Good Luck!

Ok, I was reading some of the other comments that you were getting and had to send you one more. From experience, you have already talked to her… you have already prayed… You have to make her acountable for her actions,teens only hear, WAWAWAWAA it goes in one ear and out the other. You have to get help and parenting classes to teach you how to make her acountable, to teach you how to be consistant with her. To teach you these things and to help get her back inline where she needs to be. Like I said, she has failed 3 times and is ready to do it again, she is ready for something intence. She will be upset with you at first but in the long run she will thank you for doing what you have to do, my son did.

The teen years are a time of developing identity and sexual awareness, so self-esteem and personal safety (especially for girls) are high risk factors. I have 2 older sons, 20 (almost 21) and 23. The now 20 yr old had a very difficult teen life. He got in trouble with the law a lot, starting at 14. He was in juvenile hall about 4 times (in 3 different facilities). The workers there always loved my son because he has a beautiful personality; they gave him advice based on the obvious fact that he didn’t seem to belong there in the first place. But he did get beat up once by a police officer; broken teeth, scar on his chin. One thing I always did was to remind him of who he was, that he was loved, smart enough to make better choices next time, basically letting him know that I knew he was better than that. (His conscience was obvious enough that I didn’t have any reason to question whether or not he had forgotten the difference between right and wrong.) Now, at 20.75 his self-esteem has largely returned, he is able to laugh at his past perils, and he has more than picked up where he left off.
These problems began several months after he went to live with his father, who failed to be present, leaving our son to run the streets. Every time he got in trouble the judge would release him to me, but my son had already become accustomed to too much freedom at too young of an age and would eventually go back to his dad’s and get in trouble again. (This happened about 4 times.)
Being present for your kids is probably the most important thing ever. “Active love” is the only love that works. The trouble eventually woke up his dad, by the way, but it took a lot; too much in my opinion. At first my ex judged him, a lot, then he slowly began to realize that these problems were not going to be solved by being careless and judgmental.
Whew! I’m glad that’s all over. I regularly remind my son how much he’s loved both because it’s true and because he needs extra doses to continue to heal. He’s doing fine.
By the way, I would NOT recommend using the law against your child – a lot of bad things have happened to a lot of kids in juvenile hall, and in the process with direct contact with some police officers. What’s more is that being imprisoned can significantly and very negatively imprint the mind, reducing self-esteem to nil. Try a local teen shelter if you feel that desperate. (Male teens, notoriously, will NOT respond to professional talk therapy.) You would be wasting valuable time. If I had a teen in trouble again the first thing I would do is start working, really hard, on that self-esteem and identity. There are many ways to give your child reason to feel worthy, good, functional, industrial, etc. Your tireless efforts will pay off. If you have to deal with a bad parent, like I did, never grow tired of protecting your child from neglect; never tolerate it.

I read your story, and it is soooo familiar. I have an 17 year old son, who was cutting classes and school and just recently quit school, which the principal said they can do without the parent’s permission. I know he has been smoking pot and have asked him to get treatment, but he feels there is nothing wrong with it- WRONG! My husband is a recovering alcoholic/prescription drug addict of 2 years and I know better. Also, I have a 14 year old son who has been in 4 different alternative schools in the past year, with truancy issues, defiancy and anger issues. My oldest doesn’t live with us, he stays with a friend of his and recently got a job. He doesn’t talk to me. I’ve had a hard time in getting both of them to counseling and they refuse to go to church. I recently got a home-based counseling service to come to the home, my oldest still will not attend. Children and Youth is involved because of truancy issues with my 14 year old. Because he is held accountable, he knows if he continues to miss school, he will end up in juvenile detention. BELIEVE ME, I don’t want any of this to happen, but I don’t know what to do anymore! I’m as frustrated as you. Church does help with my sanity. Sometimes, you just feel like giving up. I don’t have any answers. I’m looking for some myself. Wishing you the best!! Debbie from PA

Wow. I have two teenage sons. The oldest is 17. He will be 18 in March. He has anxiety issues and has missed a lot of school. He is on an IEP. He should be a junior right now but he does not have enough credits. He is failing. My other son is 14 and will be 15 in April. He use to be a great student, going to school every day. Now that he is a freshman in high school, he has started skipping school. I stress the importance of attending school and the importance of getting an education to both of them. I even brought them to talk to the police chief about the importance of attending school. This did not help. I am divorced from my first husband and he is not much help. My new husband has never had to deal with children and does not know how to handle this situation other than telling me to have the boys live with their father. I cannot do give them up to their father. I have taken their privileges away but this does not always work. Other people feel it is my fault that the boys misbehave. I have tried getting them into activities and I started this from an early age. They would try activities for a while and then give up. I had them in 4H and a summer day camp for years. I had them in boy scouts and they would go to Boy Scout camp every year. They did t-ball, little league, peewee football, karate, and one even did a short race. I tried to keep them active. At this point, I am not sure where to go from here. Believe me; I have had doctor appointments, psychologist and psychiatrist appointments, and school meetings concerning these issues so it is not as if I have not been trying to help these boys. Therefore, I am at my wits end as to what to do.

My daughter’s not yet 14. She’s brilliant, creative — and a horrific student. She truly doesn’t care about school. She failed two out of five academic classes last term (9th grade) and is still failing. When she doesn’t like a teacher, she refuses to do the work. When she likes the teacher, she does only the work she feels like doing, and never uses her maximum efforts. She never keeps a planner and either does not know or doesn’t care about what she’s supposed to do. She’s always missing or late with her work. Her teachers – and we, as her parents – has been frustrated about thisever since she was in 1st grade. She’s had tutors, counselling, she gets all the acting & voice lessons she wants – you name it. We’ve tried playing “good cop bad cop”, being nurturing, “tough love” – nothing works. Rewards, punishments, long talks that last hours, short talks – nothing works.

Academics are just a piece of the problem. She had oral sex when she was still 12 (and may still be doing it, we don’t know), she smokes pot (frequency uknown), she sleeps late & never makes the school bus in the a.m., she stays up until the middle of the night, she wears heavy eye make up, she listens to heavy and sexually explicit indie rock while supposedly doing her homework (really IM’ing her friends), she has older friends whom I don’t know and she doesn’t tell me their last names, she changes her internet passwords (yes we’ve removed and returned those privileges too), she text messages sex talk with unknown boys (also taken & removed from her), she uses foul language and is very crass, she dresses in very odd clothing and prides herself on being different (so she says, anyway…), and she recently tried to arrange a sexual tryst with an unknown (to us)boy. She’s been grounded, she’s been given freedom – nothing works. We’ve had these kinds of issues with her for years. We’ve consistently discussed morality and spirituality with her -nothing works. If it sounds like we’ve treated her transgressions inconsistently, we haven’t. It’s that we try something for months, even a year, and then when that fails, we move onto another tactic. We’ve spoken and met with her current and past counselors many times – nothing works. When we think she’s under control and we start to trust her again, we find out she’s failing classes, sneaking around with boys, getting high and lying to us. She often shuts herself in her room but sometimes she enjoys watching movies, going to shows or just talking, especially with me. She’s told all her counselors how she feels so close to me. (Of course she tells her friends how evil I am, and she tells me that she thinks I’m trying to keep her from her friends and ruin her social life.) I am truly fed up with her after so many years of so much of the same nonsense. I am tired of devoting so much time, energy, effort and most of all, love on such a pointless mission, paying so much money to professionals and to her performing arts teachers to try to keep her happy with what she says she loves the most (music & theatre; and BTW, I don’t sign her up for any programs or lessons she doesn’t ask for), that I’m at the point where I told her that I’m through with all this and that I will no longer subsidize herconduct. I told her that if sahe wants to fail, fine. I told her that I’ll stop getting her any more music or acting lessons, I’ll cut off her internet and phone privileges again. I told her that all I’ll do now is buy her food, pay for her doctors, basic things. I told her that she has to take responsibility for her actions. She has always been so sweet and loving – even now. I told her that if she really were so sweet & loving, she’s consider the effects of her behavior on not just herself but also on her parents, and her younger sister (who is ashamed of her). we’ve had her tested by a psychiatrist; her evaluations say that it’s basically teenage angst with some oppositional stuff thron in., But it’s been YEARS now of this! There’s nowhere else for me to go. Things seem to be getting better with her fr a few weeks and then everything hits the fan. What else can I do? I’ve tried everything and now I’m just exhausted and fed up.

I really feel for you. I have a daughter just like this. I made myself sick over this. I tried all of these suggestions and all I got was blame from the county that I wasn’t doing my job. She is 17. If she gets in trouble under my control, I’m in trouble. The county won’t help you either if you make too much money.

I have an 18 year old out of control teenager who does everything from skip school, lying to you blatantly in your face, having sex, won’t clean her room, and on top of that she gives you that look when you talk to her that makes you just want to kill her. I am a single parent and she has been living with her grandmother for about a year now and she is about ready to kick her out. Is there some sort of program that I can get her into? I am very, very, very short on cash so I need something that is free. We live in Brooklyn New York. I am at my witts ends and also have a 3 year old. Please someone help me before I loose my mind.

Thanks,

It is so nice to hear I am not alone, my 16 year old is out of control, i dont sleep anymore for fear the phone will ring and he will be in jail or dead. there are times where I know he hates what has become of his life, but then the phone rings and he is off again. he sells pot instead of working at McDonalds, truancy problems and no respect for my rules. My biggest ? is what to you do, I took away the cell phone, x-box, i have to work and I have to sleep. When I look on line for help I feel I’m again being manipulated, so many people trying to make money promising to fix my child. I’m scared, tired and lost. Any suggestions?

Lynn, it sounded like you were describing my 14 year old daughter to a T. Everything you said was her MO. Ironically, she ran away this morning and I was so at my wits end, I said goodbye and have a good life. Realistically, we are going to try and get her in a juvenille facility or a 72 hour hold at the hospital when they find her. My husband and I have recently bought a house in Sounth Caroline and will be moving from Calif. to South Caroline in two months. If we don’t have some sort of resolution by then, I don’t know what will happen. Please pray for me.

my 15 year old ran away last night. she is bi-polar and has been cutting and burning herself. I have her in couselling and she has been in and out of a mental health facility. I have to go today to do the thing ihave dreaded and file an out of control order on her. she is not on drugs because i have had her tested several times. I had to change her school to an alternative school last year. She is extremely gifted but has no desire to do anything productive. I wish i knew what to do as i worry every day and every night. my family keeps saying to smack her and take away all of her privledges. I have stripped her priviledges but have not hit her as i do not believe in hitting a teenager. the police told me that filing this order is the only thing left for me to do as she will be on a probation of sorts and will have to adhere to the rules or be put in juvenile detention. any suggestions?

SO, everyone has very interesting perspectives and ideas on how to handle your difficulties with your kid. I am 25 yrs old, childless but no stranger to children of all ages. I have learned, no pun intended, that children usually act how they learn. I have an ex girlfriend that has 6 kids and they were all so very dear to my heart. I love them all soooo much, but one thing i did notice was that mom sometimes made things ok, and then the next time.. the same thing that was ok before is no longer ok now. It makes things very confusing for the kid because it is pretty much a hit and miss. Will i get in trouble or will i get a slap on the wrist? Stickin with a game plan WORKS. Being persistant on what is ok and what is not and the consequences. I was looking for help for my friend that has a 15 yr old daughter turning 16 in october that is not coming home for 2 days in a row, went from straight a’s with an occasional b to c’s and d’s all in just one year… of course she is in high school now, her friends changed or stayed the same and are learning new things, she is finding that it is not cool to be a “geek” in high school as it was to get those grades in middle school, now she is playin with the big kids. She might be 15 but she is my friend.. almost like a daughter to me because her mom is also an ex and has been in my life for nearly 6 years now. I know when i was growing up, i just wanted to sometimes not be treated like a kid, but i understood i was! I liked to have adult friends because that not only made me feel like they cared, but i was also mature enough for them to want to be around me. So i have learned that having “adult” conversations, with stipulations of course, can make a teen feel like you dont look at them merely as a “child” anymore, but almost an adult, but know their limits. Teens needs friends that are older to feel accepted in the times before them, and that does help. SOmetimes growing up and having bad things happen to you affects who you grow up to be mentally, but with a little reassurance and guidance and some friendly advice and shoulders, they tend to feel a sense of comfort from someone that they would look to as someone that would “protect” them.. adults always have money, adults always know the answers to everything.. etc.. that is what they think, just when it takes away from their fun.. of course they are going to be upset but when it takes away from their frun with reason and of concern from a “friend” ( mother and father duties aside ) they will be more apt to listen and learn.. not by screaming and yellin.. although, if that does not work because not all kids are the same.. church, counseling, family time, and yes the “law” sometimes does need to be involved when everything else fails.. you might feel bad but you will feel better when they learn now before they are regretting not learning when they are behind bars. I know this was a lot to say, and i hope it all made sense.. Everyone goes through it unless you have a saint for a child.. and many of us have also gone through it ourselves as teens and we know why we were the way we were. Everyone is different and has different reasons.. you just have to find the approach that is right.. if your teen is comfortable with you, then they will be comfortable with a lot of other things in their life with you as well. you wrote this in january .. i hope things are going better for you.. if not, i hope things do have a wonderful day.. God Bless!

there is no help! thats how I feel. 3 adopted children, the oldest with the greatest problems. Suspensions from school for the minorest of infractions. the School system says its up to the parents to parent. I take away everything and it doesn’t seem to matter. He’s 15 and now has run away for the 4th time the police pick him up and bring him back home. I have called children’s services and his adoption caseworker just told me there was nothing they could do to help, I have adopted him and it is my responsibility. I asked about the program for adoptive parents that are having difficulty and was told that wasn’t available to me. I just called the police again and they found him after 23 hrs at the local teenage drug hang out. He even told the cop he wasn’t staying here and would run away again. I contacted the youth detention center. Until he commits a crime, by the way posession of pot is not worthy of detention it has to be paraphinalia and or cocaine. What is left, I’m at my wits end. I looked into military school and the like and I can’t afford them. He’s gone again and I can’t continue to subject his brother and sister to the fighting and fear anylonger. I have called all of thier councelors and nothing.

Patty

I feel you. I also have an adopted child that is out of control. My daughter is 15 I have been dealing with her behavior for almost 5 years now, lying,stealing,failing grades and now running away. I filed for a childen in need of supervision order through Juvenile Court and they have assigned her a probation officer who visits her 4 times a week. It has changed nothing. She is continuing to skip school and has run away again. She is in counseling but doesnt fully participate. I have tried tutoring, and private school to a tune of ove $30k in two years.

I have asked for assistance with residential services and I am getting know support with Social Svcs or mental health.

I am also in a helpless state.

Are there any affordable “boot camp” type of programs out there? Or any that will work with you on payments?

I am to the point where I hate my kid. My own child who I’m suppose to love unconditionally. I just want peace in this house and I want him gone. Isn’t this terrible? I feel guilty but he has driven me to this point.

Miss I have 4 ideas for you… first off my girlfriend has a 15, 12, and 5 year old kids mff in order. Idea #1 is a truancy officer, we have used them many-a-time and nothing is more intimidating than a TO coming ot the house with county cops. #2 is remove all electronics from the kids room, turn off the circuit breaker to his room, disown him… tewll him that if he misswes the bus he’ll have to call a cab to get to school (addendum NEVER CALL YOUR CHILD IN TO SCHOOL NO MATTER WHAT) he can take his meals in his room alone, work outside in the yard for rent or find a foster home that will take him, 3rd is a 2×4 enuf said, and 4th is make him a ward of the state, f* with him, let him hit you then send him to juvie for 6 months… that’ll (well that’ll = the other inmates will) beat the resistance right out of him/her… many a time have we been going somewhere when my girlfriends 5 year old daughter acts up. We drive to the nearest police station and tell her that she can stay with them till we get back unless she behaves. For boys, a drive by and quick park into the lot of your nearest juvenile hall usually does the trick…

You are their parent not their slaves. They need to repect you NO MATTER WHAT and if they do not then they need to learn the consiquesces. I was 18 in highschool and if i didn;t get out of bed to get to school my dad would have dragged me out in my shhets and thrown me into the year… that is GOOD PARENTING – i was not his boss, he was not my slave, i did what i did because thats what needed to get done. ALSO DON’t BE AFRAID TO LET YOUR CHILD FAIL… especially if they are in 7th grade and above. THEY CAN REASON. If they don’t want to do their homework FINE let them fail… see how cool they feel being held back… “Yeah this is my 6th senior year… i am so cool!” STOP CODDELING YOUR KIDS LIKE I DO MY F***ING DOGS

A swift kick in the ass and a year on the street will mellow any ‘RAGE’ in your teen.

I am sorry to hear of the troubles you’ve had with your girls, but it sure is good to know I am not the only one with unruly teens! I kicked my 14 and 17(now 18) yr. old(s) out for being rude and disrespectful, the 16 yr. old is on her way out for skipping school and disappearing for days at a time! I have contacted the school and the police, but because she is 16 they say they cannot make her go to school! WHAT?! I say shell out some tough love! Do not buy them anything, make them ask for food or put locks on the fridge–give them the bare necessities! No phone calls, no company and they shouldn’t even think about going anywhere-start buying their things at the second hand store! Teach them who is boss! Good luck mom!

Audra

Well I have 4 boys…16,14,13,11 I am about to pull my hair out… the hormones that have invaded my home is overwelming…Girls,Girls, Girls is all I ever hear and them wanting to go to parties at all hours of the night and wanting to go Fridays and Saturdays is beginning to be a battle that I am fighting alllll the time…I have had to put my foot down several times and say “hey look I don’t know who you think you are at school, but here I’m Queen bee and I am letting you know that this is our house,not mine ours and if you have any respect at all for me and your father you will start acting like gentlemen and start bevaing the way I raised you” they have chores,homework,and all in sports,so they have other things to keep them occupied but I tell you it’s crazy…just let them know you are still in charge and that the home phone,the cell,the car,and your wallet will be unavailable if they don’t get their act together…sometimes threats don’t work but they will start to realize it when thet are left with none of those…it comes a time when they are so mad at you that you feel bad,but don’t give in, that’s what they expect for you to feel bad and then the cycle continues…stay strong and remember we were once kids and I rememeber my mom saying “I can’t wait til you have kids of your own,they are going to do the same as you and then you’ll realize what it was like” gosh I must of been a really bad girl…

I HAVE A 17 YEAR OLD STEP SON,WHO IS FAR OUT OF CONTROL. HE HAS RECENTLY MOVED TO ST. LOUIS WITH HIS MOM, HAS NOW DROPED OUT OF SCHOOL AND IS ON GOD KNOWS WHAT KIND OF DRUGS,CARRING GUNS,AND RECENTLY CHARGED WITH AUTO THEFT.
HIS MOM HAS GIVEN UP ON HIM AND HE’S OFFICIALLY HOMELESS UNTIL MY HUSBAND AND I GO AND PICK HIM UP. MY HUSBAND AND I ARE OPEN FOR IDEAS. PRAY FOR US AND WE SHALL DO THE SAME.

I have a little brother that is totally out-of-control. He was adopted by my Mom and Dad when they were TOO OLD to adopt. My Dad died when he was 5-yrs.old. He was already on the road to trouble, but losing our Dad really put things into a tail-spin.

My Mother tried everything she could. Did not spare any expense in getting him counceling, and medicines. He was diagnosed with AD/HD. His out-of-control behavior continued to esculate. Most of his school years were held in BIC class. This is where the other out-of-control kids go in public school when they don’t want to expose them to the normal kids.

Just before my brother turned 10-yrs.old my husband and I removed him from my Mom’s home. This was after arriving at her house unexpectly and finding my Mom in bed sick and my brother running the SHOW…… The house was a PIG STY. I can’t describe what we found.

As time went on I found more and more of what he had done. Just to mention one thing; he took raw eggs and throw them at at least (2) walls of every room in the house. Ruining the paneling. It took (3) of us all day long to clean the place up. It was soooooooo nasty!!! She had mice, rats, roaches!!! And no wonder! He was opening can goods and throwing them in behind boxes. He was taking his plates from dinner/breakfast/lunch and throwing them with food on them under the couch.

He was taking full advantage of her weakness, illness and age.

We have already raised our children (successfully I might add). And have NO desire to raise more kids. But we could not allow him to continue doing this to her.

We kept him for 1yr.5mos. until in the last few month things began going from worse to worser. Now almost 12-yrs.old and much stronger. After he drew back to hit me the 3rd. time I refused to keep him. My husband returned him to my Mom’s house.

I have told my Mom that I will assist her in trying to get him into some academy. But if they won’t take him, or if he gets out-of-control like he has in the past that we are calling CPS.

He has been with her 2-weeks and already he is staying up all night (my Mom obviously sleeps like a log)getting into stuff. I inspected his bedroom only to find food, opened can goods, dirty dishes, and soda cans thrown in every place he could find to hide them. Not to mention piles and piles of clothes hidden everywhere so that he did not have to fold or hang them up.

I was furious – to say the least. I also found out that he has already drew back to hit her (2) times in the last 2-weeks. And has been very disrespectful to her. She is soon to be 76 yrs. old.

I just do not know what to do!! I can not stand by and watch him take advantage of my Mother. And I just KNOW that he will eventually hurt her.

I refuse to take responsibility of him. I have always told both my Mom and Dad that I did NOT want to raise any more children. They were fools to adopt him, especially at their AGE.

I’m very stressed over this situation. I just don’t know what more I can do. My husband and I are starting to argue because he is tired of hearing about the kid and what he is doing to my Mom.

I have to help my Mom get him into some place. I don’t want to see him become awarded to the State. But I can’t seem to find any source that she can afford that is willing to help us in the short run. The place I’m trying to get him into could take months/years to get into. What do we do in the meantime?? If he has done all this in just 2-weeks what will it be like in 2-months? And right now my Mom is finally healthier than she has been since my Dad’s death.

I have made him an appointment for another physco evaluation. He will no doubt need to make various visits. This is a repeat of her previous attempts for 2-yrs straight, which did not help him. They put him on meds that did not help. He still continued to do the same things.

While we had him I never gave him any meds. I do not believe in drugs for kids behavior. He controlled himself very well without meds. I had to take him out of public school and homeschool him, but his grades went from failing grades to A&B’s in both 5th and now 6th grade. I have agreed to homeschool him until he finishes 6th grade.

I’m not sure why he changed. He started getting out of control with us after we moved my Mom across the street from us, so that I could take care of her. I don’t know if his strong desire to live with her is what made him begin to retaliate against us or if he just did not want to live by our rules any longer. For whatever the reason, we were NOT going to accept his disrespect and constant breaking of rules.

Is there anything that ANYONE can suggest for us to do? For his sake and my elderly Mom’s sake he needs to be in a different home. He needs 24-hour supervision. And we need to get something done soon – before he gets worse!! He is even starting to play with matches!! I’m so afraid he is going to burn down the house.

First of all I am sorry you have to go through this with someone you created. I am glad technology is created, you can put your children on fins programs, that is a program that monitor children drug addition, school atendance, curfews, you will need to go to juvenelle courts tell the court what you want fill out papers. I put my son on fins it work out very good of course I took my son out of program I felt sorry for him now I wish I’ll kept him in fims program because he is out of control talks by to me steal from us we have locks on our bedroom doors I fill like we are in prison in our home, he’s on probation for having weed in his pocket in school he will be 18 years old on 23rd of April that would have been a happy day for his little brother and myself because then I was going to tell him he don’t have to runaway anymore I would open all doors for him to leave. My son knows he is on probation he come in at 10:00pm don’t ranaway those are his conditions. He is stealing from me and his little brother punch holes in walls if he don’t get his way I have call his probation officer she told me she can’t help me raise my child.

I am having the same issue. I have a 16 year old girl who has been difficult for a few years now. My wife and I are at our wits end. It has put a big stress on our marriage. We have tried counseling and she stopped going. She has threatened to leave, hurt herself, hurt others. If she runs away I am going to invoke CHINS. Child in need of services.

I firmly believe Texting/IM/Internet/”The Family Channel” contribute to the level of rage that is shown. When I was young we would get mad and go off to our rooms to sulk. But now they go off and get into a mob scene with texting/cell phone contact with other kids who justify their outrageous and illogical actions.

I have my daughters computer bugged so I have a pretty good idea of what she is doing. I am really worried about her hurting herself. She is strong willed I don’t know what she wants/needs. If she is crying out for help I have no idea what it is she is missing.

Today she was at the peak of out of control. I have taken away all the contact to the outside world. It is going to be a long night as I am sure she will try to run away.

I am not sure the prayers can fix this.

I’m glad that I found this blog I feel very alone in my fight with my 14 year old son too and while I’m married he isn’t my son’s birth father and isn’t always as supportive as I need him to be. I have a 7 year old daughter as well and she is sweet as can be and all of this affects her too.

I had my son when I was 16 and I raised him alone with my Mom’s help (alot of her help) She passed away when he was 11 and it really affected him, she was his father, mother, grandma his everything. I have been there for him and feel like I show him love but he seems to be looking for love in older girls.

He is 14 and he is dating a 17 year old girl, her style is punk and now so is his. She is in the 9th grade and has said the only reason she goes to school is to hang with her friends and now he says the same thing. I’m worried that they are having sex but they tell me they aren’t. She plays alot of mind games with him and his best friend and she like to see them fight over her.

My son has bruises and scratches all over his chest and arms and neck from her and he says they play fight but I don’t like it. I’m afraid she is being too physical with him, she also seems controlling “acting like a parent” when he and I disagree she tells him to stop etc..

He doesn’t do drugs or drink, I’ve given him home tests, but he is so disrespectful to me and my husband and daughter and he won’t follow our rules etc… i’m fed up too

This may sound harsh, but send her through your version of boot camp. search her possessions, make sure her behavior is in check, and if she gives you or anyone any lip, come down on her. Take her stuff away, limit her activities/responsebilities, limit where she can go and what friends she can see. But do what you want

I’m sorry, But I am a teenager and I know what shes doing, she wants to look tough. So YOU have to be tough.

You have to give her tough love.
She does it to try and defy you to make herself feel higher, she wants to have a higher self esteem by feeling like she has the power of lowering yours and everyone else’s.

YOU have to lower hers, it sounds horrible. But telling her over and over again that what she does makes her look and sound like an idiot and that she could have so much more that that might do it, but you cant just give in after you start.

If she beggs you and beggs you for somehting you know she cant have or do, you have to stick to it and make sure she knows shes not getting her way no matter what…
You have to break her to make her..

Also try the older sibling, have her try and talk to her about it. She is 17 and the 15 year old must look up to her, even if she doesn’t show it, best of luck.

My advice doesn’t so great, but I know it would work on me for sure.
It did.

Make sure that you give effective consequences for their behavior. To not give into their temper tantrums and demands. Set a good example for your children and do not join into every argument that you are invited to. Talk to your schools guidance counselor for help.

good luck i have been searching for a year for an affordable way to save my young brothers life. and i say save his life because he is totally out of control. drugs, school, disrespect. it seems the only way anyone cares about preventative maintenance for these young adults is if you have money. and lots of it ! the only option is camps and they run no less than 30,000 dollars!

I am sorry to say that you may need drastic measures. First seek conseling. second unfortunately you may have to start treating like a child. For example tell her if she doesn’t call about being late then for every minute she is there is a strong consequance at fifteen the strongest is possibly not getting a drivers license it is harsh but sometimes it works. Don’t play into a comparison of your mother hood. You are not here friend you are her mother. She may say she hates you but as time goes on she regret those words. Also maybe the school is not helping her. My child was starting down the same direction after consuling I found that the school she was is was the problem. Since I am now homeschooling her she is more open and is challenged more. good luck and I hope things work out.

I’m sitting here wondering where the heck is my 16 year old daughter. She does not come home when told to come home and again she went out tonight without permission. She has failed high school and has been in the mental health facility. She does not listen to me, she calls me names, totally rude, skips schools, is defiant to authorities even the police. She damaged my car and hits me when I try to discipline her. She stole over 600 dollars last week from me and I’m at my wit’s end. The police don’t want to do anything.

my son is 13 hes giving me grief hes in trouble with the police hes on bail has 3 charges of theft against himwe wave social workers councilors pshiciatrists youth justice team and the school he wont stay in school he climbs out the window hes out all hrs of the night i have 4 younger girls that see what he does he lies steals hes defiant and he wont listern or talk to anyone im going out of my mind trying to find answers he also smokes canabis i cant do no more for him

I have an OUT-OF-CONTROL 16 YEAR OLD THAT I AM A CARETAKER FOR. SHE IS MY SISTER. OUR MOM PASSED AWAY AND HER DAD IS, LIKE, MENTALLY DISTURBED AND NOT IN PICTURE. SHE SMOKES POT, SMOKES CRACK, HAS PEOPLE LIVING IN OUR HOUSE. SHE IS DISREPECTFUL, HER FRIENDS ARE DISREPECTFUL, SHE SLEEPS IN UNTIL
3 P.M. AND SKIPS SCHOOL. SHE IS PHYSICALLY BIGGER THAN ME, AND I’M 35. SHE HOUNDS ME FOR MONEY DAILY, WHICH I CAVE IN BECAUSE I’M SO TIRED OF FIGHTING. I FIND CRACK PIPES WITH METH INSIDE ALL OVER THE HOUSE. MY NEIGHBORS ARE COMPLAINING THAT THEY FIND METH PIPES. HER FRIENDS NEVER LEAVE, SO THEN I HAVE TO CALL THE COPS. I REALLY HATE THIS LIFE. IT IS REALLY UNBEARABLE LIVING WITH AN OUT OF CONTROL TEEN. SHE HAS NO RESPECT FOR ANYBODY. I REALLY DO A LOT OF HER EVERY DAY. I WORK, PROVIDE FOOD, EVERYTHING. THIS IS AFFECTING MY WORK AS I CANNOT EVEN CONCETRATE AT HOME KNOWING THAT SHE IS GOING TO BE COMING DOWN FROM A METH BINGE AND START ATTACKING ME FOR MONEY. THE POLICE HAVE BEEN INVOLVED. I AM AT MY WITTS END. THIS IS JUST ME VENTING.

I have a out of control teenage, she had a lot of problems when she got to high school, she was skipping class and smoking weed and being every disrespectful toward her teacher and administrator, they put her out off that school, I put her in her home school a military school (Forestville Military Acamady) she was doing wonderfully, making great grades doing what she had to do to get herself together but she has a drug problem, today (Nov 3,2009) she went to school high of off weed, now they are talking exposure from (Maryland school all together.)

I was an out of control teen. I think the biggest reason was because I felt alone. The only group that accepted me were the “stoners” so I became one of them. If you can somehow remove your daughter from those influences and place her around people that she can look up to and want to be like that are good influences, then you have a chance of breaking these patterns. I think these people should be close to her age and she should be able to watch how they interact with their parents. Also (when the mood is light) asking her opinion about why other kids are out of control (making no mention of her behavior) may help her reflect on her own situation.

My daughter is 14 now and I start to lose control of her. She is just not responding to anything i ask her to do.

We need to improve communication and spend time with the teenagers so that we’ll be able to gain their trust and learn more about their thinking. Teens like to have attention, and they want to be heard and respected. As parents, we should give them praise when it is due.

I have a 13 year old daughter who is sexually active and is skipping school, has been left back once and I think she is aiming for another. She’s disrespectful and likes to talk to older men online. My biggest worry is that she may be meeting up with strangers and that one day something happens to her. I work two jobs to make meets end and I find myself stressed out all the time and fighting with my daughter on the every day basis. I live in springfield, MA and there are not alot of supportive programs here to help these teenagers. I’ve been to counseling and that got me no where. She is doing community service three times a week for a fight she had. Can some one please help, I’m running out of options and I don’t want to loose my daughter. Desperate MOM.