Mom Asks: Opinions on Alternative Schools?

My daughter just graduated from an alternative school. For her, it was one of the best things that ever happened. She actually commented that she “loved school” and her grades showed — nothing lower than an 88%. She too, did not like mainstream school; her grades were so-so, but once she started in the alternative school, her attitude and grades changed in a matter of days. As far as skipping school; any missed time had to be made up, which, fortunately, we did not have to deal with. Having said thi, however, alternative school is not for everyone. It doesn’t hurt to investigate the alternative school and find out more about it.

I agree completely with Denise — help him find things that bring out the best in him (outside of school). I urge you to listen to him– he sounds very unhappy and while it may appear to be laziness, that is just a symptom of his current unhappiness. When he finds a situation that suits his interests, gifts and strengths, he will not look lazy, I promise!

Best wishes to you and your son!
Christine Duvivier

Sounds to me as if allowing him to go to an Alternative school would be letting him get his way. Will he talk to you? Discuss with you what his issues are at the school he is going to presently? He has ADD – is he still on medicine? My son is ADD although at this point he is not taking the medicine any longer as it would have adverse affects. My son never had a skipping school problem, but I do know that there were times that he had issues with some of the teachers. Has your son been set up for an IEP (Individual Education Plan). I also did this and found that my son had a disability with his reading. Now thru the IEP his school helps make sure his classwork is organized and thru this his grades have been much better – all last year he was on the honor roll.
Or in a different light, maybe the schoolwork is not challenging enough to your son – maybe he needs accelerated classes (like honors classes or something). If he will talk to you, talk to him but also listen to him – he has probably been giving you some clues – that we as parents sometimes miss. I wish you the best.

Lori

Alternative schools can be a godsend. I don’t care how smart or how much potential you think your child has, if they are not emotionally invested, nothing will motivate them to do the rote learning that takes place in most big box schools. Outside interests are good, tech schools are good also if they have a program your son is interested in. But don’t ignore this huge cry for help. His idea about this different school is probably not on the money and it would be of benefit to you if you visited the school and found out how their programs works. Just because he doesn’t go to the “good” school does not mean he isn’t capable or that he won’t be successful. My three kids all have high I.Q’s, deal with ADD issues and all of them lost motivation in the big, highly rated school. Homeschooling may be an option where you live allowing you to focus his studies and get rid of the skipping problem or the alternative school may prove to have the right approach that will fit with his learning style. You have options use them and don’t let him languish. He is stressed out and under pressure to the max. Redirect his learning and he will flourish.

I think one of the mistakes we make as parents is not listening to what are kids are telling us about themselves. I am on the brink of sending my daughter to an alternative school, after years of not “letting her get her way” What is the goal,truly, that we have for our children? Most of us would say we want them to grow up happy, be self sufficient, and successful in whatever they choose. When a student spends so much time in just making it through school,they are not thriving, just surviving.Their attention is not on their education.It’s is sometimes on feeling so out of place. Square peg, round hole. they are all so different and add in any attention issues, etc. and it’s a recipe for giving up. Big schools work for a lot of kids, and destroy the hopes of kids who don’t fit the mold.
My questions to you is, what have you got to loose by exploring and alternative school? This is the age we loose students many times, why not give him a chance to experience real success?

I too am seeking an alternative to the mainstream public school. My daughter is an amazing square peg. Intelligent, personable, athletic, and creative and has diagnosed ADD, OCD, and Anxiety/Depression. Our problem with IEP road is the giant red flag that gets attached to the academic record. However the Charter Schools or Alternatives in our State are often extremes on social issues; either Home School Subordinate Females, Radical Leftwing Socialist Hippies, or What color is your Aura? We want a flexible school program that accepts different learning styles while still maintaining basic academic structure and social structure.

My square-peg, 140 IQ, ADD teenager was in a high school with no programs to accomodate her learning disability. After 3 years of Ds and Fs (even with ADD medications) and teachers who believed she was “lazy and stupid,” I put her in our alternative school. Without the busy work (aka homework), she is now a straight A+ student who is respected by her teachers and peers. Her depression is gone, her self-esteem is through the roof, and she is taking a community college class during her Jr year of high school.

That said, I would look into a couple issues before moving your kid:
1. Alternative schools are full of kids who are in trouble for doing drugs. Make sure that isn’t his motivation. Are his friends there for poor grades or for doing drugs? If it is for doing drugs, chances are he’ll be joining them for a quick snort or toke outside the school grounds.
2. Grades are based on attendance. You miss school, you lose credit. Skipping will get him dismissed. Then where will you go?

Good luck!

All great advice, but it sounds like there is something he does after school that he wants to do more of, and my guess is that would be video games (I’m the parent of an ADD teen who would play all day if he could.) Pretty clever of him to manipulate his grades etc. to get placed in the shorter day school. So my second guess is that he’s probably quite smart.

The alternative school would probably be a good idea, but you’ll need to also deal with what he does with all that extra time. And work out something with the school about skipping (I like the idea in one comment that you have to make up the time) – they’ll need to care about it in your case.

Denise’s advice to find an interest is good, but my guess is that he already has the interest and it is video games. If you can’t find an interest like the cars idea, then put him in volunteer work until he is old enough to have a job, then he goes to work. Somehow, the free time that he thinks he’s going to get has to become worse than the full day of school.

In our case, we have never let our son play video games during the week. He therefore is more involved in band, etc. at school because that fills up his school days.

My 15 year old son (ADD) was not doing his homework at all, because he hated school so much. He was very stressed, overwhelmed, depressed and angry all the time. The counselor talked to him about alternative education where he’d have no homework. He was determined he was getting into that program, so he’d have no homework or he was going to drop out of school.

I went to the information night for parents, and was very impressed with the curriculum and idea that every student would have a tailored program to make sure they learned in a way suited for them. More impressed that it was not for delinquents, college prep and college classes still offered and their graduation rate was 85% (which seems high for at risk kids). They also have a higher chance of college scholarships in the alternative program, because there are scholarships for these “at risk” students.

I, too, struggled with him getting his way, taking the easy way, out and manipulating the system. After many discussions with counselors, teachers, psychologist, program directors, etc… I decided to enroll him. It’s too early to tell the results. My initial feeling is that I did the right thing, because after i enrolled him he said, “I actually feel like I have hope in my life again. I gave up because i didn’t feel like I would ever get into a good college. Now, I feel like I have hope again.” He’s been happy, trying hard and getting all A’s.

While my own preset mind has always been college prep, I think it’s important to take into consideration the mental health of the kids, especially those with ADD, that are so overwhelmed. Rather than having them turn to drugs to reduce stress and/or be at risk for suicide, I think all options should be considered. College is not as important to me as my son’s well being.

I just want to thank you for your letter. I have a 14 year old son with ADHD and I can very much relate to what you are going through as a parent. It is extremely hard to get my son to even begin a task, let alone stay on task. There are two things I have learned that work with my son. The first one is patience, patience and more patience. The second thing is for him to earn small rewards at a time, rather than to earn the bigger rewards which take longer to achieve. For example, we have a sticker chart for all of our children. They can earn a maximum of 3 stickers a day and their reward is once they have earned 75 stickers they get a date with the parents, just the 3 of us. They get to choose where we go to eat and what we do. This is his long term goal, however I have to give him more smaller rewards as well. I am from the school of thought that when you have homework you just do it and get it done and then you can have the weekend to do what you want. My son, however, is more like “why do today what I can put off all the time”. For him to get any rewards on Saturday, such as video games or movies, he has to do 50% of his weekend homework first. Then the same applies on Sunday. It is still a struggle, but I just keep redirecting him to his homework and he is learning. It is a huge process and he still has a way to go to get to where he could be, but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone and that there is hope. Whether your child stays at the same school he is at or attends a different school, I have faith that things will work out. Good luck to you!

Looking into the alternative school would help you better understand what they have to offer students. Seems like your son should go along with you. Many alternative schools have had great success. There is a book out called “Lives of Passion, School of Hope” by author Rick Posner. It’s a great book about how successful one alternative school has been over the past thirty plus years. The stories of the alumni touch on each of the five goals of the school as well as the most frequently asked questions about a school without grades or credits such as those involving college and work. The idea is to present a viable public school alternative that transforms lives and leads to the idea of a sustainable education, one that sticks with its students as they grow into their adult lives. You may find it helpful. It’s an amazing story.

I too have a (ADD) 16yo that I am having difficulty getting to do his daily HW. Last year it was determained that he was actually gifted but because of the ADD his processing skills (getting brian to slow down and stay focued enough to be able to write down things was below average so he was not LD, not gifted but also not average….he was in a range that is not addressed by many traditional schools. Alternative school do address this range so that a student works at his own pace and on things that he knows. The other problem is that one of my son’s teachers has proven that she doesn’t keep her word…at our IEP last year she said that she would accept late, half done work or work done by another (because of my son’s thought to word and hypofocusing issue it was agreed that he could have either his resource teacher or myself transcribe his dictations)…we did the dication thing on his term paper, she said that it was not his work (even though I signed it) he handed work in half done or late, she would not accept it…she gave him zerops on everything…it came to me threathening to go to school board to get her to even give him a few points. She proved that she doesn’t wlak her talk. He has the same teacher this year and she has already come down on him hard…saying that he is nothing but lazy…well long story short. He figures why try she will not accept anything I do, and I am so far behind that it is useless to try. Plus all of his core classes are lumped together….he said that he no sooner get his focus going in one class when he has to shift it to the next (this is common with ADD people and some go into Hypofocusing). My son also has a very hard time wrapping his head around why he even has to do the daily HW as he can pick up the subject matter quickly ..so well in fact that he aces all his tests. To him the HW is to help you learn a subject you don’t know….and there is not trying to explain it….(we have tried many many different ways and examples). In our case the school district we live in is small and the nearest alternative school is over an hour away so that option is off the table. The only other option they have here is a computerized class room but that is for lower then normal students who are having hard time grasping the subject or dealing with normal classroom setting (my son is having issue with the classroom setting but no one understands that as he is so social). He could get into these classes and breeze through as they test him on what he knows or doesn’t…those he knows he can test out of). So those classes that interest my son he is doing well in…he also wants to feel like a normal teenager (which he is just with a very small hiccup in part of his processing skills). He is very good at things so he is asked to be in plays, sports and other things but because of the failure, resistance to hand in his HW..which he could do in no time if he wanted to(plus he gets so involved..hypofocused…. that he has no time to get it done) he is having problems. So I would have a talk with the resource teacher (if your child has ADD he then should have a IEP and resource tearcher), counselor and principal. Have special issues put into the IEP..if that doesn’t work then put him in alternative school. Most students that have problems are those that just can’t handle the traditiona school settings, a teacher, something in the school or something at home (though I believe this one is not the issue in this case)….those are the ones that go to alternative schools.