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Mom Found Drugs in Son's Room

By December 17, 2010

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A mom seeking advice: I was rummaging through my son's room looking for a disk he borrowed but never returned. On my search I found a a video case filled with cigarette papers, filters and a satchel of what looked like pot mixed with tobacco. I have said nothing to him about my find but destroyed all items and threw them in the bin. I don't know if I should say something to him or let him know what I found and that I was going through his room.

My son is 15yrs old and is generally a good-natured kid, very affectionate, talks to me about most things and trusts me to a certain extent. He is a happy kid often joking around and laughing who actively swims and plays the drums but spends a lot of time in his room watching movies or surfing the net. About 4 years ago my son and I left my abusive husband where my son was not only physically, mentally and verbally abused for 5yrs he also witnessed the affects of cocaine, speed and ecstasy abuse on a persons behavior and mental state which i will never forgive myself for not protecting him from. He has told me that he never wants to become like my ex husband or touch any of the stuff he was doing but this did not include pot.

At 13 he went to a party where peer pressure got the better of him and he joined in the alcoholic binge with his friends leaving him very sick and sorry for himself with months of trying to earn my trust again. But now with finding pot in his room I'm not sure which angle to take as not only will i loose his trust for privacy invasion but I don't want him to stop feeling like he can talk to me when he is in trouble.

Any advise would be helpful at this stage before it gets too bad.

Denise's thoughts: I think your son needs help from a professional who deals with helping teens with traumatic issues like physical and emotional abuse. The binge drinking and drug use are acting out behaviors which are telling you that he cannot do this alone.

Talk to him and stress that you are worried for him and you want him to talk to someone to help you feel less worried, in the hopes that he will be able to get the help he needs, but may not understand that he needs.

More resources:
Asking our community of parents: Have you ever found drugs in your teen's room? Have you taken your teen to a drug program? Please share your thoughts, advice and experiences in our comments section.

Comments
December 17, 2010 at 10:09 am
(1) Orlando says:

Denise,

You are right. He needs to be seen by a professional counselor. He should already be there in the wake of all of the abuse he endured at his father’s hands. I imagine a counselor will recommend home drug testing. Myteensavers home drug test will help keep him off of drugs, and let him resume to being the good nature, affectionate son that his mother described him as. Parents cannot be afraid of confrontation with their kids, and it sounds like this mom is willing to let it go. She had the courage to write to you. Now she needs to get her son the help he needs.

December 17, 2010 at 12:30 pm
(2) Angela says:

Your son should not have a TV or a computer in his bedroom at all. Period. Although having these electronics in children’s rooms is amazingly common in American households, it creates a terrible situation that increases individual isolation.
There should be only one television at the most – and it should be in the living room or family room, where everyone can watch it and interact when it is on. Same for the computer. My husband and I have a computer in our room, which works well because our children have only been able to use the computer with our knowledge and in our company.
Neither of our children (now ages 13 and 21) has EVER had a TV or computer in his or her bedroom, and we are all very happy with the result – a closer family!

December 17, 2010 at 10:28 pm
(3) Mari says:

I too found illegal items in my son’s room, and like you was concerned about trust issue’s. I gave up custody of my son, so he could get special counseling. We too came from a family of mental, physical and financial abuse.

Since my son received counseling, he is a changed young man. The down side is that the State of Nebraska didn’t return my son after the treatment, and he now lives in independent living….long story short.

Major point here is “don’t ignore” what you found. There could be a lot more going on then you think. You need to keep a keen eye on your son despite what he thinks or says. My niece lost a boyfriend to drugs at the age of only 20 and his parents as I understood, were not aggressive in dealing with their son and his drug use.

Don’t let him make you feel that you are “over- reacting”…..you are not!!!! Stay on top of him because you do love him. You will never regret it….ever, because I know I never will.

December 20, 2010 at 2:25 pm
(4) Sally says:

I found pot and a pipe in my sons backpack after he’d been a the local skate park. He denied it was his. He lost the previledge to go to the skate park alone. It has a sterotype for a reason. I also told him I would drug test hiim at anytime I felt the need because he lost my trust. We have a history of drug use on my side of the family with 2 dead siblings due to drugs. I have little tolerance. Teens experiment & don’t use their heads, are pressured by peers. It’s super important to have a good peer group, no gaurentee of bad things not happening, but it surely lessens the chances.

Also, the TV, computer in the bedroom. I can’t believe people do this as everyone knows the dangers, that can read. Kids are going to look at porn if it’s there & it is addictive and warping on so many levels. Also, just isolating like one writer wrote. Not to mention lack of sleep…I beieve in the inconvenience of 1 TV in the family room. Less TV for all is good & you are forced to watch things together.

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