A dad on our forum is seeking advice: After hunting for a new job, an opportunity that my wife and I have been waiting for came open and I accepted the job. The job puts us 1 to 1-1/2 hours from grandparents and other family as compared to the current 4 hours and puts us in a small town my wife and I crave. The job itself is an awesome opportunity for me and I am so excited. It is where my wife and I want to retire to.
Unfortunately, it means that we have to move from a place where my kids have lived most of their lives. I have 2 sons. My youngest son, 13 and an 8th grader is fired up to move closer to family. He loves Iowa, where we have to move. The issue is with my oldest son. He is 17 and a junior in High School. He wants nothing to do with moving.
My wife and I initially thought about having my wife stay with my older son in our current town to let him finish high school with his friends, which include a girl friend. My younger son would come to live with me and attend school in our new home. We have heard a large and vocal advice from family, a pastor, and friends to not break up the family and move everyone down as soon as possible. I have also heard stories of how difficult it would be for my older son.
I am looking for advice and experience from this group. I think my older son would move, be it kicking and screaming, I am concerned of messing up his life at this stage. Also, I don't want to be removed as part of his last 1-1/2 years of being home and splitting my sons apart. My wife and I are having a difficult with this issue. Again, any advice?
Denise's thoughts: I'm going to say if there is an opportunity to allow him to finish high school with the people he has known all of his life, I would take it. You are no less of a family if you live in two different areas for a little while. I moved my daughter at the end of her freshman year and that was very hard for her and she still had 3 years to go to high school. Moving him now, in the 2nd half of his Jr year could make him feel that he has to make choices that go against your wishes.
If you had no other choice, I would say sit down and talk with him. Come to an agreement on how he will get to visit his friends and how he will be able to keep up with them. Get him involved in things when you reach the new school so that he makes at least one or two good friends there too.
Since you have a choice of your wife staying so he can go to school - and he knows it - I would do that for him, letting him know that the summer after high school he will need to move. You would need to make that clear.
Asking our parenting community: What would you do in this situation? Have your moved your teen to a new town? Please share your thoughts, advice and experiences with us in the comments area.
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