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Moving a High School Jr to a New Town?

By January 14, 2011

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A dad on our forum is seeking advice: After hunting for a new job, an opportunity that my wife and I have been waiting for came open and I accepted the job. The job puts us 1 to 1-1/2 hours from grandparents and other family as compared to the current 4 hours and puts us in a small town my wife and I crave. The job itself is an awesome opportunity for me and I am so excited. It is where my wife and I want to retire to.

Unfortunately, it means that we have to move from a place where my kids have lived most of their lives. I have 2 sons. My youngest son, 13 and an 8th grader is fired up to move closer to family. He loves Iowa, where we have to move. The issue is with my oldest son. He is 17 and a junior in High School. He wants nothing to do with moving.

My wife and I initially thought about having my wife stay with my older son in our current town to let him finish high school with his friends, which include a girl friend. My younger son would come to live with me and attend school in our new home. We have heard a large and vocal advice from family, a pastor, and friends to not break up the family and move everyone down as soon as possible. I have also heard stories of how difficult it would be for my older son.

I am looking for advice and experience from this group. I think my older son would move, be it kicking and screaming, I am concerned of messing up his life at this stage. Also, I don't want to be removed as part of his last 1-1/2 years of being home and splitting my sons apart. My wife and I are having a difficult with this issue. Again, any advice?

Denise's thoughts: I'm going to say if there is an opportunity to allow him to finish high school with the people he has known all of his life, I would take it. You are no less of a family if you live in two different areas for a little while. I moved my daughter at the end of her freshman year and that was very hard for her and she still had 3 years to go to high school. Moving him now, in the 2nd half of his Jr year could make him feel that he has to make choices that go against your wishes.

If you had no other choice, I would say sit down and talk with him. Come to an agreement on how he will get to visit his friends and how he will be able to keep up with them. Get him involved in things when you reach the new school so that he makes at least one or two good friends there too.

Since you have a choice of your wife staying so he can go to school - and he knows it - I would do that for him, letting him know that the summer after high school he will need to move. You would need to make that clear.

Asking our parenting community: What would you do in this situation? Have your moved your teen to a new town? Please share your thoughts, advice and experiences with us in the comments area.

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Comments
January 22, 2010 at 8:45 am
(1) Viki says:

We moved from one end of the Earth to another – from New Zealand to Europe. Our younger daughter accepted it very well, but older one didn’t take it as well.
In any case, I still think that children have to understand the importance of family, and that it comes first. I do not see how you will teach this to the older son if you separate the whole family so he would be with his friends in school. Not to mention that the younger son needs mother and father as well, and the financial burden for living separately. I would definitely keep the family together and help older boy to keep in touch with his friends, allow to visit them, inviting them to stay, etc.. As parents we want to often protect them from everything, but change can be a good thing.

January 22, 2010 at 9:11 am
(2) Marsha says:

I moved my 16 yr old across the country between grade 10 and 11. His opinion was that it would give him the opportunity to add to his friend pool. He did that and played football and rugby for the first time, in other words, he adjusted well. But after he graduated he went astray and told me it was because of the move!!! So, just do what feels right and know that either way something will feel wrong about it.

January 22, 2010 at 9:30 am
(3) kathi says:

Definitely take the job and move the entire family.It’ll be hard but Your son
will have to suck it up. Knowing that there is an option to stay where he is confortable is probably only making it harder.Besides moving 2 1/2 hours away can be a day trip.My husband worked 1200 miles away for 2 1/2 years-it was hell on my then 14 & 11 year olds, even though we loved where we lived. So then my husband took a job 350 miles away and we moved just 2 months ago. I hate the area but my now our 13 & 16 year are doing great because we are together as a family. In this economy we knew we could not pass up a job opportunity. It was hard but I know the kids will be stronger for it and accustomed to change and learn about compromise, an important aspect of life. Just don’t forget your wife in this whole mix, the kids can graduate and go where they want.

August 18, 2011 at 10:18 pm
(4) katie says:

Telling his son to suck it up is only going to make things worse…. he needs to listen to his son and consider his son’s opinion. Moving your senior year is HORRIBLE and I would know. Have some sensitivity…..

January 22, 2010 at 9:31 am
(5) Bon says:

Wow, I was really glad to see this letter because I am dealing with a similar situation. My husband and I moved 7 hours away from our home town 12 years ago for his job. He passed away 6 months ago and I am dying to go back home. We have 4 kids. My older ones are in University and will just commute back home on break. My third doesn’t want to move, but he starts University in the fall and won’t be living at home for the majority of the time anyway. My problem is my 15 yo who is a high school freshman this year.

Like the Dad above, my son doesn’t want to leave his friends and the only home he remembers after also losing his Dad. But on the other hand, I am really isolated here – all of our family and my lifelong friends – my support system, is in my home town. The only thing that is keeping me going and strong right now is knowing I will be back home this summer.

It’s tough when your own needs conflict with your kid’s needs. We are at a stalemate right now because my needs are not more important than his, or vice versa.

Still not sure what to do.

January 22, 2010 at 9:31 am
(6) Laureen says:

I think splitting up the family send the message that friends are more important than family. In the end, high school is just an instant in a lifetime. But family last forever. Kids are resilient.

January 22, 2010 at 9:34 am
(7) Wendy says:

My 14 year daughter and I moved from a city 2.5 hours from where she had lived since 2 to a city where our family lived (including her dad), she wanted to move and had great plans. I have to tell you the result after nearly three years has broken my heart. She was a above (not too above)average student that swam, took extra art classes etc. she has failed classes, skipped, run away, has unprotected sex, drinks, smokes, swears, etc. I am in a parenting support group because this is not who our daughter was – but it is who she has became. – heavy sigh. If I could do it over again- if I could have moved back soon after we moved here I would – but the reality is there is no jobs for me back in that other city. I wish I had not moved, I wish I had a partner that could’ve stayed. It is a far more devastating result if he was to become depressed and act out in risky behaviours as my daughter did/has. Keeping everyone happy and at peace (even if they live in different towns not too far part) will have far better outcomes (I think). I wish you and your family the best.
Canadian parent.

January 22, 2010 at 10:03 am
(8) Stacie says:

I feel that it is important to honor your children (17 is almost an adult) and respect what they say. This gives them a feeling of value that moving and disregarding them takes away. If it is possible to stay, or have half of the family stay, I would do that. The message of love comes through loud and clear for and from all members of that family.

August 18, 2011 at 10:19 pm
(9) caroline says:

You are 100% absolutely right.

January 22, 2010 at 10:18 am
(10) Dr. Laura Markham says:

What a tough situation! This is not just about friends. This is about being 17 in high school. The next 12 months are the critical period for your son if he is applying to college — the time when he needs to have his head completely in the game for grades and college applications, and when he needs the teachers who know him well to write convincing letters of recommendation.

But it is also about friends, because the developmental task of a 17 year old is to spread his wings, follow his passions, and move beyond the family circle while still staying closely connected to parents and siblings, and finding ways to live the family’s values in his own life.

Moving is very stressful, and it takes about a year for adults to re-create a life in their new locale. A 17 year old is in an even more vulnerable position because the other kids will not necessarily welcome him. That means that he is most likely to fall in with kids who are less well-adjusted.

Also, because this move would be forced on your son, he will respond as we all would — with anger, denial, and hopelessness, possibly lasting for months. Given that he won’t have his usual social supports, that will leave him adrift and vulnerable to all the behaviors we hope our kids won’t find appealing.

I have a son who is 18. Looking back, I would never have moved him when he was a junior in high school, just because it is such a fragile time.

Good luck with this tough decision!

November 27, 2011 at 12:46 pm
(11) Sally Smith says:

Totally AGREE! Living with a bad decision I made and hoping this Senior ends quick. Do not do it or you will be regretting it like me.

January 22, 2010 at 10:32 am
(12) Diana says:

I moved when i was in high school and it was very difficult. I hated high school, never made new friends, and left home as soon as I could. I would not do that to my son if i could avoid it. I would try to work something out. High school is a tough time and kids need all of the understanding and support we can give them. Working with yor son on this issue will make your family stronger not weaker. It will show you respect him and his needs too. Good luck!

January 22, 2010 at 10:42 am
(13) Marie says:

This is a difficult situation. My husband’s family moved from Atlanta to St Louis his senior year. However, he stayed in Atlanta to finish his senior year by himself. He lived with a family friend. It still hurts him that his parents were not there but he liked staying to graduate. Hearing your situation, let mom stay with your oldest and let you younger son go with you. That way as parents you will be connected to all of the family. I have talked with friends that were moved their senior to our school. Their comments about not really belonging to our school because everyone else had been there for 4 years. Let him graduate with his class.

January 22, 2010 at 11:15 am
(14) Leigh says:

This exact same situation happened to me as a teen and I can say that although I managed to meet new friends in my new town, I always had regrets about leaving my hometown and wish that my mother never took me away from my friends. Now as an adult, my husband and I are contemplating a move to a smaller town, away from the rat race and are waiting for the appropriate time in our childrens lives where it is least disruptive. I have a 17 year old with one year of High school left and a 2 daughters in elementary…

January 22, 2010 at 11:32 am
(15) Margaret says:

We had to move several times because of my husbands job. The last move my oldest was going into middle school. We tend to make light of the transitions that kids make at different periods of their life. It was a tough transition made easier by being involved in sports. All 4 of the kids still talk about the move and its effect. They are all very happy here in CA. My advice would be DO NOT MAKE YOUR SON MOVE. Your family disruption is a small price to pay. As the Dr. said above this is a critical year and he needs to focus. Moving is a MAJOR stressor, believe me I know and all my moves have been smooth. He need to enjoy his senior year, work hard and apply to college. Moving throws a major road block up on his road to success. Good Luck!

May 2, 2011 at 6:51 am
(16) Robert says:

I live in Japan right now and I’m 16 years old. I have to move to the USA this year and I came here for advice on how to deal with it. Looks like I’m screwed.

October 30, 2011 at 2:55 pm
(17) Sarah says:

I’m 16 and I live in the US. I might have to move to England next year.. looks like I’m screwed too

January 22, 2010 at 12:30 pm
(18) Victoria says:

Leave your son where he is to finish high school.

If the family is stable, it will survive being split up for the next two years. It will be a lot easier for your son to sustain long distance relationships with his Dad and brother that it would be to maintain relationships with his high school buddies. With two years left, especially if he does not WANT to move, he will look back on it as the worst experience of his life and indeed one that colors his life always. If he does not want to move, he will dig in his heels, resent it, resent you, it will not be good. It is as one person already commented, an incredibly fragile and vulnerable time for children. Don’t mess with it or him!!!

The bottom line is that you are making the move to improve YOUR life. Don’t make his WORSE.

Speaking as one who was moved at age 15 1/2 (across the world!)

January 22, 2010 at 2:23 pm
(19) Heidi says:

I agree with Victoria and also speak from experience. If there is any way to let your son finish out high school where he started and he is adamant about not moving, it is likely the worst thing you can do is move him. I started in one high school and in 9th and 10th grade was a straight A student. I was moved the beginning of my Jr. year and was lucky to have even graduated. In my case, this led to not caring about my grades, severe rebellion after high school in which I refused to go to college, became a partier, and have led a very troubled life. I now have a high school student of my own and have sworn I will never move her during high school. I know some people feel kids are resilient, but this is the hardest time of a young person’s life and major trauma like a change of high schools can send their life down a completely different track.

Only speaking from experience …

January 22, 2010 at 4:58 pm
(20) MES says:

My family moved at the beginning of my senior year in high school (my brother was a sophomore) because my father got a better job. I would have loved to have finished high school in my hometown. I ultimately made a few friends in the new school; however, students at the new school had been together since kindergarten and were not excessively welcoming. Also, making the transition to a new high school — and then, less than a year later — to college was difficult. I was not able to attend my first choice of college because I was no longer an in-state resident and out-of-state tuition was not affordable. Not to mention: although I graduated from the new school, I have no interest in attending their reunions since I hardly know anyone.

January 22, 2010 at 10:40 pm
(21) Carol says:

I would definitely allow your older son to stay at his current high school, whether he stays with one parent or even with a friend’s family! It is soooo easy to stay in touch these days that you could actually strengthen your bonds with him while he is given the trust, respect and love to finish his senior year. You can always visit. It would be like his leaving for an out of state college, one year early; like having a practice run at that! He will love you more for giving him this awesome opportunity!

January 23, 2010 at 11:58 am
(22) Joe Klemmer says:

I can’t comment on this from a parents perspective because my son has just entered his teen years and is not yet in high school. However, I can tell you what it’s like as a teen.

My family was very nomadic when I was growing up. The moves we made were between Europe and the States, spending years in one before moving to the other and then back again. There were also many moves within the countries which meant us kids changed schools quite a bit. This wasn’t a major problem because we never lived in the same place for more than a few years. Your son, however, has lived, as you said, most of his life where you are now. This does make things harder.

Four hours isn’t an unreasonable distance to travel for visits, though. I would agree with Denise about trying the half-and-half setup to finish out his high school tenure. You can work out trips for them to come on some weekends to the new home to get acquainted with things there. Having a drop dead move date after he graduates will also help him get mentally prepared for the inevitable.

But whatever you decide, if you can show him you understand his position and sympathize with it the whole thing will be less traumatic.

At least that’s my take on things.

January 23, 2010 at 4:32 pm
(23) lori says:

How ironic that I find your question when I’m searching for a way out of ours! Without going into all of the details I will say that we moved 1.5 years ago, 7 hours away with one 18 year old and one 15 year old. The move was extremely difficult and if I had it to do over again, my husband and I both would have had separate residences for the two years until graduation. It would have saved a TON of heartache. I’m now thinking of sending my youngest (17 now) back because she’s begun to hang out with the wrong crowd.

I wouldn’t hesitate to let the oldest stay. You could live separately or he could live with friends.

Just my .02. Best of luck to you.

January 23, 2010 at 7:31 pm
(24) CLL says:

My family is currently living a situation much as you describe. Our son is a sophomore but began kindergarten in our last home town and continued through his Freshman year with the same group. After 5 years, my husband’s position moved to a city 4 hours away and he began to commute. As the economy changed early in ’09, because it can be hard to parent a teen alone and because my husband was missing out a lot with our son, we moved under the same roof together just before school began last fall.

Our son is (was) very confident/bright/always had friends around–and was eager to move and get involved in a new place. His new school was over twice the size of his previous school. Several days into it he became very discouraged and basically felt invisible; no one even spoke to him. We watched him spiral down rapidly into a deep depression and sought professional help for him immediately. Within a week, we moved him to a much smaller private school, the best solution, but now we pay private school tuition.

He tolerates the school, seems just “okay” and his new friends are all girls. He does not socialize with anyone from this school and frequently asks to return so he can go back to his former school as a Junior.

This situation at current is far from ideal even being together. Yes, technology allows him to text, phone, play online x-Box games with his old friends, but it breaks my heart that he has no plans over weekends. We chose this area because there were many teens but it’s hard to get acquainted. We return to our previous home about once a month to keep him pumped up. This is not easy with pets involved, finding somewhere to stay, etc.

Many say to give it more time, and we must. As his mom, I try to stay upbeat about moving. Not easy! I’m lonely here also. Our neighbors are kind but like the kids, too busy to spend much time becoming friends, just a sign of our times. I am involved in many ways to ease the transition but it’s very slow going.

We’ve discussed returning to a commuter lifestyle and seek a solution. Previously 2/3 of us were very happy and 1/3 commuted. Now 2/3 of us are unhappy and the other 1/3 travels a great deal with his work.

After I moved at age 16, I made a few friends in my new home, but never felt I belonged. I found a job to save money and at 18, moved back alone. I missed much of the joy of my last two years of HS and made decisions that were more mature than appropriate at that age. My husband moved as a senior, left home a year later for college; he has no friends that he recalls from that year.

On the up side, kids that relocate learn many useful lessons: life changes, we must adjust and learn how to deal with feelings of disappointment and loneliness. For better/worse we mature quickly and see that the economic reality of daily life is demanding. We mature and become independent more quickly than our peers. On the down side, we make adult decisions sooner rather than later and they are often not what our parents would prefer.

We considered allowing our son to live with friends but are not willing to do this; parenting, with its ups and downs, remains a joy and a privilege and I believe we do the best job with our own children. College looms for our kids and they will soon be gone.

Thus, from experience, I would suggest you try NOT to move your son this close to his graduation and certainly not mid-year. It sounds like you will have extra family support for your younger child once in Iowa. Ultimately you have only a little more than a year apart when you consider the summer coming in between. Now, before high school, is the best time to move your younger child and that is fortunate. I wish you much luck and hope you will let us know what you decide and how things go for you all.

January 23, 2010 at 7:33 pm
(25) L Robins says:

I moved from metro detroit to AZ before my daughter started hs, at the time my son was ten. (I moved for a new job also). We were very involved with the community & it was difficult for her starting a new school. My daughter is a junior now and my son is 13 and in 7th grade. I’d like my son to go to a different high school -but I’ll wait for her to graduate. I’m just not that happy with the school district. My advice would be if there is a way to let your older son finish his senior year in his current school district, I would do it. It will be difficult regardless, but it will be easier to deal with one new school rather than two boys in new schools. And a new job :) (Congratulations and good luck to your family on your new adventure).

January 24, 2010 at 1:12 am
(26) amba says:

if your son is adamant about not leaving his school then i think you should demonstrate flexibility and wait for another year and a half before taking up the new job.it will help your elder son learn how much his happiness means to all of you.im sure that oppurtunity comes only once is a big myth.life continues giving you a myriad of oppurtunities and it is more because of our own rigidity that we dont accept them.have faith in yourself that you can do well in any job anywhere and still be happy.it will be a great example for your kids to learn from.where you have waited for so long another year and a half will pass soon.dont worry and take care

January 24, 2010 at 10:57 am
(27) Frank says:

I am Retired Military, and we moved all over the States and Europe. My son never had any problems moving to different schools. My wife and I were active in the local communities, plus my son was in Scouting. Today he is a father himself and we often talk about all the places we have been to and all the friends he made. Facebook is a good site to find and keep in touch with people. Tell your son that after high school most of his friends will go there separtate ways.

January 24, 2010 at 1:34 pm
(28) Sheryl says:

Part of the problem with moving a teenager in the middle of high school to a new school district – the curriculum may not match up, creating problems with college applications and finishing his studies in time for graduation. When we moved from IL to TN as my daughter was about to start high school, we realized how different things were in the new school district compaired to the old one. My daughter, who is a very well-adjusted young lady, was sad about the move, but realized it was better now that in the middle of high school. Make sure you check out the new school thoroughly before moving, including how the classes he has already taken will fit into the schools existing curriculum.

January 24, 2010 at 9:26 pm
(29) Melissa Perry says:

Denise gave some very good advice in this particular situation. It shows respect for the teen and shows them that their opinion matters and they have a choice. Nobody likes to feel that their opinion doesn’t matter or that they do not have a choice. The family is important but i feel that since the younger sibling is ok with the move then go ahead and get him established in the new town and let the older son graduate with his friends with the supervision of his mom. He will respect his parents for this decision and for respecting him enough to let him do it.

January 27, 2010 at 1:25 am
(30) katy says:

Omg we just did this and left our son behind and as I type we are spending hundreds of. Dollars to fly him to us because the bottom line is this for us: we learned the hartd way the importance of staying together as a family always and that teens need parents MORE now as teens than ever before! Definitely take your son kicking and screaming now! In the long run you will teach him parents run the ship and families go with each other together under mom and dads guidance. Its easier to raise your son complaining that he had to leave his buds than to mend him as a man down the road bc he was not brought along with the family

January 27, 2010 at 9:12 am
(31) Cathy says:

See if your son has a friend to stay with, and the parents of his friend must have the same values you do. This option is only good if your son’s grades stay up, and he does not get into trouble. Make a contract and all must sign it. Be sure, summer plans are spelled out and everyone agrees.

January 31, 2010 at 9:05 am
(32) Paige says:

I moved across the state just before my junior year of high school and it was a good experience. It can be viewed as an opportunity to grow and learn how to deal with new people and situations, which is a skill needed in adulthood. I think it prepared me to deal with change, something most people struggle with more than necessary.
Your children will be resilient, with you to support them everyday.

February 8, 2010 at 6:50 pm
(33) r says:

I moved twice during high school.. actually 3 times if you consider summer before h.s.. We moved once before starting freshman year, summer after freshman year and again summer after sophmore year. I seriously resent my parents for not listening to my feelings and moving. I was able to make friends in each school with no problem, but formed an opinion that people are replaceable. I am seriously ready to estrange my parents due to their obviouse unconcern for my feelings. I will never do that to my own children knowing the pain it causes. So you can move now, and have a whole family for a few years, but later on you will loose your son to extreme resentment.

February 9, 2010 at 1:42 pm
(34) Cindy says:

I am facing the same dilemma (sp?). My husband has already moved to Alabama for new job and I am at home waiting for home to sell and kids (8th and 10th grader) to finish school year. When I was finishing up 9th grade up north we moved to Florida and my brother was in the 10th and he did not want to leave his friends and girlfriend behind. My 2 sisters and I (2 and 7yrs younger) did fine with move as my mother’s family lived here and who wouldn’t want to move to Florida. Luckily my daughter understands if her father didn’t take this job he may not have a job or would take a big pay cut. My son is ready to move and will start his high school there.

February 15, 2010 at 2:40 am
(35) Scott says:

You need to realize that it is very possible, VERY PROBABLE in my opinion, that you will permanently damage the relationship you have with your older son if he is forced to move. Are you willing to permanently alter your relationship for the worse? THIS IS FOR REAL! If the move commences and does not go well for your oldest son, things will never be the same between the two of you. That is guaranteed. I am saying this from experience. Finishing out at his current high school with friends that he has known for years will give your son the closure that is necessary to move on in his life. It cleanly closes out an important phase of his young adult life and will enable him to move on to a future that he desires.

Read all of the posted comments. They collectively are SCREAMING the correct answer to your question. “Katy” (post 25) is the only poster adamant about you moving your eldest son. She has recently done such. If you decide to move your son as well, I would bet my life savings that at least one of you, probably both, will regret it for the rest of your life. ARE YOU WILLING TO TAKE THAT GAMBLE?

March 8, 2010 at 10:13 am
(36) Elaine says:

This post was incredibly helpful to me, as I am in a similar situation. First, though, one needs to grow a thick skin to take the negative and unsolicited advice from family and friends. In my situation, my son and husband are staying so my son can finish high school, and my daughter and I are moving for a new (and very good) job opportunity. In a year and a half, they will join us. Both kids and hubby are fine with this arrangment. It’s breaking my heart, but I do feel this is best for everyone in the long run.

If it feels right and kids and adults are okay with it, then you should make that decision. When folks outside your immediate family try to make you feel guilty (and they do, dagnabit!), just try to ignore it!

Good luck to us all!!

April 23, 2010 at 8:23 am
(37) Terri says:

I am in a similar situation. We moved 9 hours away from family for my husband’s job. This was the biggest mistake of my life. Now, the marriage is over, I want to move back, my kids are really situated in their schools. It is a nightmare! I really feel like there is no hope for my situation. I would be choosing between my kids or the rest of my family 9 hours away. My advice is to NEVER move away from family NEVER! It will RUIN YOUR LIFE!

July 3, 2010 at 12:20 pm
(38) Kim says:

I think you should keep your family together. We are in the same situation, however my daughter will just be entering her Junior year and our son will be a Freshman. My husband lost his job in CA and found a better job in VA, he left in Dec. and I stayed to let the kids finish the school year. Both of my children have been acting out here at home without their Dad, and he has been missing out on our lives the last seven months. I think with support your kids will be fine, in our case the kids know we have to move, or could have quite possible became homeless. Sometimes change has to happen and it’s best to stick together as a family unit.

August 19, 2010 at 5:35 pm
(39) JoAnn says:

I have the opposite problem. We moved across country 5 years ago feeling that our family needed a change and wanted to escape the rat race of a major city. My oldest, now entering his senior year in high school, never adjusted and is begging to go back to our hometown for his last year. He visits frequently and has a lot of friends there. He has become despondent, withdrawn and very depressed. My marriage, while never stellar, is on it’s last leg. Do I return for my son’s sake (and my own as well)? My daughter, now 12, is happy here but would be equally happy in the new (old) town. In fact, I think the school situation would be better for her. My husband refuses to leave even though our family had an agreement that we would go back after two years if we weren’t happy with the new city (he said that was negated because I didn’t try hard enough to like it here– not true!).

August 21, 2010 at 9:41 pm
(40) Pat says:

My nephew wants to move in with us to complete his senior year of high school (in the next town) since his Dad is moving to another town 2 hrs away with a new girlfriend. His mother is in another state. We have three young children and it is quite challenging both physically as well as financially. We like our nephew and wouldn’t mind but hope his Dad will help us out with our nephews food expenses etc. Pros/Cons to this situation? Should I ask for $$ for expenses since no one has brought it up? Legal Issues? Our nephew has his own car etc. Any opinions?

August 27, 2010 at 1:22 pm
(41) jessica says:

I think it is a horrible idea to move your son when he is in the middle of high school! My parents made me move to a complete different state away from family, friends, and comfort!! All of my family I had to leave behind which I developed great relationships with and LOVE! It was extended family but it seemed like they were my immediate family. Leaving behind my family, my friend, support group, church basically everything i knew put me into a little depression. I was a great student in school knew where I wanted to go to College and had everything set in place. When we moved it broke not only me inside but the family because of all the conflict. I don’t know how you guys will do but I don’t suggest it. I have looked at my high school transcript over and over and over again to try to make sense of why I did so poorly the last two years of high school. My GPA average of freshmen and sophomore year was a 3.635 and junior and senior years GPA average was 2.743. I dropped almost one whole grade. My first year at my new high school I felt like an out cast. I was a different person. Before I moved I was an outgoing bubbly person who made an effort to talk to people I didn’t know. Then I moved and I didn’t talk to anyone for months. I didn’t have that support group to go to like I did before I moved. It took me three years to be close to the same person I use to be. I think it is a bad idea to break up the family. If you really like this place and you want to retire there then you will. I’m sure there will be another good job offer in that town again after he is out of high school. That way your other son would have only ended his freshman year of high school and would be prepared about moving for a year. You could even go visit that town often and take your youngest with you to get to know the area and maybe try to meet some friends or look for churches so that he could at least build some kind of support group before you move. It is the hardest thing to move a child to a different place while in high school. I moved to five different elementary schools and had no problem but when your younger your not as intimidated. I say pray about it! Since you said you did try to ask for your Pastors advice I assumed that you had a religion. I hope I found this question in time to get your attention. Have a good day.

October 22, 2010 at 8:08 pm
(42) Jean says:

I am dealing with a similar situation. My husband and I have recently separated. I have a 15, 17, and 10 year old. My husband is an alcoholic. I have no choice to leave our family home. I have been a homemaker for 20years and he is now refusing to pay the mortgage. My family lives within driving distance but is in a different school district. I have no income history and was not able to find a place to rent to me because of it. My mother has helped and found someone to rent to me but it is not in my childrens school district but is much closer to family. My husband is staying in the area that my children go to school and my 17yr old wants to stay with him. I know that my husband has already tried to quit drinking 3 times with no success and I am not sure if he will this time either. I can not take the chance to let my son stay with him. He has put them in dangerous situations. It is tearing me up because I know how hard it must be for my son. I just don’t know what else to do but make him come with me. After reading most of these posts, I honestly feel worse about it. I need some positive posts!!!

October 28, 2010 at 9:05 am
(43) Marc says:

I do not agree with Denise’s advise.. I recently took a job which ad me away for 1 month. My 16 yr old junior, son tested all the freedoms he was getting from mom.
As a pastor as well, I think your son needs to comprehend that the move is for the benefit of the family as a whole – and his reaction is selfish – although heart felt and emotionally true.
As the man of the home in the long run he will understand more the move to better the family than perhaps sticking by to friends which he probably would never see again anyway after graduation.
So dad, move with confidence and take your family with you. Not sure if this was done yet (as the post is jan 2010), and he may not understand now but he will later in his life. Just make sure you spend time with him one on one

January 7, 2011 at 8:22 pm
(44) Heidi says:

My husband took a job 2.5 hours away. He left during my son’s junior and freshman year. I stayed back in our hometown and let the boy’s finish their school year. We arrived in our new city the summer before our son’s sophmore and senior year. Our sophmore is doing very well, but our senior, whom had a lot of friends and a girlfriend back in our hometown is having a very difficult time. He continues to tell me this should be the best year of his life and that we (my husband and I) have ruined his life. He goes back to our hometown every other weekend and his friends have come up here numerous times. He still dates the same girl back in our hometown. When he doesn’t have plans on a Friday night he get’s very upset, and blames my husband and I. He say’s this place is toxic and he hates it. He has gotten involved in the church we attend and there is a small circle of friends that he hangs out with from school every now and then, but he say’s it just isn’t the same and he is miserable. Senior year can be a hard time to move, but I still do believe that it is more important to keep the family together.

January 14, 2011 at 2:05 pm
(45) SB says:

My son is currently 17 and half way through his Jr. year. While I think he might consider moving, if he didn’t want to I would work something out with my spouse and friends to leave him where he currently was. He will be going to college soon and not be living at your new home anyway. Pretend and negotiate that he is at boarding school at the old town and must come home to the new house for breaks and vacations in order to stay at the old HS.

You then do the reaching out in the new community to find local kids for him to meet and hang with during the breaks that you think he would like. Remember there is thanksgiving, xmas, presidents weekend, spring break. Let a transition begin more gradually instead of the sudden jerk and it may surprise you that he connects with some local kids and begins to feel he is a part of 2 places.

February 24, 2011 at 5:00 pm
(46) John says:

At this time in a teenager’s life, they are growing and learning who they are and who they want to be. A move at this period in a teen’s life will only result in negative views on the new school and how the child views his parents.
I made the biggest mistake of my life by making my 16 year old son move his sophomore year. At first he seemed to be stable and he made friends quickly, but one day I caught him in his room crying. I asked him what was wrong and he told me that he got into a fight and now everyone in the school dislikes him. I just told him to fight through it and be positive and everything would go back to normal, but I was wrong.
Overtime he got worse and would beg me every day to let him go back to his old school where all his friends were, but my wife and I just told him that we couldn’t do that because where we lived was there. From there on it only got worse, soon he would start arguments with me, and eventually just stop talking to me.
He ended up graduating that school and going off to a decent college. However, I have not spoken to him in 5 years. After college he left and never said anything to me again. I try to get into contact with him but we can never get him to come visit us.
Looking back on this, I wish that I could have had him stay at his original high school instead of forcing him to move, then ignoring his demands of going back. You may think that your 17 year old will be fine at a new school, but please do not make the same mistake I made. You have a chance to keep your child happy, and tearing him away from his friends in high school is the worst thing in the world to do to a teen at this age.
Denise brings up a good point that you can go to work for the next two years at the new area while your teenager and your wife stay in the area where you are currently in right now. Two years might seem like a long time, but trust me it will be over before you know it.

April 6, 2011 at 4:58 pm
(47) Lisa says:

WOW, Thanks for the comments, Im moving this summer to be with my fiance but my son will be a senior next year and wants to stay. Im not sure what to do. Origianlly I was going to continue my long distance relationship one more year until my son gradutes, but I cant keep waiting. This move is whats best for all of us as a family, however my worries are with my son, finishing school with strangers when it should be the happiest time of his life. I was going to force him to go, since he is still a minor, but I dont want him to resent me and be unhappy. I may reconsider and let him stay here with his grandparents, just to finish school then make him move with us to start college. But what if he still doesnt want to go? I dont want him to feel as if I’ve left him behind.
This is a hard decision.

July 8, 2011 at 8:01 am
(48) Kim says:

Well we did do the move with our 16 old daughter. It has been very hard watching a bright bubbly young lady always having friends over and going out to sitting at home. I have many regrets on this move. She played sports at her old school and had a blast. We moved to the new school and she tried out and didn’t make any of the teams. To see your child have to make new friends and feel like they failed breaks one heart. It has been a year now and I am thinking of moving back to where we came from. Alot of people don’t agree with me on this one. But you are a teen ager once in your life you should be enjoying it. I would have never done this if I knew it would hurt so bad. My suggestion is let them be kids. Life is already hard.

August 3, 2011 at 1:50 am
(49) Scott says:

Your daughter has lost one year of high school memories with all of her friends. You have ONE chance to right this mistake. YOU HAVE TO TAKE IT. I’m certain she will forgive you for her “lost year” if you right the mistake. If you don’t, the long term consequences will probably not be pretty regarding your relationship. You will have literally changed her life forever. Her high school years will be lost forever. I speak from experience. If it isn’t feasible for the entire family to move you need to figure out how to allow your daughter to finish out high school with all of her friends. Please do it for her.

November 29, 2011 at 6:10 pm
(50) Kelly says:

My 16 year old daughter, junior in high school, and I moved from San Francisco to Seattle six months ago. However even after six months past, my daughter is having a very difficult time adjusting. She can’t seemed to make any new friends; she’s always by herself. I feel terrible. She wants to go back and finish her high school. I’m considering sending her back.

August 18, 2011 at 10:15 pm
(51) unknown says:

I am 16 years old and a current senior in high school. This summer, my family moved from Missouri to Arizona (I had no choice in the matter) and now I attend a new school. Talking from experience, WAIT UNTIL HE IS FINISHED WITH HIS SENIOR YEAR. I wish my parents would have had the compassion to do the same for me, because I am no miserable. Having your senior year in a new school far away from your friends is NO FUN. This is just the point of view from someone who knows what it feels like to walk into your first day of senior year and not have any friends or know anyone. Every senior wants their senior year to be filled with memories of friends they have known and to be the best year of their pre-college years, but moving completely ruined it for me.

September 7, 2011 at 7:56 pm
(52) L says:

I’m in the exact same situation. I just started senior year and am 17 hours away from my old home. I cry basically every single day. Back at home I had the most amazing friends and an awesome job and I was genuinely happy and comfortable in life. Now I feel like such a stranger in this new school. 17 years old is supposed to be the best year of your life and all I do every night is sit at home. My brother stayed where i used to live and i wanted so badly to stay with him in his apartment but my mom wouldn’t allow it, she didn’t listen to anything I had to say about the move and I don’t think I’m going to be able to forgive her for it. I can’t find a job either so I can’t put my car on the road, making me feel like even more of an outcast being a senior who doesn’t drive to school. Adding all these stresses to the college application process is difficult. Obviously, what I’m trying to say is, do not make him move.

October 6, 2011 at 5:24 am
(53) Jason says:

Unknown your not alone cuz it happened to me as well. I had to move from Arizona to Florida my sophmore year of High School. Horrible existance followed. 5 years later when I had just turned 20, I moved back to Arizona only to find that too much time had passed during that 5 year period and the foundation of the relationships were lost.

This was 15 years ago, but has had a dramatic impact in my life. DUI’s, no career and no close relationships with friends or family. And I recently found out from my Father that we could of stayed in Arizona for my Sophmore, Junior and Senior year if he wanted to.

So to all the parents out there who view this, never move your children after the age of 10.

September 12, 2011 at 9:53 am
(54) Lisa says:

Hi, I will be moving soon, but my son is 12 and in 7th grade. Does anyone think it will be as hard for a 12 year old to adjust. Hes a A student and plays football. He is OK with the move.

Thanks for your opinion.

September 14, 2011 at 8:58 am
(55) Denise Guide to Parenting Teens says:

Answered and ask the question of our community. I hope you get some good advice ;-)
http://parentingteens.about.com/b/2011/09/14/moving-with-a-12-year-old-tips-to-help-him-adjust.htm

September 27, 2011 at 6:18 pm
(56) N says:

Lisa, If your son is ok with it then I would go for it! I am struggling myself with a move to a better district or switch to a private school for my daughter. My daughter is currently in 8th grade and is a straight A student, very involved in sports and extra curricular activities. I am very uneasy about sending her to our city’s High School. The Elementary was great and the Middle School is ok, but the high school is out of control and I dont feel comfortable sending her there at all. I went to a school that was very challenging academically and took much pride in its programs, community and students. This school where we currently live just seems to “get the kids through”. There are a lot of “non involved” parents which seems to create a lot of the schools problems with the kids being so unruly. I dont know if pulling her out and starting somewhere new as a freshman would help her or hurt her. I just want to give my kids the absolute best possible chance for success and prepare them for college. ADVICE PLEASE :)

September 28, 2011 at 7:41 am
(57) Lisa says:

N – reading your post makes me think im doing the right thing. Staying where I am my son would be in a highschool the same way. Reading someone else write it makes you see it from another point of view and yes, sounds like you know what to do, but dont want to jeapordize her social life as well. I think we have to put education first. Where we are moving the schools are better too, so I think I know we need to do it.

My son adjust well to everything and has always been outgoing. My hope is he will adjust just as well and focus on school and then college is right around the corner. I want him to get a good scholarship etc.

October 6, 2011 at 3:36 am
(58) Sheila says:

My husband commuted back and forth from the east coast to the west coast for three years so our son could stay with all his friends and graduate from our hometown high school. He is attending one of the best colleges in the country and
we do not regret our decision. It was hard on me and our two younger children
(and hard on my husband to leave us each time) so yes, it was a sacrifice.
Now we have two kids in east coast colleges, and we have finally moved out west with out younger children.
They are adjusting well, but it is still hard at any age.
brief note, my mother had to move her
sr. year in high school and she begged to stay with family just to graduate.
MY dad would not allow it and they moved cross country. She never got over that
and when she brings it up,she is bitter
even though she won’t admit it.
Friends are everything to teens, we all know that. Fitting in, having friends,etc…
I hope all goes well for your family.
I know you will make the best decision for your family.
(My son felt guilty that last year and knew I was lonely and we missed him so,
but I would make the same decision tomorrow (just not take 3 years to do it
when my son only needed 2 years)

October 12, 2011 at 12:54 am
(59) G says:

I am 16 years old and currently a junior in highschool. By the time I was around 13 or I gues just turned 14, I had moved 5 times. So basically I’ve never been in one place for more then 2 or 3 years. These moves were not just some happy learning exsperience that I would bounce back from very quickly. They were awful. I have almost always been partly the new kid. I’ve had friends but it lacked the connection that everyone else seemed to have with each other. When I made my 4th move, it was 3/4 of the way through 5th grade. From 5th grade on through basically the end of 8th grade I had no real freinds. I had aqauitences, but no close knit group of friends. This was problaly the worst time of my life, and it still makes me cry thinking about it even now. This also seriously damaged my relationship with my dad who i blamed for me not having any real friends. Well at the end of 8th grade we did the 5th move. Not soon after moving to my current location, I got a super close group of friends. They are exactly what I had been wanting for my entire life. Well who would have guessed that the end of sophmore year, it was time to move again. Well I couldn’t beleive it. I finally have amazing freinds, and here they go wanting to move again. I put up a fight, and my dad ended up moving and my mom and I stayed. Moving is not something to be taken lightly it seriously effects kids. Moving during highschool is probably the worst possible thing you could do. “Keeping the family together” will not in anyway help your bond with your child. It will only hurt it.

October 12, 2011 at 4:52 pm
(60) Sarah says:

If there was anychance. Any chance at all for your son to go to the school with his friends, I would take it. My Dad got layed off in the job in ohio. He found a job a few months later in Wisconsin. At the time i was a junior in high school, had amazing friends(including bf tht i really cared alot about), and had been there for quite a while. When i found out we were moving, i was soupset. I didnt want to leave. I wanted to stay but my parents wouldnt let me. So i am a senior in a brand new high school and realy hate it. Its been a couple months and ive tried to tell my parents all the time i still hate it and i want to goback. they just dont understand how much my friends had meant to me. I have visited my friends once and its making me realize how much i am missing. I want to return bc it hurts me, and i cry and am miserable most of the time being away from them. I am still trying to get back to ohio. I have tried it here. and i try to make it work here for my parents. I want to go back tho. Try to find a way to let you son finish high school with his friends, you have no idea how much itll mean to him. I know it would mean the world if i could go back. No parents wants to see their child upset over something like this. Please find a way. I know he’ll be so thankful and so happy that he is able to spend the rest of his time in high school with his friends and have wonderful memories with them!Your family wont break apart bc of this, itll bring you closer bc you trust your son to do this and hell love you so much for this.

October 17, 2011 at 12:35 pm
(61) Dina says:

Don’t do it. Leave your son in the school he’s in now and let him graduate with his friend’s. I wish I would’ve done the same with my daughter when we moved 18 hrs from our home in florida to arkansas because of my husband’s job. My gut feeling told me to stay another 2 yrs until she graduated but my husband did not want to hear of it. She did well up until halfway thru her junior year and then grades started to drop. I found out she’d been skipping class and she smokes and drinks now. In florida she had descent grades, ran cross country with her school and played softball. My point is, this move has affected her very much. She is now in her senior year and i can’t get her to go half the time…she is unmotivated and wants to drop out. I’m in process of looking for a counselor/therapist for her now. Hope it’s not too late. If your child is in high school and doing well and relocation is in the horizon, please if you have the option, leave him/her there until they graduate.

November 28, 2011 at 3:14 pm
(62) Sally Smith says:

Agree, living the nightmare is no fun and I learned the hard way also. I will not tolerate this with my youngest who had to be sent to a private school because the public schools here are too dangerous. If this works out he is staying until he finishes as I would not ever want to see this again! Parents please consider staying even if your spouse has to relocate! I could of sacrificed 8 or 9 months anytime!

October 26, 2011 at 6:29 am
(63) Moved Junior says:

I was moved going into my junior year and hated it and still hate it one of the worst things you can do.

October 30, 2011 at 4:38 pm
(64) Peter says:

How about after freshman year??? Thinking of leaving the state with 2 girls, one in 6th grade and one in 9th grade. Wife and I can’t stand where we live now, big city, bad employment and house. Have opportunity for everything to be better but worried that Freshman girl would not like the move, to say the least, even though I think in long run it would be best for everybody, otherwise after she graduates she will also be in extreame weather state with high crime.

November 3, 2011 at 10:34 pm
(65) jackm says:

Don ‘t take the job if you are really worried about staying together. It is mean to leave just before senior year. You will have more job opportunities than sons.

November 27, 2011 at 12:29 pm
(66) Sally Smith says:

DON’T do it! Believe me it’s the worst decision I made. We had to move from IL To TN. I wanted our son to finish his last year out. He was on a Championship football team and now we found out they did it again. I gave in to my husband too much on this. I should of been kicking and screaming and NOT going. Now I have to live with him not getting another ring and being thrown on a larger team in his Senior year which he worked his but off over the summer and heat and NEVER got a chance to play! I will regret it the rest of my life.

November 27, 2011 at 12:44 pm
(67) Sally Smith says:

Oh and it’s not just about football, he had some great friends back home and this City we are in does not like new comers period. He has not made one friend and tried and was snubbed off. So he is going through his Senior year hating everything! If you can avoid this in any possible way, please do or your life with your Senior might end up like mine. The most frustrating year ever. No homecoming, no dances and no prom! Not the way to go out.

November 29, 2011 at 6:17 pm
(68) Kelly says:

My 16 year old daughter, junior in high school, and I moved from San Francisco to Seattle six months ago. However even after six months past, my daughter is having a very difficult time adjusting. She can’t seemed to make any new friends; she’s always by herself. I feel terrible. She wants to go back and finish her high school. I’m considering sending her back. Fortunately I have a relative who lives in the area. But I’m not sure if I’m doing the right thing though.

December 1, 2011 at 3:36 pm
(69) Tammy says:

Well our family moved 5 months ago from midwest to southeast. Let me tell you it is awlful as a parent to go through. My 10 year old seems to adjust. My 15 year old wants nothing to do with the new school or area. He is struggling in school. he wants us to let him move back next year so he can finish last 2 years in school. I am so sad over it. I think change is a part of life and kids have to learn that.On the other hand I see how much anger he has and how much he is not adapting to the new place. A big part of me wants to say ok go back prove to me that you will do good in school if you move back. My son has this crazy thought that him and his friends will stay together after they graduate. He will not hear me when I tell him everybody goes into to all different directions and places.

December 7, 2011 at 10:51 am
(70) Katie says:

My son’s father and I divorced in 2008. I remained in the home with the children and their father moved to another town 5 minutes away. I met a man and got engaged in 2010 and we decided to move to a town 20 minutes away that was more affordable. My younger son who is 10 is doing beautifully, but my 14 year old son (who moved in 8th grade) and is now a freshman is very unhappy. He misses his friends. I made the purposeful decision to move my older son in 8th grade so he had the opportunity to settle in the new town before he went on to HS. He has excelled in sports (and has done well academically. He made the honor roll for the first marking period of HS, but his grades/attitude right now are bad. He blames his unhappiness and lack of enthusiasm on the move. I bought my son a Mac computer so that he could video chat with his friends. His best friend often sleeps over and I am always willing to pick up his friends in our old town. We live in a beautiful town, albeit smaller and more rural, with less to do, but the schools are top ranked in the state. He is a standout basketball and baseball player who has become a huge fish in a very small pond. Our other community had a large downtown and things to do, but he was a small fish in a very large pond. He says that I have taken away his social life. That the kids in our new town are spoiled rich kids that he has nothing in common with. He says he wants to live with his Dad so that he can go back to his old school, even though this is not possible as the Dad no longer lives in that town. I truly believe that I have created a wonderful opportunity for him to be successful and don’t know how to get him to understand that by not doing well in school, he is only hurting himself, although I do think he does it because he knows that it will upset me and he can punish me for moving. I feel like I give him everything and he acts like a spoiled brat. HELP!

December 14, 2011 at 9:04 am
(71) Hamza says:

I moved my freshman summer this year! I lived in a very small town, where everybody knows everybody! Ive known my high school class since we were in the first grade! I played football and basketball, i was known by everyone and I loved living in that town! But then my parents made move to a town 35 minutes north of where i use to live! Ive been trying so hard to go back to school where i use to go! I HATE it here! The first day of school I didn’t know ANYBODY, i was lost i sat in class with my head down just thinking about my old school and my friends and how much that place really ment to me! If i could go back in time i would have stopped this from happening! What parents fail to see is how much are high school days mean to us! Now i all really want to do is just go back home, play under the friday night lights with my bestfriend and were my old high schools jersey and see my coaches that were like fathers to me! Don’t let your son go threw this it’s horrible if there’s anyway for him to finish his senior year, DO IT! Take it from someone who’s been in this situation, I loved my friends and know i only get to see them everyonce in a while! All im trying to say is parents don’t put your kids threw, what ive been threw!

December 19, 2011 at 10:19 pm
(72) Unknown says:

I’m 15 and have to move across the country, days away from every single person in my family cause we don’t fly. I love hot weather and I have to live in a cold climate now. This is so frustrating. It’s like no one sees my point of view. I do feel better though knowing that I’m not the only one.

December 26, 2011 at 3:12 pm
(73) Pam in Florida says:

Oh for pete’s sake, most of you are being ridiculous about this move! Dad has been transferred…you’re moving! It’s that simple!
As the daughter of an army general, my family moved every year. My parents made each move sound exciting: “Think of all the new people & experiences!”, they always stressed.
We’re ‘old’ a lot longer than we are ‘young’. In adult life, there’s no skill more important than the ability to walk into a room of strangers and be completely, totally, at ease and eager to meet, greet, & work with new people! That skill is FAR more important than graduating from high school with kids you already know. Yelling “Rah! Rah!” can’t compete with hearing, “You’re really sharp…I’d like to hire you!”
Moving is GOOD for kids! They’ll learn good coping skills, the ability to adapt to change, social skills galore, and the realization that the world doesn’t revolve around THEM! THESE are traits for a LIFETIME of happiness and achievement!

December 29, 2011 at 2:26 pm
(74) Beth says:

We have moved 5 times in the past four years. My sons are now 13 and 15. Each has attended 2 different middle and high schools in 2 yrs. They have been great. It was hard for them to leave especially this last time when we were the closest we have ever been to family, but kids adapt very well. We have not had any problems with behavior, acting out, or anything else. I have always stayed behind to let the school year end so they could say their goodbyes at each school. We understand it is hard for them, but we try to explain that we are going through the same thing. We don’t have any friends or family here either and we are adjusting as much as the kids.

December 30, 2011 at 12:43 pm
(75) lovesdogs says:

I would say keep the family together at all costs.
Our family is in a similar position. In fall 2011, my husband accepted a long-awaited fabulous new job in a city 2.5 hours away. Our son is 18 & a senior, our daughter is 15 and a sophomore. We decided that my husband would stay in the new town during the week and drive home for weekends so that our son, the senior, could graduate. It was what our son wanted. A few months later, our son began acting out & decided to leave our home to live with his girlfriend and her parents. So now we have made a huge family sacrifice for our son and he is not even living with us and hardly talks to us. It is costing us $500/mo for my husband to rent an apartment in the new town. It is more difficult than I ever imagined to be a single parent all week. Keep the family together.

January 1, 2012 at 5:52 am
(76) Amelia says:

I, as a teen, chose to move my senior year. My old school had been so hard on me, I couldn’t take going there anymore. So I moved in with my mom’s mother to change. Sadly though, even though my new school was welcoming of me (I made some friends) I was restless, missed my friends, and couldn’t get back into the “game” (of school). I was close enough to visit, and burned plenty of gas doing it, but it wasn’t the same. The schools weren’t even on the same schedule so something I shared with High School friends was lost.

I was accepted into the college I chose, but two months before my graduation, I got married instead. I’ve since gotten my GED, but attribute much of the stress and reason I made the choices I did to my moving around, and the troubles I had in HS. Luckily, my husband was a VERY good choice and even though we’ve had hard economic times, we have stayed together and had a strong marriage.

Anyway, my point: If you can help it, don’t disrupt the natural flow of the HS years. Let the teen work it out as best as possible. It’s hard, but I think living the four years through is much better than more life change.

January 12, 2012 at 9:39 pm
(77) Chris says:

We moved 800 miles, from mtns, creeks etc. which the kids loved. Landed in the desert totally different. 17 year old son who started his junior year here and 12 year old girl starting seventh grade. Best thing we have ever done and they agree. The only struggle is that they are so far behind because of montanas low standards that they are having a terrible time trying to catch up.

February 7, 2012 at 6:12 pm
(78) john doe says:

I just wrote for nearly an hour and found it was too long for the post, haha, but to sum it up, my parents moved me and I am now diagnosed with depression, anxiety, anorexia and my hair is falling out. So try not to move him or he will resent you like i do my parents.

February 20, 2012 at 10:38 am
(79) Sabrina says:

Im 16, and a freshman in hs. My mom wants to move a couple of towns over to a better apartment, and I think it’s mostly because her best friend is the landlord. She claims it’s because the apartment is bigger, cheaper, and less damaged on the outside. I don’t want to leave my friends, I just moved here in sixth grade due to the same problem, and the town before that? I lived thee for a year. I hated it and that was only fifth and fourth grade. I don’t know how I’m going to fit in. I’m not even fully fitted in this school yet. I’m just starting to feel comfortable around everyone. I’m going to hate my mom for the rest of my life if we move. She said she’s not going to let me move in with a friend because her parents are too “free spirited” and won’t give a crap what I do.. I just don’t know why she won’t let me stay. It’s only three more years.. I’m going to college somewhere far away in four years anyways to getaway from her. If parents are reading this.. If theres anyway to let your child stay in the school system they’re in, please let them. Or p, your child is going to hate you forever. I know, I’ll never ever forgive my mother if we move.

February 26, 2012 at 10:25 pm
(80) lissy says:

okay… i know know one has said this but I’m 16 right now and my family moved last year, as i was going into my sophomore year. Honestly, at first i was all for it and i wanted to move… we looked at homes i was excited and was all ready until the last day i realized what it was that i was leaving behind. However, my first day at my new school i was welcomed, and i was actually more popular than i was before. This is because it was a chance to start fresh and everyone liked me! I was actually overwhelmed with joy! Although this was the case for me i think i would be very upset to move any older than i did because those are your best party years and everyone already knows everyone else! w.e ik this already happened but good luck

May 22, 2012 at 8:27 am
(81) jo says:

my husband and I went to the same high school. We bought a house in our same school district and lived there 13 years. We had no children at this time and enjoyed traveling and both of us working. The house we had bought was older and had burnt before we bought it. We got the house cheap and fixed it up as a starter home.
The area started to go down hill and alot of younger people moved to the area not taking care of anything anymore. Our dream was to find a beautiful property and build a new home and have a child. We looked and looked in the same school district but realtors seemed to dismiss us like they were holding on to the properties for someone else. There were houses but we wanted property. We gave up looking and a fellow that went to the same school we went to bought a property 12 miles out of town and offered it to us. I’t was beautiful wooded and quiet. Of cousre it was not in our old school district . We decided to by and buikd and had a child. We had quite a time with the school district in about 4th grade and got mad decided to drive her to our schools but by that time she was upsett leaving her school and didn’t want too. I just coulden’t do that to her because I thought if my parents would have moved me from where I knew everything so mad or not let her stay. She is in jr. high now and starting things I did in school and I am so depressed wishing she were doing these things at our old high school. I don’t know why we couldent have found property in our own school district years ago so we wouldent feel this way today. I guess we were not supposed to stay in that same area or it would have worked out for us. I’t was not meant to be. But it would have been nice to see her graduated from the school we both went to.

August 18, 2012 at 7:49 pm
(82) Johnson says:

I grew up in a military family and in the middle of the 4 th grade was moved 6 states away. We lived their for 5 years till I was in the middle of my freshman year. I was very active in my football and swimming programs as well as many other extra coricular academic programs. It took me the first 2.5 years to really create a good relationship with a few of my peers as well as another year and a half to become an “insider” in the school. The middle of my freshman year my father was moved back to the state we originally where from which also by the way was home to almost all my relatives. It was an extremely hard transition for me as I had to leave behind all I had worked for socially and athletically. (varsity swim team in 7th grade). After moving it took me 3 years to be an “insider” so at that point I was almost through my senior year. I still to this day regret moving as I only had half a year with friends before going to college where everything is different again. It took me a total of 7 years to make good friends. You only have 18 years of being a kid, after that you have the rest of your life to be an adult. What I’m saying is those 18 years should be having fun with friends and not tryin to make brand-new ones.

November 2, 2012 at 3:28 am
(83) SquiggleySpooch says:

If you have any choice in the matter at all … DO NOT MOVE YOUR TEENAGER IN THE MIDDLE OF HIGH SCHOOL! You’ll risk major life long resentment from your child. I say this out of experience.

We moved when I was 16 from the town I had been in from the time I was born and had gone to school with the same people since kindergarten to a different state. I changed from a 4.0 student who was outgoing and had a great group of friends , was involved in sports, and never would’ve considered drinking or smoking pot to someone who took months to make even one friend at this new school where the kids were extremely uninviting. I didn’t care about homework and didn’t play any sports and I smoked and drank.

I still to this day resent my mother because we didn’t *have* to move, she was just tired of the ‘crappy weather’ in our current town and selfishly couldn’t wait 2 years. I feel that if we had to move for our livelihood I would’ve felt differently to some extent.

My father passed away suddenly about 6 years later and she no longer lives there and once said to me “there’s nothing here for me”. That really pissed me off because I felt like she selfishly dragged me there and ruined my high school experience, something I can never get back and think about quite often how much better an experience i would’ve had if only I was allowed to stay. Can you hear the bitterness and resentment in my voice?

Two years in an adult’s life is generally less extraordinarily influential and much much easier to put on hold as opposed to a teens high school years.

My heart hurts for the friendships that faded and the events I missed with them, the person I would’ve been and the only place I hold in my heart as truly home. I struggle with depression daily and I believe that this event in my life had a very negative impact on how the rest of my life shaped out, emotionally speaking.

March 18, 2013 at 11:05 am
(84) Juliette says:

I am going through the same experience. We will be relocating back to New Jersey after eight years in California. Our family is all in New Jersey but the kids have done the majority of their schooling here on the West Coast. I am moving at the end of June. My husband left in February to begin working. My boys are will be going into 4th; 10th and 12th grades. My oldest and youngest seem most accepting of the move; however, my sophomore to-be is taking is very hard. Although this is difficult for everyone, leaving the familiarity of friends and school and surroundings can be overwhelming for a teenager who is already stressed with simply being a teen. HOWEVER, I hope that by staying positive and setting the tone for the family, the move will be better than we expect. CHANGE is good. Most people stay in the same town their entire lives. . . college will be yet another change; marriage . . . and so forth . . . hopefully my kids will be better able to accept change in their futures having had to face it earlier than most. I pray that they will adapt and be well-adjusted student-athletes at their new schools and enjoy the opportunity to be back around family while family is still alive and healthy. Life is so precious and fleeting. You have to take chances and live!! Best of luck to all of you moving with your children.

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