A concerned mom on the forum asks: "My husband and I periodically check our 14 year old's phone text messages. There are messages suggestion things like staying the night together and other things that we are hoping has not happened yet. Luckily we have till Friday to figure out a game plan as to what to say and do. There are going to be some tighter restrictions on the phone and her iPod all together! Could even possibly be gone all together! Any suggestions on things to say and restrictions would be great! The boyfriend's mother was the first person I called! So she is also aware of the situation!"
Denise's thoughts: I think a good talk with your daughter is in order and possibly with the boyfriend as well. Be understanding, as they probably have strong feelings for each other and you wouldn't want you daughter to feel ashamed for normal physical feelings towards the opposite sex. But state your family's values and be very clear about your expectations on their physical relationship.
Unless she has really gone over the line with something like sending nude pictures or she is up late into the night texting, I wouldn't restrict the cell phone or iPod. Logically the problem is with the relationship with the boyfriend, not the use of her cell phone. So a more logical consequence, if you feel there is a need for one, would be a week of no dates? or something along those lines.
Asking our parenting community: What consequence would you give or would you give one at all? Have you had this experience? Please share your thoughts, advice and experiences in our comments area.
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Denise's thoughts: I think a good talk with your daughter is in order and possibly with the boyfriend as well. Be understanding, as they probably have strong feelings for each other and you wouldn't want you daughter to feel ashamed for normal physical feelings towards the opposite sex. But state your family's values and be very clear about your expectations on their physical relationship.
Unless she has really gone over the line with something like sending nude pictures or she is up late into the night texting, I wouldn't restrict the cell phone or iPod. Logically the problem is with the relationship with the boyfriend, not the use of her cell phone. So a more logical consequence, if you feel there is a need for one, would be a week of no dates? or something along those lines.
Asking our parenting community: What consequence would you give or would you give one at all? Have you had this experience? Please share your thoughts, advice and experiences in our comments area.
Related Resources:
Why does a 14 year old have a boyfriend to begin with? And it also sounds like, with the ‘we have until Friday night’ comment, that she is allowed to date…
And we’re wondering ‘if’ she has gone to far…?!?!
Parents, WAKE UP!!!
I hope it’s not too late to get a little parental control back…! I mean look up the word parent!!!
You can’t wait until it gets to this stage and ‘ wonder’ what moral choices your children are going to choose…
Don’t you remember how you felt when your harmones kicked in???
Relate people, relate…!
Teach your children the right choices before they enter the ‘war zone’. When they are small and still actually like hanging around their parents is the time to teach them to make the decisions this young lady is now facing.
I mean they have to be taught that their peers WILL on day attempt to get them to smoke, drink, do drugs AND have sex!!!
Its the ‘ facts of life’ info we used to be encouraged to teach our children.
The NEED for that HASN’T CHANGED!!!!!
In FACT, it’s MORE IMPORTANT THAN EVER!!!
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR VALIDATING WHAT I DID WITH MY TEEN SON & HIS GIRLFRIEND! After seeing the sexing on my son’s (who has ADHD & Asperger’s syndrome, etc.) phone, I felt like vomiting. The sexting included everything sexual one could imagine. The next day that the girlfriend was at our house, I talked with my son & her about whether or not they had intercourse, if he was using condoms, if she was on the pill, and had she talked with her mother about her level of sexual involvement with my son.
The next day, the girlfriend broke up with my son because I had “freaked her out” with my discussion about their sexuality.
Thank you for your candid input regarding our teenage sons’ and daughters’ sexual activities.
Glad it worked out. I hope he wasn’t too upset.