WRONG... we trusted them. First there was a hickey, and a promise with letters from both teens to each other's parents that nothing like this would ever happen again. JUST GIVE US A CHANCE TO REGAIN YOUR TRUST! Well we did and for the next few visits (2) all seemed okay.
Then last night I found myself going to the drugstore to get a pregnancy test! My almost 14-year-old, still 13-years-old daughter had not started her period and I could tell she was concerned. I finally got her to tell me that they had sex, in my house, while I was outside. they were to be watching a movie in the basement. (which by the way, has no door and I was running back and forth doing laundry, every time I went down there, it seem nothing to be concerned about) They did use a condom and she is not pregnant.
This has really freaked me out... good grades, helps around the house, we spend a lot of family time together. She says they LOVE each other and they are sorry and it won't happen again. So does he, but I have already heard this empty promises once. I have had detailed conversations on trust, responsibility, consequences of your actions, disappointment and that they is not way even an adult is ready for a real "LOVE and SEXUAL relationship in 1 1/2 month".
I have always had an open relationship with my daughter but now she says she should not have told me.....WELL....I say, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE IT!!!!!....she says she is sorry but I am heart broke that she know this is wrong at her age but did it because she wanted to. Him too. I called the boy and ripped him (also told him she was not preg). I am so mad and hurt.....I have really tried all her live to raise her with values but to be her own person. I guess I really messed up.
I know we will get past this, but I don't know how to move forward right now. Do I forbid this "Young Love"....not sure that will keep the door open with my daughter.
Right now, I don't want them around each other at all (even with both families together). Should I clam down?????
Denise's thoughts: You are right to be concerned and 13 is way too young to be in a sexual relationship. I think you could restrict their visits for a month as a consequence and then only allow them to date in public, once a week. No alone time, period. That means if you are outside doing lawn work, so are they. Monitoring them does not mean you have to do what they want.
You can also get a little inventive. Like getting them involved in volunteer work together. That way they see each other, they are in public and they may learn something.
I would also explain to your daughter about trust, and how you feel betrayed by her actions when you had took the time to get to know the young man, allow the dating and so forth. Tell her you want her to regain that trust and you hope she is willing to try.
Don't be disappointed in yourself. You talked to her about dating, you talked to the other family, you monitored the situation and you handled it when it didn't go as planned. You cannot make their choices for them, but don't let their bad choices ruin your relationship with your daughter. Get some me-time as soon as you can, de-stress.
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