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Rethinking Parenting, Do You Ever Wish You Didn't Have Kids?

By April 23, 2012

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A parent on the forum wonders: Is it normal to have thoughts sometimes that having children was a big mistake? My kids are teenagers, successful in many ways, and naturally separating from their father and I. Sometimes the way they chose to assert their independence is so cruel. Both have said such horrible things to me in anger- global statements rejecting our family and my husband and I as parents and people. I imagine in time they will regret what they say, and perhaps they don't really mean the hateful comments ("this is the worst family ever", "no one in this family likes each other, we just pretend", "this is the most boring family, everyone makes fun of how horrible you all are as parents" , we will never get along, we are all just waiting to leave" etc..)

And the separation, it is so painful. I find myself thinking that if I had known it would hurt this bad I am not sure I would have had children. Does anyone else ever feel like this?

Denise's thoughts: There are times when I wish the pressure to figure out what to do and do what is 'right' by my kids or their sometimes bad behavior towards me  and the worry gets to me. And I am one that will continue trying to 'fix' things - like when they say hurtful things to me - until I'm overwhelmed. Then I realize, that I've got a part in this problem and it's time to take some 'me time'.

It's helped me feel stronger through this natural separation process that is as much a part of parenting as teaching them to walk. (She types with tears in her eyes.) It is the hardest job ever, but no I haven't gotten to a point where I've regretted it.

Asking our parenting community: Do you ever feel this way? Please share your thoughts, experiences and opinions in the comments area.

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Comments
April 22, 2011 at 11:12 am
(1) Denise says:

There are times when I wish I didn’t have children. My children are teenagers and I feel as if they don’t appreciate me or the things I do for them. I feel taken advantage of. I try to provide them with a comfortable life and make sure they have everything they NEED as opposed to everything they want. But sometimes it feels like the more I do for them the less they appreciate it. I love my children and would defend them to the end but sometimes I would like to just run away from home and be by myself.

April 22, 2011 at 1:25 pm
(2) IslandGirl says:

Denise, I have been exactly where you are. I too have wished, at times, that I didn’t have children. Like you, I would give my life for them – literally if I have to – but the lack of appreciation and lack of respect (especially from my teenager) really makes me question my decision. I know that soon they will be grown and gone and I will miss their presence but for now I feel like I am taken for granted by them.

May 13, 2011 at 3:57 am
(3) Pacific Island Girl says:

IslandGirl, I am currently going through a somewhat similar phase as what your going through. I really hate to believe that I actually even think that i wish i never had children. To myself, I would counteract on my thoughts and hate myself for even allowing such thought to cross my mind. But I guess we can’t help how we feel and think. I have four children 13 a boy, 10, 5 and 2 girls. My son always since he was in third grade had always mimic everything I say to him, roles his eyes at me, and lies to my face. He even yells at his sisters who now as a domino effect yell to eachother all the way down to the little one. I repeatedly and continously ask them to clean the house but all they do is complain and wine and just simply ignore me as if i am invisible. So, of course I find myself yelling at them to get moving but all they do is continue to yell back at me and complaint why they have to clean. I dont know what else to do. I feel like leaving them behind and moving to another place all by myself. I’m at that point where abandonment might come into play and i dont want to do that. All I want is for my children to be respectful, do their chores or at least clean up after themselves and finish school. But they take all of that for granted and expect me to pick up thier candy wrapper lying in front of the T.V or empty bottle of drink all over the room.

April 23, 2011 at 2:07 am
(4) Umukoro James says:

I am forty years old and I’m still single and no child yet. Experiences like yours has taught me that marriage and parenthood aren’t what one should rush into. The moment one ventures into it and it doesn’t go right, turning back the hands of time becomes wishful thinking.

April 22, 2011 at 11:24 am
(5) krisb says:

I have to be honest and say that I have had a few times when I did think that maybe it would have been better if I didnt have kids because of those hurtful words and seperation also but I have always come to the conclusion afterwards that I am better off with them. I console myself by telling myself that they will regret those comments and also that their brains are not fully matured yet, mine are 19 & 16 right now. but that does not take away the hurt that I feel. My husband gets more hurt than me at times. And I have to console him. Also I have a few family members who are not able to have children and I see the sadness and struggles that they go through and I consider myself lucky compared to them.

April 22, 2011 at 11:44 am
(6) Karen says:

I have a 16 1/2 and 12 year old, the oldest a girl and younger a son. It has been very difficult and an emotional roller coaster for all of us due to her own ups and downs. After reading Raising Ophelia, I realized I needed help with her and was able to get her into some behavior therapy to help with her anger. Last summer I was able to get us all to go camping together and it was a great family experience. We’re lucky in that the kids basically get along, my husband and I talk often about what we ‘could of, would of, should of’ done differently, but the fact is we have to take one day at a time and continue to keep the communication lines open. In the end I always come back to the idea of what I owe them is unconditional love, but they owe us respect and I remind her of how I expect to be spoken to. I don’t speak to her the way she does to me sometimes. Yes, it is hard and instead of feeling like I wish I hadn’t had kids, I think about how maybe I just need to go away, and realize that it’s time to take some time for myself. It’s been told to me and I pass it along, parenting is the hardest thing we do, there are no guide books that come with our kids. If there are underlying issues in the family I think it would help to take a look at those as well.

April 22, 2011 at 1:21 pm
(7) hope says:

Everyone who has commented here so far has nailed it, as far as I’m concerned. I can totally agree and empathize. We have four children, 27, 21, 18, and 16. I know for some of you readers out there, I need not say anymore. We have alcoholic and addiction issues scattered amongst the family. Throw in some age appropriate behavioral problems, various and plenty of very hurtful and disrespectful statements made throughout the years, etc. and here we are today. I won’t waste time with the war stories. We all have them, and they are probably all unpleasant. The only thing I can offer to you today is to “never ever” give up on your children. That’s worth repeating…”never ever” give up on them. Two years ago, I had reached my personal bottom with all of them. They were all acting out in their best of negative behaviors. It was unbelievable how in sync they were. In hindsight it was very believable. I was not only ready to give up on each and every one of them, I truly wished someone would come take them all away, or move to Australia, as the children’s book said. Then, something happened. I can’t explain it or pinpoint the day, week or month, but something happened. They started to turn for the better. I can only say this by looking in the rearview mirror. You know you really can’t see the magnitude of the change when you are going through it because it is ever so slight and you are so deep under. But there is life after adolescence.

So, now comes the healing process. I’m hoping that as each one of my kids and my wife and I “recover”, we can build the family we didn’t have, or that was misplaced. I just wanted to say that there is hope, but you have to stay in the game, keep the lines of communication open, take action were needed and by all means, “never ever” give up. It really is the darkest right before the dawn. Thanks for letting me share.

April 27, 2011 at 11:10 am
(8) ELIZABET says:

THANK YOU FOR LET ME KNOW THERE IS HOPE

April 22, 2011 at 2:25 pm
(9) joanne says:

Everyday I question whether I did the right thing and have a child. After being married 20 years, and the age of 40 we felt something was missing and we went and had 1 child. This teenage daughter of ours (17 yrs.) and only 285 days until she is 18 has being a roller coaster that never ends. Since she was 12, it has been a huge challenge. Parents with teenagers who say “mean” things like, ” I hate this family’ or “I hate you”, is nothing compared to ” Shut the f up or I will punch you in the face” or Don’t f with me, or I will f with you more”. These words and all the late night disagreements are more than we can handle. Yes, we went to counseling but she will not go back. So we figured that if we can hold out for 285 more days we then will have a “choice”. We will finally be in control when she turns 18. I can then tell her to leave without any legal reprocutions from the legal stand point. Tough love is what they need. We are an affluent family and we have put our will together with no monetary gain for her until she is 65 yrs. old. Is that mean? No, considering the nightmares we have been through. All I can say, is yes I have thought about this and no longer can take any anymore verbal and past physical abuse. I check off each day on our calendar.

April 22, 2011 at 6:15 pm
(10) Maggie says:

Joanne, I fully understand what you’re saying. I had my son when I was 39. He is now 17. I never lived with my son’s father – separate households, but that turned out to be a blessing. My son moved to his dad’s house 18 months ago in hopes of getting to know his father. (His father had always been placed on a pedestal, making me the “bad” parent.) However, my son has learned that his father is flawed. My son says that I am the better parent. The experience has given my son insight into how much effort I put into doing my best. My son has always been a handful, since second grade. There were MANY times I wanted to run away, but I always took deep breaths, reached out when needed and just plowed through. Currently, I, too, am checking off my calendar, waiting to see diploma in hand, before I happily turn my full attention towards my retirement: 2017. Everyday is a struggle to ensure that my son is going to school and completing his assignments. I do this because his father doesn’t — My son’s father is 62 and “too tired” to be “involved.” My son is active in team sports because I made that a priority in my very tight budget. (In my opinion, teens should have some sort of physical outlet.) At times, my son tries to get over on me, pushing me, but he knows exactly how far he can go. I have always been blunt, making it crystal clear about my expectations. Communication is crucial. Manners are crucial. Remembering the Golden Rule is a must. When things get really dark, I force myself to remember that there is always hope. Always. PS: I think it’s hilarious about your daughter having to wait until she’s 65 to get your money. Take care of yourself first. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling frustrated. It’s the parents who claim that everything is “perfect” who really scare me!

April 23, 2011 at 8:39 am
(11) joanee says:

Maggie, Thanks for the input. I know I will make it. Unfortunetly, I want time to go by faster than it should. I am 57 and my husband is 61 and we are desperately waiting for our NEW life to begin as a couple once again. I agree the parents who claim that everything in their household is peaceful are totally in deniel or on medication.

April 22, 2011 at 3:11 pm
(12) Dori says:

Wow, I agree that parenting is the HARDEST thing I have ever done. It truly has made me soo thankful for my own parents and all that I knowingly or unknowingly put them through. My daughter is 20 now, but at 17 was out of the house for 103 days due to using drugs and permiscuity. We did a lot of fighting and many tears were shed. I love her: although still do not really understand her choices at times. My son is 15 (was diagnosed with Leukemia at age 10) had 40 months of treatement and is with us now. We thank Jesus for his grace and mercy in parenting and life. I know He has entrusted us with these kids and that He has the perfect plan for them, but we have done a lot of questioning over the years. Thank you all for your honesty and I pray God will give us all the strength to do the Best we can with ALL that He gives us/allows us to go through!

April 22, 2011 at 3:14 pm
(13) Momof2boys says:

Funny, I was just sitting here this morning, crying and wondering what the hell I was thinking in becoming a parent. What in the world made me think I’d be any good at it?!?!
I have 2 boys, 14 and almost 16. My 16 year old has been in full teen mode for a couple of years. Attitude galore and arguing about EVERYTHING. He’ll even argue about arguing, lol! Whatever he says, he says it as if it is a Fact, and you’re an idiot if you don’t agree, because it’s so Obvious…until, of course, he changes his mind…then That’s the fact that you’re an idiot of you can’t see how obvious it is.
Normal teen stuff, I guess. But it’s Very frustrating, as a mom who does Not like to argue and who’s buttons he knows how to push, push, push.
His younger brother is just starting with the attitude. For example, in the car…our music sucks and Please change the station/CD, lol. Smart alec comments are becoming more and more frequent. It’s actually kind of interesting watching one start to come of aspects of it, while the other one starts. Helps with the sanity of those times…I can tell myself it really Is just a stage and will pass. :)

Apparently I babbled too much, so will put the rest of my post in a comment on this comment. :)

April 22, 2011 at 3:17 pm
(14) Momof2boys says:

But what Really has me worried and wondering what had me thinking I could do a decent job at this is, my almost 16 year old is flunking out of high school and I’m worried that he may be doing drugs, or near that path. I’ve tried talking to him, talking to his teachers, giving him natural consequences, taking everything (even his door) away and making him earn each item back. Recently I bought drug tests and plan on using those…and I’ve no doubt there will be a big battle over it.
Yesterday he got a call from a friend and he said about 4 times “I want it all”. After the call I asked him what that was about and he told me it was none of my business. I told him that, actually, as his Mom it was. He said “Exactly. You’re my Mom, not me, so it’s none of your business”. Would Not tell me. Early this morning he left the house. I went out, called to him, didn’t see him in front and locked the door. When he rang the bell to get back in and I asked him what was up, he said he’d gone out to the car looking for me. An obvious lie. Then said his friend stopped by real quick. I made him empty his pockets and patted him down. My own son. :( I didn’t find anything. We had a talk about my concerns with some of his choices, the path he seems to be choosing, etc.

I love my boys more than anything. I’m so scared I’m doing a terrible job and messing them up. I am the furthest thing from perfect.

They say that parenting is the toughest job in the world To Do Well and considering my confidence in the job I’m doing, yes, I have moments that I wish I hadn’t become a parent.

Sigh, sure does take a long time to type when you’re crying…

April 22, 2011 at 5:33 pm
(15) garnishing says:

I so needed this topic today. It was perfect timing. I was feeling so low and pathetic. I feel so bad thinking that I wish I’d never had kids!!! I wanted them so badly and love my 2 boys so much, like everyone else who’s commented. My sons are almost 12 and almost 15. I’m sad that my 15 yr old is not the boy I’d hoped, at least right now – there’s always hope. He’s mean, bullies more vulnerable kids,he bullies me, is very immature for his age. I’ve spent so much time in the principles office. I feel demoralized. I can’t believe this is happening to our family – how did we get here?!! Unbelievable! This goes against everything we thought we taught him. I know this is about him, it’s his life, yet I feel we’ve failed him some how. The younger one is joining…he wanted to have a friend over today, but couldn’t leave a msg on the phone, or call him back later, the communication had to be on the facebook. I’ve read, “yes, your teen is crazy,” but it just isn’t the same when it’s in your face at your home from your beloved teen. Wow, things are a lot different then I had ever would have imagined! ha! These life lessons are really starting to get on my nerves! No more, please! I know I’m not alone, across our street, the teen girl almost died of anorexia, drank too much, was raped, the boy next to her tried to commit suicide, next door the teen had her 2nd DUI and crashed into someones home. Yikes. Guess we all better buckle up and gird our loins, cuz it ain’t over yet by a long shot.

April 22, 2011 at 6:46 pm
(16) Maggie says:

Dear Garnishing, I know exactly how you feel. I was in the same boat. My son is 17; I am 57. I no longer have the stamina anymore to deal with random teen dramas. I put my foot down a couple of years ago and just laid my cards on the table. I took parenting classes (Love & Logic). Family counseling. Individual counseling. I did it all. Each and every time I felt like getting in my car and just driving away, I searched for inner strength and used as many resources as I could to get through. It’s draining, but if you can just maintain a glimmer of hope, your battles are half won. Let your boys know EXACTLY how you feel. Don’t take any crap from them. Remember that your job is to be a good parent, not a “friend.” Remind them of this. I found that when I sat my son down for a serious, interactive, discussion on expectations, that it was a starting point. We still have our “moments” but nothing that makes me want to toss in the towel. Whenever I’m going through some teen drama/issue, I find comfort in sites such as this, knowing that I’m not alone. Stay strong. They don’t call it tough love for nothing.

April 22, 2011 at 8:34 pm
(17) Teresa says:

I have an adult son who has called me a despiccable mother. Why? Because I chose to see my grandchildren on their birthdays when they were with their mother on her custody time. He does not speak to their mother because of a hostile divorce action, and I do not seek her out otherwise.
Whether I am right or wrong, I wish to say that disrespect, backtalk, etc., gets worse as life goes on.
Just hope that your existing grandchildren or your grandchildren-to-be will never be used as weapons.

April 24, 2011 at 10:42 pm
(18) Robyn says:

Raising kids is indeed the hardest job ever. But like you, I have no regrets and wouldn’t trade them for the world.

April 25, 2011 at 8:49 am
(19) Patty says:

Thank You for this web site and Thank You other parents for your comments. Our 17 year old son and 15 year old daughter are giving us Hell and we are reeling! What happened? It is so encouraging to know this is not so abnormal and that we are not alone. Thank You.

April 25, 2011 at 9:38 am
(20) julie amadi says:

I empathise with the complaining mother of teenagers. I would just like to comment that parenting isn’t an easy task. If you doubt what I say, ask our parents before us how they coped with us. Granted, times have changed and kids these days tend to be much more opinionated and vocal than our generation(if you’re in your forties and have teenagers), maybe you might begin to appreciate what I’m trying to say. I have three teenagers and there are times I feel like taking off. What I usually do is, take some time out to meet other mothers of teenagers and we talk and relieve tension over cokes and snacks. By the time I get home, everyone of my kids would wonder where mummy had been and they all sit up and vie for my attention. Other times, I get in my room and lock the door; barring anyone from coming in or ask them to compare notes with some of their friends’ families. I don’t think I’ve ever had a moment’s regret of having kids. I think they’re the greatest thing that ever happened to me.

April 25, 2011 at 4:21 pm
(21) Julissa says:

Becoming a parent has definetely been the biggest challenge in my life. I have an 18 year old boy & I had never thought that my little boy would have turned to hate us and not want to be with us after all we’ve done for my 2 kids. Maybe we gave him too much, or maybe not enough. Not sure where we made a mistake or what happened but becoming his enemy has been the most hurtful thing in this world. About a year ago..we started seeing things with him and attitudes that we had never seen before & trying to understand him was the most difficult task. It got to the point where disrespect got out of way to the point where my son punched his dad & broke open his skin & punched him so hard and many times. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I am hurting so much and my husband has now so much anger. Now my son is out there as now we can’t have him home. i just thank Grandma is near by & will keep him for the time being…I will still try my best to get to talk to him & get him to go to counselling- we are going & hope that he will understand that what has happened has really hurt us & I’m sure it has hurt him also. We never did anything to hurt our kids- we gave them everything we have – why is this such a tough time in their lifes?? I am heart broken and wish i could just erase everything from my head. I have lived thru the worst nightmare….

April 25, 2011 at 8:35 pm
(22) josie says:

Parenting is a hands on learning experience. Often we are guided by how we were brought up by our parents. I have 4 sons who are now ages 40,39,36 and 28. The eldest went thru a difficult adolescence marked by negative attitude towards me. When he was 15, I asked him why he is often angry with me, I found him with tears starting to swelll in his eyes and he said “I think you love me less than my brothers”. That precious moment of reaching a level of understanding changed everything. I assured him that being my eldest son made him very special and that among his brothers he was loved the longest time. It was a turning point. He is now a lawyer, a thoughtful son who still kisses us with a hug each time he sees his parents. With our 3 other sons (now a doctor, a psychologist, and a human resource personnel), they breezed through their adolescence quite well. All our sons never smoked, dislikes alcohol and loves to read, listen to music and gravitate towards friends who share the same interests. I believe that good parenting starts from infancy and sustained through the years. It is imperative for parents to help themselves learn more , by being attuned to the uniqueness of each child and to adjust as children grows older. With the advent of computer, games,etc those born in the 80′s grew up in an entirely different world and parents often had difficult times adjusting to the rapid changes in culture, social values , environment , technology etc. But one thing is certain: the adolescent in such obnoxious period in their life will go through attitude change as he/she grows older. The parents can continue to set limits in those adolescent years but tempered with caring and love which, no matter how intangible will surely be felt and internalized by the children. Take it from me who had been there. Just a few thoughts from a happy mom age 67.

April 26, 2011 at 1:48 pm
(23) Momof3boys says:

I am a mom of 3 boys 11, 9 and 1yr old. I know most of the comments are from parents of older children but can anyone tell me when this started for them. My 11 year old had a girlfriend a week or so ago that we never knew about ( I found a note in his laundry). He told us all about it, but I just feel my lil guy slipping away and he is only 11, maybe I am overreacting, but I don’t want to get to a point that I know nothing about my boys lives. My parents knew nothing about what was going on in my “personal” life, until in some cases it was too late.

April 28, 2011 at 1:21 pm
(24) Happy mom says:

Even though we have had our trying times and my daughter has said the typical mean things I would never have changed our life together. She has been amazing to watch grow and learn her way in life and I look so forward to seeing the adult she will grow into! Part of the teen age meaness is gettting them and us prepared for them to leave the nest. I am ready! :) I have had the absolute best time college tripping with her and now she is close to ready for her next stage in life. I totally agree that you need to keep them involved whether it be in sports, school clubs, music, drama etc. Keep them involved in life. Help them find their niche! Make sure that you stay involved and support whatever their interests may be. Show them that it is important to you. Be involved in their schools in whatever way works for you. Driving on field trips, working in the classroom, fundraising, assisting with school work in the younger years………. if you show it is important to you it helps them to keep their priorities straight. Never pretend you don’t know what is going on as it will get worse and then it could be a disaster waiting to happen. Keep communication open at all times so that they feel that they can tell you anything without fear of reprisal. I know way too much about what the kids at her high school are doing but as long as they are not in danger of hurting themselves I keep it to myself. Parents with the blinders on do not want to hear it and could stop the open communication I have with my daughter. I am ready for her to move on to college and will be glad to not see all of the drama that goes on at the high school level. My own sister has her own blinders on and I tried to voice my concerns and almost suceeded in damaging our relationship. I only hope that she does not learn the hard way – What you say is important to them even if they act like they couldn’t care less! I agree that our most important job is to give our children unconditional love!!

April 29, 2011 at 12:18 am
(25) Tricia says:

After tonight’s latest argument with my wretched and ungrateful 17 year old son, stumbling upon this blog was a blessing. I’m not alone! Here’s what I think – the qualities that come with parenthood (and I believe we all have them and they’re meant to be brought out) are SO important to our families, our schools, our communities, our nation and our world. The protective, nurturing, cherishing, encouraging, supporting, kind, loving, embracing qualities combined with a mother bear’s heart to preserve the child at all costs, and stubborn mule’s stand we take for what’s right, honest and of good character can make or break our world. Is it hard? Hell, yes. Is it thankless, Hopefully not forever. Do we want to run away? Sure, and it feels shameful but its normal. And should we take time for ourselves? By all means! (I’ve just started taking an occasional overnight camping trip by myself – heaven). The importance of parenting is matched by the challenges it presents. We are doing it for the whole world and that’s why it feels so scary, and overwhelming at times. Let’s keep up the good work – and stand for what we know to be our highest sense of right and truth at any given time. Let’s keep doing this for our kids and as someone else said, “never, ever” give up on them! This level of unselfishness has its rewards. Bless you all, faithful servants!

May 10, 2012 at 12:20 am
(26) Katrina says:

I NEVER wanted to have kids either. But, my ex-husband wanted a child and I ended up getting pregnant unintentionally. Then we got divorced like I knew we would. My mother and my ex-husband were happy and everyone was congratulating me (I was 20) and I felt depressed throughout the entire pregnancy. I tried to go along with everyone else and act happy because I guess that’s what was expected of me, but all I knew was that this was a prison sentence from which I was never getting out from. When my child was born and grew up I did take care of her, it’s not like there was enjoyable times I guess there was and she was cute an’ all that other bull, but the whole raising her was filled with never ending tiring drama and she was always a jerk and disrespectful from the time she was born. I was never a disciplinarian I guess I tried to ground her whatever, but it never really stuck. Kids do what ever they want in the end anyways. Now she is 17 and continues to be disrespectful to me and her stepdad . I knew this was going to happen but, since I screwed up and forgot to take my pill that one day here I am and I was responsible I took the burden on the MISTAKE I made. It’s alright I guess and I do love her more than anything in this world which is the WORST type of punishment because since I love her I let her get away and do what she wants. We have a close good relationship but she is mouthy and she is not a bad kid just mouthy and a jerk just like all kids. I knew I would be this sucky parent that would just suck at this and I tried to warn my ex-husband, my mom, my family and all the arsholes that inserted themselves in giving me their focked up advice and told me that everyone wants kids. NOT ME! Now that I am almost done with this prison sentence I count the days until this kid moves out. She is already working, driving and will be going to college once she leaves I will pick up where I left off and PAAARTTY!!! My advice to my kid, DON’T SCREW UP LIKE ME AND HAVE KIDS EVER

July 4, 2012 at 9:00 am
(27) Jennifer says:

Having kids is an overrated experience. I think people get caught up in the idea of children and not the reality of the day in day out. I made the decision to not have kids and I am glad I did.

August 13, 2012 at 4:29 pm
(28) fedup says:

Watching the time clock til my teens are all 18. Sad I feel that way but more sad the fact they abuse me and my poor husband on a daily basis. I’m going in for brain surgery and because my son did not get his way said he hoped all my hair falls off and never comes back after surgery, and that is just alittle of what is said to us daily. My 18 year old is nothing more then a terrorist, and my middle child is starting to act just like the other two! I dont know where we went wrong. My husband and I have heard we spoiled them to much when they were younger, well if that’s the case damn me for trying to do a better job then my own mother. Ill take all the blame that’s fine, but its to much for a human being to be abused the way we are. Being told to shut up like you are a nothing NOTHING everyday wears on my soul. I almost feel like I no longer even have a soul anymore. My story is to long but one thing is for sure this mom is tired and will continue to watch the clock. Maybe My husband and I will then have peace when they are old enough to take care of themselves…. Good luck to em.

September 3, 2012 at 2:50 pm
(29) kmoc123 says:

I don’t understand what happens to these precious children that we love and pour our very souls into raising them and protecting them and they turn into absolute monsters. This has been the worst experience and I will never raise children again.I am so glad that I have a loving husband to spend the rest of my life with. I hope it is a long life and I don’t have a heart attack or stroke soon. I wish I would have never had children and don’t recommend it to any one…it is the most heart wrenching and painful thing and they don’t care how much they hurt you.

September 18, 2012 at 10:25 pm
(30) Jennifer says:

I am a single mom raising a 6 year old girl, 10 and 13 year old boy. I sometimes feel as if I want to throw in the towel. I am old school and cannot understand how these kids just want to tell you how they think you need to run the house. My 13 year old is always trying to negotiate punishments or my decisions. My 10 year old now a 6th grader is trying to push my bottons by being stubborn and ignoring my requests about chores doing things in a timely matter. I am at the point of disconnecting cable and selling the xbox on ebay. I refuse to be disrespected and at will do not like arguing but find myself in the endlesss cycle. I have been told just to quietly collect all their favorite things unplug cable cords, computer cords xbox take away cell phones get in the car and drive off for a couple of hours. Perhaps keeping all this for a week or so until they shape up. I have a friend who says her two teenage daughter used to beat her up for simply asking them to stop getting in trouble with school and it escalated to where she ended up getting arrested. I will be dammed if this happens in my house. I am putting these kids on lock down as of now. If tough love doesn’t work than I send them to church where they have teen groups and church leaders that teach them how to become young adults and not be so selfish. I have cried and asked for help at the church… I also wanted to run away. But the only thing to do at this point is to take a break maybe two days getting away and just recharging the battery. I don’t want my home to be a battle ground . Lately I give them choices and usually they make the right choice. I hope they don’t get into drugs. that is all I pray for. Don’t lose hope pray a lot and pray with the kids nightly also.

October 6, 2012 at 8:23 pm
(31) barbara says:

I do love my daughters (13 and 4) but sometimes I wish I didn’t have them or my situation was different so I could get more of a break. My 4 year old is extremely hyper active and I have to work 2 jobs, so I’m always exhausted.

October 6, 2012 at 8:28 pm
(32) barbara says:

*hit say it to soon* and my 13 year old is in counsleing she is so angery and jealous of her sister all the times. I worry about leaving them alone for to long b/c she has stated time and time again she wished the youngest would just disappear so it could go back to just me and her. I’m only 32 but some days I feel like I’m 92

November 24, 2012 at 5:42 am
(33) Ann says:

Reassuring to read many of the comments here. My husband died 14 years ago. My eldest is now 19 and, for the most part, has been easy. My youngest was only 3 months old when here dad died. She had a rough time a few years ago and saw psychologists but wouldn’t really talk to them.

Her relationship with me is love/hate. I know she loves me dearly but she can and is so rude to me. She always feels she is right and is so horrible when she’s unhappy with something I do or say. She is soooooo opinionated it is scary.

She’s really upset me this morning and I’m just lying in my before crying

December 15, 2012 at 6:45 pm
(34) Me says:

My children say to me on a daily basis that they wish that they were dead and they hate their life. They also say they hate me and wish I would die. I don’t know what I have done to deserve this.

December 21, 2012 at 5:39 pm
(35) Moni says:

Single mom 2 girls 13 and 12. I just can’t believe teenagers can become such a horrible human beings after we do everything for them. The worse of all, our love is unconditional is unique. I love my kids to death still I feel my 13 years old hates me so much and she is the one I take care the most. I have never forget anything she ever needs either for school or basic needs. She is always telling me shut up, stupid , dumb and slow. I am so afraid of her Karma. I had kids and there is no way back, I just pray she doesn’t- I have cried at least 200 nights….:( and feel even worse because raising two kids being single its not easy…..may Jesus have mercy!

January 22, 2013 at 8:09 pm
(36) FlamingoMo says:

All day, every day I wish I didn’t have children. My life ended when I did. I truly regret it and if I could go back and change it, I would never do it. They don’t bring me any joy, just stress, sadness, anger and regret. It does not help that I have all boys when all I ever wanted was a daughter. I resent my husband for giving them to me and making me miss out on raising them. I work full time days and he works nights and I feel like a single parent all the time. After working I am left to do homework, dinner and make sure they get ready for bed. My oldest is autistic and it makes me angry that he is and that I have to deal with it. It is not fair. I was not cut out to be a mother to a child with such issues and special needs. He is angry and destructive despite being on medication. I have not had any time alone in 12 years. I have lost all of my friends becasue I can never get together with them because I am stuck home alone with these kids every night and even on saturdays when my husband works all day. My husband and I can never go out becasue we have no babysitters available to us anymore. We ahve not gone out alone for over 5 years and then it was a wedding. Life is not at all what I ever wanted and I cannot wait until they are old enough to move out or be on their own. My mom loved me so much and showered me and all of my siblings with love and we all had amazing childhoods. So it doesn’t matter if you were shown love or not if you will be that way as a parent. I wish I was half the mom my mom was.

January 29, 2013 at 10:23 pm
(37) CAR says:

My son is only 2.5 years old. I knew I never wanted children, but decided to give it a go because my husband wanted kids. I so deeply regret that decision every day of my life. I wish I could never have kids. I feel horrible guilt for feeling this way, but I honestly can say I wish that I would have never had a child. I am counting down the days until he is 18 and hope that my hate of being a parent does not destroy my marriage because lately, all I have wanted to do is run away.

January 30, 2013 at 7:20 pm
(38) sosad65 says:

I am glad to have found this site. I am a divorced mother and I had primary custody of my 2 children since they were 6 and 7 years old. They are now 15 and 16 and last year they moved in with their dad.I barely see them because they are teenagers and busy with their friends and school and sports ect. When they come to visit with their dad along too it’s like they don’t like me. They don’t want to talk about anything with me, they don’t want to give me a hug. My daughter who is 16 says mean things like “we were miserable when we were here” . I provided them with a loving home , surrounded by family, a nice neighborhood, they had all kinds of friends, good school, and they left and they hardly ever visit. I feel empty and I feel like Iwas never their mother and that I had children but I don’t now. I feel like everything I have done for my children has gone unappreciated. I feel unloved by my children.

February 25, 2013 at 11:33 pm
(39) Amy says:

I have two daughters, 20 and 18. They’ve always been selfish, mean and disrespectful since puberty. I just had major, major surgery this fall and am going through chemo for very advanced ovarian cancer. They will not even pick up after themselves without a big argument. The younger one tells me her bad grades are my fault and that everyone thinks I’m a bad mom. They tell me they hate me all the time. Whenever I tell them I’m very sick and need help around the house, they tell me I’m just trying to make them feel guilty and they shouldn’t feel burdened with my cancer. They tell me even when they’re not mad at me, they hate me and I should remember that. They say they’re going to move out and have nothing to do with me. They expect me to do everything for them. I mean everything. They make fun of me constantly. I can’t even say their names without them snarling at me. When I ask why, they say they weren’t planned so I resent them for the life I missed. Not true. I was married to their dad when they were both born. They say I beat them daily as little kids. I actually spanked them and only occaisonally . They pick on their little sister, who is ten. I want to send them to live with their dad. My sister says they are terrorizing me and that I should do it. They create so much housework for me, constantly snarl at me and disrespect me and tease me. I’m at my wits end. Even if I weren’t going through chemo, I’m at the end of my rope. They don’t care that the doctors say that I have a 60-70% chance of being dead in less than five years. They have no sympathy whatsoever.

March 7, 2013 at 3:44 pm
(40) Anna says:

So glad I found this page. I have three daughters, 21, 22 and 27. I never wanted children but my husband persuaded me and then did the male thing and was never around, always busy at work but then when he did appear was so laid back about everything. Always being nice daddy, giving them everything, never saying no, so I became the boring, evil witch mommy who made rules and insisted they wear their socks and do their homework. I tried to be a pretty good mom, I read to them and played with them and took them to classes and pastimes but I was stressed a lot of the time and so yes, I shouted at them and got angry with them. Now the oldest is in therapy and I have become a monster because I shouted at her and cannot remember all the grudges she is holding against me. Something has gone very wrong in our society when our children behave so badly and resent us because their life was not perfect in every way. I think the older one has decided to remove herself from my life, the younger ones go their own way but are ok as long as I have no expectations and while we support them through college. I so much regret giving up my career and years of my life to raise such ungrateful, unkind, thoughtless young people.

April 2, 2013 at 6:17 am
(41) Merry says:

Pregnant and married at 20, I and my husband proceeded to have four children. And I think often : Why? And not because my kids are bad and have given us trouble. They are grown and educated and we have grandchildren arriving as two are married. It’s because I held them and myself at such high expectations that I’m tired of working so hard. My shot gun wedding was the end result of a lost young girl raised in a highly dysfunctional family of abuse and neglect and drugs and sexual abuse. I made a pact with myself to NEVER be the parent I had. But the sad fact is you can’t undo what was done to you as a young child. Ever. The dysfunction is ingrained in your outlook and there’s no correcting it. So how does this play into my sadness? My regret? I see behavior in my kids that I tried to weed out and it makes me so depressed. And makes me lie in bed at night and cry.

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