"However, at home she is quite, wants to be left alone and spends most of her time in her room or on the computer. When she arrives home she barely says hello to me, her mother, two brothers and 8 year old little sister and goes straight to her room. We all try to say 'Hi Her Name, How was your day? We are making necklaces (or something we are doing..) do you want to join us?" She says not now, maybe later and never comes to join us. When we try to talk with her and ask about her day, its one sylable anwsers. If we continue to ask questions trying to be interested she gets very annoyed, rude and defensive." "I have four kids and work full time. There are times when she has to call me to remind me to pick her up at school after track, etc. She gets very rude on the phone. Sometimes, her schedule changes and she doesn't have track and she expects me to react and come get her immediately, when i had planned to get her when track was over at 5:00. I tell her she might have to walk home - 1 mile on a nice day and she gets very upset. I am at work and can't drop everything every time her schedule changes. She doesn't take the time or effort to ask about the track schedule or communicate to me the changes."
"My teenage daughter is rude to me or doesn't talk to me most of the time. I start every day on a new foot and act in a positive way with her and posivitely ask how she is. She just abrubtly answers. When I try to get into any decision making discussions; such as location for dinner, what colleges would you like to look at; she takes this as extremely stressful and is very rude to me. She gets very annoyed and refuses to talk about college. I am trying to have a relationship with her and she pushes me away and is rude to me and hurts my feelings. "
"I have tried the showing her attention and love, no matter what. I have tried the ignoring her. I tried to treat her as she treats me for a couple of days. I am at a point of not doing anything for her. I don;'t want to drive her to school in the morning or pick her up, or sign her up for the art classes, or sign her up for ACT tutoring and driving her there. I am at a point of, if she can't even be nice to me and hold a regular conversation that is more than a syallable, then I don't want to keep doing things for her. When i discussed this an option with her, she says 'fine, i don't care'. "
"Desperate - what do I do? I don't deserve to be treated so rudely for so long. This has gone on longer than she has been a teenager. Any advice out there?"
Denise's thoughts: "I would offer two things you can and should do as soon as possible:
First, talk with her. Let her know that rudeness to you will not be tolerated and will result in a consequence, then set the consequence and stick to it. Tell her that family membership means she has a responsibility to be kind to all of the family members. If she cannot hold up her end of family responsibility, you will not be able to uphold your end, i.e. driving her everywhere. Be ready to stick to that consequence, you will be surprised at how fast she will change if you are. I have a couple of articles that may help:
Second, sounds like you may need more time together doing fun things as a family and helping her bond with her siblings. Doing things together on a regular basis will help keep these issues at bay. Here is a list of things to with teens.
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