Your teen at some point may do something that breaks down the trust you have in him/her. This could be going against what you’ve asked them to do, not working up to his/her potential at school or lying to you. When these things happen it can be difficult for a parent to let go of their hurt feelings caused by the harmful incident and begin to allow their teen to regain trust. Even so, as parents we need to try.
Difficulty: Hard
Time Required: anywhere from a week to a month
Here's How:
- Talk to your teen about the incident. Let him/her know that you have lost your trust in your teen’s ability to _________________ (tell the truth, get good grades on his/her own, etc.) Make it clear that your teen will need to take steps to regain the trust you had.
- Let go of the personal hurt feelings as best you can. Teenagers really don’t do things just to get at their parents. We know this mostly because we know that they don’t normally want to be caught. Take a deep breath and move on. The better you are able to move away from your wounded self, the easier it will be to help your teen regain your trust.
- Create a series of checks and balances so that you know your teen is doing what he/she said he/she would be doing. For instance, you can check your teen’s grades daily by calling the school guidance office or many schools allow access online. Tell your teen all about it. Don’t be sneaky, clear communication is important here.
- Follow through with your checks and balances. This is hard, but trust is a two-way street. If you tell your teen you’re going to do something that will help him/her stay on the straight and narrow, you need to do it. I know it isn’t easy to add one more thing to your daily routine, I’ve been there. But it is worth you and your teen having a trusting relationship.
- Give it time. In time, with knowing that your teen has done positive things since the harmful incident, you will be able to trust him/her again.
Tips:
- Do you feel you have open communication with your teen?
Parenting Quizzes for Parents of Teens
