Your teen at some point may do something that breaks down the trust you have in them. This could be going against what you've asked them to do, not working up to their potential at school or lying to you. When these things happen it can be difficult for a parent to let go of their hurt feelings caused by the harmful incident and begin to allow their teen to regain trust. Even so, as parents we need to try.
- Talk to your teen about the incident. Let them know that you have lost your trust in your teen's ability to _________________ (tell the truth, get good grades on their own, etc.) Make it clear that your teen will need to take steps to regain the trust you had.
- Let go of the personal hurt feelings as best you can. Teenagers really don't do things just to get at their parents. We know this mostly because we know that they don't normally want to be caught. Take a deep breath and move on. The better you are able to move away from your wounded self, the easier it will be to help your teen regain your trust.
- Create a series of checks and balances so that you know your teen is doing what they said they would be doing. For instance, you can check your teen's grades daily by calling the school guidance office or many schools allow access online. Tell your teen all about it. Don't be sneaky, clear communication is important here.
- Follow through with your checks and balances. This is hard, but trust is a two-way street. If you tell your teen you're going to do something that will help them stay on the straight and narrow, you need to do it. I know it isn't easy to add one more thing to your daily routine, I've been there. But it is worth you and your teen having a trusting relationship.
- Give it time. In time, with knowing that your teen has done positive things since the harmful incident, you will be able to trust your teen again.
- Do you feel you have open communication with your teen?
Parenting Quizzes for Parents of Teens
- Quiz: Are You Giving Your Teen Too Much Freedom?
- Quiz: Are you raising a healthy teen?
- Quiz: Is your teen safe online?
- Quiz: Do you have a case of parental burnout?
- Quiz: Is your teen over-scheduled?
- Quiz: Are you raising a mean girl?
- How Well Do You Really Know Your Teen?
- Screening Quiz: Is Your Teen Lying?