1. Parenting

Readers Respond: How Much Privacy Should Dating Teens Have?

Responses: 15


Quick Links: Teen Dating | Teen Dating Quiz: Are they friends or are they dating? | When should teens start dating? | Teen Breakups

You know trouble can happen when you leave teens who are dating alone, but you want to trust them a little, right? How much privacy should teens have when they are dating? How much privacy should your teen have when they are at your home with a date?

Group Dating

As a teen that was allowed the privacy of an open door to the bedroom. It's not a good idea! My boyfriend and I went further than we should have when kissing and it could have been avoided if we were not given the private time together.
—Guest Stephanie

Some privacy is good

My son's girlfriend wears a purity ring, and my son agrees with the concept. So, I don't really have much to worry about. But, there is still the "what if" scenario. Anything can happen, but I trust them enough. Sometimes they will go to watch a movie or whatever in his room, but I make them keep the door open. But, cuddling is indeed allowed.
—Guest Brent

Privacy is a HUGE part of trust

Teens are going to be teens. They have raging hormones. If you don't allow them enough privacy they will go out of thier way to get the privacy they want by sneaking out etc. Also, they will feel as if you don't really trust them and then they will rebel. By them doing that it will lead to sex. You need to allow your son or daughter the appropriate amount of space. Of course not too much because irreversible things might happen and might cause regret. All I'm saying is that teens are teens, they are going to do it if they want. Not us parents can do much about it. My friends daughter is sexually active and sneaks around her mother's back. Of course she does find out eventually. My advice to you is if you have a daughter and you suspect her to be sexually active put her on birth control and if you have a son make sure that you have the talk about wrapping. Better to be safe than sorry.

Teen Dating Privacy

We may trust OUR teen but what do you really know about the boyfriend/girlfriend? How is he/she parented? What are their values and morals? How well do you know them to be "private" with your son/daughter?
—Guest Mom

Teen Dating Should Be Social

I believe teen dating should a social activity. In our house, visiting with friends has always been with doors open. At this age, teens need more practice on social interaction than sexual action. I explained it to my teens that the sexual aspect of any long-tern relationship constitutes a very, very small percentage of what those relationships are made of. It's all the other times and activities that really count to keep two people committed to each other. To that end, if an activity can't be done in public, then it shouldn't be done. Now, that doesn't mean teens shouldn't have some privacy. I offer that privacy by keeping out of hearing distance, out of sight when they are in a public venue, and only asking general questions about their times together.
—Guest MikeD

No Privacy, All in the open

If you allow dating teens privacy, the devil may make them commit sin. So they should be where all eyes will see them always.
—Guest Sodipe TiJesu

Good Question

This is a great topic as I too have been struggling with how much privacy to allow my daughter when she has her bf over. They always gravitate to her room which has a tv but only the bed to sit on. The door stays open but I am still uncomfortable with them on her bed watching movies. I told her I'd rather have them watch tv or hang out in the living room and she thinks I don't trust her. So it's a struggle. So my suggestion is for the first time dating teen to keep the bedroom off limits from the start so you don't have the struggles I have now. It's a mothers gut feeling telling you so go with it. Many homes are too liberal for my liking as far as this topic goes and it is a struggle when there is tv's in bedrooms. Go in often to check wherever they are. Things happen fast.
—Guest Joyce

I think it's based on trust.

I think it depends on how much you trust your teen to control themselves. Now, I don't believe in leaving them alone for hours and their is no cuddling on the couch, but I feel we can leave my son alone with his girlfriend for a period of time. We are in the house and able to walk in at any time and we do!
—Guest Grace

None... or close to it!

I don't think teens NEED privacy - or not much! Really the more they get the more they will take advantage of it. A few minutes to say goodbye on the porch, they can play a card game in the kitchen, with people walking in and out, etc. No need for make out sessions on the family room couch.
—Guest Ashley

Close to the Main Part of the Home

I agree with much that has been stated before me. I think semi-private in family areas, but never bedrooms or rooms that are off and away from the general run of the house. Too much alone time can lead to so. much. trouble. (speaking from experience.) *cough*

Don't Drive Them Away

I think any room is okay as long as the door stays open. You don't want to drive them to going "parking." That can be too dangerous. One of my friend's daughters was parking with her boyfriend and was robbed at gunpoint. Thankfully, they weren't hurt.
—Guest Siouxsie

Some, Not a Lot

It's a balance, isn't it? Because I'd rather have them at my house so I can keep an eye on them, but certainly I don't want them in my child's bedroom with the door closed. I think I'd be comfortable leaving them alone in a public space (family room, living room, kitchen, etc) but not a bedroom.
—Guest Amanda

Teens privacy

Ahhh, so much potential trouble! I think we should go back to arranged marriages. Or no dating without chaperones till they're 30. No? Sigh. OK, I've always favored quasi-privacy -- they're hanging out in the family room or the kitchen, I'm a room or two away. Or if I have to go out or be at work, well, pesky little siblings can be very good at de-romanticizing the setting.

Stay Out of Their Way, But Don't Go Away

I think it's a balance. You want to give them privacy but not too much. Also you want to get to know your teens date. So let them study or hang out together without you around, but then have everyone sit down together for dinner.
—Guest Laureen

Family Room - Yes, Bedroom - No

I think allowing them some privacy in the living room or family room is appropriate but not for hours at a time.

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